Tag Archives: movie reviews

Sep 08 2024
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Movies

Movie Review – Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024)

The ghost with the most is back for more spooky doings!

BQB here with a review.

Beetlejuice, the titular demon and bio-exorcist who ghosts hire to torment the living, last graced our TVs a whopping 36 years ago. Reagan was president. The Soviets were in power. SNL was still funny. People only talked on stationary phones that never left their homes or offices. That’s how long it’s been since Michael Keeton’s popular funny dead guy has been out of our lives.

Although, he’s been gone, he was never forgotten, and has been long cemented in pop culture. Heck, even this blogger saw the Broadway play based on the original movie and it was a hoot. I actually think that production revived interest in the IP such that Hollywood said it’s Beet’s chance to ride again.

Alas, Hollywood’s obsession with sequels and reboots often leaves us feeling like our long lost movie friends would have been better off dead, rather than resurrected as pale, zombie imitations of their former selves, projects that were hot for their time have no relevance in a different world except for the shameless cash grab.

Overall, I give the movie a solid B Plus. It’s worth a trip to the theater to get you in the spooky mood this Halloween season. It meant all the sentimental needs, thus the B, but I’ll be honest. I didn’t laugh. For me, there were a few mild chuckles here and there, but I couldn’t help but notice that when you compare the two films, there was a lot of naughty humor in the first that couldn’t really be repeated in today’s woke times, if repeating jokes even works. Sometimes there’s a movie like the original that’s just a perfect one and done that it is hard to top.

But this is a good homage. The plot? Charles Deetz, like Marley, is dead to begin with. His character is included in humorous ways, yet great, outlandish and often silly lengths are taken to hide his face, presumably because the actor who played him, Jeffrey Jones, was convicted on child porn possession charges in 2003 and is now a registered sex offender. Since the character is now dead and fans might recall what dead people look like in the original, one can only imagine.

The Deetz family’s matriarch brings the Deetz family back to their home in CT for the funeral. Lydia (Winona Ryder) now uses her gift/curse of being able to see ghosts like her old friends, the Maitlands, to cash in on a TV show where she communicates with ghosts who haunt houses. Delia (Catherine O’Hara) still produces wacky art that is more about her eccentric moods that anything artistic.

Newcomer and daughter/granddaughter Astrid (Jenna Ortega) is brought home from boarding school. She is estranged from Lydia because she believes her mother’s ghost communication ability is a crock.

Even more newbies to the cast arrive. Justin Theroux plays Lydia’s weaselly fiance. Arthur Conti plays Astrid’s love interest.

The first half hour moves slowly. We don’t get as much Beetlejuice as we would like. I don’t want to give away too much of the plot but briefly, we discover that in his living days, the B-Man was married and that union didn’t go so well. His now deceased wife, Delores (Monica Belucci) is looking for revenge, stalking the underworld and leaving behind a trail of dead corpses. Someone will have to explain the logic of how dead people can be killed again, but try not to think too hard.

Wolf Jackson (Willem DeFoe) a former Hollywood actor/on screen cop who died performing one deadly stunt too many, is on the case. Somehow, amidst this crazy backdrop, Beetlejuice must avoid his ex, while seizing his second chance to chase Lydia now that the Deetzes are back in the house that serves as a portal to him and blah blah blah, some hijinx ensue where Lydia begrudgingly needs the services of her tormentor and they have to work together.

The Maitlands? Stricken from the film. Director Tim Burton said he did this to focus on the story of three generations of Deetz women working together, but I wonder if it had more to do with Alec Baldwin’s legal troubles vis a vis accidentally shooting a crew member on a movie a couple years ago. That shouldn’t have prevented Geena Davis from gracing us with at least a cameo, right? I mean, can’t ghost couples get divorced? And before you point out the discrepancy of ghosts aging, Keaton’s age is hidden because, well, his character looked like a dead guy 36 years ago so all he had to do was just put the makeup on again.

Speaking of, I applaud the film for relying more on makeup and low tech effects and less on CGI. There are plenty of ornery dead folk walking around, people in this world seem destined to live out their afterlives suffering from whatever killed them, ergo they’re walking around with knives in the head, piranhas to the face and so on. Rather than do that with CGI, Burton relies on good old fashioned makeup, which looks a lot better.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Aug 19 2024
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Movie Review: Alien: Romulus (2024)

When an alien comes along, you must shoot it. When an alien comes along, you must shoot it.

BQB here with a review of the latest Alien flick.

I give this one a solid B Plus. IMO, you won’t be disappointed and its a fun night out at the theater, but you won’t remember it 6 months from now or have any interest in rewatching it a year later. Effort was put into the homework assignment and had it been any other film it would get an A but it chose to be derivative of something that has already been done many times before.

The plot? Rain (Cailee Spaeny) and her android BFF Andy (David Jonsson) team up with a group of youngsters who are fed up with their lives indebted to a crooked space mining corporation. They have put in their time as indentured slaves and were supposed to be released long ago but the corporation keeps changing the deal, telling them that they have to serve more years. Their parents lived and died just this way and they want their freedom.

So they hatch a plot to break into an abandoned space station and steal unused stasis chambers that will allow them to make a break for it on a 9 year trek to a free planet. And you might have guessed the station is abandoned for a reason. ALIENS!

Overall, it is an acceptable action flick. The downside is I didn’t really care too much about any of the characters. Some of that might have been intentional. Some of them were presented as dicks so you didn’t mind too much when they became alien chow. Rain is OK but she’s no Ripley. The star of the film is Jonsson’s Andy, who goes through a Flowers for Algernon-esque ordeal. The story begins with him being a dimwitted android, for Rain’s late father programmed him to be a companion who is just smart enough to assist Rain but not smart enough to throw her under the bus. He is loyal to a fault, a lapdog who suffers all manner of abuse. When he gets an upgrade from Rook (I can’t figure out if this is the original droid from the original film or a copy) he becomes a genius and takes over the expedition and it becomes a suspenseful plot point to figure out whether Andy is leading the party to their safety because he cares about them or to their doom as revenge for all the abuse he was put through.

