Tag Archives: charlize theron

Movie Review – Gringo (2018)

Weed, guns, complicated plots!

BQB here with a review of “Gringo.”

Hmmm.  What’s up with this film?  Well, every once in awhile, Hollywood dumps an ensemble cast into a confusing attempt at a witty, stylish, fast-paced crime comedy and this movie is 2018’s answer to that formula that really hasn’t worked since “Ocean’s 11.”

This movie is 2018’s attempt at such a film.

Here, Richard and Elaine (Joel Edgerton and Charlize Theron), are partners in crime, a duo of corrupt pharmaceutical company representatives/alpha types, the modern day equivalent of the wild sex having yuppies of the 1980s.

Together, they keep their thumb on Harold (David Oyelowo), a dutiful, nerdy employee, so unflinchingly loyal to his bosses that he’s not able to see their more sinister intentions.

During a trip to Mexico, where the company is attempting to perfect a weed pill outside of America’s jurisdiction, all hell breaks loose.  A kidnapping, drug dealers, a hitman with a heart of gold and a couple of hipsters all rain on Harold’s parade.

Charlize, who continues to give me boners and I doubt will never not give me boners, is naughty in this role, saying dirty words you’d never think you’d hear her say.

Meanwhile, David plays the nerd of stressed out, hyper-sensitive, over-worried nerd well.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.  There are some cool scenes and fun laughs.  Overall, you might wait to rent it.

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Movie Review – Atomic Blonde (2017)

1980s music!  Jason Bourn-esque fight scenes!  Charlize Theron goes full lesbo!

BQB here with a review of “Atomic Blonde.”

It’s 1989.  The Soviet Union is on the verge of collapse.  In Germany, the Berlin Wall divided the country is about to be torn down.

Set aside this end of the Cold War backdrop, MI6 agent Atomic Blonde (Charlize Theron) must work her way through a world of intrigue to secure a list of Western agents, lest they be killed if they fall into the wrong hands.

With classic 1980s jams playing in the background, Charlize engages in stylish, well-choreographed fight scenes, all the while wearing the latest in 1980s fashion.

Meanwhile, she works with devious allies like Percival (James McAvoy), Spyglass (Eddie Marsan) and Kurzfeld (John Goodman.)

There are a lot of twists.  You’ll feel contorted by the end.  At times it can be difficult to keep up with what is happening, but the music and action is fun.n

Also, you get to see Charlize’s tucas.  I assume it is hers.  I have no reason to believe it was a stunt butt but I have no means of verification.  It isn’t presented in a very erotic manner though but hey, a butt’s a butt.

I’m not sure it lived up to all the hype but it is a fun time just the same.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy.

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Movie Review: The Huntsman: Winter’s War (2016)

Is love only a fairy tale?

That’s the question asked by this part prequel/part sequel to The Huntsman.

You’ll be hunting for some spoilers if you read further.

Freya (Emily Blunt) is sister to Ravenna (Charlize Theron) aka the Wicked Queen.

Prior to the events of the first Huntsman film, Freya becomes irrevocably heartbroken, and sets out to take over the Northern part of wherever the hell this fantasy world is.

To do so, she raises an army of “Huntsmen” and thus we learn Eric the Huntsman’s (Chris Hemsworth) origin.

Freya proclaims love to be a lie and bans it, leaving Eric and his secret wife, Sara (Jessica Chastain) to hide their relationship.

Yadda yadda yadda.  Flash forward to a time post the original movie. The magic mirror has gone missing.  Eric and two of his dwarf pals have to find it. Some dwarf women come into play.

Freya wants the mirror.  Ravenna also wants to keep doing evil shit.  That’s about it.

Lots of action. Great special effects. Not so great Scottish accents but you can’t have everything.

For whatever reason, Kristen Stewart’s not in this one.  Occasionally, you get to see Snow White with her back turned. Maybe they figured with all these stars they’d save on a salary.  Or maybe K-Stew’s post-Twilight fame is in its twilight.  Who knows?

Emily Blunt is convincing as an ice queen. Charlize has been lamenting lately that tall, hot statuesque blondes have a hard time making a go of it in show biz, but somehow she was able to soldier on through this flick so I give her props.

