My corona movie marathon continues, focusing a lot on the 1980s as of late, and boy is this movie bad yet delicious, like an exquisite stinky cheese, you know it’s not good for you at all. It’ll taste good going down, but it’ll leave your breath smelly later.
Ray Tango (Sylvester Stallone) and Gabe Cash (Kurt Russell) are rivals on the LAPD, constantly vying for the position of Tinsel Town’s most popular police officer. Cash is brash and carefree while Tango is slick, sophisticated, cool and rich. Cash throws on whatever was left in his hamper, while Tango dresses sharp, like an investment banker.
The super thin plot? Perennial movie villain Jack Palance is tired of these two coppers shutting down his various evil interests. He fears that outright killing the duo will put a police target on his back, so his next best idea is to frame them for a crime they didn’t commit, tarnishing them in the eyes of the city and leaving no one giving a crap what happens to them.
From there it’s a mad cap romp, from T and C breaking out of the joint to taking on Palance’s goons with the help of a high tech battle vehicle.
It’s obnoxious. It’s silly. There’s really no point to it. The lines are epic level cheesy. It is kind of interesting that Sly was able to convincingly act in a role of a character who was intelligent but otherwise, this movie is not your vegetables. It is your big, sugary bowl of ice cream. It’ll be great going down. You’ll be sick in the morning.
Points to the movie that it is self aware. Stallone makes fun of himself, makes fun of his Rambo character, etc.
STATUS: Shelfworthy. Bonus points because I forgot Teri Hatcher was in this movie. She didn’t really hit it big until Lois and Clark and not gonna lie, she was high on my 1990s fap list.
A big ass scoped revolver! A silenced Uzi! Kurt Russell in his prime!
BQB here with a review of the 1980s action thriller, Escape from New York.
I’m surprised I never got around to seeing this one, 3.5 readers. Made in 1981, it envisions a futuristic 1997, one where crime has risen so dramatically that the entire island of Manhattan has been turned into one giant prison to hold all the riff raff.
While the outskirts of the island are heavily guarded by a security team lead by Warden Hauk (Lee Van Cleef), prisoners on the island are allowed to wander about freely and do whatever they please – killing, maiming, and destroying as much as they want.
Seems like a foolproof plan for ridding America of it’s ne’er-do-wells…until the President’s plane crashes right in the middle of it.
As luck would have it, war hero turned bank robber, the ultra macho, constantly brooding, eye-patch wearing Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell) is about to be deposited on the island as a prisoner when the shit hits the fan.
Hauk and Snake play let’s make a deal. If Snake saves the President (Donald Pleasance), he’ll go free.
High stakes, huh? To double the stakes, the President was on the way to a conference with important information in his possession that could stop a nuclear war from breaking out. Thus, the world will be screwed if Snake fails.
Moreover, to triple the stakes, a device is implanted in Snake’s neck that will blow his head off if he doesn’t return with the president within twenty-two hours. No pressure.
It’s Snake to the rescue as he fights all sorts of weirdoes, and even makes some allies along the way. Ernest Borgnine provides comic relief as Cabbie, a molotov cocktail wielding yellow cab driver. Harry Dean Stanton stars as Snake’s frenemy (friend/enemy), “Brain” while Adrienne Barbeau is eye candy Maggie, although she has sort of an odd hair style that never really made it out of the 1980s.
What’s a movie without a villain? That role goes to Isaac Hayes, “the Duke of New York,” who holds the president hostage. He does his best to be menacing, though whenever he speaks, I have a hard time not thinking of Chef from South Park.
Meanwhile, Van Cleef’s Hauk is sort of a good villain, a man who puts the screws to Snake in order to get him to do something good.
Van Cleef, who passed away in 1989, was mostly known for playing villains, especially the roles he played opposite Clint Eastwood in For a Few Dollars More and The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
I’ve seen these films, but it took me a minute to recognize him without a cowboy outfit on.
The 1980s is the Golden Age of action cinema. The special effects were just starting to get good. Audiences were less turned off by violence. The country was still getting over Vietnam, so moviegoers were sympathetic to an action hero trapped in a shitty situation by forces bigger than he was.
