Tag Archives: videos

If you’re just joining us…

…I got tired of trying to explain to people what this fine blog is all about, so I paid this lady to do it for me:

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Hitler Reacts to BQB

Hey 3.5 readers.

Did you know that Hitler used to read this blog?  I’m not bragging…I mean, you can’t control who your 3.5 readers are.  I’m just surprised that at the close of World War II, when the allies were closing in on Berlin, he didn’t have anything to do other than to bitch about how shitty my blog was…is?

I don’t know how he read it in 1945.  Time traveling web browser, maybe.

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Somewhere Over the Rainbow vs. There’s No Place Like Home

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB again.  Really, who else would it be?

Another observation about “The Wizard of Oz.”

There are two sentiments expressed in this movie, and they are very much opposed to one another.

In the beginning, Dorothy sings, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” i.e. somewhere out there is a whole shit ton of happiness…it’s out there, I swear.  It’s coming just around the corner.  It’s right there…over the rainbow.  You can’t get over a rainbow?  You can see the rainbow but you can’t get over it?  Don’t worry.  That amazing happiness is coming.

Then at the end, that bitch Glenda tells Dorothy that her ruby slippers held the power to bring her back to Kansas all along.  I call Glenda a bitch because she could have told Dorothy up front that her slippers could bring her back home and saved her a lot of trouble.

However, Glenda makes a good point.  Dorothy had to struggle through various ordeals in order to figure out that her happiness wasn’t in a fantasyland but it was at her home all along.

To put it all together, Dorothy thinks life in Kansas sucks big time balls.  She has to do chores and live on a shitty farm and get bossed around by Aunty Em and there’s an old bitch in the neighborhood who is constantly trying to murder her dog.

So she dreams of a better life in a better place.  But then she gets there and learns it is even harder.  To get anywhere good in Oz, she has to fight a witch that can throw fireballs, fend off winged monkeys, venture into a spooky forest, and help three assholes find their heart, courage and brains, respectively.

In short, she was better off at home.

Are you better off at home than chasing a dream?  Hard to say.  Dorothy fought through all the bullshit only to find out that her dream, i.e. a magical wizard named Oz who could grant all her wishes, was just a dumb ass hiding behind a screen.

Your dream might be real.  To get there, you might have to fight through a lot of shit and, well, yeah, you might get there and your dream might turn out to be bullshit, the equivalent of a charlatan working a fake head from behind a screen.

So maybe you are better off at home….better off in your shitty farm house with your Aunt and Uncle who love you and three apparently single, middle-aged farm hands who are capable of viewing a young girl as their friend and not engage in any perverted activities because it was the 1930s Midwest and adults were considered to only have good intentions toward children, not all how perverted and messed up it is today.

What do you think, 3.5 readers?  Is happiness over the rainbow, or is it at home?

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I Paid Money for This Too…

…so watch it, you nerds.  I have to get my money’s worth:

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I Paid Money for This…

…so I feel like I have to run it every once in awhile:

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Bookshelf Battle Rap

I spent actual money on this, so I have to trot it out once in awhile.  Enjoy.

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Toilet Gator is So Close to Being Done

I want to say at most there are three chapters left.  So exciting!

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BQB’s Favorite YouTubers – Straight Outta Gotham

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

I came across this video by a group calling themselves the “Castanet Creative.”  It’s pretty funny, so check it out.

At first glance, it seems like a pretty standard parody by a bunch of buddies who got together to make a YouTube video.

But if you really look at it, it’s clear they were fans of the original Straight Outta Compton video by NWA, so much so that they copy all the scenes.  Batman and Robin chasing the villains through back alleys, Riddler getting slammed down and cuffed, the Joker standing up in a top down sports car, rapping insults at Batman ala Easy E.

Kudos.  These peeps have an eye for detail and that made this video 100% funnier.

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Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Visit BookshelfBattle.com

Ahh, bookshelfbattle.com – it’s my virtual space, my online hangout, my digital stomping grounds.

If you’re reading this, you’ve already visited.  Congratulations.  You’ve shown excellent judgment and are no doubt a person of great wisdom and fantastic, upstanding moral character.

If you’re not reading this then…well, that’s messed up because if you’re not reading this then how could you be reading this?  #MindBlown

From BQB HQ in East Randomtown, USA, where all the BQB blog magic happens, its the Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Visit BookshelfBattle.com

#10 – You’re already here, so if you leave, it’s kind of rude.

Stick around awhile.  Take off your coat.  Have a drink.  Eat a cookie.  Click on a hundred links on this blog while you’re at it.

#9 – It Will Keep You Off Crack

Do I have any medical or scientific studies to prove the claim that visiting this fine website prevents people from taking crack?  No.

Are you taking crack while you’re reading this?  (Consults my Magic 8 ball.)  “All signs point to ‘No.'”

Therefore, whenever you read this website and don’t take crack while you are reading it…you’re welcome.

#8 – You Can Laugh

Or, learn what doesn’t make people laugh.  I mean, I think it’s all funny but I admit, I could just be stuck in my own personal bubble, oblivious to the opinions, thoughts and feelings of others.

It’s a good way to be, come to think of it.  Who has time to deal with the opinions, thoughts and feelings of others, especially when mine are the best and really, all that matters?

#7 – You Might Learn Something

Occasionally, this blog gets quasi-educational.  You might learn something but note the key word – “might.”

#6 – You’ll Be One of the First Few Humans to Make Contact with an Outer Space Alien

Alien Jones his no joke.  He’s from space.  Want to make all those losers who made fun of you in high school jealous?  Being one of the first few people to comment on an alien’s column is a good way to start.

#5 – Fart jokes.

So many fart jokes.

#4 – Nerds Welcome

No one can give you a wet willy, a wedgie, or a purple nurple here…because, you know, it’s a blog in an intangible written form.

#3 – BQB Will Think You’re Awesome

I really will.

#2 – You’ll Help BQB Save the World from the Mighty Potentate

The more clicks I get, the more likely the Potent One will get off of Earth’s back.

#1 – You Can Be One of BQB’s 3.5 Readers!

Truly, the most exclusive club out there.  Do you know of any other clubs with only 3.5 participants?

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Fourteen Weeks of Toilet Gator Sundays

Once again, someone who may or may not be a real medical doctor (I’m leaning towards not) reminds you of the dangerous medical symptoms that come with being bitten on the butt by a toilet gator:

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