Tag Archives: sports

Movie Review – Battle of the Sexes (2017)

Men vs. Women…and a naked man holding a tennis racquet!

BQB here with a review of “Battle of the Sexes.”

It’s the 1970s and women’s lib is all the rage.  Women are burning their bras as tools of oppression against their jugs and telling men to make their own sandwiches.  Really, it was anarchy.

Amidst this backdrop, tennis legend Billie Jean King (Emma Stone) becomes a feminist folk hero when she defies tennis great Jack Kramer (Bill Pullman) by leaving the already established women’s tennis league and leading fellow female players to create their own, all over a pay dispute as women players were paid much less than their male counterparts.

Meanwhile, washed up, formerly great tennis pro Bobby Riggs is now in his mid-fifties.  He’s found a new life with a beautiful and rich wife Priscilla (Elizabeth Shue who, sidenote, gave this reviewer one of his first boners and continues to do so even though she’s getting up there in years).

You’d think that would be enough, but Bobby is bored.  He misses his heyday, a time where he drank, partied, lived it up and gambled…so much gambling.  Unlucky for Bobby, Priscilla does not approve of his gambling and has made it known that he needs to either settle down or lose her.

Long story short, Bobby, seeking a second chance at fame and fortune, challenges Billie Jean to a “battle of the sexes” – man vs. woman on the tennis court.  He hams it up for screen, telling women they need to get back in the kitchen, make his dinner, etc.

I won’t spoil it any further but suffice to say, good writing usually makes the audience root for both opponents.  Billie Jean feels she can’t stand idly by as this dummy makes a mockery of the women’s lib movement.  As for Bobby, what begins as a chance to grab the attention he craves turns into a quest to prove this his wife that it’s ok for him to gamble and live large and engage in get rich quick schemes because he’s really, really good at them.  Bobby makes this point known at a Gambler’s Anonymous meeting where he tells a bunch of down and out degenerates that their problem isn’t that they’re gamblers but that they are bad gamblers.  Bobby’s schemes make money and therefore he thinks he should be acclaimed as a hustler, not a mere gambler.

SIDENOTE: Sarah Silverman turned my head as Billie Jean’s manager, Gladys.  If Sarah could drop the whole “I say dirty things in a sweet voice” act (as she does here), there might be bigger roles in more serious films for her.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.  Between Billie Jean wanting to be accepted by the public without having to keep her sexual preference a secret and Bobby wanting to be accepted by his wife as the larger than life big mouthed baller that he is, the movie has a lot to say about the boxes life places us in, how we have to do backflips to prove ourselves and get out of them and overall, wouldn’t it be great if the world we just let us all live as we choose?

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The Coalition Against Nerface – Battle of the Sexes

Hey 3.5 readers.

As you all know, I am, among other things, a dedicated philanthropist and public activist.   I have more causes than you can shake a stick at and if you don’t have a stick, perhaps I’ll donate you stick to you so that you can shake it.

My latest cause is, “The Coalition Against Nerdface.”  “Nerdface,” a term that, as far as I know, I coined, happens when a beautiful actress or handsome actor dons the guise of a nerd to play a nerdy role rather than just, oh I don’t know, stepping aside so HOLLYWOOD CAN GIVE A JOB TO AN ACTUAL NERD!

Nerdface.  It’s the world’s number one problem and frankly, everyone should stop working on all the other problems until this one is solved.

Case in point.  Emma Stone?  Super beautiful.  Who is she playing?  Tennis player Billie Jean King.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  Billie Jean was a great tennis player, a feminist, women’s rights icon etc. but she was no looker.  That was actually OK in the 1970s, believe it or not.  People who did great things would just be liked and respected for doing great things and they didn’t need to look like supermodels while they did them.

What is Hollywood doing?  Do they hire, oh I don’t know, an actress that’s kind of butch with glasses?  No.  They just whip a freaking pair of glasses on Emma.

You know what?  New rule.  If a character in a movie has glasses, then said character should only be played by a person wearing actual prescription glasses.  Otherwise, hate crime!  Hate crime, I say!

Nerdface.  It’s the worst.  Call it out when you see it.

Can you think of any Nerdface examples, 3.5 readers?  Discuss in the comments:

 

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What a Super Bowl

Hey 3.5 readers.

Video Game Rack Fighter here.  So, never turn off a Super Bowl thinking it is all over.  Lesson learned.

Not that I care anyway.  “Ooo.  Sports.  Yay, I sports better than you.  No, you sports better than me.  No, I’m the best at sports.”

Who cares?

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Ronda Rousey Looses Second Fight – Should She Retire?

Happy Saturday/New Year’s Eve, 3.5 readers.

