Movie Review – Serenity (2019)

Holy crap, 3.5 readers.

Hollywood didn’t waste any time in releasing the shittiest movie of 2019.

And yet, it has some redeeming qualities.

BQB here with a review of “Serenity.”


At the outset, this film seems pretty strong for a January release.  It’s got a star studded cast, including Matthew McConaughey (“Alright, alright, alright”), Anne Hathaway, Diane Lane, Djimon Hounsou and Jason Clarke.

Moreover, it starts out as a pretty decent mystery.  Baker Dill (McConaughey) is an Iraq War veteran who unfortunately, brought the war back home with him in his mind.  Unable to shake depression, his marriage falls apart and he moves to the Caribbean style Plymouth Island.

After spending years in pursuit of an illusive and massive tuna while aboard his fishing boat, the Serenity, his ex-wife, Karen, (Hathaway) pops back into his life.  Frank (Clarke), the man she left Baker for, has turned out to be a real Dick Cheeseburger with Extra Turd Fries.  He is abusive to Karen, beating and shouting at her regularly, so much so that Karen and Baker’s son has retreated from life, shutting himself in his room and playing on his computer all day just to drown out his crappy reality.

Karen has had enough.  Frank is a gangster and Karen offers Baker 10 million of her shitty husband’s ill gotten loot if he’ll take Frank out on his boat and dump him in shark infested waters, making it look like an accident.

Initially, the film has a touch of old school noir style.  A mystery is unfolding and there are all sorts of threads held out before you.  Is Karen legit?  Is she setting Baker up?  Will Baker do it?  If he does, will he get caught?

As the movie progresses, a supernatural, science-fiction angle grows and grows.  It’s slightly hinted at in the beginning, followed by a slow build until it totally consumes the film.

Frankly, the angle is stupid.  And I have a hunch someone, somewhere behind the scenes realized the angle was stupid.  Ergo, the first half of the film is a mystery and then the last half is basically an extended episode of Twin Peaks.

I’ll admit, the old “hot babe asks a man to kill her husband” plot has been done before, so something new had to be added to make it interesting.  I won’t give away what that is, but suffice it to say, this movie has the shittiest ending since 2008’s “The Happening” in which Mark Wahlberg learns that the culprit that was causing so much mayhem was the plants all along.

Say hello to your mother for me.

STATUS:  Shitty, but shelf-worthy.  Ironically, there’s good acting here.  McConaughey is convincing as a broken man, and ladies, you get to see his butt for an unnecessarily long period of time.  Hathaway plays the scheming damsel in distress well but sorry men, you only get to see half her butt and only for a second or two, which seems highly unfair.  Jason Clarke, who usually plays respectable heroes, gets out of his comfort zone as an asshole who gets increasingly assholier until you start rooting for him to get killed.  Hounsou rounds out the cast as Baker’s first mate and conscience, trying to steer his boss towards making the tough yet moral decision.

This should have been good.  And briefly it was…until it wasn’t.  It’s an example of how a film can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory and alas, earns it’s January debut.

My advice?  Wait until it comes out on cable.  Watch it for the first hour, switch the channel.  Maybe find a good rerun of “Seinfeld” or something.

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