I enjoyed it but it is a popcorn movie.  Is love real or is it just an unattainable fantasy that we just torture ourselves with?

I ask myself that all the time. Yikes. Maybe I missed my calling by not becoming an Ice King.

Do they have Ice Kings?  Queens seem to have a monopoly on the ice game.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Charlize Theron Complains Pretty People Turned Down For Roles

Oh geez.  Charlize I love you but…I…I can’t even.

Don’t be too hard on her.  I think I kind of know what she was trying to say but…it’s not something someone who looks like her should say.

Yes, yes we live in a country where there is freedom of speech but…come on.

I believe she’s making the argument that people shouldn’t be assumed to be dumb just because they’re pretty and ergo should be considered for roles for smart people but…I literally can’t count the number of times I’ve seen movies where geniuses, scientists, doctors, lawyers etc. were played by people who look like they spent more time in the gym than at school.

Is it fair that smart pretty people (i.e. those who were lucky enough to have beauty AND brains) are believed to be dumb?

No.  But it’s about as fair as it is that I, as an ugly man, could invent a cure for cancer and people would still look at me like I belong living under a bridge.

Between being pretty and assumed dumb or being ugly and assumed a bridge troll, I’ll pick the former every time.

Being assumed to be a dumb pretty person is a problem I would love to have.  Sure, I will be briefly sad for 3.5 seconds that everyone thinks I’m dumb and then I will cheer myself up by hanging out with one of the ten zillion people who won’t stop calling me with requests to hang out because I’m so dang pretty.

Sigh.  And Charlize…I never thought you were dumb…until now.  Now I’m concerned.

Lots of articles popping up on social media.  Here’s one from wetpaint.com

EDIT: Oh God I made the mistake of reading more:

CHARLIZE: “How many roles are out there for the gorgeous, f—king gown-wearing, eight-foot model?”

Every role, Charlize.  Like practically every movie every made has a hot blonde chick in it.   Don’t worry.  I’m pretty sure you’ll be ok.

CHARLIZE: “When meaty roles come through, I’ve been in the room, and pretty people get turned away first.”

Slaps my forehead.  You won an Oscar for playing an ugly woman.  They had to ugly you up with make-up and prosthetics and shit.  Pretty people play pretty people and holy shit, pretty people even play ugly people because Hollywood is winking to the audience, “Don’t worry audience, this ugly character is really being played by a pretty person with ugly makeup on!”

OK.  I just have to stop or I’ll complain all day.

#OscarsSoPretty

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Movie Review – Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Violence!  Mayhem!  Action!  A superflous monster truck type vehicle whose only purpose is to carry drummers and a guitar player!

Buckle your seat belts, 3.5 readers.  It’s time for Bookshelf Q. Battler’s review of Mad Max: Fury Road.

WARNING:  POST-APOCALYPTIC SPOILERS AHEAD!

At the outset, this movie was a bit of a gamble for Hollywood.  These days, movies are all about beauty, beauty, beauty and anyone or anything ugly?  Adios.  Sayonara.  Today’s average movie goer wants to see nothing but attractive people and sets and Hollywood is often too scared to take a risk for an “outside the box” type of film.  (And yes, believe it or not, even though this movie is a sequel to a trilogy, it still qualifies as unique in this day in age).

Yet, Mad Max takes place in a world ravaged by a nuclear apocalypse.  The once fertile world has become a desolate wasteland.  Between the dirt and sand as far as the eye can see and the rusty cars driven throughout the film, movie goers who are used to dazzling colors will need a moment to adjust.

Then there’s the ugliness.  Don’t get me wrong, Charlize Theron aka Impersonator Furiosa is an ultra hottie and Tom Hardy is a handsome enough fellow (I can note that a man is pleasant looking without being accused of being accused of gayness, can’t I?  Come on, it’s 2015 people!) they’re “uglied up” with soot and dirt while the bevy of baddies chasing them are grotesque, maimed, deformed etc.

But the gamble paid off.  The post-apocalyptic world will likely not be a pretty place and Director George Miller captures that aspect and then some.  And despite the aforementioned drab colors, the movie features some of the best action, fight scenes, and special effects that I’ve seen in a long time.

