Monthly Archives: November 2015

Nov 02 2015
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#31ZombieAuthors

Hello Nerds

Hello 3.5 readers,

World Renowned Poindexter, Bookshelf Q. Battler here.  I don’t have much for you today other than to check in, say hello, thank you all again for supporting me through 31ZombieAuthors.

Thanks to the authors.  Thanks to the readers.  Thanks to everyone who tweeted and shared the info.

I saw something through from beginning to end and that’s a first around here so I’m happy about that.

At some point there will be an epilogue.  As you can imagine, when an entire town becomes overrun with zombies, there’s some repercussions.

Remaining questions for the epilogue:

  1.  Will Dr. Hugo Von Science ever be brought to justice for starting the East Randomtown Zombie Apocalypse?
  2. Will I, Bookshelf Q. Battler, ever write a novel good enough to appease the Mighty Potentate and dissuade him from his plans of Earth domination?
  3. What about General Morganstern, the Pop Culture Mysteries crossover, and of course, Operation Fuhrerpunschen?
  4. Network News One’s Hot Ass Blonde Chick helped me blow the lid off of Gen. Morganstern’s plan to blow me up and make it look like anti-zombie fire.  That was great, but will that reporting lead to the government looking into some of my more outlandish claims, i.e. that I am in possession of a) a magic bookshelf and b) an alien.  (He’s more of a friend than a possession.)

Time to rest and recuperate from the zombie mayhem but fear not, loyal 3.5 readers, for we will eventually get the rest of the story.

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Nov 01 2015
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#31ZombieAuthors

BREAKING NEWS: Bookshelf Q. Battler Survives the Zombie Apocalypse!

By: Kurt Manley, Network News One Anchorshutterstock_193904291 copy

Our top story tonight, Bookshelf Q. Battler, in the surprise of the century, has not only survived the East Randomtown Zombie Apocalypse, but also uncovered an underhanded plot by the vile and corrupt General Morganstern.

“I couldn’t have done it without the 31 zombie authors,”  Mr. Battler said.  “Each one is at the top of the zombie fiction game and the advice they provided to me was crucial.  From Sarah Lyons Fleming spelling it out to me how to pack a bug out bag to J.M. Wilde enduring my inquiries about which way the water swirls down the toilet in Australia, these fine scribes were there for me when I needed them and I urge all of my 3.5 readers to purchase their books early and often.”

Best Reporter Ever

Best Reporter Ever

Further, Mr. Battler also credited Network News One’s own Hot Ass Blond Chick for his survival.  With complete disregard for her own personal safety, the Hot Ass Blond Chick flew into a zombie war zone in order to report on an impromptu Funky Hunks concert, thus proving that BQB was alive and that Gen. Morganstern was just a smelly liar trying to use the zombie apocalypse as a cover to blow BQB’s shit up.

“A pulitzer is definitely coming the Hot Ass Blonde Chick’s way,” said Sir Isaac Pulitzer, Chairman of the Pulitzer Prize Committee.

The zombies are gone and the remaining citizens of East Randomtown face the long, arduous task of cleaning up their town.

But what of the aftermath?  Will Dr. Hugo Von Science, the culprit behind the zombie apocalypse, be brought to justice?  What of Gen. Morganstern?  Just what exactly occurred during Operation Fuhrerpunschen, the so-called mission that allegedly led to Adolf Hitler being punched in the face by an American operative?  Why did Morganstern want so desperately to cover that mission up?

And most importantly:

Bookshelf Q. Battler has made a lot of crazy claims on his blog – namely, that he has an alien friend, that a 1950’s private detective is in his employ, and even that he is the owner of a magic bookshelf.  All of these assertions have seemed like the mindless rantings of an eccentric dingus, but with the media frenzy over the East Randomtown Zombie Apocalypse shining some light on the Bookshelf Battle Blog…should the government make an inquiry into whether or not these oddball claims are, in fact, real?

That’s it for this hour.  Coming up in the next news block, are spiders crawling up your nose while you’re asleep and laying eggs in your brain?  Better stay up until our Hot Ass Blonde Chick provides you with the answer after sports and weather.

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