As a kid, I grew up on a steady diet of Schwarzenegger and Stallone, so I am surprised it took me so long to see this one. It’s got all the standard action tropes, but for whatever reason, I just don’t recall it being as popular as say, The Terminator, a film that everyone was talking about in those days.
One part that made me sad – the World Trade Center plays a prominent role in the film. To avoid detection, Snake flies a silent glider into the city and lands it on the roof of one of the towers, with the intention of flying it off the tower later, seeing as how it is the only building tall enough for a glider to take off from.
It made me sad, seeing as how those buildings aren’t there anymore, though I suppose technically, the movie still holds up as they were there in 1997, the year the film is set in.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy. There is some cheesiness and the special effects, though not up to modern snuff, were likely the best available at the time. Also, it was directed by John Carpenter, who gave us the Halloween franchise. Watch it on Netflix.
Copious amounts of testosterone? Better believe that’s a check.
Plot? Ehhh…
Fasten your seat belt and hit your nitrous switch, it’s time for my review of Fast and Furious 7.
But be forewarned…the spoilers are going to come…at a fast and furious pace! (:::rimshot:::)
Cars jumping out of planes? Sure, that could probably happen…
BQB: Yeti, what did you think of the movie?
THE YETI: I did not understand the plot. I have not seen parts 1-7. Did a scientist unleash a chemical that turned most of the characters into a bunch of angry jacked bald men?
BQB: What?
THE YETI: The Rock, Vin Diesel, Jason Statham, Tyrese Gibson, Djimon Honsou…like 90% of the cast are a bunch of cueballs!
BQB: I’m pretty sure that’s the great cosmic deal, Yeti. The universe can make a badass, but in exchange, you have to give up your hair.
THE YETI: The film company must have saved a mint on shampoo costs alone.
Paul Walker
Let’s get the sad part out of the way first. Paul Walker passed away during the film’s production in a tragic car crash (sadly and ironically, on his own time). Since he plays a main character (Brian) in these films, would the continuity of the film suffer without him became the question on the minds of movie buffs.
THE YETI: BQB, do you think the continuity of the movie suffered due to Paul Walker’s unfortunate passing?
BQB: Good question, Yeti. That was just on my mind. No, I don’t think it did. Going into it, I assumed his character would somehow leave mid-film, but he stays right to the end, so apparently a great deal was taped before the world lost this action star.
I would be interested in learning what had to be done to compensate for his passing. Toward the end of the film, there are some action sequences that take place in the dark, and “Brian” is either seen from far away, or if his face is on screen, it’s only for a split second between various karate moves. That made me wonder whether a stunt double was utilized or if that was just the intent of the scene since it took place at night in a dark building.
In other words, there are times when I’m not sure whether or not it was Paul and I don’t want to diss Paul if in fact he was in said scenes.
There is a scene at the end where Dom and Paul do their usual “pull up to each other at the end” and have a heart-to-heart talk. There, the scene did look like footage taken of Paul in the past.
And whereas these movies usually end with Dom and Paul drag racing, they instead, drive off, going their separate ways…Dom to continue his life as a bad ass, Brian to be a husband and Dad.
Aww. Tear.
Obviously, I care more about Walker’s life than an action movie, but from a critic’s perspective, I did not think that Walker’s death impacted the overall quality of the film and in my eye anyway, I did not notice any defects or flaws caused to the film. Any changes they had to make were minor or barely noticeable.
Great question, Yeti. Do you have any others?
THE YETI: Yes. Were there any sad scenes made even sadder due to Walker’s passing?
BQB: Indeed there were, Yeti. There’s a scene where Brian has a heartfelt phone conversation with Mia, where she tells her husband that the way he’s talking makes it sound like he’s never coming home and well, that becomes more depressing now that we know Walker is not coming home.
There’s also a montage of Walker through the years in the past 7 movies, dating back to 2001 and it’s just amazing how you don’t recognize it while it’s happening, but people really do grow and change over the course of a decade.
