Tag Archives: videos

Daily Discussion with BQB – The Unicorn Frappuccino Barista Freaks Out

Um, I’d point out that some seventy-five years or so ago, kids this age didn’t freak out this hard when they had to storm Omaha Beach to take France back from the Nazis but then I’d sound like a super old person and I’m trying my best not to do that.

Apparently this Starbucks drink is pretty popular, so popular that it drove this barista nuts.  Have any of you 3.5 readers tried it?  If so, tell me what you think.

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Nerds Continue to Love Bookshelf Q. Battler

Hello 3.5 readers.  Sorry if you saw this already, but I paid good money for this so I have to keep throwing it around:

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Three Weeks of Toilet Gator Sundays

Welcome back to Toilet Gator Sundays, truly the best feature of any blog out there.  Does the Huffington Post have Toilet Gator Sundays?  I think not.

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Also…

On this, my momentous three year anniversary, I feel it important to remind you that if I can get 3,500 WordPress followers for this fantastic blog, then I will celebrate by hiring a dude on Fiverr that will juggle a chainsaw with your website name on the blade.

What you people are waiting for, I have no idea.

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Video Game Rack Fighter Lives!!! (Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be a Crazy Cat Lady

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.  The illustrious Video Game Rack Fighter has taken a rare break from playing Car Thief Mayhem to read one of my infamous top ten lists.  A big step for her to go public with a video for as you know, the inhabitants of Bookshelf Q. Battler Headquarters are usually much too busy fighting for truth, justice, against evil and for hilarious jokes or at the very least, jokes that I find funny because at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters.

From BQB HQ in Fabulous East Randomtown, here’s Video Game Rack Fighter (and furry friend) to give you the Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be a Crazy Cat Lady:

3.5 READERS: BQB, that looks a lot like the spokesperson you hired last week to sing your blog’s praises.

That’s a ludicrous accusation, 3.5 readers.  Stayingvintage is way too busy fielding spokesperson requests on Fiverr.com to bother with my trivial tomfoolery.

Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be a Crazy Cat Lady

#10 – Wherever she goes and whatever she sets out to do, she never fails to come home with an extra cat. Trip to the store for milk? New cat. Dentist appointment? New cat. Went to the movies? New cat. Westminster Dog Show? New cat.

#9 – No matter what you do in the house, you run the risk of a cat falling and landing on your head. Open the cupboard for your breakfast cereal? Cat lands on your head. Open the closet to change your shirt? Cat lands on your head. Open the desk drawer to find a pen? A cat jumps into the air then lands on your head.

#8 – You went to the doctor for a bad cough. X-rays indicate your lungs are 90% cat hair.

#7 – You buy those pet hair rollers with extra stickiness by the case.

#6- You’ve become skilled at the 10-K hairball barf dash. Whenever you hear a cat making barf sounds, you automatically pick it up and run it outside before it can puke all over the rug.

#5 – What am I saying? Your girlfriend is a crazy cat lady. You gave up on the rug years ago. That rug is 5% carpet fiber and 95% puke now.

#4 – You have enough litter boxes in the basement to create your own desert.

#3 – And for some reason, even though your girlfriend was the one who wanted all the cats in the first place, you’re the one who is always cleaning up the litter boxes because…I don’t know…women’s rights or something.

#2 – The cats take turns sleeping on your face. Your girlfriend says its because the cats love you but you’re pretty sure they’re just trying to use their pillow like bodies to smother you in their sleep.

#1 – You heard that President Trump was interested in grabbing pussies so you’re sitting by your phone, waiting for that call from the White House, hoping that he’ll stop by and grab all of yours…because you can’t stand living with so many cats anymore!

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Don’t forget…

…if I get 3500 WordPress followers, I will hire the guy on Fiverr who juggles chainsaws to make a chainsaw juggling video.

What’s wrong with you people?  Why haven’t you made this happen already?  It’s almost as if you don’t want to see a man juggle a chainsaw in my honor.  Get your priorities straight, people.

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Lessons I Learned from Fiverr

Hey 3.5 readers.

Your old pal BQB here.

Fiverr.  What a trip.

I was mildly curious about it last week so I checked it out and became instantly hooked.

The gist of the site is that it is a massive collection of people willing to do all sorts of things for $5.  (Get your mind out of the gutter).  I know hiring someone to do THAT for $5 seems like a bargain but the kind of THAT you’d get for $5 a) isn’t worth it and b) is going to leave you itchy and that’s the best case scenario.  Also, the site doesn’t allow for THAT.

There are all sorts of services you can buy for your blog and it’s all very cheap.  For the most part, “gigs” as they are called, start at five bucks.  Usually, you can get something decent for a “fiver” but there are all sorts of add-ons to enhance your service.  Adding these can get costly so it’s up to you and what you can afford.

All I know is I got four videos for a pretty cheap price.  They’re cool, they help me advertise, they provide me with a little more legitimacy etc.

Unfortunately, I’ve spent all the fivers I can afford for awhile, but I’ll dip my toe back into the Fiverr water when I can afford to.  Ultimately, using this site hasn’t led me to getting more than 3.5 readers, but it has been good for the soul.  I’ve always wanted to work in TV. Yes, I realize this is nowhere near working in TV, but it’s a lot of fun to write a script, write some directions, and then like a day later you’ve got a fun video based on your ideas.

In conclusion, here’s the cue card girl reminding you to check out my fine website:

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Are You a Nerd? Become One of BQB’s 3.5 Readers!

Hey 3.5 readers.

Bookshelfbattle.com is an awesome place for nerds to commune in the spirit of nerdery while talking about nerdy things.

But don’t take my word for it.  Here’s a lady nerd to fill you in on the details:

Sigh.  I’m hooked on Fiverr now.  Anyway, if you want to hire this performer to do a card slide promo, check her out on Fiverr.

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And Now a Public Service Announcement From a Doctor on the Dangers of Being Bitten On the Butt By a Toilet Gator

Hey 3.5 readers.

Bookshelf Q. Battler here.  As you know, I am a civic minded humanitarian.  In fact, after writing two chapters of my upcoming novel, Toilet Gator, I became so concerned about the serious medical conditions that could result from being bitten on the butt by a toilet gator that I secured the services of an esteemed doctor to warn the public in this very important public service announcement:

Hmm.  Come to think of it, I didn’t check her medical credentials or anything, but this seems hella legit.

By the way, if you want to read the first two rough draft chapters of toilet gator, you can do so by clicking here.

And thank you to this wonderful doctor for caring enough to warn the public about the dangerous effects of toilet gator butt bites.  If you want to hire Dr. Lisa Marie to make a video for you, check her out on Fiverr.

Curse you, Fiverr.  You’ve become my new addiction.

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In Case You Missed the Message from My Spokesperson…

Hey 3.5 readers.

So, my spokesperson delivered her message flawlessly and that message is way too important to remain buried under the blog roll.  Plus, I paid five bucks for it.

In case you missed it, here’s my spokesperson again, telling you all the reasons why my blog is so awesome:

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