There are some silly CGI things. Rook, based on the original character played by Ian Holm, looks fake and I wonder if there wasn’t a better way to tie in the original. SPOILER ALERT. There’s a hybrid alien/human that just looks silly and I think they should have just stuck with the aliens.

The criticism of this movie is it is formulaic. It sticks to the plot of too many in the franchise. There’s always the pulse gun. There’s always an android. Someone needs to say “get away from her, you bitch.”

But in this film’s defense, the last couple films, where they got away from the typical space miners/explorers get accidentally trapped in an alien infested vessel and fight their way out, (i.e. the last two went in search of the creators of the aliens as in Prometheus) they seemed a bit lame too.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy. Jonsson is the star of the show as he plays two roles in one film – a dullard and a genius and he’s so mistreated in the first half that you almost hope that he is leading these shitty little twerps straight into a gaping alien maw in the second half.

SIDENOTE: I mean, Rain is pretty nice to him although when push comes to shove, she puts herself and humans above him but the other kids suck.

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Aug 04 2024
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Movie Review – Trap (2024)

Lights! Cameras! Action! Murder!

BQB here with a review of M. Night Shamalamadingdong’s latest film.

I give this film a solid B Plus. I don’t think it’s going to be remembered much a year from now, but it’s a solid entry and if you’re a fan of suspense then it’s not a waste of time. It’s not a steak from Nobu but it’s not a McSteakwhich from McDonald’s. It’s a fairly juicy steak from Applebees made by a line cook who was on his A game the night when you sauntered in looking for cheap, easy grub.

The plot? Cooper (Josh Hartnett) takes his teenage daughter to a concert headlined by super famous pop star Lady Raven (Saleka Shyamalan). Upon arrival, Cooper sees insane levels of security, with police officers and SWAT teams roaming the corridors. When a t-shirt vendor lets it slip that police received a tip that the infamous serial killer known as “The Butcher” will be in attendance at the concert and that all the venue employees have been included in on a plan to turn the concert into a trap to catch the killer, we learn that, horror of horrors, Cooper is the madman everyone is looking for.

Yes, by day, Cooper lives the life of a boring, humdrum, suburban dad with a wife and kids and there are some lighthearted moments when daughter Riley (Alison Pill) suffers her father’s uncoolness yet has to put up with him tagging along because he’s her ride and the only way she can attend the performance of her favorite singer is with her parental chaperone.

By night, Cooper kidnaps, tortures and murders random strangers for fun and games, always managing to keep his two lives separate until now.

Overall, it’s an escape film. With police posted at every exit, questioning every adult male in attendance before they leave, it’s only a matter of time before he’s caught. We, the audience, step into a psychopath’s shoes as he balances his two lives. Somehow, he must figure out how to escape a crowded concert arena where police are watching everyone so he is not held accountable for his heinous crimes. But also, he is a dad so he can’t just leave his beloved daughter there alone unattended and he can’t just drag her away, kicking and screaming from her favorite pop diva’s performance without a good explanation.

Yes. He must find an escape plan that meets with daughter’s approval and/or keeps her from figuring him out. Strangely, you find yourself rooting for him to escape because the film is from his perspective, so it’s almost makes you feel like you’re in his shoes and need to escape yourself, yet you also realize he has done terrible things and needs to be punished somehow.

M. Night Shyamalan, he who did many films with twist endings but only had one good twist ending with the Sixth Sense, abandons the twist ending here. There are plenty of twists but overall its a pretty linear story. I’m glad he let go of the twist ending premise because he’s great at telling stories that are suspenseful but his many twist ending movies were always silly, always trying to recapture that one time he caught lightning in the bottle.

Also, this is the summer where the Shyamalan daughters enter the family business in a big way. Ishana made her directorial debut with The Watchers in June and Saleka plays Lady Raven, getting a chance to display her vocal skills. She also plays a role in saving the day.

I won’t give away too much other than to say I enjoyed the first half of the film when it was all about Cooper trying to escape the arena but the second half of the film, when he was out and about, seemed to get a bit silly and unlikely, IMO.

Then again, a lot of suspension of disbelief is required. The premise is that the po-po found a Lady Raven ticket receipt accidentally dropped at one of the Butcher’s crime scenes and they have a list of unknown individuals fitting certain descriptions who witnesses spotted walking away from said crime scene. The goal of the police op is to monitor the concert for anyone matching those descriptions, which would eventually lead to Cooper.

Yeah, BS. In reality, with today’s computer tech, they could easily just scan the receipt and find out that Cooper bought and then send the SWAT team to bash down his effing door and arrest him while he’s in his underwear in his bathroom taking his morning dump.

So ultimately, yeah, it felt like M Night basically wrote this movie to give his daughter a starring vehicle but if you suspend disbelief, it’s pretty good. And I have to give M Night kudos for his first decent cameo. He always puts himself in his movies and always seems out of place but here, he plays his daughter’s uncle, so I guess that’s not too far off. He’s actually believable whereas in most of his other movies, you just yawn and look at your watch and wonder if you can slip to the bathroom while M Night strokes his ego on screen.

Is there nepotism afoot here? I suppose but its still a good movie and nepotism is the spoils of capitalism. You work hard and are able to hand something even better to your kids. You can argue against it but I tell you, my parents tried their darndest to nepotise me. “Oh no,” I said. “I’ll be my own man and pave my own way,” I said.

What do I have to show for it? This non-monetized blog read only by 3.5 readers and a big pair of rubber crocs that I wear non-ironically so yes, give me a time machine and I’ll go back and allow my parents to nepotize the shit out of me.

