Hey 3.5 readers.
20 months. A year and a half. That’s how long I’ve been writing this book:
You might think this book is cheap, throwaway drivel and that I’ve wasted a year and a half on tomfoolery. Technically, you’d be right, except you aren’t, because this is by far the best book ever written.
It’s a tale of passion…romance, love, betrayal, horror and people being eaten by a giant lizard while they are pooping.
It’s a tale of redemption, of how a broken down, defeated officer of the law makes amends with his ex-wife and learns to forgive himself for his past mistakes while hunting down…a giant lizard who eats people while they are pooping.
It’s a parody that mocks our news media entertainment complex, our political system, restores comedy to its natural, off the chain, no holds barred, everyone gets offended because that’s what good comedy does state…and it’s also about a giant lizard who eats people while they are pooping.
Thank you for joining me on this adventure.
I am but one man. I like to think I am superhuman, that I am capable of anything, but from time to time, my health reminds me that I am only capable of so much.
Unfortunately, I can’t write about people getting eaten while they are pooping 24/7. I just can’t. I wish I could. I really do. No, I really do. That would be an awesome job.
But that day isn’t here yet, so in the meantime, I must work, and take care of myself, and take time to exercise, eat well, relax, and destress. Novels about people being eaten while they are pooping will have to be written during the random, sweet moments of time I get to steal from the various forces of the world that keep me down.
I have so many ideas, but for now I must put them on my magic bookshelf. Don’t worry. They’ll be there when the time is right.
For now, I’ll focus on Toilet Gator Sequels, and on continuing the story of “The Last Driver.”
Perhaps one glorious day, novels about human eating alligators will make me rich, and I can write about alligators eating unsuspecting bathroom users all day. Why, that’s been the dream of many a writer ever since Gutenberg invented the printing press, so I would be very blessed by such a life.
But I’m not there yet, and if it’s ever to happen, it will take time and patience.
Some rest tonight, then I’ll be sending “Toilet Gator” to my editor soon, and then I’ll…well I think I might actually take a crack at “Toilet Shocker” next and see how that goes.
There are times in my life where I get very sad…when I think about all I hoped for in my youth and compare it with how I barely got 1 percent of a percent of a percent of what I wanted.
But then I remember I live in a world where the dream of self-publishing a book about a giant lizard who eats people while they are pooping is not only real, but you can also pay women in medical lab coats to talk about it:
Thank you for being my 3.5 readers.