Tag Archives: talk like a pirate

Apr 08 2016
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top ten lists

Top Ten Things Your Girlfriend Might Say to You if She Were a Pirate

Ahoy mateys.

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Yup.  There’s a joke about pirate booty to made here.

Last September, a band of pirates took over bookshelfbattle.com in celebration of National Pirate Week.

They taught you all how to talk like a pirate…but you didn’t learn how to speak like a she-pirate.

If your girlfriend were a pirate, here is the English to Pirate translation of things she might say to you…er, “to ye.”

10.  ENGLISH: Honey, I wish you’d help out around the house more.

PIRATE TRANSLATION:  Avast ye stinking bilge rat!  Batten down the hatches, trim the mainsail and swab the poop deck or it’s the cat of nine tails for ye.

9.  ENGLISH:  I’m in the mood for nookie. 

PIRATE TRANSLATION: ARRR ye filthy landlubber!  Raise the misen mast fer it be time to keel haul across the starboard bow.

8.  ENGLISH: I am not happy with you right now.

PIRATE TRANSLATION:  ARRRR!  Avast ye scurvy dog!  Listen and listen well, fer another trespass will earn ye a trip to walk the plank, where you’ll end up in the briney deep, trapped in Davey Jones’ locker for the rest of ye miserable days.

7.  ENGLISH:  I love you.

PIRATE TRANSLATION:  Arrr.

6. ENGLISH:  I am mad at you.

PIRATE TRANSLATION:  Arrr!

5.  ENGLISH:  I’m confused.

PIRATE TRANSLATION: Arrr?

4.  ENGLISH: Let’s go on a vacation.

PIRATE TRANSLATION: Point yon vessel toward the third star and journey into the rotten bowels of our miserable mistress, the sea.

3.  ENGLISH: Let’s get a drink.  I know a trendy new martini bar.

PIRATE TRANSLATION: Hoist ye grog matey and fill yer hole with this nasty brew.

2.  ENGLISH:  I’m worried about our finances.

PIRATE TRANSLATION:  ARRRR!  Pillage yon village, matey!  Abscond with all the gold ye can carry and bury it where X marks the spot.

  1. ENGLISH:  I want to see other people.  It’s not you.  It’s me.

PIRATE TRANSLATION:  There isn’t a literal pirate translation for this one.  She would just run a sword through your belly, matey.  Arr.

 

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Sep 19 2015
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Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day

All International Talk Like a Pirate Day Posts

By:  Bonnie Lass, Special Guest Pirateshutterstock_299589737 copy

Ahoy me buckos!

Talk Like a Pirate Day isn’t just a National Holiday.  It’s an INTERNATIONAL holiday.

Aye, from the streets of London, to the colonies in the Americas and ARRR all the way to the Isle of Tortuga, ye need to be talkin’ like a pirate on this fine day matey, arr.

Here be a collection of the Talk Like a Pirate Tutorials brought to ye by Capt. Deathbeard’s crew:

Talk Like a Pirate at the Office 

Talk Like a Pirate at a Restaurant

Talk Like a Pirate While Babysitting 

Talk Like a Pirate While Driving 

Talk Like a Pirate – Idle Chatter 

Commonly Used Pirate Phrases

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Sep 19 2015
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Happy National Talk Like a Pirate Day!

By:  Capt. Deathbeard, Special Guest Pirateshutterstock_102600596 copy

ARRRR!  Avast ye bilge rats!  I hope ye have enjoyed this week of pirate talk lessons.

Today be the big day so make sure ye be talkin’ in the language of piracy from the dawning of the sun to the witching hour.  ARR.

Here be some last minute commonly used pirate phrases for ye perusal:

ARR – Umm or catchall phrase.

AVAST – Hey

AHOY – Hello

SHIVER ME TIMBERS – That’s surprising.

ME HEARTIES – My friends.

WALK THE PLANK – Typical pirate solution to any and all problems.

LAND HO – There is the land.

LILLY LIVERED – Easily frightened person.

POOP DECK – The part of the ship where the magic happens.

SCURVY – An ancient ailment, usually caused by a lack of good nutrition and/or fruit.