Ronda Rousey has lost a second fight, this time to Amanda Nunes.  Critics are calling on her to retire, claiming that she’s had too good a career to taint it with further losses.  In other words, she had a good run and now she should focus on other things, acting and movies for example.

My opinion – women always say, “we can do anything a man can do!” and that’s all well and good and it’s a free country so they should do what they want but sometimes I think in their rush to do manly things they don’t realize that men aren’t always right in the things they do.

Fighting is a stupid sport.  You get your brains knocked around, you get injured, you’re hurting yourself, you’re hurting someone else.  It kinda sucks that men do it so I feel even worse when I see women get into a ring and sock the crap out of each other.

I’m not saying they should be stopped but just…I don’t know…this may be an area where women might realize that historically, they used to not fight professionally and historically, maybe they were right not to do so.  Maybe they were right and men were wrong.

I’m not sure what the Rondster should do next.  She has an interesting story, she’s a great athlete and a super hot chick.  If she’s up for it maybe she should keep trying but then again, maybe there are more awesome movie roles out there for her.  She was the best part of Expendables 3 and Fast and Furious Part Whatever I Lost Track of How Many Now.

I even have a standing job offer for her.  She can just say the word and she can replace Bookshelf Q. Battledog as Head of Security of Bookshelf Battle Headquarters.  She would surely do a better job than that little flea bag at keeping the Yeti under control.

What say you, 3.5?

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BREAKING NEWS: Harvey Smotchenbocker Wins the Gold

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It’s a happy day here in East Randomtown, 3.5 readers.

East Randomtown resident Harvey Smotchenbocker has won the gold in the Olympic 10K Flatulence competition.

For those not familiar with the sport of 10K flatulence, that means that Harvey and the other contestants competed in a race in which they had to propel themselves for 10,000 meters through nothing but their flatulence.

Harvey was the first to cross the finish line, making his hometown and country proud.

USA! USA! USA!

I’ll tell you, this is truly a public relations coup for East Randomtown.

Up until now East Randomtown’s most famous citizens were:

  • Me (BQB) for my blog that attracts the attention of 3.5 readers.
  • Leo McKoy, who claims to have delivered a sandwich to Dawson’s Creek star James Van Der Beek
  • The late Doug Hauser, who once appeared as an extra for thirty seconds in a 1980s cop drama.  Alas, he was eaten by zombies last year during the East Randomtown zombie apocalypse.

God bless you, Harvey, you’ve done us proud.

 

 

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Could the Olympic Games be spread out all over the world?

Hey 3.5 readers.

I’ve read a lot of articles on how sometimes hosting the Olympics ends up a bad deal for a city.

Cities often take up the challenge of hosting duties in the hopes that doing so will cause big stadiums, condo buildings etc to be constructed, thus revitalizing these cities.

Yet, often what happens is that after the big show, these big expensive buildings go unused.

I wonder, given this age of live streaming and technology – could the Olympic events be held at the same time all over the world?

It would probably make little difference to the viewer.  Go to a reporter covering swimming in, I don’t know, Australia, then cut to the track and field events in LA or somewhere they have tracks and fields.

The only downside would be maybe you wouldn’t get that nice opening ceremony.  Although surely some TV wiz could fix that and maybe have multiple little ceremonies all over the world.  A dance number in Tokyo, a fireworks display in London, etc.

The athletes might miss out on the camaraderie.  Perhaps the Olympics folks running the event would have reasons why it all has to be in the same place.

I don’t know. Just a thought.  I’m not sure it would matter to the viewer or if the viewer would even notice if one competition is here and the other there.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

 

 

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Are You Going to Watch the Olympics?

And if so, what sport are you interested in?

 

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Daily Discussion with BQB – What Was Your Favorite Muhammad Ali Quote?

Good morning 3.5 readers.

We’re waking up to news that “The Greatest” boxer, “Muhammad Ali” has passed away at 74.

Those who followed his career remember his poetic ability to taunt opponents with proud, public declarations of his abilities.

Obviously, the one to me, that is most memorable and I have heard used most often in pop culture is, “I float like a butterfly and sting like a bee.”

Can you think of any others? Or do you have any memories to share?

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Movie Review – Eddie the Eagle (2016)

Sniff sniff.

Oh God.  They finally made a movie about my life.

I mean, I’m not British and I wouldn’t set foot near a ski jump if you paid me but still…I am a nerd who knows the harsh oppression that nerds face when they seek to make their dreams come true.

SPOILERS!

BQB here with a review of Eddie the Eagle.

Michael “Eddie” Edwards had one dream growing up – to become an Olympian.

