PREVIOUSLY ON POP CULTURE MYSTERIES…
AND NOW THE POP CULTURE MYSTERIES CONTINUE…
“Ms. Donnelly,” Informant Zero said. “I have been so very intrigued by Mr. Battler’s blog since its inception that I decided I must get involved. And Mr. Hatcher, your reports have especially inspired me.”
“So you’re the one who read them.”
“What a life you have lived, Mr. Hatcher. From 1920 until present day, you have seen this world grow, 
change, go to war on a massive scale, taken on the criminal underworld of LA’s yesteryear and survived. Regrettably, you missed quite a bit during your extended nap, but that you’re in good enough condition to share your stories with the world now is amazing.”
“Thanks,” I said. “But if I wanted wind blown up my chassis I’d of skipped the trip and stood on an air vent.”
“This is not an enterprise I want to engage in for the rest of my life, Mr. Hatcher. One day, I’d like to see a Los Angeles where the rich and powerful do what is right because it is the right thing to do, and not because they’re afraid I’ll expose them if they don’t. Thus, this city needs a hero like you to clean it up and I’d like to do what I can to help.”
“I don’t do much cleaning these days, bub.”
“Then you are truly wasting your talents. Surely that will change as you get adjusted. But more importantly, Mr. Hatcher, I can’t help but wonder what this world would be like today had a man of your integrity not fallen asleep in 1955, but rather, had been allowed to continue performing feats of daring do.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying the world would be a better place today had you been allowed to keep kicking criminal ass until you became an elderly man during the 1980’s, perhaps even the 90’s.”
“I think about that all the time,” I said.
“But as an tech expert, I know the mind of a blogger and I know it well,” Informant Zero said. “If Battler doesn’t eventually see an increase in readership, he will decide that his time would be better spent playing video games and allowing his ass to expand. He’ll abandon his blog, you, and your stories will never be shared, because good luck getting through the traditional publishing door.”
“Now just one moment,” Delilah said. “I doubt very much that Mr. Battler will abandon Mr. Hatcher and leave him without the answers he is searching for.”
“He probably won’t, at least not intentionally,” Informant Zero explained. “But what if I could help provide a new feature for the upcoming Pop Culture Mysteries spin-off blog, one that would drive up the World Renowned’ Poindexter’s readership?”
I shot Delilah an incredulous look.
“Spin-off blog? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“Mr. Battler’s mentioned it on his blog a number of times. Do try to keep up.”
“Do I get any more money for this?”
“No,” Delilah said. “At least not according to your contract.”
“Mother of God,” I said. “It’s like the damn pinko commies won.”
“Mr. Hatcher,” Informant Zero said. “You write very long, detailed reports. Those are great for individuals who read as a pleasurable past time. But what about people on the go? Mr. Battler’s 3.5 readers who only have 3.5 seconds to spare?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Tell them to screw?”
“No. That’s where I will come in. You continue to write your long reports. I’ll write short bursts, quick mini-mysteries, a pop culture question of the week with a short answer. Together, we’ll inspire Hollywood to plug up their plot holes and put out a better product. It’ll bring more hits, Battler’s writing career takes off and who knows, maybe if he gets to the point where he actually starts making money off of his Internet ventures, he’ll release you early from your 100 mystery commitment.”
“Now you’re starting to make sense,” I said.
Delilah was back to reading her note paper again.
“Mr. Zero,” she said. “To that end, Mr. Battler has expressed concern that your Pop Culture Mystery expertise may be lacking and has requested that I kick your tires, as it were, with three questions.”
More of that maniacal, ear crushing electric laughter.
“Proceed.”
Bookshelf Battle 