Double bonus points that this film stars Hayley Mills as Dr. Grant, the psychological profiler who leads the operation. Who is Hayley Mills, you say? Well, she’s 78 years young today, but in her prime, she was one of Disney’s top child actresses and played both twins in the original Parent Trap! At first, I admit I rolled my eyes, thinking what woke tomfoolery is this that an old woman is bossing around various SWAT teams but once I realized who it was, I allowed it. Perhaps this will be the start of a Hayley Mills career resurgence, though hopefully not in the Betty White direction where they have her do the “ha ha the classically trained proper old lady said naughty things” routine.

Parent Trap? Trap? I wouldn’t put it past M Night for casting her just for that. He’s that meta.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy. Bonus points that this, Twisters, and pretty much every film was filled to capacity at my theater this weekend so people must be turning off streaming and getting to the cinema to beat the August heat.

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Jul 28 2024
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Movie Review – Deadpool and Wolverine (2024)

G’day 3.5 reader mates.

Time to throw a review on the barbie.

“Welcome to the MCU. You’ve come at a bad time.”

Such is Deadpool’s greeting to Wolverine and not a bad welcome to anyone who is just getting into the Marvel Cinematic Universe these days. What was once a great cinematic achievement i.e. Hollywood figuring out how to finagle multiple highly paid actors, writers and directors to get them to all tell stories that weaved their way into an over-arching narrative, it has since fizzled out into complete drek.

And it’s not the MCU alone. Movies in general are suffering. 3.5 readers, did you even notice that I didn’t even go to the movies for most of the month of June? Had this bad boy not come out, I probably would have skipped the popcorn for the entire month, which would have been great for my waistline, but I digress.

The good news is that this film is the best the MCU has offered in awhile and it fully makes fun of the fact that the last several installments have sucked really hard. I have to hand it to Disney for poking fun at themselves.

It also serves as a love letter to the early days of Marvel movies, those first entries in the late 90s and early 2000s, brought to us through Fox/Marvel collabs. If I name them then I will give away the many fun cameos so you’ll just have to go and watch yourself. If you were sentient during the Clinton/Bush years then you can already guess. It’s unfortunate these films often get panned when in reality, they were the canaries in the coal mine, the films that lighted the way that plotted the course toward the eventual MCU we came to know and love.

The plot? The merc with the mouth is back yet again and once again, he’s broken up with girlfriend Vanessa (Morena Baccarin). So depressed is he after being turned down for a job with the Avengers that he hangs up his swords and goes to work selling used cars for a living. Sad as that sounds, he still eeks out a life with his friends, the regulars from the previous films who stop by but sadly don’t have much of a role in this one. Come to think of it, I’m going to criticize this movie because Deadpool’s friends like Dopinder, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Weasel and so on really made all the jokes come alive. Weasel isn’t even in this one.

But for the uninitiated, way back on the dewy slopes of 2009, Ryan Reynolds starred in a critically panned, total flop of a Wolverine movie that sucked really hard. The intention was that RR’s side character, Wade Wilson, would be developed into Deadpool in a standalone movie but the film sucked so bad that the idea of a Deadpool film was shelved for nearly a decade. In the Deadpool films that came later, Deadpool makes fun of that movie often, going so far as to make jokes about Hugh Jackman’s aussie accent and so on.

So the collab we’ve long waited for is finally here and it is a fun buddy cop type movie.

The bad news? It mostly focuses on the TVA and I freaking hate the TVA. To the film’s credit, even Deadpool hates the TVA, pointing out that you really needed to watch a specific episode of Loki to understand any of this shit. Marvel has gone really off the deep end when it comes to multi-versal theory, time travel and timelines and its all very silly and confusing, such that I don’t even attempt to try to understand any of it.

The overall problem? Wolverine is so important to our universe that because he died in 2018’s Logan, our universe is now disintegrating. Thus, it’s up to Deadpool to travel the many universes and find a suitable Wolverine to return to our timeline and help him save the day from the big bad and repair our timeline from certain doom.

POSITIVES: It’s a lot of fun. It’s the best Marvel has made in a while. It’s intent is to entertain whereas so many Marvel movies these days seem highly agenda driven. The fun trip down memory lane to characters from the early days of Marvel movies is great and done well.

NEGATIVES: I didn’t laugh as much at this one. There were a few good laughs but I recall watching Deadpool 1 and 2 and being in absolute gutbusting, tears in my eyes hysterics the entire time. That wasn’t the case for me, though I noticed many in the theater did, so maybe I’m just getting old and not getting the humor. The film did drag butts into seats, which is rare these days. My theater even had a guy in a Wolverine suit taking pics with customers which was fun.

Speaking of the Wolvy suit, Jackman wears the infamous yellow suit for the first time and its a nice touch. Deadpool, who breaks the 4th wall throughout, occasionally busting on Wolverine’s actor, dumps on Jackman for being too much of a priss to have not worn a bright yellow cartoon suit for the past 20 years.

This is Deadpool’s first foray into the Avengers universe. To the best of my nerd knowledge, Deadpool and Wolverine were classified as X-Men and were therefore owned by Fox and as such, were not allowed to go romping about with Captain America, Iron Man, the Hulk and other properties that went to Disney when the House of Mouse bought Marvel.

However, Disney has since bought Fox and now the X-Men and the Avengers can be BFFS on screen as they were in the comics. Problem is, those X-Men movies came out 20 some odd years ago and all those actors are getting long in the tooth. Hell, even some of the Avengers actors are getting up there. It might be time to reboot the whole enchilada, but Marvel seems determined to just keep the whole storyline going forever and just make old characters young through time travel, multi-verse theory and so on.

