Tag Archives: science

Daily Discussion with BQB – The Government Doesn’t Have a Space Alien in Captivity

Hey 3.5 readers.

So this post isn’t meant to be a referendum on Trump.  Complain about politics on your own time.

This is a post about aliens, or more specifically, whether or not that US government has one in captivity.

I always figured that if the government does have an alien, they’d probably show it to the president right away.  A new presidents first days are, I can only assume, filled with all sorts of lackies, henchmen, bureaucrats, operatives etc. coming up the the president and being all like, “OK sir, there are few people in the world who know this and we are now going to tell you and it is going to blow your mind.”

So anyway, if we do have an alien, I don’t think Trump would be able to hold back on that one.  He’d totally get on Twitter and be all like, “Just met Meepzorp and boy is that guy’s head yuge!  He’s a really classy extraterrestrial, let me tell you.  All of my intergalactic beings are fantastic.  Hillary didn’t even get to meet Meepzorp.  #sad.”

That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.  As a nerd, I never knew if we had an alien or not, but if we did, it would not surprise me, but now I don’t think we do because Trump would have posted a photo of himself with the alien by now.

Tagged , , , ,

Red Hot Knife vs. Stuff

Hey 3.5 readers.

Came across this video that captivated me.

So this Youtuber, Mr. Gear, took a knife, blasted it with three blowtorches until it became red hot, then used it to cut through stuff.

He cuts through a bar of soap, a block of cheese, a ping pong ball, a bottle of Coke and more.

I’m a little surprised the Post-It Notes seemed to give him the most trouble.  They burned easily but they didn’t cut easily.

As for the Coke, I’m surprised the bottle didn’t explode and cover him with red hot sugary Coca-Cola napalm.

Anyway, please, please, please don’t try this at home. I’m serious.  Don’t try this at home. I guarantee you will injure yourself or others.  Do not try any of this at home.

Tagged , , , ,

#31ZombieAuthors Rewind – Day 29 – Zombie Dinosaurs!

With Your Host: Schecky Blargfeld, Zombie Comedian


Roar, 3.5 readers.

Roar indeed.

Dinsoaurs.  Zombies? DINOSAUR ZOMBIES!

That’s right. Last year BQB interviewed Rick Chesler and David Sakmyster, co-auhtors of Jurassic Dead, the totally badass book series that combines prehistoric lizards and the undead.

BQB was blown away by this awesome concept and one year later, he maintains it is a travesty of justice that this book has not been made into a movie yet.

“Who the hell greenlit all that Zach Galifinakis horse manure when there’s a perfectly good book series about zombasaurs aching to be made?” BQB was heard to say.

Check out BQB’s interview with the dino-tastic duo here.

And don’t forget to check out Jurassic Dead, now available on Amazon.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Is Flossing Good For You?


3.5 readers, I’d like to share an important detail about myself with you:

I’m a flosser.

Oh how I love to floss.

I don’t use the regular string floss. I use those floss picks – the plastic ones with the floss strung between two ends.

Love ’em.

My teeth never feel clean without them and oh my God, the things I have pulled out of my teeth over the years that I never even knew where there:


  • Plaque
  • Germs
  • Food particles
  • Pieces of steak.
  • Pieces of corn (popcorn and regular).
  • Pieces of chicken.
  • Never broccoli. F that.
  • Whole chicken nuggets.
  • An entire pizza…still in the box.
  • The dog I had before Bookshelf Q. Battledog.  Turns out he never ran away. He had crawled into my mouth when I was sleeping and died.  And here all this time when people asked me, “Sheesh, what crawled in your mouth and died?” I always thought they were being more rude that accurate.
  • Jimmy Hoffa’s body. How the mob traveled through time to lodge him under my bicuspid I’ll never know.
  • Pirate treasure, me buckos.
  • The Lost City of Atlantis.

In all seriousness, for me, there is something that is both gross and satisfying when I dig that floss in between my teeth and pull out a hunk of something that would have remained there all day had I not flossed.

And mind you, these hunks of whatever remain after brushing, after using mouth wash…they’re just dug in there and only floss can get them out.  If they remain, they linger, the bacteria eats away at your teeth and gums.  Ugh.  Ugh!!!

So, it bothers me to read this study that’s been floating around claiming that flossing has no benefits.

Here’s a New York Times article about it if you want the details.

