By: Alien Jones, Intergalactic Correspondent
Greetings Earth Losers!
Alien Jones here once again to educate humanity’s masses and help you help yourselves.
This week, avid Bookshelf Battle Blog Reader “Sledpress” has consulted my genius brain thusly:
“But I WANT to see “Flatulence Intervention!” One of my string of weird ex’es needs it…
On the other hand, I’ve been meaning to ask AJ whether a majority of aliens have weirdly wrinkled and shiny leathery skin, or if it’s just that somewhere in Hollywood there are warehouses full of unused Naugahyde that they have to work off.”
Flatulence Intervention is just one of the many reality television programs that my Supreme Overlord, the Mighty Potentate wants off Earth airwaves before it offends his eye receptacles on our home planet, the name of which I’m not allowed to tell you as His Royal Pontentositude fears Hollywood suits will spend copious amounts of Earth money to unlock intergalactic travel for humanity for the sole purpose of peddling reality TV to our home world.
Other Reality TV programs that offend His Epic Potentosity:
DJ Jazzy Jones
- Nuns with Hangovers
- Name that Smell
- Legendary Rock Star Becomes Old, Forgetful and Hilarious
- America’s Next Top Barbershop Quartet
- Fishing with Fred (That’s pretty much the whole show. Fred goes fishing.)
Anyway, Sledpress basically wants to know if Hollywood is doing a good job of capturing what aliens look like.
Well, yes and no.
With their limited imaginations, humans conceive of the concept that there are worlds where beings look vastly different than what they are used to.
For example, renowned science fiction director James Cameron provided your world with the grotesque and hideously scary “Aliens” in the Alien movies.
Years later, he tried to make a fictional species that appeared beautiful in 2009’s Avatar but the effort fell flat and he basically just produced a race of half-man/half-smurfs.
(Seriously, everyone and their Uncle opined that damn movie was going to be the best thing since sliced bread but you haven’t watched it again since you saw it in the theater have you?)
Where Cameron gets it right is this: there are some alien species that you humans, based on your own concepts of beauty, would find attractive or disgusting.
However, keep in mind that beauty or ugliness is in the eye of the beholder.
Some beings would never be attracted to beings with “wrinkly naugahyde skin.” Others won’t go anywhere near a being who doesn’t have it.
It’s a diverse universe out there and every alien has their own preconceived notions of what is and is not appealing.
Personally, I’m glad that my species has developed cloning and outgrown the need for procreation, as that’s a whole rat race that isn’t worth it. My government mandated life mate and I get along because the Mighty Potentate demands that we do so and that’s all this being needs to know.
Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle on Twitter, leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or stop by Bookshelf Battle on Google Plus. If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, other project in his answer.
Alien image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.
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