Personally, I don’t like seeing a movie with this much swearing and naughty jokes being released under the Disney name. I think Walt Disney’s head would be spinning in its cryo chamber. The Disney name really should mean wholesome family entertainment such that a rated R movie and Disney should never mix.

Does that mean Deadpool has to never be on screen again? I don’t know the logistics, but I wonder why he couldn’t have been released under the Fox brand or barring that, create a new brand for naughty comic book movies. It’s all a shell game, I suppose, if its all owned by Disney anyway but even so, I just don’t think a movie where bad guys get Wolverine claws shoved up their butts and worked like a puppet to semi-comedic effect should be released under the Disney brand.

Is this Disney’s first R rated movie? I don’t know enough of movie history but I think it has to be. If you know, let me know.

One last criticism. 2018’s Logan was so good that it was nominated for an Oscar. It was a sad but somber end, a fitting hero’s end to a long journey. A very long one indeed as Jackman holds the record for playing the same superhero in the most number of films for the longest period of time.

But I guess none of that matters now thanks to multi-verse theory and timeline travel because whatever serious consequences happen in one film, they can just be undone in another film. I’ll hand it to the film for making fun of this. It begins with Deadpool digging up Wolvy’s adamantium metal skeleton from the Logan movie and doing an impression of Jackman’s voice while making his skull talk. “Disney gave me a bunch of money to come back, mate!”

STATUS: Shelf-worthy. There’s a clip at the end that shows Jackman and some of the other actors/actresses in some of the early Fox/Marvel movies and they look so young. I was young then too. Amazing how time flies. This movie is gross and silly and like most Marvel movies as of late, relies way too much on time travel and multi-verse nonsense. But it is a good time so if you like this sort of thing, then go see it.

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Jul 09 2024
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Movie Review: Horizon: An American Saga: Chapter 1 (2024)

Get along, little 3.5 dawgies.

BQB here with a review of this old west epic.

The good? Thanks to the success of Yellowstone, the old west epic is back and Kevin Costner is striking while the iron is hot. This is the first of several planned movies that take place before, during and after the Civil War.

Style wise, it is beautiful with lots of great scenery and landscapes. At times, you feel like you’re in the Old West yourself. There’s attention to detail and authenticity. There’s no Netflixian cramming of uber woke lesbians fighting the patriarchy in the old west here.

The bad? It’s long. Heck, I went to my local theater at 6, thinking I’d be out the door by 8 and to my surprise, I didn’t get out until ten. Keep in mind there were previews and so on but at any rate, this sucker is a three hour plus commitment.

Costner is the main draw, featured prominently in all the trailers and marketing, yet he doesn’t enter the film until an hour in. This pissed me off at first until I realized how damn long the thing is and eventually, he was in it long enough that I didn’t feel bamboozled.

There are several competing plot strains and at times, it is difficult to keep them all straight. They all seem to center around Horizon, a town that a crooked real estate swindler sold shares to without telling the buyers that its smack dab in the middle of Apache territory and boy howdy, are the Apache ever pissed. The beginning features a rather gruesome Apache attack on a town full of settlers. From there, the narrative diverges into a number of points. There’s a mother (Sienna Miller) and daughter who survive the attack and are taken in by soldiers at a nearby fort overseen by Sam Worthington and Michael Rooker.

Meanwhile, there’s a difference of opinion amongst the Apache as to how to handle the settlers. The youngsters are pissed and see that their ability to hunt and trade has been destroyed. They want to push the settlers out, through violence if necessary. But the old gray hairs know the cost of violence is a pricey one and they advise suing for peace.

Double meanwhile, Costner’s wandering horse trader, Hayes Ellison, gets involuntarily mixed up in a dispute between a former prostitute who shot a john and his sons who want revenge. Hayes and the prostitute’s BFF Marigold (Abbey Lee) go on the run to protect the lady of the evening’s infant son.

Triple meanwhile, a wagon train heads for Horizon led by an ornery captain played by Luke Wilson. Snooty Brits under his care clash with the rough and tough pioneer folk.

Quadruple meanwhile, while some of the survivors of the Horizon massacre seek peace, others fan the flames of war by hiring a band of mercenaries led by Jeff Fahey (Jeff Freaking Fahey I haven’t seen him in a movie in years!) to retaliate against the Apache.

I sympathize with the question asked by many a reviewer of this film. Where the hell are all these storylines going and when or will they ever converge? I have no idea and the problem is at times, as you watch it, just when you settle in on one story line, you get pushed into another one. This could have just as easily been one movie about an Apache raid on a settler town and the ensuing fallout as Apache and settlers diverge on whether to go deeper into a bloodier, protracted war or to let cooler heads prevail and choose peace.

It could have just as easily been a movie about a horse trader who sticks up for a prostitute in danger and suddenly finds himself on the run with a baby and a hooah in tow and a bunch of villains chasing after him.

It could have just as easily been a movie about a wagon train.

My assumption is that all these people will eventually go to or away from Horizon. Horizon starts out as a real estate swindle but becomes the epitome of the American dream – pioneers seeking land and fighting for it against all odds.

In today’s political climate, I’m surprised this movie was made. It’s bold that it celebrates the pioneers and their spirit, putting on full display the deadly challenges of life in the old west. Pretty much any other movie made by a streaming service would go out of its way to make the pioneers look like villains.

To the film’s credit, it shows both sides, and while it starts out showing the Apache as violent, we later see the struggles and displacement that led to them to choose violence.

So the overall question: should you watch it? If the old west is your bag, then yes. I’m not sure I’d advise a trip the cinema. Although the scenery and vistas are pretty awesome and at times it feels like you’re riding around the desert with the cowboys (and if that’s your bag then by all means, buy a movie ticket) but otherwise, I think this would have worked better as 3-4 episodes of a series than a movie and if you wait for it to be on streaming, then you can pause it and watch it at your leisure.