One more thing – Walker left one more movie behind. Last year’s Brick Mansions, was, in my opinion, another must see flick for fans of urban action films.
Alright then. Let’s move from the sad to the awesome.
Obviously, with these films, you check your thinking cap at the door. In fact, here’s my thought process with every outlandish stunt I see:
BQB: Oh, come on. That could never happen! Cars jumping out of planes? Preposterous! Through buildings? Get out of here! That defies all laws of science and physics and…OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO AWESOME!!! DO IT AGAIN!
Nope, you don’t go for the plot. You go for the action and special effects.
THE YETI: Why do they bother pulling all of these fast car jobs when they have so many skills? Driving skills, computer skills, planning skills…
BQB: Shut up, Yeti.
I dare say that the scene where Dom jumps a 3.5 million dollar plus car through three buildings (as in it exits out one window, jumps a large expanse, does it again, then ends up in a third building).
THE YETI: What did you think of Kurt Russell?
BQB: You’re full of questions, aren’t you, Yeti? Personally, I think the Rock is awesome and let’s be honest, he saved this franchise. I get the impression that the Rock enjoys Hobbs, a character who is unapologetic about his awesomeness.
Therefore, it was sad to see Hobbs get laid up in the hospital for most of the film, with Kurt Russell taking over as the agent that convinces Dom’s crew to pull a job. That being said, Russell did a great job and he was awesome.
At one point, I was left wondering about the overall question of what makes a movie great. Let’s face it. Flicks like this one will never win an Academy Award and yet when you think about it, with all the stunts, action, special effects and so on…there’s probably more moving parts and issues to coordinate than, say Birdman.
And while I’m not saying, “Let’s give Fast and Furious an Oscar!” I am saying that F and F 7 is a better film than Birdman.
Yup. I’m sorry. I said it. Had F and F 7 come out in 2014 it would of been more deserving of an Oscar than Birdman.
Other notables:
Game of Thrones fans will be pleased to see Nathalie Emmanuel aka the Khaleesi’s translator Missandei in a major on screen role.
Did anyone else think “If it is possible for this franchise to have a “Jump the Shark” moment, that it might have been the part where the crew jumps out of plane in their cars and somehow they all manage to land on one road in perfect formation?
Why are their cars constantly being sprayed with bullets and yet they never die?
Was the Rock’s epic fight in the beginning with Jason Statham the best thing ever?
Has anyone figured out why so many musclebound dudes go bald?
THE YETI: But it’s so stupid. They drive cars. They blow stuff up. Constant chaos. It reminds me of the Yeti village.
BQB: Again, suspend your concerns about plot and substance at the door. These films are basically one big on screen thrill ride. They might as well make the seats shake it charge admission to it at Disney World.
THE YETI: Are you going to talk about Paul Walker again before you go?
BQB: Yes. So, on this blog, I talk a lot about heroes for average people – folks that the ordinary man can look up to. Now, Walker was an above averagely good looking movie star, so obviously we can’t call him average.
But here’s what sets him apart from other action stars. There’s a scene where he takes on a bus full of terrorists while wearing a hoodie. That may not seem like much, but think about other movies where the hero wears a uniform, or a bullet proof vest or armor or something.
Maybe I’m just reading too much into it but when you see a good guy taking out bad guys while wearing ordinary street clothes, it makes me think that maybe that could inspire moviegoers to become better than average.
You too can do awesome things in just your hoodie and jeans. But, you know, just don’t try to take out a bunch of terrorists by yourself. Duh.
I’ll be interested to see what direction the series goes in from here, if it does continue at all. As discussed above, it was left that Brian drove off in his own direction to become a family man. I think that was a good decision because to kill the character off would have been a bit macabre given the the actor’s tragic passing.
Will the crew go on without Brian? Will they hang up their stick shifts and call it quits? Time will tell. But all in all, they were faced with a difficult task – deliver an over the top action blockbuster while remaining respectful to the loss of one of the main stars…and it delivered.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy. RIP Paul Walker. You will be missed.
Bookshelf Battle 