It’s that time of year. You’re attending a Halloween party and you see a fly ass green hunny who you just gots to knock big belt buckled boots with.
Let BQB show you how it’s done with his Top Ten Witch Pickup Lines.
Lady ninjas. They’re everywhere and men, they’re probably in your sex life. Sure, your girlfriend pretends that she works in some normal occupation by day but rest assured, she’s a ninja by night.
Umm…did you ever notice how women always talk about how they want men to be kind and sensitive and that they despise macho bastards and that women are so evolved and it’s so wrong when men judge women based on their appearance…and then what’s on the cover of every romance novel ever?
A shirtless alpha male…with big ass muscles.
Control yourselves, ladies! Click here to read all about how to figure out if your man is a shirtless alpha male from a romance novel.
Hmm…dating a celebrity seems like it would be fun…until the cameras start rolling.
Is your girlfriend’s life being documented for the drama factor?
Is your girlfriend a romance movie fanatic?
You’ll get those witches, my pretty, and then you can tell all your dawgs too!
For some reason, my post about witch pick up lines is popular. Apparently, there are lots of dudes out there trying to find a witch. So ladies, if you dabble in the occult, know that there are eligible bachelors out there looking for you to cast a spell on them.
Ahh, Valentine’s Day. That day that you don’t want to screw up, for if you do, your source of vagina, er I mean your beloved lifelong best friend and companion, will go on lockdown.
Have you been too busy reading this fine blog to buy a gift? From BQB HQ in Fabulous East Randomtown, here are my top ten last minute ideas:
#10 – Household Appliances – If 1950s advertising has taught me anything, it’s that you’ll be a hero in your household for getting your wife a dish washer, clothes washing machine, basically anything that will make less work for her around the house and frankly, you’re a good man for not being a stickler and making that lazy bitch clean clothes and dishes the better, old way of demanding that she put all that dirty shit in a sack and drag into down to the river and then spend three days washing it all in the river water and drying it all on a rock.
Make sure you let her know that you’re being a good guy by helping her out here. “You know, honey, Mr. Tiddlybonker across the street makes his wife carry all the dirty clothes to the river…”
#9 – Money – Chicks dig money. Oh, and if you don’t have a wife or girlfriend, I’ve heard that money can buy you a prostitute…so, rent a valentine! (Don’t do it you’ll go to jail and be a bad man’s valentine).
#8 – IOU Coupons – Free backrubs, free this, free that. Hand drawn.
#7 – Penis. Consensual penis only. Seek written, notarized, witnessed and videotaped consent. Just to be sure, make her take a lie detector test while she’s consenting.
#6 – Karate lessons. Once she’s a blackbelt, she can karate chop all of the unwanted, non-consensual penis.
#5 – A lifelike dummy replica – She can put this out and it will take all of the unwanted, unsolicited, non-consensual penis attacks while she goes about her daily business.
#4 – A song. Write her a song. Sing it. If all else fails, sing your words over a Boyz II Men track.
#3 – Cake. Women love cake.
#2 – Russel Stover heart shaped chocolate boxes. Only squeeze 70 percent as you look for the one you want.
#1 – A poem. Her eyes are like the ocean, her smile is like the sun…chicks love that shit.