SCURVY DOG – Commonly used insult, drawing an inference that a person is a canine suffering from an ailment caused by a lack of fruit.

SCALLY WAG – Jerkface.

DAVEY JONES’ LOCKER – Alternate solution to all pirate problems if the plank is already booked.

LAND LUBBER – Insult that implies a person who doesn’t embrace a life of sailing the seven seas and robbing ships is a jerkface.

AYE AYE – Yes.

GROG – Alcohol.  Margaritas, cosmos, and other fancy drinks weren’t available to pirates.  Instead, they’d mash up some crap, let it liquefy, use it to brew up some inebriating slop and have at it.

MISEN MAST – The part of the ship that holds a sail.  Alternatively, the pirate’s junk.  (i.e. ahoy me lady, ye surely rise me misen mast, ARR!)

BRITCHES – pants

BRINEY DEEP – Where Davey Jones’ locker is located.

Enjoy National Talk Like a Pirate Day, mateys!

For more info, check out the site of original Talk Like a Pirate Day inventors John Baur and Mark Summers.

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Sep 18 2015
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National Talk Like a Pirate Week

How to Talk Like a Pirate #5 – Idle Chatter

By:  Special Guest Pirate Parrot Polly

Polly the Pirate Parrot

Polly the Pirate Parrot

BAWK!  Shiver me timbers!  Have ye ever been around a bunch of salty sea dogs that ye got nothin’ in common with, but the urge to fill the creepy silence beckons?

So what do ye do?  Engage in useless chatter, aye?

ARRR mateys, fer the price of one cracker, I’ll educate ye spineless jellyfish on how to talk when tharrr’s nothin to talk about.

Sesame seed preferred.  Arr.

TRANSLATION #1

Lovely weather we’re having.

Avast!  The sun lies on its belly across the sky, nary a desire to rise and scorch our hides or hide and chill our bones!

TRANSLATION #2

How’s about that local sports team?

Arrr matey!  Did ye observe yon ridiculously paid mercenaries earn their gold by delivering a ball from one side of the deck to the other?  And they call US pirates!  YARRR!

TRANSLATION #3

How are you?

Arr.  Why would you give the backside of a smelly barnacle?  An inquiry into another’s feelings has no translation in the pirate’s tongue.  ARRR.

TRANSLATION #4

Can I offer you a drink?

Ahoy matey!  What manner of grog do ye wish to toss down ye nasty gullet to wash the horrid memories of your vile misdeeds from your odious soul?

TRANSLATION #5

Ummm….

ARRRR!!!!

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Sep 16 2015
3 Comments
National Talk Like a Pirate Week

How to Talk Like a Pirate #4 – Driving

One Eyed Dan

One Eyed Dan

By:  Special Guest Pirate, One Eyed Dan

Aye, 3.5 readers.  Lost me eye I did to a rambunctious thief in a Jamaican port when he tried to come between me and me gold.  He got me peeper he sure did but I got his life when I ran him through the belly and left him in the street to die like the lowly dog that he was.

The locals tell me it took the scoundrel three days to bleed out and serves him right it did.

I hear ye be on a voyage.  Allow me to translate so that ye can travel in style like a true pirate.

TRANSLATION #1

Which way is the gas station?

Avast ye wretched animal!  Require provisions I do so point out a reputable mercantile at once or I’ll beat ye about the brow with yer own entrails.

TRANSLATION #2

It’s over there.

Land ho!  Follow the North Star for it shines bright and it shines true!  Raise the sail and onward ho for three settings of the sun stand between us and the next port!

TRANSLATION #3

Oh no.  I have a flat tire.

YARRRR!  Whoever be in charge of battening down the hatches, report to  the poop deck and stick thine filthy head in a noose for you’ve failed your crew with your treachery and given us all a death sentence as this vessel shall surely take on water until we’re all no more!

TRANSLATION #4

Hey!  You cut me off!

Ahoy ye nasty jackanape!  These high seas be the territory of Capt. Deathbeard and Capt. Deathbeard alone!  Ready the cannons, lads, and fill that scally wag’s ship full of more holes than Smelly Pants Jim’s under britches!

