Dearest 3.5 Readers,
I’ve caved to the excitement and purchased some Powerball tickets.
And you know what? I’m actually feeling pretty good about my chances.
BQB’s KARMA BALANCING THEORY
Your life is and/or will be 50% bullshit and 50% great. Most people experience the bullshit and greatness and separate, equal doses so as to not get too bogged down with depression or glee, depending on whether the shit or the greatness came most recently.
My life, on the other hand, has been totally shit so far so really, the only way I can see for karma to balance my existence out with the greatness I’m due is to hand me a billion dollar plus lotto win.
BUT BQB, WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH YOUR STICKY CASH?
A great question, 3.5 readers. Here’s a breakdown:
THE PLAYBOY MANSION – It’s for sale and I’m going to make it my new BQB HQ. Now, Hef requires the new owner give him a life estate, meaning that Hef gets to live there until he croaks.
Listen, I would actually DEMAND that Hef keep living there. He’s the one the Playboy bunnies are showing up for, right?
Wait. This just in. Video Game Rack Fighter will not allow me to have wild, outrageous naked celebrity hot chick parties in the Playboy Mansion Grotto.
You know VGRF…seriously…what a party pooper. Oh well, gotta keep my better half happy. I’ll still buy it but apparently all the bunnies will be required to wear turtlenecks and burkas.
PRESIDENT BATTLER – Yes, I will run for president because I too wish to be a wealthy person so rich that I feel no inhibitions and am able to shoot my mouth off and speak freely. Only, I’ll try to do it a lot nicer.
Also, I will make it a law that whatever movies, songs, digital stuff you buy on one device made by one company be transferable to another company’s device. This is America, dammit, and when I was a kid I never had to ask Sony’s permission to put a Sony videotape into a Daewoo VCR.
PURCHASE EAST RANDOMTOWN – Yep. And I’ll kick all the losers out, so it will end up empty. What? I’m still the mayor and all those people are constituents and I should be careful what I say because I haven’t won yet?
I was talking about other losers. Not you, East Randomtownsfolk. You losers are great.
WU TANG CLAN – I will purchase that super expensive one of a kind Wu Tang Clan album, you know, the one in which the Wu Tang Clan has secured a legal right to steal it back through a carefully planned heist as long as they bring Bill Murray along.
REALITY TV – I will pay off reality tv stars to stay home…or at least not go to work…or at least just go shopping and do dumb stuff. OK, so they can do all the useless crap they do but I’ll pay them to do it OFF camera because the Mighty Potentate hates reality TV.
What will you do if you win Powerball, 3.5 readers?