My take on it is that they aren’t saying flossing is bad for you. They’re just saying it doesn’t do anything for you.

Balderdash, I say.

Look, I’m not a dentist but I made a pact with myself long ago to never allow lack of qualification and/or credentials stop me on opining on a subject I have never studied in-depth before.

So, no, I am not a dentist, but it seems to me that if brushing and mouth washing doesn’t remove certain particles, and flossing can (and boy howdy, have I yanked some doozies out  from between my teeth over the years) – I have to assume that ridding your teeth of those particles has got to be beneficial to your oral health.

You know folks, years ago I never flossed.  Like noted presidential candidate Donald Trump, I too have enormous hands and therefore, it has always been hard for me to get my fingers in my mouth with the floss.

And so, my dentist read me the riot act.  Told me I was going down a bad path with my teeth.

So I brushed more. And used mouthwash more. And I got the floss picks and flossed regularly.

And boom. My mouth health improved.

So…I don’t know.  You do what you want 3.5 readers but me?

I’m a flosser.

Holy Crap. I should start a blog completely devoted to pictures of crap I pull out of my teeth.

Not gonna lie. It would get more readers than this blog.

What say you,






Tagged , , , , , ,

BQB’s Favorite YouTubers – What’s Inside? – What’s Inside a Wasp Nest?

So the premise is pretty simple.

This guy and his young son cut things open to see what’s inside.

Seems like a fun father/son hobby/bonding activity.

They tape it and then put it on YouTube.

They started last year and already have a million subscribers.

Hmm…kinda makes me wonder if there isn’t a market for wholesomeness in the indie world.

Makes me want to go back and erase every swear from my humble blog.

Nah. Too time consuming.

So anyway, the What’s Inside Dad bought a giant wasp nest…on eBay!

I had to pause for a second to wonder who is dumber, the guy selling wasp nests on eBay or the guy buying them?

I’m going to have to go with the guy who buys them.  I mean, I guess this guy at least got a highly viewed video out of it, but otherwise, if you’re just a random jerk face who bought a wasp nest because you just thought it would be fun to have one then I guess that gu’y selling wasp nests online deserves your money.

I was a little surprised they cut it open inside the house. Even though it was apparently dead (though what a dead vs a live wasp nest looks like is beyond me) I wouldn’t want to take the chance that a million wasps would fly out and then I’m dealing with a wasp infestation forever.

Dad cuts it open. The papery sound, the intricate holes, the eggs and dead wasps still inside, it’s all incredibly gross (so keep that in mind if you get sick easily) but once you get past it I suppose the science of it all and the ability of wasps to do stuff like this is interesting.

So there you go, 3.5 readers.  Just find your niche and you don’t even need act dumb on camera.

Hell you don’t even need to tell everyone you’re a magic bookshelf caretaking yeti fighter.

I mean, I do because I am one but you don’t.

Tagged , , , , , ,

You Can’t Argue With Science – Zika Virus Might Be Spread Via Oral Sex

BQB EDITORIAL NOTE: Seeing as how his mind contains a wealth of scientific information that can be shared with my 3.5 readers, I have decided to let bygones be bygones and reinstate Dr. Hugo Von Science as a Bookshelf Battle columnist.

I’m nothing if not a turner of the other cheek.


Dr. Hugo Returns!

Guten tag, Herr 3.5 Readers!

Dr. Hugo Von Science here, finally out of zie dog house with mein old student Bookshelf Q. Battler and ready to educate you once again with mein column, You Can’t Argue With Science!

You really can’t, can you 3.5 readers? A meteor will always have the upper hand no matter what you do.

Perhaps you might remember me from one of mein many fantastic inventions:

  • The Taco-fier – Save the world by turning trash into tacos.  Yummy and delicious tacos? Nein. It just makes taco shells filled with trash. However, I’m confident that I will be able to turn used syringes and condoms into delicious taco meat by 2035. So many cows will be saved.
  • Hat in a Can – Did you forget your hat today? Just spray one on your stupid head. Mold it to whatever kind of hat you want. Spray yourself a derby, a bowler, or a fedora. The government demands I notify you that spray on hats have caused 999 out of 1,000 lab rats to die horrible deaths involving intense seizures and bowel eruptions but please. You’re a human. You’re much stronger than a stupid mouse.
  • Ninja Socks – Put them on your feet and you will be able to perform death defying ninja like kicks! However, you’ll inevitably lose one in the washing machine and then if you only wear one of them you will only be able to kick like a Rockette, which, though impressive, is not as awesome as kicking like a ninja. Don’t split up your ninja socks. They work best as a set.

