Just a quick list, 3.5 readers. No snappy introduction. No exposition.
I’m not saying you DO smell bad, I’m just saying, IF you do, here are some reasons why:
#10 – You farted.
#9 – Someone near you farted and you caught second hand fart stink.
#8 – You burped. Burps are the farts of the mouth. Meanwhile, farts are the burps of the butt.
#7 – You forgot to shower for 50 days.
#6 – You just got back from a visit to a cow farm.
#5 – You ate onions.
#4 – You had to cut open a large animal and hide inside its carcass for warmth during a blizzard.
#3 – You smeared old, rancid mayo on yourself then sat outside to bake in the hot sun all day. Don’t ask me why you did this. You’re the one who did it, idiot.
#2 – You tripped and fell head first into the cat’s litter box. While you were down there, the cat didn’t notice you and pooped on your head, then scratched your face in a vain effort to bury the offending poop. The entire time, you were too polite to not move and/or notify the cat of his/her mistake.
#1 – A stink bomb went off in your pants.
As far as I know, these are the only reasons I can think of as to why you might smell bad. If you think of more, leave them in the comments.