Bookshelf Q. Battler here with a review of the Point Break reboot.
SPOILERS!
We older folks hate it when they remake/reboot our beloved classics, don’t we?
Personally, I’m ok with it. Making a new version doesn’t mean the old version disappears. It’s interesting to see what can be done with a plot and characters when the whole thing is updated to current times.
The new Robocop movie, for example, was, in my opinion, a great addition.
But then there’s this pile of junk that gives reboots a bad name.
Don’t get me wrong. The stunts are all spectacular. Squirrel suit diving, parachuting, big wave surfing, snowboarding, it is filled with all kinds of action that you’ll want to see on the big screen.
But it’s lacking in the character development department that made the original such a beloved hit.
If you’ve never seen either one, the plot is that there are a group of armed robbers/adrenaline junkies who follow a “live fast, die young” motto, constantly looking for the next high that comes with performing outrageous extreme sports.
FBI agent Johnny Utah, a danger junkie himself, is assigned to use his skills to infiltrate the gang undercover and along the way, befriends Bodhi, the gang’s leader. Utah is torn between friendship and camaraderie in a group that gets the adrenaline junkie lifestyle, but he’s also a cop and can’t allow them to keep breaking the law, robbing banks and so forth.
To this installment’s credit, they change up the plot a bit and try to make it their own. The original was set in America. This one goes all over the world.
But while efforts were made to cast a lot of good looking people, nothing really happens to make me care about what happens to them the way I did in the original.
It’s up to you on this one, 3.5 readers. If you’re into outrageous stunts, you’ll want to catch it on the big screen. If you were looking for plot, you’ll be disappointed.
There were no lightsabers in this one but it still had Tina and Amy in plenty of compromising positions.
BQB here with a review of Sisters.
Obligatory SPOILER warning.
This movie follows that great tradition of “kids throw a house party that goes wildly out of control and end up in big trouble with their parents” movies before it.
The twist? These kids are in their forties. Yup. “The Greatest Generation” is gone and kids doing dumb things well into adulthood is the new norm for a lot of people.
Throwing a wild house party as an adult. Sheesh. That’s almost as irresponsible as being an adult who blogs about nerdy stuff for the benefit of 3.5 readers.
Amy (Maura) is the always reliable, super dependable big sister. Kate (Tina) is the wild and wacky little sister. As teenagers, the Ellis sisters threw “Ellis Island” parties whenever their parents weren’t around.
That all changes when Mom (Dianne Wiest) and Dad (James Brolin) sell the family home so they can downsize to a condo.
The sisters are told to clean out their childhood rooms over the weekend and don’t mess up the house as the buyers will be taking it over on Monday.
Naturally, they throw one last house party instead.
Problem? All their old high school friends are in their forties now too. They’re all lame party poopers with worries about kids, jobs, life etc.
Without giving too much away, the sisters kick the party into gear but once it starts it doesn’t stop and the house, their relationship with their parents, and Kate’s relationship with her teenage daughter (who’s wondering when her mother will grow up) all end up on the line.
It’s laugh out loud funny as the ladies engage in all kinds of rude, crude and socially unacceptable activities. A bevy of comedians take on roles as the various unruly guests.
It’s a lot of fun. Obviously, go see Star Wars first. But then go see this.
Hey nerds. Do you know once in awhile I actually bump into someone who has never seen any of the Star Wars movies? That’s not even a joke. I always assume they are a communist spy or something.
For those of you who want to see The Force Awakens but have yet to see the previous films, here’s a brief synopsis.
Episode 4 was made first because George Lucas didn’t know how to count. Luke Skywalker, a farm boy from the desert (how that works I don’t know) is recruited by an elderly shut-in, Obi Wan Kenobi, to overthrow the government, “the Empire” in the name of ancient religion practiced by an order of monk-ninjas known as “the Jedi.”
Obi Wan is a master of “the Force” which sounds very mystical but really just means he can throw shit around in the air and pull it to him as needed. He teaches Luke how to throw shit around in the air and pull it to him as needed as well.
Luke and Obi Wan, without conveyance of their own, secure transportation from a space criminal, Han Solo and his dog man sidekick, Chewbacca. Together, they run a contraband smuggling operation, though they are not very good at it, because they had to dump some shit to avoid detection, costing their client, an obese space slug/gangster, Jabba the Hutt, a lot of money.
Darth Vader is a handicapped man who despite his debilitating injuries, refuses to allow his ill health to get in the way of getting up in the morning and doing his job. He puts on his full body respirator suit every day then goes about his business, looking for no special treatment. Truly, he is an inspiration to all.
Vader is second in command to the Emperor. They are Sith Lords, practitioners of the Dark Side of the Force, which basically means they throw shit around in the air and pull it to them as needed, but they do it for evil purposes.
