Bookshelf Battle

Sharks bite and so does this movie…except it’s a movie that is aware it kind of bites, so come to think of it, it doesn’t bite then, by the transitive non-bite property.

Whatever.  BQB here with a review of “The Meg.”

I’ve always been a big Jason Statham fan.  He was really a sight to behold in his “Transporter” days, taking on 3, 4, or more bad guys in one sitting with his sweet karate moves.

He’s still got the swagger, though we aren’t treated to the martial arts as much as we once were, which is a shame, because a roundhouse kick to a shark face would have been awesome.

Here, we don’t have just any shark.  It’s a Megalodon or “Meg,” a 70 foot long prehistoric monster that has come out of hiding to feast upon human flesh and any flesh will do, ranging from puppies to adorable little Asian kids just trying to swim on a beach to, yes, even a middle aged bald British kung-fu master.

Here’s the short version – this movie was good, but it could have been great.

It’s good in that it is a good time.  The special effects are fun.  It doesn’t take itself too seriously.  The plot isn’t that involved.  It’s more or less an homage to killer monster and/or killer shark movies of the past.  Tropes galore and if a dude makes a dumb expression as he looks into something then rest assure he’s about to lose his face.

It could have been better in that better writing might have kicked this film into second gear.  The characters are cookie cutters – forgettable fodder and of the many who become shark chow, maybe there’s like, one or two who you actually feel bad about.  Statham carries the film on his back and Ruby Rose as a sexy sea lab designer occasionally takes some of the burden, though she is underutilized and her unique look does most of the work.

The plot?  Jonas Taylor (Statham) is an expert when it comes to deep sea rescue missions, because apparently, they happen so often that people specialize in this sort of thing.

Alas, he’s been laughed out by his former colleagues, accused of being a drunkard after claiming during one mission that he saw a big ass shark.

Blah, blah, blah, the shark attacks his former homies and his homies eat a shit ton of crow in order to get him to save the day.

Rainn Wilson plays the eccentric billionaire who funds the research expedition that’s in danger of becoming shark lunch.  He excels at playing a dick and may find a career resurrection as the go to movie dick guy.

Bingbing Li (awesome name) plays Statham’s love interest and other than that, there are a bunch of other losers who are given absurd pieces of dialogue and honestly, just end up being so annoying you can’t wait for them to get in the mega shark’s belly.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.  To repeat, it’s good, but missed a shot to be great.  Still worth seeing in the theater due to intense big ass shark scenes.