I continue to interview myself about how I would finagle my way out of hypothetical situations in order to my comply with my promise to my 3.5 readers to post once a day for the year of 2015.
QUESTION: Highlanders.
ANSWER: Give me a break. You’re not even trying.
QUESTION: What? They are immortal. Inside them flows the blood of kings.
ANSWER: Everyone knows that a Highlander’s weakness lies within its head. I’d just behead any and all Highlanders standing between me and my computer and post away. Honestly, if you’re going to come at me with this crap, at least bring your A game.
QUESTION: A billion dollars to stop posting.
ANSWER: That’s tricky. I would like to have a billion dollars.
QUESTION: Ha! See?
ANSWER: No. I’d refuse. I care too much about the respect of my 3.5 readers.
QUESTION: You are wrapped up like a mummy, but with duct tape, instead of bandages, and left for dead in the middle of the Mojave Desert.
ANSWER: I have various mental powers: telepathy, telekinesis, I can read minds, and project my thoughts into the brains of others. I can also use these powers to control animals. I would command a pack of wild armadillos to pick me up and bring me to the nearest watering hole, recruit a citizen to assist me in breaking my duct tape bonds, and then I will then commandeer said citizen’s vehicle under a claim of “Official Book Blogger Business!” I will then post upon reaching civilization.
QUESTION: A tree falls on you, pinning you to the ground with its mighty weight. Your computer is out of your grasp.
ANSWER: I use telekinesis to lift the tree off of me.
QUESTION: Your computer is stolen by a sasquatch.
ANSWER: No problem. To date, no sasquatch has crossed me and lived to tell the tale.
QUESTION: Chuck Norris will fight you if you post again.
ANSWER: He will lose. I taught him everything he knows.
Bookshelf Battle 
As of this moment, 5 readers liked this post. Overachieving? 🙂
One day I may have as many as 100 readers. My ego will know no bounds.
It’ll be sooner than you know. I mean the 100 readers, not the ego thing.
The ego thing might already be there.
BQB, what about natural disasters? We all know that the epic ones only happen in America (thanks to the authority of Hollywood). What would you do if a lava flow emerged at your front door? A giant sinkhole, created by groundhogs, swallowed up your workstation? Just a thought…
I will consider this and answer in a future column. No doubt I would surmount all of these obstacles though.
[…] These Silly “Can’t Stop the One Post a Day Challenge” Columns – Bookshelf Q. Battler claims he can defeat Highlanders, Chuck Norris, and zombies all in the name of bringing a daily dose of absurd nonsense to his 3.5 readers? Preposterous! […]