That’s a lofty goal for anyone but especially for him.  He was in a leg brace for most of his early childhood and even had to stay at a hospital for a year.

As a youngster, he tries his hand at every sport only to fail miserably and end up with a box full of broken glasses.

Miraculously, he does make it onto the British downhill ski team only to be cut.  Eddie is poor, unsophisticated and ultimately, the British Olympic Committee just doesn’t like him.

Speaking of poverty, he’s at odds with his Dad who wants him to quit skiing and get a job, preferably as a plasterer, as that’s what his father does for a living.

Eddie is about to pack it all in until he concocts an idea to become a ski jumper.  Britain hasn’t had one since the 1920’s so all he has to do is land a good jump to qualify.

Easier said than done.  After running off to a ski training facility in Germany, Eddie befriends former American ski jumper Bronson Peary.  Perry is a down and out drunk, torn between a desire to find greatness again by becoming Eddie’s coach and not wanting to see Eddie die.

For, Bronson explains, even the most skilled and qualified jumpers wipe out and end up gruesomely mangled all the time.

In case you’re not convinced, you’ll see Eddie get knocked all over the slopes all throughout the film.  It almost makes you wonder who thought ski jumping would be a good sport to begin with.

I don’t want to give too much more away.  Like Rocky, Eddie competes.  He tries.  He gets in the game and his victory doesn’t come from gold (he comes nowhere close) but that he did so much better than expected, especially when no one expected anything from him.

If you’re not a ski jumper, that’s ok.  This movie can be applied to any dream.  On this blog, we talk about our writing aspirations, hopes, and dreams.

I can tell you I can relate to Eddie.  Maybe not with the hurling myself into the air, but I know what it’s like to be told by family and friends to quit writing, to be told by experts it can’t be done, to wonder myself what other productive things I could be doing instead of gluing myself to my keyboard.

But we do what we do because we can’t stop ourselves.

Taron Egerton is a great Eddie just as Hugh Jackman is an excellent Bronson.

It is too bad this movie came out so early in the year.  I see Oscar potential.  I know it made me shed a tear or too.

Then again, the Oscars are So Pretty, and they probably wouldn’t want to promote a movie that gives nerds a crazy idea like they can be somebody.

STATUS: Shelf worthy.

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BQB Calls the Super Bowl

Hey 3.5 readers.

Good news. I was hired to provide the play by play for the Super Bowl.  Yes, the NFL wanted to save some money so they hired a nerd who knows nothing about sports.

Here goes nothing.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen welcome to Super Bowl 50.  That’s right.  The only sports contest thats too old to hang out in the club, but not old enough for an AARP card.

I’m Bookshelf Q. Battler and I don’t know a damn thing about sports, but I was happy to take this job in exchange for $50 and an autographed picture of some football guy whoever the hell he is I don’t know they all look the same to me.  The signature looks real though so I’ll probably sell it on ebay.

And the sporting contest has begun!  Yes!  Two teams of large men, each from different geographic locations have met on the gridiron and you, the viewer at home, will be called upon to cheer for the team closest to your geographic location or else be considered a smelly communist.  Yes, that’s right, if you watch anything else but this sporting contest tonight you’re an automatic a-hole.

And the ball has been kicked!  Yes the ball has been kicked!  And now men are fighting for control of the ball!

Yes and…oh my God!  Oh my God!  One of the men has the ball and he’s running toward the opposing team’s side of the field.  That’s right folks!  If he gets the ball all the way across the opposing team’s side of the field then it’s a goal for the team of the man running with the ball.

Mother of God the man with the ball has been tackled to the ground!  He’s not running with the ball anymore.  Yes, this is quite a sporting contest and all kinds of sporty shit is happening.

By the way, I’d like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, Cheesy Munch Chips.  That’s right.  While all of you fat, middle aged people sit on the couch and live out your NFL fantasies, flagellating yourselves over what you could have done better when you played for your high school team a million years ago, be sure to numb the pain by tossing a sack full of Cheesey Munch Chips down your gullet.

And back to the action.  There seems to be quite a scramble for the ball.  Possession of the ball, by the way, is very important because whichever team controls the ball has the ability to score a point and as you’re all aware, the team with the highest number of points at the end of the game wins and the team with the least amount of points will be treated like pathetic losers and will have to go home to their mansions and cry on their piles of money to comfort themselves.

Who has the ball now?  Yes it is…that guy!  That guy that everyone likes!  He’s in that funny commercial.  Whoa!  But he just passed it to that guy that was caught on tape punching his girlfriend’s lights out.  Yes, he was suspended for an entire fortnight.  That’ll teach ’em.

Sweet Jesus, and now that guy has passed it to that guy who was arrested after the gun fell out of his sweat pants in the night club.  Holy Shit, why can’t all of these athletic one percenters handle their shit?

