Greetings Earth Losers!
Another Sunday and that means another installment of “Ask the Alien,” the only column where a) a representative of the most intelligent species in the universe does what he can to raise Earth’s intelligence levels and b) another fiction author is supported, thus striking another crucial blow in the battle against reality television.
Scripted media is where it’s at and my boss, the Mighty Potentate, hates any kind of TV show that features words in the title like, “Who Wants to Be a Blank…” or “Something Something Wars” or “Blank Makeover.”
This week’s question comes from Java Davis, The Road Trip Writer.
Java is a modern day Jack Kerouac of sorts, traveling the open road and sharing stories and photos of his journeys, as well as his love of coffee.
He reminds me of Voro Chabadox, the only alien to visit every planet in the universe, fueled only by Starbucks (we have them out here too.)
In his book, Flying with Chabadox, Voro claims that he actually reached the edge of the universe, only to find a giant sign on an insurmountable wall that read, “There’s nothing to see here. Go away.”
All kinds of theories abound about what’s behind the great end of universe wall. I’ve deduced it’s a locale where the answers to the greatest mysteries of life are kept. Other aliens argue it’s where the afterlife is located. The Mighty Potentate is certain it’s where all your socks go when they go missing, as well as your lost keys, cell phones, and other stuff you swear you just put down a second ago and now for the life of you can’t find anywhere.
Perhaps we’ll never know what’s behind that wall, but at least fellow traveler Java has shared what he’s learned on the open road.
He’s also authored a number of books, all of them conveniently laid out here. Java does one thing that I rarely see indie authors do and that’s offer a large print edition of his books.
The Mighty Potentate will appreciate that. He doesn’t like to admit it but he just had his 999,999th birthday and once we aliens start pushing a million, the old visual receptors aren’t what they used to be.
(Don’t tell him I said that. You know, his penchant for vaporization and all.)
Of particular interest to self-publishers might be Java’s non-fiction book, On Becoming a Dinosaur. Java used to be a typesetter, an occupation that was replaced by desktop publishing, and so he explains how that all came about and his adjustment to his career becoming obsolete.
It happens to the best of us, you know. As a hyper intelligent alien, I have impeccable foresight, and can advise you all that this whole Internet craze will one day be remembered as quaint once the neural implants start but whoops, I’ve said too much.
Java has been a fan of Pop Culture Mysteries, a blog serial that Bookshelf Q. Battler is currently working with hardboiled detective Jake Hatcher on turning into a book.
Personally, I wonder when the Alien Jones book is coming because, you know, it’s not like my epic life as a space traveling warrior/diplomat/servant of the Mighty Potentate could ever be fodder for a fantastic book that would blow the minds of BQB’s 3.5 readers or anything.
Don’t worry. I’m not bitter.
But in addition to dropping some pop culture dimes to BQB’s gumshoe, the Road Trip Writer was also concerned enough about how to help indie authors learn how to consult my genius brain that he asked:
Dear Alien Jones, how does an indie author go about engaging with your alien self?
May you continue to wow us with tales of your cross country travels, JD.
Thank you for stopping by with your question. The answer is as easy as checking out the weekly after column blurb below:
Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle on Twitter, leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or stop by Bookshelf Battle on Google Plus. If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, other project in his answer.
Image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.