…that plague the mind of Bookshelf Q. Battler, in no particular order:
1) Why does Elsa view her magic freeze powers as a curse? Why does she not use them to control the world and rule her subjects with an icey fist?
2) Why do they put braille on restroom door signs? Do blind men rub their hands all over the walls of public buildings, find a braille door sign, go, “Whoops! That’s the ladies room!” and then feel their way around again to the men’s room? And would it matter if he went into the wrong room? Because, you know, he’s blind, so it’s not like he’s going to see anything.
Yes, noble readers, who have followed me on my year long quest to post once a day, these are the thoughts that fill the deep recesses of my mind. Trivial, absurd, ridiculous minutiae that few bother to even consider.
Thoughts like:
3) Why do aliens only abduct people from the South? And why do aliens abduct humans at all anymore? One would think at some point, their skilled alien scientists would reach a limit as to what can be learned from probe related experiments. I dare say, somewhere in outer space, an alien scientist has published an article entitled, “Stop Probing the Humans, We Figured Them All Out” and yet, it’s being ignored, because he only posted it on alien wordpress.
4) If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? Yes – KKKKKRRRRRRRRRACCCCCK BOOOOOOM!
5) Why does Hollywood ugly up good looking people so they can play ugly people? They did it to Charlize Theron in Monster and Christian Bale in American Hustle. Somewhere, there is an overweight man with a combover who would have been perfect to played the lead role in American Hustle. The poor guy probably ignored advice from countless friends and family members – “No! Don’t move to Hollywood and try to be an actor! There will never be a part for a fat man with a combover!” And finally, finally! There’s a part for a fat man with a combover and what do they do? They take a handsome man, stuff his shirt with a pillow, and give him a fake combover wig.
Damn you, beautiful people! Don’t you already have enough? Why must you steal parts from the ugly?
6) If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. If you teach a man to fish, he will eat for a lifetime. If you take a man to Crazy Larry’s All-You-Can-Eat Discount Fish Nugget Bar, he will get food poisoning.
7) How was it possible for the A-Team to evade justice for so many years? How was the government not able to find a team that included the handsomest man in the world, an old man who smoked a giant stogie everywhere he went, a lunatic who inevitably broke out into loud and boisterous songs, and an enormous bodybuilder who was dripping with solid gold chains?
8) Was Stonehenge an ancient druid singles bar?
9) Is the Yeti little more than Big Foot’s Arctic cousin?
10) When Santa delivers a kid an X-Box, does he have to pay Bill Gates a royalty?
Join me tomorrow, I was will bring you more…RANDOM THOUGHTS.
Bookshelf Battle 