Bookshelf Battle

In case you missed it, 3.5 readers, or in case you are worried that your girlfriend might be a zombie.

Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be a Zombie

Oh, who am I kidding?

If you’re reading this blog you don’t have a girlfriend (Womp womp womp womp waaa).

First, I’m not asking that about Video Game Rack Fighter.  That woman is a Saint with the face of an angel.  At least I think she is.  She’s been playing Car Thief Mayhem for three weeks straight without a break not even for the bathroom. She just pees in a coffee can.

Second, just pointing out one of the top web searches leading people to this illustrious site is along the lines of “Is my girlfriend a witch?” or “my girlfriend is a witch” or “how to tell if your girlfriend is a witch?”

Listen bros.  I’m not relationship expert, but if you have to ask…

Anyway, in case you missed it, here are the Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be a Witch:

Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be a Witch

Bitches be green, y’all.

By: Count Krakovich, Asshat Vampire

Bleh!

3.5 readers, you have spent the past month defeating many vampires with my sage wisdom, so now it is time to treat yourself to a monster movie marathon!

Without further ado, here is a list of the Top Ten Horror Films you should watch this Halloween:

#10 – Night of the Living Dead (1968)

George A. Romero invented the zombie genre with his 1968 classic.  It’s low budget but that’s ok.  Creepy hands busting through the walls of a house cost little but scare lots.

“They’re coming to get you Barbara.”  Scary!

#9 – Nightmare on Elm Street Series (Started in 1984 then Kind of Went On Forever)

Notorious child murderer Freddy Kruger (Robert Englund) beats a murder rap on a technicality but gets burned alive by neighborhood parents in an act of vigilante justice.

Freddy, with his burned up face, fedora, striped turtleneck…