Undt last but not least…

  • Das Sun Blocker 3000 – Ha ha.  Ha ha….Muah ha ha! Turn over the world’s riches to me or else mein latest invention will block out the sun for 3,000 years! The world will turn into a frozen wasteland and no one will ever wear a swimsuit ever again! (Let’s be honest many of you shouldn’t have been wearing one to begin with and…woopsie! I wasn’t supposed to mention this doohickey just yet.)

Anyhoodles, das Zika virus!

Those pesky little mosquitos have really been wreaking havoc across Brazil, threatening to even ruin the upcoming Olympic Games.

Zika virus can even cause microcephaly which, long story short, can cause women to give birth to babies with small, deformed heads.

Undt now, das news outlets are reporting that scientists believe the virus may even be transmitted through the oral sexenheisen.

To prove that Bookshelf Q. Battler and I have buried das hatchet and set our differences aside, I shall now relay all the jokes that BQB told me when he heard this discovery:

  • Who would blow a mosquito?
  • Great, yet another excuse for women to avoid polishing the pickle.
  • A little head could lead to a baby with a little head. (What? Too soon? Oh stop it and get a sense of humor.)

Finally, 3.5 readers, scientists have even suggested that deep kissing could lead to the Zika virus.

So, as if you all didn’t have enough to worry about, watch out for those mosquitos and also, what you’re putting in your pie hole, you terrible, terrible perverts.

Dr. Hugo Von Science is the Bookshelf Battle Blog’s Science Correspondent, as well as an Esteemed Professor of Science at the Advanced Science Institute of Science University. Additionally, he may or may not be a mad scientist attempting to conquer the world through the power of science in his spare time.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Daily Discussion with BQB – Should Scientists Make Chimeras?

Good morning 3.5 readers.

BQB here with another daily discussion.

Chimeras. They’ve been in the news lately.

Not gonna lie. Up until now I thought they only existed in that video game, Resistance, about an alternate World War II in which the US fought human/animal monsters.

But nope. Various news outlets are reporting that scientists are indeed working on making part-human/part-animal embryos.

“Chimera” is a word from Greek mythology, used to denote a part animal/part human.

Scientists claim in various stories I have read, such as this one from NPR that this effort isn’t being done in the hopes of creating some kind of awful animal man, but rather, to study diseases, learn about ways to improve health, and perhaps even be able to grow human organs inside of animals that can be harvested for terminally ill human patients.

But the experiments are controversial, so much so that the National Institutes of Health have ceased funding them until the issue can be studied more, according to the above article.

Personally, I’m suspicious of everyone and everything. I can already see my nemesis, Dr. Hugo Von Science, using this research to raise his own army of pig men, goat men, horse men, dog men, cat men and elephant men to conquer the world.

On the other hand, the idea that I could keep a pig in the back yard with some extra organs in case I need one is intriguing.

It’d have to be an actual pig. If it were a pig man then I’d feel bad.

What say you, 3.5 readers? Yay or nay on chimeras?

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Daily Discussion with BQB – Are We Alone in the Universe?

Good morning 3.5 readers.

Are we alone in the universe, or does alien life exist?

I think it does. It has to. Space is so ridiculously enormous.

The problem is that space travel is filled with so many problems that it isn’t as easy as just hopping in a space ship and traveling around the universe the way they do it in the movies.

Interstellar was probably the most realistic attempt at portraying deep space travel that we have seen in a movie.

It takes too long. Time occurs differently and so on.

But I think space is so vast and there are so many planets that there has to be intelligent life out there.

It is possible that those aliens are douches that would take us over.

In fact, the Mighty Potentate has declared he will take over Earth if I don’t get my novel written.

And Alien Jones is also real so I suppose he’d be offended by the suggestion that he isn’t.

But I think what’s more likely is that there are aliens like us – beings that do mundane, trivial things.

There are probably aliens that have television shows, movies, they go to work and live boring average lives.  Some of them may even be nerd aliens who write blogs for 3.5 alien readers.

There would be cultural differences. We’d have things they’d never heard of.  They’d have stuff we’ve never heard of. But on the whole, we’d probably have a lot in common.