The old man, the farm boy, the space criminal and dog side kick free Princess Leia, a key supporter of the Rebel Alliance, a group that has sworn to free the galaxy from the clutches of the Empire, though honestly, will they rule any better? Sometimes these rebels grab hold of power and are worse than the regime they replaced, you know.
Luke then teams up a squadron of X-Wing fighters, essentially outer space fighter pilots. The Empire has a weapon called the Death Star. It’s an enormous star sized base that has the ability to blow up a planet. It works. Ask Leia’s adopted family back on Alderaan. Oh wait. You can’t. They’ve been blown up.
Luke fires some proton torpedoes through a poorly secured vent, most likely installed by a sub par contractor who assured Vader, “Ahhh fahgeddaboudit, of course all this shit’s secure. Stop worrying and pay me already, will ya?”
And then everyone celebrates and gets medals and shit.
Next time, I will explain Episode 5 – The Empire Strikes Back.
Hey geeks, nerds, dweebs, and assorted poindexters totaling 3.5.
BQB here, freshly returned from seeing Episode 7.
This is a short review. There will be some light spoilers. I’m going to give it awhile before I get around to a full, in-depth review, what with everyone trying to avoid spoilers and all.
But, I will give some stuff away so if you’re super into no spoilers then be warned of SPOILERS!!!
In short…I loved it. JJ and Co. did a great job. In many ways, it felt like the Star Wars of old circa 1977-1983, but updated with modern graphics and tech. Homage paid to those films in a believable way, not a jokey, silly way.
I missed A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back in theaters, but did see Return of the Jedi in the theater as a tiny tot. As a young man, I loved the prequels mostly because it just seemed awesome to see Jedis on screen again.
As I got older, I realized that the prequels were more or less excellently rendered cartoons with people in them. CGI graphics were at the height of their popularity so Lucas and Co. tossed as much on the screen as possible.
CGI is awesome but when overused, the movie becomes less live action and more cartoon. I think JJ and friends got that and gave us a perfect blend of CGI and reality.
It was true to plot, characters…it did make me feel old. Those actors who played the heroes I loved and admired as that tiny tot watching Return of the Jedi in the movie theater are getting up there and are on their way to becoming one with the Force.
I suppose that’s just the “circle of life” to quote the Lion King, but I swear I feel like it was just yesterday that I was that little kid watching Luke as the Jedi in black and Leia strangling the shit out of Jabba in her slave outfit.
Come to think of it, maybe that’s why I’m so weird. My parents took me to see a movie in which a scantily clad woman strangled an obese space slug with a chain.
Anyway…I’m not sure I understand the political workings of the Resistance vs. The First Order and how the Republic acts as a government in the middle. If someone wants to explain that, I’m all ears.
Though I appreciate JJ understood viewers weren’t looking for a big explanation of the politics, unlike George Lucas, who turned half of those prequels into CGI alien C-Span what with them debating in the galactic senate and all.
One weird thing had nothing to do with the movie. I went to see it at my local theater. Its a pretty decent theater. Its not a run down dump or anything, fairly new but not like a really awesome theater with mega screens and stadium seating, recliners and gourmet popcorn and crap.
Oddly, there was barely anyone in the theater. I actually went out this afternoon to buy my ticket for an evening showing so I’d be sure to get a ticket and I got there early to get a good seat and it was weird – there were plenty of seats. I never had to do anything special. Could have walked right in.
I wonder about that. I doubt it has anything to do with the movie. I’m wondering a) maybe everyone loved it so much they made the trek to bigger, badasser theaters nearby or b) maybe everyone bought into the “buy your tickets online or you’ll never get into the madhouse opening weekend!” and stayed away. I hope it wasn’t the latter.
Good stuff. Enjoyable. A+
Go see it and when I get a chance to gather my thoughts I’ll write more.
Hey there, 3.5 readers. Due to some fancy footwork I, Bookshelf Q. Battler, was able to attend an advanced screening of the movie every sci-fi nerd has been dying to see and I can’t contain myself any longer!
SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!
OK. You’ve been warned. May the force be with you if you read further.
OK, here we go. Sorry about that. I calmed down. I’m fine now.
Our story begins with Rey, a young junk trader who happens upon the wrecked hull of an old, crashed star destroyer. Carefully, and with the assistance of her trusty companion BB-8, she lowers herself into the belly of the ship to look around and see if there’s anything she can scavenge.
Oh, what does she find? Oh it’s so amazing. I don’t think I will spoil it for you just yet. I want your jaw to drop when you see it. Go see it then come back here and tell me about it.
BUT – a contingent of stormtroopers patrolling the area want it too and Rey has to beat feet out of there. Poor little BB-8 can barely keep up. He beeps and boops a number of complaints on the way out.
All seems doomed until….HOORAY!!!! Han Solo and Chewbacca, now in their advanced age, happen to be flying by in the Millennium Falcon after getting into some mischief and they blast the shit out of the storm troopers and save Rey.
