I was surprised Hitler had that much time to worry about me:
I was surprised Hitler had that much time to worry about me:
I spent actual money on this, so I have to trot it out once in awhile. Enjoy.
Huzzah, 3.5 readers!
The Bookshelf Battle Cast lives! Yes, on this fine blog, I’ll be reviewing pop cultural happenings, attempting to be funny, and telling you all about my adventures as a magic bookshelf caretaker, yeti fighter and so on.
The podcast will be very different. I am very, very far from being the world’s greatest vocal talent, so I’ll be playing it straight. Each episode, I’ll be reading a piece of public domain literature. After you listen to me read it in my mush mouth voice, stop by this incredible blog for a discussion and study questions.
FYI – apologies. I’m new to this. There were some technical difficulties. I said I’d let my spokeswoman tell you all about who I am, but for some reason, Garageband did not like that file. It became a big production to try to re-record the podcast, so I’ll try to figure out that for the next one. Forgive me people, I’m learning as I go.
Oh well. Check out what my spokeswoman would have said here:
In Stave 1 – “Marley’s Ghost” we begin with a classic line in literature – “Marley was dead to begin with. Scrooge pops the joyous bubble of his nephew and local charity collectors, only to be warned by the ghost of his fellow usurer Jacob Marley that if he doesn’t change his ways, he’ll be a ghost too, forced to trudge the world with chains attached to him, lamenting the life he wasted on counting coins instead of helping the less fortunate.
#1 – Dickens really, really, really wants the reader to know up front that Jacob Marley is dead, engaging in humor to insist, almost to a ridiculous degree, that he’s dead. What’s the point of that?
#2 – Scrooge’s nephew states to his uncle that there are things that exist that bring him no monetary profit, but they make his life better just the same. Christmas, says the nephew, is one of those things. Is the nephew a positive thinker, a man who knows how to build spiritual wealth, or do you side with Scrooge, i.e. the wealth in your piggy bank is all that matters? Can you think of some things that don’t bring you a monetary profit but still enrich your life? Would you give those things up in order to make more money? Can money buy happiness?
#3 – The charity collectors attempt to separate Scrooge from some of his dough, arguing that men of means have a duty to provide aid and comfort to the poor. Scrooge counters with the claim that he supports prisons, union workhouses and so on (through taxes) and thus doesn’t owe the poor anything else. What say you? Are taxes enough, or should people with bucks to spare share them with the poor as well?
#4 – Jacob Marley is a ghost. Chains and cash boxes and other monetary related devices are attached to him. He must drag them around wherever he goes. Further, Jacob spent his life never venturing past the counting-house, collecting money and ignoring the plight of the poor. His punishment, like the punishment of the many souls Scrooge sees outside, is that in death, he must wander the world, seeing all the things he could have experienced and enjoyed in life, but now is unable to do so because he’s dead.
Will you be a ghost one day? That’s a bigger discussion. You will be old one day though…and your body will eventually give out on you. When you’re old and gray and your knees fail, your body gives up and it exhausts you to walk more than five feet, what will you wish you had done in your youth?
CHALLENGE: Make a list of things you want to do before it’s too late to enjoy them…then DO THEM! Picture your afterlife as a Jacob Marley-esque ghost, forced to drag chains and wander the world. What would you like to see and do so that, if you ever become such a ghost, you can be happy knowing you got to do those things when you were alive?
Thanks for listening, 3.5 listeners. The second stave will be out as soon as possible.
Hey 3.5 readers.
I came across this video by a group calling themselves the “Castanet Creative.” It’s pretty funny, so check it out.
At first glance, it seems like a pretty standard parody by a bunch of buddies who got together to make a YouTube video.
But if you really look at it, it’s clear they were fans of the original Straight Outta Compton video by NWA, so much so that they copy all the scenes. Batman and Robin chasing the villains through back alleys, Riddler getting slammed down and cuffed, the Joker standing up in a top down sports car, rapping insults at Batman ala Easy E.
Kudos. These peeps have an eye for detail and that made this video 100% funnier.
