BQB Watches Seinfeld – Season 5, Episode 17 – The Wife

Would you ever marry someone for a discount, 3.5 readers?

That happens here…sort of.

Jerry’s good deed inspires so much joy in a drycleaner’s heart that he grants our favorite 1990s stand-up 25-percent off all dry cleaning for life. Jerry’s girlfriend du jour this episode, Meryl (a young Courtney Cox) jumps at the chance to save money by falsely introducing herself to said drycleaner as Jerry’s wife.

And thus, the fake marriage begins. Jerry and Meryl experience all the joys of phony married life – the stability, the lack of loneliness, being there for each other, putting all the yucky years of dates that never go anywhere behind them. Alas, the also experience the pitfalls of fake married life, i.e. they take each other for granted, become cold and aloof and eventually Jerry has a fake affair with another woman, taking her clothes to the drycleaners’ behind Meryl’s back just to spread the savings.

My main criticism and…perhaps’ everyone’s criticism of the show is that Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer were not attractive or awesome enough to be able to court, catch and throw away so many love interests because, frankly, even the most attractive, successful and rich people in the world don’t rack up numbers like this. Thus, this episode is nice in that it shows a Jerry feeling happy in the throws of commitment, elated that he found someone to share his life with, even albeit on a fake basis.

Ironically, Jerry sends the majority of his babes packing over trivial, nearly non existent grievances but here, he really has no complaints about Meryl other than his desire to help other women save money on their dry cleaning causes him to stray from his fake wife.

Lesson? When you find the one, keep the one. Don’t get bogged down in thoughts of “Oh, the uber hot super hot hottie” is just around the corner. If only Jerry had turned this fake marriage into a real one.

Side plot: Elaine falls for an ass-face at her gym who acts like he can take or leave her, which counts for 100 percent of the attraction. This leads to a stand off when jerk squares off against George. George peed in a gym shower. Jerk sweated all over a machine and didn’t wipe it off. If Elaine doesn’t report one of them, they’ll report each other, so it’s up to her to choose who goes down first. Will she choose love or friendship?

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