Han’s all like, “Well I hope there’s a good reason why I stuck my neck out for you kid.”
And Rey shows Han and Chewie the artifact that she’s found. Chewie goes bonkers and wants no part of this (which he communicates through a series of growls that Han translates) but Han talks him into helping out.
Han explains to Rey that the only man that can help them now is Luke Skywalker, who we learn has been ex-communicated from the Jedi order because…
Oh geez. Should I tell you? It’s really a big spoiler. In fact, it was a very bold decision by Disney if you ask me.
Luke Skywalker is a) gay and b) has married a male alien, Fazli Sekpo (sorry, I’m not sure if I’m spelling that right. Fazli is a Kweloni, a humanoid race with yellow scales and a permanently furrowed brow. I don’t know if Fazli is just angry all the time or if that’s just what Kwelonis look like.
I can tell you this is a movie that could not have been made ten years ago but due to our socially progressive modern society, we can accept the fact that Luke is homosexual but still remains our trusty, beloved hero after all of these years.
I discussed this choice with my friends on the way home. Everyone was cool with Luke being gay. That wasn’t a problem. We were divided on whether or not it was ok to be with someone outside of your species though.
One buddy of mine declared “that’s totally bestiality!” and I was like, well, no, Fazli is a sentient, intelligent being so why would it be wrong to have a relationship with a being like that?
And then he was all like, “Well if my dog started talking I wouldn’t marry him!”
And then I was like, “Fazli’s a bit more advanced than your dog, you closed minded caveman!”
Then we both apologized. But I tell you just from what I see on social media, a lot of people are having this same argument. People are going to be talking about it a long time.
Personally, I think that sucks that Luke was kicked out of the Jedi order for being with the man he loves. The Jedis say it wasn’t for that. You just aren’t allowed to marry anyone as a Jedi. Love interferes with your Jedi training. Anakin wasn’t allowed to marry Amidala after all. Are the Jedis on the level or are they anti gay rights? I don’t know.
There is a theory that we might find out Fazli is actually a woman in a future movie. We may just not understand what that particular alien race is like and maybe we assume certain things that Fazli does make him a man when he’s actually a woman. There were some hints at that. I don’t think so. But we’ll see.
OK. Moving on. That wasn’t even the biggest controversy. So Captain Phasma is pissed. Totally pissed that her storm troopers lost Rey. So she sends a squad after Rey, but Finn, a storm trooper, has second thoughts and bails out the mission.
He doesn’t want to be a storm trooper anymore. He’s felt this way a long time. He has been able to do odd things since he was a child. Move things with his hand and so on. He kept it to himself. He grew up on a planet run by Empire holdouts (led by the dastardly Kylo Ren) and they’ve declared anyone with Jedi like abilities will be executed, so Finn always kept his abilities to himself.
But no longer. He can’t allow a woman his age to become storm trooper blast fodder. So he tracks down Rey, Han and Chewie and Luke and they get together and plan out their next move.
They are summoned by Princess Leia Organa, now Queen Leia. You see, she was chosen by the good beings of Naboo to hold the throne her mother once held.
It was a split decision between the humans and the gungans. Jar Jar makes a brief cameo as the deciding vote in Leia’s favor. Everyone booed and screamed and threw popcorn and tomatoes and shit at the screen.
Leia is married to Lando Calrissian now and Billy Dee Williams looks good for a dude pushing 80. He cheats on Leia often with hot green space babes though, and Leia misses Han.
Han misses Leia too and they agree that if they get through this ordeal alive, that Leia will divorce Lando and marry Han. Chewie will officiate, having been an ordained minister for years.
C3P0 and R2D2 are the surprise villains of this flick. They’re tired of being the comic relief for six f$%king movies and want in on the real action. So they give up the Falcon’s location to Kylo Ren, who calls Captain Phasma in to blow all the heroes up and that is it.
That’s how it ends. With every character from Star Wars you ever loved being totally dead. The only one left is Jar Jar, who dawns Darth Vader’s mask (the item Rey found in the beginning) and pledges to finish what Darth started. Jar Jar and “Ani” were old pod racing buddies after all.
Jesus, you read this far? You’re very dedicated. OK. Admission. This is all made up and I did not see the movie at all. I hope to soon. And they should adopt this post as the script for the sequel.
Game of Thrones has introduced us to the possibility that despite our hatred of one side or the other, it is possible to come to a realization of how that side came to be.
Case in point. Jaime Lannister. He’s smarmy. Arrogant. But he did kill the original king. It earned him mockery in the form of the “Kingslayer” nickname, though no one cared enough to not participate in the subsequent takeover of the kingdom. He saved the day, but the people he saved it for hate him. Its tough not to be jaded.