Ahh, bookshelfbattle.com – it’s my virtual space, my online hangout, my digital stomping grounds.
If you’re reading this, you’ve already visited. Congratulations. You’ve shown excellent judgment and are no doubt a person of great wisdom and fantastic, upstanding moral character.
If you’re not reading this then…well, that’s messed up because if you’re not reading this then how could you be reading this? #MindBlown
From BQB HQ in East Randomtown, USA, where all the BQB blog magic happens, its the Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Visit BookshelfBattle.com
#10 – You’re already here, so if you leave, it’s kind of rude.
Stick around awhile. Take off your coat. Have a drink. Eat a cookie. Click on a hundred links on this blog while you’re at it.
#9 – It Will Keep You Off Crack
Do I have any medical or scientific studies to prove the claim that visiting this fine website prevents people from taking crack? No.
Are you taking crack while you’re reading this? (Consults my Magic 8 ball.) “All signs point to ‘No.'”
Therefore, whenever you read this website and don’t take crack while you are reading it…you’re welcome.
#8 – You Can Laugh
Or, learn what doesn’t make people laugh. I mean, I think it’s all funny but I admit, I could just be stuck in my own personal bubble, oblivious to the opinions, thoughts and feelings of others.
It’s a good way to be, come to think of it. Who has time to deal with the opinions, thoughts and feelings of others, especially when mine are the best and really, all that matters?
#7 – You Might Learn Something
Occasionally, this blog gets quasi-educational. You might learn something but note the key word – “might.”
#6 – You’ll Be One of the First Few Humans to Make Contact with an Outer Space Alien
Alien Jones his no joke. He’s from space. Want to make all those losers who made fun of you in high school jealous? Being one of the first few people to comment on an alien’s column is a good way to start.
#5 – Fart jokes.
So many fart jokes.
#4 – Nerds Welcome
No one can give you a wet willy, a wedgie, or a purple nurple here…because, you know, it’s a blog in an intangible written form.
#3 – BQB Will Think You’re Awesome
I really will.
#2 – You’ll Help BQB Save the World from the Mighty Potentate
The more clicks I get, the more likely the Potent One will get off of Earth’s back.
#1 – You Can Be One of BQB’s 3.5 Readers!
Truly, the most exclusive club out there. Do you know of any other clubs with only 3.5 participants?
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Tom Hanks jokingly claimed on SNL a plan to run for President and Vice-President on the season finale of SNL last night.
Would you vote for them? Something tells me that just becomes the Trumpster won doesn’t mean that it would work for any celebrity.
Sigh. The Rock is right though. America is only in agreement on one thing – that these two are great. Getting into politics would ruin that for them. After all, the best anyone can ever do as President is to make 50% of the people happy at any given time.
Once again, someone who may or may not be a real medical doctor (I’m leaning towards not) reminds you of the dangerous medical symptoms that come with being bitten on the butt by a toilet gator:
Then you should become one of my 3.5 readers…
In case you’re not up to speed on your Bookshelf Battle history, this blog is the best blog ever created about a magic bookshelf caretaker who spends his days toiling away at Beige Corporation, the world’s premiere producer of beige products and accessories, and his nights at BQB HQ, fighting the forces of evil and writing books to appease the maniacal alien overlord known as the Mighty Potentate.
If you can find a better blog about a magic bookshelf caretaker who spends his days toiling away at Beige Corporation, the world’s premiere producer of beige products and accessories, and his nights at BQB HQ, fighting the forces of evil and writing books to appease the maniacal alien overlord known as the Mighty Potentate…then you’re welcome to check it out.
Or better yet, allow my spokeswoman to explain what this fine blog is all about:
Um, I’d point out that some seventy-five years or so ago, kids this age didn’t freak out this hard when they had to storm Omaha Beach to take France back from the Nazis but then I’d sound like a super old person and I’m trying my best not to do that.
Apparently this Starbucks drink is pretty popular, so popular that it drove this barista nuts. Have any of you 3.5 readers tried it? If so, tell me what you think.