Holy Crap. Will you 3.5 readers drop what you’re doing and look at this little jerk?
This rat has got to be the last true believer of the American Dream, let me tell you.
Look at him!
Other rats see a slice of pizza. Maybe they’ll take a bite. Maybe they’ll push it a little, get tired, and scurry away.
But here this little schmuck is, carrying this piece of pizza (WHICH IS BIGGER THAN HE IS) down a flight of stairs, one step at a time, presumably in an attempt to cart it off to his rat lair to feed his rat wife and rat children.
God bless you, Pizza Rat. You’ve made me believe again. Shit, let’s elect this rat president.
What can writers learn from Pizza Rat?
- Writing is hard work. It’s one thing to think about doing it, but only determination and sheer will gets it done.
- When others shrug their shoulders and give up, you get in there and get that pizza! Other people give up on writing all the time. By keeping at it, you’re doing better than all the other writers, just like this rat did better than all the other rats. You see any other rats out there becoming a viral video star? I think not.
- Success comes one step at a time. Get the pizza slice down one step. Then another step. Then another one. Don’t skip steps. This furry little contagion infested dynamo look at the stairs and cry, “Oh my God! Too many steps! I give up!” No, damn it, he took his slice down one step at a time. Unfortunately, the video cut short and it does appear like he abandoned his slice at one point, but I like to think that he got nervous around the humans and went back for his dinner once the coast was clear.
- The same thing goes for your writing. You start your blog. You think, “Oh my God! That other blog has thousands of readers! I only have 3.5! SO WHAT? You get in there and you entertain the ever loving shit out of your adoring 3.5 readers, just as I do every day. I’ve dragged my pizza/blog down the 3.5 readers step. One day I’ll drag it down the 100 readers step. Then the 200 readers step. Before you know it I’ll be back at my rat lair, chomping on my pizza, or rather, enjoying an audience of a thousand readers.
- Apply the Pizza Rat model to your daily word count. Don’t be like one of those lazy ass rats who looks at a pizza, shouts, “Too big! No thanks!” and scurry off with an empty belly. Don’t look at your computer screen and go, “A hundred thousand words! I’ll never type that much! I’ll just give up on my dream!” No. Be like Pizza Rat. Type a few words today. A few more tomorrow. After awhile, you’ll have one delicious novel.
Patience. Determination. Guts. Glory. Be strong enough to do the work others are too weak to even try.
God damn it, Pizza Rat, if I were a hot she-rat I’d be so turned on I’d have a million of your pizza rat babies and send them out to spread the plague all over the five boroughs.
So remember, 3.5 readers/aspiring writers, today, your writing career might make you feel like a tiny rat and success will appear as far away as the bottom of a long ass stairwell. But go slow, take it one step at a time, and before you know it, you’ll be feasting on cheesy, gooey success.
Pizza Rat 4-Eva!