Costner is promising more installments and all I can say is I’ll believe it when I see it. I’ll definitely watch them but so far the reviews and box office results aren’t stellar and that might mean future sequels aren’t certain. But hey, if you like Westerns, then support this project any way you can and let’s hope there’s more.

Speaking of unfinished projects, it bums me out that Costner and the Yellowstone showrunners haven’t patched their differences up yet, leaving that show in limbo and I’m now doubting if we’ll ever see a resolution to the last season’s cliffhanger. I would have liked to see Costner focus on that before starting an ambitious project like this.

One more note. At times, I’m not sure who this movie is for. Sometimes it has overtones of a glorified Hallmark movie, the kind my parents would have loved, you know, nice people behaving well in olden times. But then just when you get used to that, boom! Blam! Arrrgh! Shooting! Stabbing! Fire! Death! Murder! Gore! Swearing! And yes, even sex! The movie definitely earns its R rating, which a bum like me is fine with, but I feel like its primary audience is Grandma and Grandpa who may not be happy with that.

STATUS: Shelf worthy.

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Jul 06 2024
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Movie Review – Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F (2024)

Dun dun da da dun dun dun.

BQB here with a review of ::: checks notes::: the latest sequel where one of our 1980s hero characters is brought back as a senior citizen to ride again.

You know, 3.5 readers, Hollywood sure has been keeping a lot of properties born in the 1980s artificially alive well into the 2020s, well past their prime, if you ask me. I liken it to burying your dead cat in Stephen King’s Pet Sematary. You miss your kitty, so off you go to the cursed burial ground. You put your furry pal in, hoping he’ll live again, but what you get back is nothing like your fuzzy BFF. Instead, its a gross, disgusting, pathetic simulation, a terrible horror, frankly a crime against God and humanity that all you want to do is look away, beat it to death with a shovel and curse yourself for wanting it to live again.

That’s because, like your deceased kitty kat, these movies and franchises were products of their time. Star Wars was hot in the 1970s and 80s because the special effects were unlike anything movie goers had ever seen, and it had themes of defeating an evil empire and keeping the world in the light and from descending into darkness – like America had just defeated an evil empire in Nazi Germany thirty years earlier, and was trying to defeat an evil empire in Russia at the time and would eventually do so. Forty years later, art imitates life, so Star Wars has descended into nonsense about lesbian space witches, but I digress.

I could discuss why many films belong in the 80s and shouldn’t be resurrected for a time that doesn’t understand them, but we’re here to talk about the Beverly Hills Cop Franchise, which IMO jumped way over the shark when Axel investigated an evil amusement park in the third installment in the 1990s such that I’m surprised Hollywood decided to do a fourth now but as Yogurt from Spaceballs reminds us, there’s always a quest for more money.

So, my first question is why did Paramount hand this off to Netflix? Paramount has its own Paramount Plus streaming platform and I feel like this would have attracted a lot of viewers. I had a sub for a year and enjoyed watching a lot of Paramount stuff, like the old Star Trek movies, and Yellowstone, Maverick, the Fatal Attraction series (another dead cat in the Pet Sematary if you will) and so on.

I let my sub lapse but I would have renewed it to watch this because I like Eddie Murphy that much. So who knows? Netflix made the best deal I suppose.

In this installment, Axel heads to Beverly Hills where his estranged daughter Jane is a lawyer, under fire for representing a man falsely accused of a drug related murder. When his old pal Billy Rosewood calls Axel to let him know his daughter is in hot water, Axel is on the first plane to Beverly Hills, his old stomping grounds where he previously upset the status quo in this fancy schmancy uber rich town twice and/or three times if you count part three while dragging around his local cop buddies Rosewood and Taggart (John Ashton who honestly, I thought he died long ago so I was pleasantly surprised to see him still alive.)

Along the way, Axel teams up with Jane’s cop ex boyfriend Bobby (Joseph Gordon-Leavitt) to take down a cabal of corrupt cops led by the top corrupt cop (Kevin Bacon). Don’t forget, Axel is from Detroit, so an opening scene checks in with his old cop buddy Friedman (Paul Reiser.)

So, whats the good? This movie has a lot of action. A lot. 1980s style action. A lot of car chases and crashes. Gun fights. Even a helicopter chase.

Eddie Murphy is remarkably well preserved. Whereas other 1980s icons bringing their stuff back in modern times (Harrison Ford, Sly Stallone) look like they are ready for the nursing home, Eddie, IMO, for an old timer, looks not that far from his younger self. It just doesn’t feel like you’re watching a geriatric running around, although I suppose you are.

The bad? Sadly, everyone else looks like they’re 1000. To the film’s credit, all the supporting characters are either in upper police management or moved on. They’d be happily spending their golden years waxing a desk chair with their butts if Axel hadn’t dragged them back into the shit. Friedman and Taggart are upper management in Detroit and Beverly Hills while Rosewood has left the force to become a private investigator.

The funny trio of Axel, Rosewood and Taggart was what made the first two films smash comedy hits. Taggart was a grizzled old prick who never wanted to deviate from procedure. Rosewood was young and trying to follow Taggart’s lead, but had a comical bloodlust such that once he got hold of a little firepower, turned into Rambo and started wildly shooting at the bad guys with any big, bad guns he could get his hands on with reckless disregard to his safety. Axel would drag these two nerds kicking and screaming into the breach.

And of course, Axel would rely on Eddie’s comedian skills to bluff his way into places he shouldn’t be, taking on all manner of silly accents and roleplays, conning his way behind closed doors.

While Taggart and Rosewood have key roles, they are, alas too old to be at the center of the action so the movie fails to recreate that fun 1980s buddy cop vibe they once had. They try by pairing Axel with Leavitt’s Bobby and they have some good moments but it isn’t the same.