And the ball’s getting closer and closer and….huzzah!  That team scored a point!

Ladies and gentlemen, such a rousing game.  I’m so excited.  I hope all you fat bastards at home are having a good time shoving chicken wings into your face holes and trying to feel better about not making the varsity cut when the first George Bush was president.

Now it’s time for the halftime show.

Wow!  It’s that Hot Pop Star Chick with Enormous Boobs!  She’s singing a catchy song that you’re all going to download immediately, hum in the back of your head for three months, and then forget all about it when the Next Hot Pop Star Chick with Enormous Boobs comes along.

Wait a minute.  What?! It’s not enough to have a Hot Pop Star Chick with Enormous Boobs!  That’s right, they’ve rigged the Hot Pop Star Chick with Enormous Boobs up to a crane and an elaborate system of ropes and pullies to make it seem as though she’s flying through the air like Peter Pan.

Yes, nothing says “America loves its musical talent” like forcing them to put their lives in danger just to provide us with a few minutes of entertainment.  God Bless you, Hot Pop Star Chick with Enormous Boobs.

Holy Smokes!  And now Controversial Rapper is here to provide a rap version of Hot Pop Star Chick’s song.  OH MY GOD! And now Country Band is here to countrify the shit out of this routine.

Yes, this is America and everyone has to be happy with everything!  Good God now there’s some glorious fireworks!  Whoa!  Watch out Hot Pop Star Chick, one of those whizzed right past you while you’re being held by wires at a ridiculously high altitude for America’s viewing pleasure.

What’s really amazing to me is that all of these stars are performing this number on an elaborate stage that totally moves around and shit.  It’s not like that’s a death trap waiting to happen or anything.

Hey, the commercials are on!  Howsabout these commercials, ladies and gentlemen?

Folks, I’m like you in that I’m on a budget and when I’m forced to make a decision, I always come down on the side of the brand with a hilarious talking cartoon animal, or a dumb guy that does dumb things to get a product, or stops doing dumb things once he gets the product, or a product that looks good when its held by Celebrity Hot Chick with Enormous Boobs.

Back to the big game.  Close up on some celebrities in attendance.  Yes, they’re just like you and me.  They love sports and they get to attend in person because they can afford the astronomical price for tickets while the rest of us sit on the couch and wished we lived like them.

And…points have been scored!  Repeat points have been scored!

This is so tense.  It really is.  Let’s get a close up of the coach barking orders at the players.

You know a lot of people ask me, “What’s the difference between the coach and the players?” and I always tell them, “The players try to score points while the coach tells them the best way to score the aforementioned points.”

Very subtle.  A lot of nuance I know.  But right now we can see the coach telling a player how to score points.  We don’t have a microphone on the coach so we can’t listen in but I can read lips so here’s what I believe is being said:

COACH:  I thought I told you to score some points!

PLAYER: I’m sorry, Coach.  I really tried to score some points.

COACH:  You need to try harder to score some points!  That thing you did before, that’s never going to score you any points!  But if you do this thing I’m telling you now, then you’ll score a lot of points!  Understand?

PLAYER:  Yes sir!

COACH:  Good! Now get out there and score us some points!

Holy Crap I was moved by that.

Points, points, so many points being scored by each side now.  And there’s a tie! Yes, each team has an equal amount of points.

Now, I’m no mathematical genius but I’d say that’s a problem.  Really, just on a statistical basis, a team with the most points is most likely to win and the team with the least amount of points is most likely to lose.  If I were a professional football player, I’d definitely want to be on the team that scores the most points.

We can see on the clock that there isn’t much time left so it all amounts to this one kick…and…the kicker is going to kick the ball and OH MY GOD!  THE KICKER KICKED THE BALL AND SCORED THE WINNING POINT!

What a game.  Half of the country is thrilled that the team closest to their geographic region has won.  It makes them feel like they did something by sitting on their fat asses for three hours instead of doing something productive like getting on the damn stair master or looking for a job.

Alas, the other half of the country is depressed that the team closest to their geographic team has lost.  They’ll blame it all on that one player who should have tried a little harder to score some more points.

What’s wrong with that guy?  Doesn’t he know he’s supposed to score points?

This has been BQB, reporting live from the Super Bowl.  Now stay tuned for an incredibly shitty show with beautiful people who pretend like their lives are horrible and tell jokes that aren’t funny and no one on the show is relatable to the average bloated ugly American slob.

It’ll be off the air in three months, but someone at the network really believed in it so he/she put it on after the Super Bowl in a desperate effort to ram it down everyone’s throats.

Enjoy!

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