Battlestar Galactica was an attempt to portray this.  Humans lived on (was it twelve?) planets and they had lives similar to ours…but they also had inventions, ideas and customs that were different.

Are aliens (besides AJ and MP, who are a given)  out there?  If they are, do we want to meet them?

Tagged , , , , , ,

Will the Presidential Candidates Reinstate the Space Program if Elected?

Hello 3.5 readers.Space-Shuttle.png

If you’re a nerd like me, then you’re aware the U.S. Space Shuttle program has been shut down since 2011.

I suppose there are arguments for that. The economy is in the crapper. We just, well I want to say wrapped up the war in Iraq but it doesn’t look very wrapped up, and there’s an ongoing war in Afghanistan, both wars have been costly.

Schools are on the decline. People are broke as hell and can’t find jobs.

So I get it. People don’t like seeing money being spent on space under these circumstances.

However, I’d counter that if the money isn’t going to the space program then it’s just going to some other politician’s pet project because there’s really no such thing as cost savings in the government.  The politicians just take moolah from one program and put it in another program.

Then they take you, the American taxpayer and turn you over and shake you up and down until all your spare change falls out.

But I digress.  Let’s not go negative. Let’s go positive.

Here are some reasons WHY the space shuttle is important:

  • We can learn all kinds of scientific shit about space and in the process of building all this technical space shit, we’ll see greater advances in engineering, robotics, etc.
  • The country is so divided right now that a successful space launch might make us drop all of our anger and hatred and give each other hugs right in the middle of the street.
  • Maybe there are friendly aliens we could meet who could give us the cures to cancer, herpes, syphilis, toe nail fungus and teach us how to make pizza in zero gravity.
  • You know that asshat Putin is probably going to launch his own space shuttle mission and while he’s up there in space he’ll take a picture of his butt with the words “America Sucks” written on his cheeks in magic marker. Then he’ll tweet that shit out to the world and make America a laughingstock. Even worse, many people will be lead to believe that America, does in fact, suck.

We need to get the space shuttle back up there, people.

So, as a world renowned poindexter, I’m taking it upon myself to tweet the three remaining presidential candidates, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Bernie Sanders and ask them if elected, will they reinstate the Space Shuttle program?

My tweets:

I don’t want to brag, but as the caretaker of a magic bookshelf, I have a certain amount of pull when it comes to world affairs (that amount being absolutely zero), so surely one of these fine, upstanding political types will respond and give me the thumbs up or down as to whether or not the Space Shuttle will be pulled out of moth balls under their watch.

I’ll keep you posted, 3.5 readers, and if anyone gets back to me, I’ll let you know.

P.S. – 3.5 readers, feel free to follow me on Twitter – @bookshelfbattle

Meanwhile, feel free to gab away in the comments about whether or not you think the space shuttle program should be reinstated but if you could do me a favor and not use this post as an excuse to verbally bash the candidate you don’t like because on the million to one chance one of their assistant’s assistant’s assistant’s assistants takes a peak at this post I’d like them to see an invite to participate in a legit conversation about the space shuttle program and not a complaint session about the candidates.

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Is it OK to Hug Your Dog?

Actually, I did think of something.

It has been in the news the past couple of days that scientists are saying it is bad to hug your dog. They say that even though the dog might look happy, he or she is feeling intense stress over the hug.

Personally, I try not to hug Bookshelf Q. Battledog as he is a vicious man eating beast who has devoured 951 intruders on BQB HQ premises.


Bookshelf Q. Battledog is too f&*king manly for hugs.


But what do you think?  Dog hugging – bad or good idea? Needless to say I mean dog hugging within normal limits.  All you people who were spooning your dog and dancing the waltz with your dog were weird to begin with.

I’ve been known to pat BQBD on the head while watching Scandal Thursday nights on ABC with Alien Jones, the Yeti and of course, Video Game Rack Fighter, who brings Video Game Rack Fighter Cat.

Now that I am writing this, I have questions. Do they mean never hug your dog ever?  Or are they talking about weirdoes who hug their dogs for hours and hours?

Because honestly, maybe after like a 24 hour dog hugging session the dog ends up feeling like a furry hostage or something.

Maybe he wants space. Maybe he wants to see other owners.

I don’t know. I’m not a dog scientist.

What say you, 3.5 readers?




Tagged , , , , , ,