Here’s my number one complaint. Apparently, all of our beloved 1980s heroes, when they are dragged back into modern times, have to be old trainwrecks, estranged from their wives and children. They did it with Han and Indy and Luke and now, Axel is divorced (he wasn’t married in the originals if I recall correctly) and his daughter hates him for letting his job come between him and his family. And by hate him I mean really hate him. Axel and Jane work the case and she is kvetching at him the entire movie and can’t give the guy a break for a second. Like seriously, the guns are blazing. The bullets are flying overhead and this chick is like, “Waah, you were never there for me, Dad, waaah.” WTF.

Look, I get that from a writing perspective, an older character being washed up can create great drama. I just wonder why Hollywood writers couldnt have said, hey we’ve done this so many times with so many other resurrected 80s characters that why can’t we give Axel a wife and a kid that actually like him? Would that be terrible? I don’t think so.

Bronson Pinchot returns as his classic Serge character but its 2024 so of course, Serge gets a lecture on how his Serge-ness might be considered offensive. I guess that was the price of allowing Bronson to be grandfathered in on doing a character with a foreign accent.

And whereas Axel fought criminals and crooks in the earlier films, today he takes on corrupt cops because, cops are evil right? The movie goes out of its way to reflect the current climate where cops aren’t too popular but Hollywood would do well to remember that cops aren’t despised everywhere in America and you know, criminals still exist so I don’t know why Axel couldn’t have been sent after some legit villains here.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy. I’ll give it credit in that its better than a lot of other sequels that breathed fresh life into old stuff but sometimes I wonder why Hollywood doesn’t look at what makes these movies great and rather than say “we can grandfather it in because its an old franchise” just apply it to new stuff. The car chases are awesome. The action is awesome. The gunfights are awesome. Just put more of that in new movies with younger actors. You don’t need Eddie and Arnie and Sly and Harrison to carry your water forever.

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Jun 16 2024
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Movie Review – The Watchers (2024)

Have you ever felt like somebody’s watching you, 3.5 readers?

You know what no one is watching? This blog!

Open your peepers and start watching this review.

I’d never seen a trailer or any hype for this film. I don’t usually do horror. But I wanted to go out last night and wasn’t interested in Inside Out 2, so I checked this out. I’m glad I did.

Dakota Fanning stars as Mina, a troubled young woman who has fled to Ireland to escape a sordid past. With her trusty pet parrot in tow, she accidentally goes on the road trip to hell when her car breaks down in the middle of a scary forest. Alas, she soon discovers that no one has ever escaped this forest on foot before sundown alive in many years.

After being chased by scary, hard-to-see creatures, she finds a group of people in the same predicament. They too were once lost travelers, stranded by chance in the forest, but now they can’t leave. They lead Mina to a bunker with a 2-way mirror and inform of various rules that have kept them alive for years, namely that they have to remain in the bunker at night and they must stand in front of the mirror so the watchers can watch them.

Mina can’t believe this BS is her life now and dreams up various escape attempts, various ways to try to defeat and escape the watchers and I’ll leave it there. It’s up to you to watch the movie and discover the secret of who the watchers are and why they are watching.

I’ll tell you what made me feel old is this film is the directorial debut of Ishana Night Shyamalan, daughter of famed directory of scary horror movies with twist endings, M. Night Shyamalan. She was probably just born at the height of her father’s fame with these crazy twist movies and now she’s directing on her own. Where does the time go?

I will hand it to her in that she doesn’t go heavy handed with the ending like her old man did. I always felt like M Night got so much praise for the surprise twist at the end of The Sixth Sense that he never stopped trying to recreate it in every other movie he made whereas he probably should have just accepted that twist was a one in a million and just focused on making good movies.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Jun 09 2024
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Movie Review: Bad Boys: Ride or Die (2024)

Bad boys bad boys. What you gonna do? What you gonna do when BQB leaves a review?

Hey 3.5 readers. Your old pal BQB here with a review of the latest installment of the Bad Boys franchise.

It’s funny but I lead most reviews off now with my observations on how the film did at my local theater. I fear the theater industry is on life support and I hope the industry will do something to solve that because I don’t want theaters to become a thing of the past.

The past few films I’ve seen in the theater had sparse attendance whereas this one played to a packed house at my local theater. It was nice to see everyone having a great time and laughing at a film with plenty of jokes. At this point, Bad Boys is one of those flicks where viewers know what they’re getting. You probably won’t think much of it a day later, but you’ll have a fun time during the show.

The plot? Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are back as buddy cops Mike and Marcus. This time they are out to clear the name of their deceased Captain Conrad. A cabal of crooked operatives working with crooked cops, Miami city officials and a drug cartel have pinned their crimes on the late captain who died in the last film but returns in flashbacks and recorded messages, played by Joe Pantaliono.

The script is a bit flipped – because of a recent heart attack that he survives, Marcus gets a new lease on life that causes him to take insane risks, much to the chagrin of Mike. Usually, Mike is the risk taker and Marcus is the one to complain about the danger.

I enjoyed this. Lots of good action, special effects. It just seems rare to get a good cop action flick these days. And if you can recall the previous films, hard because the first one came out in 1995, there’s continuity with old familiar faces and fan favorites stopping by.

One thing I’ll give this franchise credit for. I’ve always felt this franchise handles race well. You have white, black, latino and other races, all working together. They care about each other, back each other up, go to bat for one another and sure, there are jokes about race but its never heavy handed or in your face the way you’d see it on Netflix or any of the other super woke streaming services these days.

The downside? Martin and Will are getting a little long in the tooth and it makes me sad to see that given I feel like I saw their first adventure just yesterday. Where does the time go? Also, I always liked Will Smith so much that whenever I saw him on screen it was like seeing an old friend. This was his first movie post the Oscars Chris Rock slap and as a fan, I’ll just never be able to look at him the same way again. I suppose its akin to having a long time friend who did something wrong – you still want him to do well, but you know he should experience some consequences for his actions. What is the right call? Should he never be in a movie ever again? Would that be too much? Probably but maybe he should have sat out another year or two. IDK.

