Bookshelf Battle

• 10K Pizza Face Stuff – I’d be a gold medalist and then go pro. No steroids needed.

• The Middle Finger Point – Offend random audience members with a middle finger.

• Mrs. Doubtfire Dash – Contestants dress like elderly women.  Whoever convinces dumb children that she is their nanny takes home the gold…also, gets arrested and deservedly so, freaks.

• The Bell Biv Devoe-off – Know that song “Poison?”  Of course you don’t. Millennials are the worst. So it ends with, “That girl is poi-son…uh ah uh ah uh ah….whoever holds the “ah” the longest…GOLD!

• The Nap Off – Whoever sleeps the longest.

• The Gas Off – Self-explanatory. Judges rate expulsions from 1 to 10 based on sound, pitch, length of time, and aroma.

• Yodeling – The Swiss would nail this.

• Yodel Eating – I would nail this.

• The Blog Off – Contestants create a blog. First one to attract the attention of 3.5 readers wins.

• Cat Juggling – juggling….of cats!

• Extreme Wedgie-ing – First to pull the opponent’s underpants over his/her head and/or possibly use said undies as a slingshot to launch the opponent to the moon wins…the gold!

• Rubber Band Ball Making – he with the biggest balls wins (in the games and in life).

• Paper Air Plane Construction/Flight – Separate competitions for best plane and longest flight.

• Beer Pong – there isn’t enough beer in the Olympics.

What say you, 3.5 readers? Which rejected Olympic Games would you like to compete in?