Hi 3.5 readers. Sorry I haven’t written much lately. ut
A) I just haven’t felt like it and B) when I do feel like it, I have been focused on writing books. I feel at this point, if this is going to go anywhere, it will be through books.
The good news is I believe Toilet Gator, the best novel ever written about toilets, gators, or toilet gators, will be out by the end of the year…so, if you’re looking for a last minute gift for a friend or loved one, then I can’t think of a better gift to celebrate the birth of our lord and savior than a book about an alligator who eats people while they are pooping.
In other news, I’m not sure how wise this is, but I think for the foreseeable future, I’ll be working on “The Toilet Gator Franchise.” Right now, I’m working on the first sequel, “Toilet Shocker,” about a madman who sends eels up into the toilets of people to shock them to death while they are pooping. Interesting wrinkle – he shocks a few people first to prove he means business, then from there it’s a heist novel. He wants to steal something and will shock the butts of those who have it until they give it to him.
The “something” is a golden statue of Saddam Hussein and the people getting their butts shocked were part of a military unit who stole the statue for themselves as a tontine i.e. they agreed the last of them to die would get the statue. I wonder at this point if Saddam is a dated reference but then again, when I was a kid in the 1980s, there were tons of action movies about Vietnam vets turned badasses for hire whose wartime activities come back to haunt them.
I did have one other book idea, unrelated to toilets or toilet animals. that I love and I worked on that a long time this year but I guess I decided to just focus on making at least one Toilet Gator sequel based on the idea that sequels seem to make money. After all, this year I bought a book by one author, liked it, then I ended up buying his other two sequels.
One thing I have learned is that books are short. No more than 100,000 is standard and that is hard for me. Toilet Gator is 180,000 and a bit over and I can’t seem to get anything going that’s under a hundred thousand.
I believe the problem is that I write comedies. And so, the joke setups take extra time. Regular novels are pretty straightforward but I have to crowbar jokes in there to make people laugh. I did have one beta reader tell me though Toilet Gator was long, she breezed through it because it was funny and didn’t require a lot of focus mentally.
Anyway, that’s it. I hope all 3.5 of you are doing well. I hope you will buy 3.5 copies of Toilet Gator when it comes out. I really could use the $10.50.