All in all, a decent action flick. Good but not great.

STATUS: Shelf worthy.

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May 27 2024
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Movie Review – Civil War (2024)

A house divided, etcetera, etcetera, 3.5 readers

BQB here with a review of Civil War.

I had no interest in seeing this in the theater, but fun fact (or maybe not so fun fact) about movies these days. If you miss it in the theater, wait a minute, and you can watch it on your TV. It’s this trend that is causing movie theaters to close by the boat load (including my local one) and frankly, changing the way movies are made. I think Hollywood wants this because if theaters are shuttered, they only have to make movies to TV standard, which means they can be churned out faster, cheaper, and schlockier, and they don’t have to make them to theater standard, which means the days of the well-written, well produced, blow your ass off blockbuster will soon be gone, if they aren’t already.

But I digress.

This film is a tad schizophrenic as it serves two purposes, neither of which it does well, but I’ll at least give it some credit as it tackles topics that other movies aren’t. First, it’s a love letter to journalists, those plucky scribes and camera jockeys who throw themselves into the breach of danger to get us the information we everyday schmucks need to keep informed, keep democracy alive, and keep our public officials honest.

Second, it serves as a warning to a country currently polarized and divided about the hellscape America could turn into if we continue to go down the path of hating on each other, failing to see our countrymen as people and treating them as villains just for having different points of view. While it’s normal that we’re all going to disagree in such a diverse country, we have to muster up some empathy, put ourselves in the shoes of our frenemies and consider where they are coming from rather than just write them off as “the evil other.”

It is largely a bizarre road trip movie, with journalists played by Kirsten Dunst, Wagner Moura, Cailee Spaeny and Stephen McKinley on a trek from New York City to Washington, D.C. with a plan to interview the president. In any other world, this wouldn’t seem like such a bad idea but in this world, it’s either courageous, or stupid, or both, but mostly dangerous, for the president, played by Nick Offerman, is a dictator who has installed himself in a third term, dissolved all checks on his power, and treats journalists as enemies to be shot on site. However, the team has intel that the president’s power is fading fast as the secessionist Western Forces approach Washington D.C. looking to take control and depose him, so perhaps under such circumstances, he might be willing to talk to reporters.

Spaeny’s Jessie is a young rookie while McKinley’s character, Sammy, is elderly. Lee (Dunst) resents having to turn her mission into what she calls “a kindergarten and nursing home,” fearing a kid and an old man will hold her back, but eventually plays protective mama bear. Dunst and Moura, who we know from Netflix’s Narcos, play impromptu parents on the road, except the final destination isn’t Disneyland and the sights are far from fun.

The online buzz leading up to the release of this flick was a bit much. It was a bit of a rorschach test as people saw whatever they wanted to see in the previews and the twit-o-sphere was a-light with questions as to what political message, if any, was this movie trying to sell, i.e. which side of the aisle would be blamed for this hypothetical, fantasy civil war, anyway?

To its credit, the film tries to avoid that. The president is portrayed as a despot, though his reasons for being one are never given and the backstory of how he was able to seize such power are never given. The President’s enemy, the Western Forces, are a coalition comprised of forces from California and Texas and I suppose the movie makers leave the audience to think about that scenario. California is the most liberal state in the union while Texas is the most conservative. If those two very unlikely allies were able to set aside their differences to join forces against a common foe, then the president must have truly been one great big, giant, economy sized asshole with extra butt-face sauce.

Yet, we aren’t given much indication that the Western Forces will be any better at governing or restoring democracy. They are ruthless in their takeover of D.C., the final scenes of a street by street firefight in the capitol are both exhilarating yet heartbreaking if you take it too seriously. At any rate, they break enough rules that you’re left to wonder if they’ll be any better than the man they came to depose.

Along the road trip, we are treated to all sorts of indications of how terrible life would be in a modern civil war. Sandwiches cost $300. Gas stations are protected by gun wielding owners who draw a bead on you the second you pull up to the pump for fear you’re here to rob them, and then they rob you by demanding you pay far more than the regular sale price. Riots are common. Violent gangs and factions go to war in the streets. Various militias and rag tag armies of villains have formed, taking advantage of the chaos to promote their own evil ends.

The movie came very close to avoiding politics except for two scenes, one where rainbow haired gun packers save our intrepid journalists from a sniper. No, said heroes don’t come right out and say they drive Priuses and vote for Biden but the rainbow having become a symbol for LGTBQ rights and all things liberal, you do the math.

Add in a scene where Jesse Plemons plays the leader of what we can only assume is an extremely far right militia that has been taking advantage of the chaos to round up anyone who isn’t white and execute them. The overall implication in the movie seems to be that in a civil war scenario, lefties would be the good guys and righties would be the villains.

In reality, I would in a civil war like the one described in the film, one where the president sucked so hard that a liberal and a conservative state joined forces, you’d probably see good and bad things from both sides of the political spectrum. You’d probably see lefties do some courageous things, but if the movie wants to go there, then it shouldn’t ignore that you’d probably have a lefty militia or two turning going full on Pol Pot, trying to impose communism. And sure, you’d probably see extreme far right militias committing hate crime atrocities without the rule of law to hold them back, but that not so extreme neighbor of yours, you know the guy who drives a pick up truck with a MAGA sticker on the bumper, loves the constitution and country music, can recite the constitution on command, worships the second amendment and has a small arsenal in his gun cabinet would probably be the first guy to save your ass from looters, rioters, psychopaths, perverts, crack pipe hitting weirdos and what have you once the shit hits the fan, and he wouldn’t ask what color you are or who you voted for.

