Sorry I Haven’t Written Much Lately

Hi 3.5 readers.  Sorry I haven’t written much lately.  ut

A) I just haven’t felt like it and B) when I do feel like it, I have been focused on writing books.  I feel at this point, if this is going to go anywhere, it will be through books.

The good news is I believe Toilet Gator, the best novel ever written about toilets, gators, or toilet gators, will be out by the end of the year…so, if you’re looking for a last minute gift for a friend or loved one, then I can’t think of a better gift to celebrate the birth of our lord and savior than a book about an alligator who eats people while they are pooping.

In other news, I’m not sure how wise this is, but I think for the foreseeable future, I’ll be working on “The Toilet Gator Franchise.”  Right now, I’m working on the first sequel, “Toilet Shocker,” about a madman who sends eels up into the toilets of people to shock them to death while they are pooping.  Interesting wrinkle – he shocks a few people first to prove he means business, then from there it’s a heist novel.  He wants to steal something and will shock the butts of those who have it until they give it to him.

The “something” is a golden statue of Saddam Hussein and the people getting their butts shocked were part of a military unit who stole the statue for themselves as a tontine i.e. they agreed the last of them to die would get the statue.  I wonder at this point if Saddam is a dated reference but then again, when I was a kid in the 1980s, there were tons of action movies about Vietnam vets turned badasses for hire whose wartime activities come back to haunt them.

I did have one other book idea, unrelated to toilets or toilet animals. that I love and I worked on that a long time this year but I guess I decided to just focus on making at least one Toilet Gator sequel based on the idea that sequels seem to make money.  After all, this year I bought a book by one author, liked it, then I ended up buying his other two sequels.

One thing I have learned is that books are short.  No more than 100,000 is standard and that is hard for me.  Toilet Gator is 180,000 and a bit over and I can’t seem to get anything going that’s under a hundred thousand.

I believe the problem is that I write comedies.  And so, the joke setups take extra time.  Regular novels are pretty straightforward but I have to crowbar jokes in there to make people laugh.  I did have one beta reader tell me though Toilet Gator was long, she breezed through it because it was funny and didn’t require a lot of focus mentally.

Anyway, that’s it.  I hope all 3.5 of you are doing well.  I hope you will buy 3.5 copies of Toilet Gator when it comes out.  I really could use the $10.50.

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