So my hunch is things will become less clear than light vs. dark sides of the Force. Each side will have their own reasoning for fighting. Naturally, we get behind Han and Chewie et. al, but we’ll get why the bad guys do what they do, how they were driven to it.
And while I’d be very surprised if JJ Abrams breaks our hearts and turns Luke Skywalker into a villain, a climate in which audiences seek out motivations as to why villains do what they do does make a Skywalker villain more possible than ever.
I hope it doesn’t happen. I’d be very surprised.
Also, it is entirely possible this film will be just three hours of Jar Jar Binks reading a dictionary.
An aging boxer and his young protege, the son of his former friend/rival….
TRAVEL TO RUSSIA TO BEAT THE EVER LOVING SHIT OUT OF THAT DIRTY ROTTEN SOVIET COMMIE IVAN DRAGO AS PAYBACK FOR KILLING APOLLO IN ROCKY IV! USA! USA! USA!
OK. So that wasn’t the plot. But it really should have been. Totally would have been had I written it. Maybe that’s why Sly never takes my calls.
Bookshelf Q. Battler here with a review of Creed.
SPOILERS AHEAD.
When it comes to the seventh installment of a film series chronicling the lives of people who beat the crap out of each other, “good writing” is a phrase you’d think would not come to mind.
You’d be wrong. Stallone has done it again.
When Rocky Balboa came out in 2006, I thought Stallone was scraping the bottom of the barrel then. But then I watched it. Rocky’s challenge in that film wasn’t to win, it was just to stay alive as an old timer in the ring for one last go around.
In that movie, he delivered a speech to his son that sums up the whole series, i.e. “life will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.”
Rocky’s always been about trying. Yoda said “Do or do not, there is no try.” Rocky said, “Try.” Shut up Yoda.
Anyway, move forward nine years, I thought Stallone was REALLY reaching by putting out yet another film but low and behold, he’s done it again.
THE SETUP: Adonis Johnson aka Adonis Creed is the illegitimate son of famous boxing legend Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers, who you might also remember as the only tough guy in Predator who didn’t go on to become a state governor).
He grew up in two separate worlds. After his mother’s death, he ended up on the streets, scrapping with the other boys and landing himself in juvenile detention.
Enter Apollo’s wife, Mary Anne (played by Phylicia Rashad – Mrs. Huxtable in a movie!) who out of the kindness of her heart, adopts Adonis, even though he’s the product of her late husband’s extramarital hi jinx.
But you can’t dump on Apollo too much for not being there for Adonis. Fans of the series know that in Rocky IV, Apollo died at the hands of that roid raging commie Ivan Drago, but Goddamnit, he died for America. He died so Rocky could challenge Drago to a rematch and win in the name of capitalism. Suck it, Soviets.
That was the last movie I remember Brigitte Nielsen being hot in, come to think of it.
Anyway, Adonis then moves on to the good life with Mary Anne, who lives in a mansion because unlike that dumbass Rocky, she didn’t let a degenerate moron like Pauly manage her family’s finances. God you suck, Pauly.
All this leads to Adonis being very confused. He wants to step out of the shadow of a famous father he never knew. He wants to prove himself. Be his own man. He avoids using Creed’s name.
He wants to be a boxer but no one will train him…because he doesn’t HAVE to be a boxer. Boxing, as various people tell him, is a sport for people who don’t have any other shot at the good life. Adonis has a wealthy benefactor mother. He doesn’t need to get his face punched for a living.
Or does he? Financially, he doesn’t. Mentally, he does. He wants glory and thus he journeys to Philly and pesters elderly Rocky to become his Mickey..err, manager.
But it’s not easy to make it as a Creed. Whatever success Adonis finds, people attribute it to a father he never knew. And there are people who want to take advantage of his famous last name. All the while, there are people who accuse him of coming from privilege which he views as unfair. Mary Anne may have saved him, but he never lost the hunger of a kid growing up on the streets.
There’s even a subplot in which Adonis falls in love with a female musician with progressive hearing loss…i.e. she’s trying to become a famous singer before she can’t hear herself sing anymore. Stop! Stop! I can’t handle all this sadness!
It was great. It really was. Stallone has gone to the well twice now in a series that by all rights, jumped the shark in Rocky 5 (the one where Rocky has a street fight with ‘Tommy Gunn.'” Boo! Worst Rocky ever!
Michael B. Jordan proves his acting chops. I’d like to see more from Tessa Thompson, who plays Adonis’ girlfriend.
I will say this. If its the last film in the Rocky series, its a worthy ending. If it isn’t, I have no clue where Rocky could go from here, though I really feel that my “Rocky and Adonis go to Russia to beat the shit out of elderly Ivan Drago” could be a worthy contender.
Have your people call my people, Sly. I’ll totally write that screenplay for you.
I didn’t think the most recent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie was that good, but the trailer for the sequel looks like its going to make up for it.
Bookshelf Battle 