So, I just think since the movie chose to get political, it should have gone all the way, and shown the good and bad of every side, rather than pick and choose. But I’ll give it credit that at the very least, it tries to avoid politics for 90 percent of the film’s run time.

Meanwhile, while the film is a love letter to journalists, and much can be said about journalists taking a beating as of late. The job sucks. The hours are long. The pay is shit. The pressure is unbearable. You’re under constant criticism, you never make anyone happen, someone always hates you. All that is presented well. We’re asked to appreciate journalists more as they are called upon to get us the information we need to keep democracy alive and hopefully keep such a tragic civil war from ever happening.

And yet, the movie fails to address a big criticism of the journalism industry as of late, namely, what role do they have in fanning the flames of division in this country? In the social media age, the country has never been more divided and while neither side has ever shared the same opinion, today we can’t even agree on the facts. If you’re on the left, there’s an abundance of outlets that will tell you the facts are X. If you’re on the right, there’s just as many outlets that will tell you the facts are Y. In reality, if facts can only be Z, then left and right wing journalists do us a disservice by warping facts to fit their agenda. And whether it’s a married couple or a nation, once people can’t agree on the facts anymore, that’s when divorce is right around the corner and the only hope is that it is an amicable one. So, the movie could have talked more about the need for journalists to reign in political agendas.

I will note the journalists are thrown into “the shit” and take photos of some truly heinous stuff, things that would make the average person puke and while they struggle with their emotions off the clock, when the action is on, you can see a twisted sort of delight in their eyes as they snatch those primo shots of mayhem and carnage so in that sense, perhaps there’s some criticism of the journalism industry as profiting off of suffering.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy. Despite my criticisms, it’s the only film that I know of that has taken on these serious topics, so I’ll give it credit for that.

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May 27 2024
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Movie Review: Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024)

WITNESS ME, 3.5 READERS!

BQB here with a review of the latest Mad Max flick.

It’s funny, 3.5 readers. We’re up to 5 films now set in the world of Mad Max and I dare say the franchise never really hit its stride until the fourth one in 2015’s Mad Max: Fury Road where the titular Max took a back seat and let a woman do all the driving.

Sounds like my life. I’ve never driven a car with a woman in it who didn’t backseat drive me but anyway.

For the uninitiated, these films take place in a future, post-apocalyptic world, one where nuclear strikes have left nothing but desolate, desert wasteland and packs of crazed weirdos clad in the freakiest leather biker outfits you’ve ever seen go to war over limited resources. Those wars take place on the road with dusty, rusty scrap heap cars and bikes turned into killing machines. In fact, the second installment in this franchise was called “The Road Warrior,” but I digress.

In the last film, Furiosa (Charlize Theron) hijacked a truck and absconded with the forced wives of vile warlord Immortan Joe, with Mad Max as her ally and co-pilot (Tom Hardy).

In this prequel, we see the story of how young Furiosa (Alyla Browne plays kid Furiosa and Anya Taylor-Joy plays young adult Furiosa) ended up in forced servitude to Immortan Joe, because that’s totally a story we all wanted to see and though I joke, it’s not a bad one.

The plot? Very young Furiosa once lived an idyllic life in an oasis, a rare patch of land with greenery and water, beloved by her sister and mother. Alas, she is kidnapped by biker weirdoes in the employ of Dr. Dementus (Chris Hemsworth). Screw Thor. This very well might be the role Chris Hemsworth was born to play, for he chews scenery and loves it as a raving psychotic villain, totally drunk on power and in love with himself, a wannabe ruler who can’t quite figure out how to turn his gang of motorcycle madmen into the empire that he desires. I don’t know if it’s the prosthetic nose or the extra-nasally Australian accent (Hemsworth already is an Aussie but he just speaks like he needs to blow his nose throughout the film) but Hemsworth really nails this role which is rare for him as he almost always plays the good guy.

Double alas, Furiosa’s mother is killed in an attempt to free young Furiosa. From there on, it’s a series of tragedies, battles and wars as Furiosa goes from kid to young adult, played by the wide-eyed Anya whose wide eyes do most of the acting and tugging of your heart strings. Furiosa is eventually sold into slavery to Immortan Joe and when given the choice between escaping or learning how to become a kick ass road warrior under the tutelage of Praetorian Jack (Tom Burke doing an uncanny young Mel Gibson impression I assume to give this flick its dose of Mad Max cred) she chooses the latter, for in doing so, she will develop the skills to take on the nasal talking doofus who killed her mother and ruined her childhood.

The good? It’s a pretty solid action flick and a darn good time. It is a revenge fantasy, the overall point being that Hemsworth hams it up, playing Dr. Dementus up as such a total dick cheeseburger with fries that you can’t wait for Furiosa to give him his comeuppance.

The bad? Fury Road was a masterpiece. I always thought George Miller had a great idea in the Mad Max movies but wasn’t able to truly bring his vision to life until 2015 when film technology caught up to his ideas, allowing special effects to bring all those awesome road wars to life.

That was my long-winded way of saying that while this is a good movie, it’s no Fury Road. There are some awesome road war car chase battle scenes with all sorts of mayhem afoot. But there are no weirdoes playing guitars, jumping around on bungie chords, flames shooting out as they jump around and so on.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that this movie doesn’t have a lot. It’s just that Fury Road had SOOOO much.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy. Worth a trip the theater. Chauvinist pig that I am, there’s a part of me that wants to complain about turning over a male character’s film series to a chick, but the last film was really good and this one is a great prequel. To its credit, Furiosa survives with her wits, her skills, and yes, she is fueled by hatred of her enemies, which Dr. Dementus foolishly advises her is a good thing. You don’t see her doing that tired old cliche of being a tiny woman throwing around a 300-pound goon. She just runs them over instead. That works.

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