Nicholas Sparks Divorce

The Master of the Romance Novel is getting a divorce.  Naturally, the Twittasphere is aghast, with tasteless comments about the irony of a romance writer’s marriage falling apart.  Hell, even this jerk face felt the need to say something snarky:

Personally, I say we give the guy a break.  I hate to break it to people, but here goes:

Authors make up stuff for a living.

The real world is never as perfect as the fantasy worlds that an author can create.  In a make believe world, dudes climb up the sides of Ferris Wheels to impress their lady loves.  In the real world, yours truly would not climb up the side of a Ferris Wheel, even if the trifecta of Scarlett Johannson, Charlize Theron, and Katy Perry where waiting for me.  I’d totally climb a Merry-Go-Round for them but a Ferris Wheel?  Fahgeddabout it.

In fact, here’s an early draft of The Notebook where I was originally considered for Gosling’s part:

RACHEL MCADAMS:  Climb up this Ferris Wheel to see me, my love!

ME:  Um, no thank you.

RACHEL MCADAMS:  But it will be a great expression of your love for me!

ME:  That looks pretty high.  I can love you just as well from down here.

RACHEL MCADAMS:  If I hook up with another man, will you pine half your life away for me until I see your picture in the newspaper and find you again?

ME:  Um…Jesus, that sounds like a lot of work.  No, no, probably not.  You’re cool and all, but you know…other fish in the sea and everything.

See?  Real life is never as good as the fantasy that an author can create.  And we WANT those authors to create fantasy worlds to distract us from the drab realties of the world.

So before people gang up on Sparks, consider the following:

1)  George Lucas is not really a Jedi.

2)  Stephanie Meyer and Anne Rice are not vampires.

3)  John Grisham has never been an attorney in the wrong place at the wrong time who accidentally discovers the wrong file and now all the bad guys are chasing him.

4)  Michael Crichton never made a dinosaur.

5)  Shakespeare was never the Prince of Denmark.

6)  Suzanne Collins never fought in a futuristic, no-holds barred kid vs. kid reality show.

7)  Hugh Howey doesn’t live in an underground silo.

8) Steven King never went insane while working as the Winter caretaker of a haunted inn.

9) Charles Dickens was never visited by three Christmas ghosts.

10)  Pierce Brown has never lived on Mars.

11)  James Patterson has never been an African American Detective

12)  George RR Martin is not a knight in an enchanted land of magic and wonder

13)  Orson Scott Card has never fought an intergalactic race of bug aliens

14)  Thomas Harris is not a cannibal

15)  Ray Bradbury was not a Martian.

So honestly, folks – if writers have to limit their writing to things they have done, then we won’t have much to read, will we?

Sure, there’s plenty of irony and room to make jokes, but when I see the comments people are making like “I can’t trust his romance novels again” etc. – I mean, come on…the guy just lost his marriage, people, you don’t need to attack his career too.

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21 thoughts on “Nicholas Sparks Divorce

  1. lovebooksandblush says:

    Love that list! lol And, yeah, I feel for Sparks. Anyway, he’s still raking in the dough so I’m sure he’ll be alright.

  2. I’m not a fan of Sparks’ work, but I like the perspective you’re giving this news item!

    • Me neither, nor am I a fan of the whole Romance genre…but I give him credit…in a genre that literally pumps out thousands of books that feature more or less the same cover of a long haired, shirtless, steroid infused muscle man scooping up a dainty supermodel in his arms, Sparks at least tried to be interesting and original.

      • Well that is a very good point! Maybe it’s just that I’m not a fan of romance in general. But the little of Sparks’s workI’ve read, he at least has people relating to each other as people, not as oiled bodies overcome with unreasoning lust.

  3. Bridget says:

    Heh, there’s definitely some irony here. Part of me has to wonder who initiated the divorce, and why? Was Sparks writing all these ooey-gooey romance novels because he was dissatisfied with his real-life romantic life? Or did his wife get jealous of all the ooey-gooey-ness he wrote about, but never actually did in real life? THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW.

    • Are the details of whose “fault” it was out there? I haven’t found any so sadly, without knowing, our minds are left to wander.

      • Bridget says:

        Your blog post was the first I’ve heard of it, so I have no idea. Oh well. Not our place to know, anyway. (As a child of divorce I feel kinda bad spitballing about what led to someone else’s divorce. Won’t necessarily stop me, but the guilt is there.)

  4. gpj103 says:

    Brilliant! Superb post!

  5. gpj103 says:

    I rather enjoy his books as a rule. Couldn’t care less about his private life though. 😄

  6. gpj103 says:

    Are you sure Michael Crichton didn’t make a dinosaur?

  7. Tommy Muncie says:

    I especially like 14: Thomas Harris is not a cannibal.

    • Hey, that’s a funny coincidence. I was just reading and commenting on your article about Robin Hobb.

      Harris was not a cannibal but he was an amateur gourmet chef, which probably explains why Hannibal was always frying up his victims with various sauces, spices etc.

      Probably TMI

      • Tommy Muncie says:

        I think I read that somewhere else actually… a bit Stephen King not having been a caretaker gone nuts, but after reading about that thing where he had a needle stuck into his eardrum as a kid I feel like none of his work is really surprising!

      • I never heard that one. Jeez, Steven King had a frightening experience, I am unable to disprove Michael Crichton’s role in creating an actual dinosaur….my whole list is being debunked at a fast and furious pace

      • Tommy Muncie says:

        I got that one from reading SK’s ‘On Writing.’ It’s in the first section which is mostly autobiography. Along with the story of how he had to take a dump in the woods and ended up wiping his ass on poison ivy. It’s like half his childhood was yelling ‘Write horror fiction for a living’ at him all along!

  8. I agree with the stuff about Sparks’ divorce, and the list. With maybe a couple of exceptions. Number 9 we can neither prove nor disprove. And re number 2, personally I don’t know anyone who has seen Stephanie Meyer in daylight.

  9. […] I already commented on poor Nicolas Sparks’ divorce so I won’t go into it again.  For those 3.5 regular readers who are paying attention – no, I never was able to confirm whether or not Michael Crichton actually made a real, live dinosaur.  I’m pretty sure he didn’t, but I just don’t have any hard evidence one way or the other.  I didn’t see him make a dinosaur.  But I didn’t NOT see him make a dinosaur either. […]

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