I wish I could tell you more about that but I wouldn’t want to SPOIL it for you.

I discuss the craft of writing often on this blog and “show, don’t tell” is the one of the writer’s cardinal rules.

Holy Smokes, 3.5 readers.  For most of the first half of the movie, there’s a ton of showing and very little telling.  Even with few words being spoken, the action tells us everything we need to know.  (Watch the scene where Max and Furiosa meet for the first time and get back to me.)

The set up?  Mad Max is taken hostage by a group of wackos ruled by “Immortan Joe” (played by Hugh Keays-Byrne who, fun fact, played “Toecutter,” in the very first Mad Max film way back in 1979.

Joe has some health problems, has to use a breathing apparatus and well, let’s just say like most of his lackeys, he’s not going to win any beauty contests any time soon.

Furiosa hijacks Joe’s wives (it’s a step up for them, believe me) and heads for “greener” pastures, namely the long lost homeland she was kidnapped from as a girl.  Max gets snagged into the mess and ends up as the unwilling hero who eventually becomes willing.

The best part?  With the exception of a few scenes, this movie is essentially one gigantic chase epic!  It’s Joe’s flunkies in their rusty bolt buckets vs. Furiosa’s war rig.

Is this movie for everyone?  Probably not.  It does earn its R rating.  If you’re a teetotaler when it comes to movies, you might want to find another flick to take in.  I hear Pitch Perfect 2 is good.  Go see that instead.

But for the rest of you action lovers, you won’t be disappointed.

Some final thoughts:

1)  It reminded me how sad Mel Gibson’s major meltdown was.  Millennials, have you ever heard of Mel Gibson?  He was the original Mad Max.  In fact, the movie made his career.  He went on to great movies like the Lethal Weapon franchise and Braveheart just to name a few.  Then he sort of just went nutsy cuckoo, going off on all manner of inappropriate crazy rants and long story short, he’s far from his original Hollywood golden boy status.

2)  I get the impression this film was the cumulation of everything Director George Miller wanted to do in this post-apocalyptic world but lacked the special effects technology in the late 1970’s and early 1980s.

3)  Speaking of, how cool and rare is it that a director of a movie franchise gets to direct the modern day sequel?  (It’s not really a remake or a reboot so I guess sequel is the best label).

George Lucas, for example, met the wrath of fickle fans.  He gave us Star Wars but fans have been crying for a new director ever since they laid eyes on Jar Jar and now JJ Abrams is at the helm.

Miller directed the original Mad Max Trilogy (Mad Max, Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome) and thirty-six years later, he brought his vision back to the big screen.  Artists are often separated from their art in the name of profit all the time, so a director being allowed to stand by his work is refreshing.

4)  Where does Mad Max fit in when it comes to the science fiction world?  It’s not space opera.  There’s no technology.  In fact, the absence of technology is the entire point of the film.  Ultimately, the franchise’s major credit is that it gave birth to the Sci-Fi sub-genre of Post-Apocalyptic fiction.

5)  Speaking of, let’s try our best to make the world a better place, ok?  I know I’m just a blogger with 3.5 readers but global nuclear annihilation is a threat that’s just as real today as it was when the original films were made long ago. (Maybe even more so if you consider the fact that North Korea, a country that just executed a dude with a friggin’ anti-aircraft gun, has them.)

If you think about it, a Mad Maxian world where people revert to being savages clinging to rusty broken down cars is probably the BEST CASE SCENARIO of a nuclear war.  In actuality, few people, if any would be left, let alone enough to start small civilizations.

We only have one world people and believe it or not, despite the many differences we claim to have, we’re all pretty much the same.  We want success, stability, happiness, something to look forward to.

We all really need to reach a point where we can share the same planet without the subtle threat of “Cross me and I’ll blow the crap out of you” lingering in the background.

Save the world from ending up in the clutches of Immortan Joe, folks.

In conclusion, two men enter.  One man leaves.  That is the way of thunderdome.

(Really wish they could have worked that line into this one somehow.)

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy.

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