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Sep 13 2015
2 Comments
National Talk Like a Pirate Week

How to Talk Like a Pirate #1 – The Office

By: Special Guest Pirate, Capt. Deathbeard

Capt. Deathbeard

Capt. Deathbeard

YARRRRR!  Ye be in ye place of business where transactions are afoot, workers conspire and currency changes hands.  Doth ye wish to know how to address the following situations in the language of piracy?

TRANSLATION #1

I’m sorry, Mr. Reynolds.  I will not be able to stay late this evening. My daughter is singing in a school recital.

ARRRRRR!  Listen yon Reynolds and listen well, nay open thine ears as if thou were’st to heareth the hounds of hell bark sweet nothings that rattle thine very soul.

We’ve struck an accord, a devil’s bargain that I shall remain in thine business house until an appointed time and not a second longer, for once the bell tolls the hours belong to me and mine.

Mine kin be on the rocks of old, filling the night air with her siren’s song and I be powerless to stop me self from sailing me vessel towards her harmonius melody.

TRANSLATION #2

But Steve, I told you that if you didn’t have the Jenkins file ready by the end of the day, you’d have to stay until it is finished. I’ve given you two weeks notice about this and Mr. Palmer will be livid if it’s not on his desk when he walks in tomorrow.  I’m sorry, but you need to stay.

Steve, ye pitiful bilge rat!  Told ye I did for a fortnight that yon Jenkins file was the jewel of our bounty and failing its security ye’d have to walk the plank!  Old Man Palmer’ll be three sheets to the mainsail with furious debauchery should ye not render thine duty!  Away with ye to yer cubicle matey or its the cat of nine tails for thee!

TRANSLATION #3

Martha, that’s a lovely outfit you have on today.  Would you care to accompany me to the cafeteria at lunchtime?

Ahoy, wench!  Remove yon knickers and prepare to keel haul for mine misen mast hath risen!   YARRR!

TRANSLATION #4

Pete, I don’t care for your romantic advances.  They’re against company policy and I’ll be reporting this infraction to human resources.

Arrr, I don’t understand.  When were wenches allowed to say no?  Arrr, I been at sea too long and changes to the world have surely been made then.  Apologies, mateys, for this scenario be untranslatable into pirate talk.  Yarr.

TRANSLATION #5

Thank you for your hard work on the project, team.  To show their gratitude, corporate is going to pay for drinks and appetizers at the Applebees across the street.  See you all there.

ARRRRRR!  Ye filthy scum be the best crew a captain could ever hope for.  Ye ran the King’s men through, set their ships on fire, and pilfered all the gold.  Belly up to the bar mateys! Let the grog flow, the pigs roast and BRING ON THE WENCHES!!!! YARRRR!!!!

National Talk Like a Pirate DAY?  Try WEEK!  Capt. Deathbeard and his crew are translating everyday phrases into pirate all week long on the Bookshelf Battle Blog.  Have ye got something ye want translated, matey?  Submit it in the briney deep of the comments below or walk them down the plank to @bookshelfbattle on Twit-ARR!

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Sep 13 2015
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National Talk Like a Pirate Week

National Talk Like a Pirate Week on the Bookshelf Battle Blog

By:  Special Guest Pirate, Captain Deathbeard

Capt. Deathbeard, translating English into Pirate all week long on the Bookshelf Battle Blog

Capt. Deathbeard, translating English into Pirate all week long on the Bookshelf Battle Blog

ARRRRRR!!!

Avast, ye scurvy 3.5 readers!  I be Captain Deathbeard and at the request of Bookshelf Q. Battler, my mates and I be taking control of this blog for an entire week of lessons on how to talk like a pirate.

National Talk Like a Pirate Day be scheduled for Saturday, September 19, but we pirates say our history is so rich that one day alone will never do.

So all week long, we’ll be givin’ ye landlubbers a crash course on how to stop talkin’ like the lily livered lassies that ye are and how to talk like a real bonafide scally wag of the seven seas!

If ye 3.5 got any common phrases and/or statements that ye’d like to see translated into piracy talk, submit it in the comments on the briney deep below, or sail on over to the port of Twitter, where the birds doth fly to our blog host in the name of @bookshelfbattle

In the meantime, Bookshelf has given us a series of everyday parlance regarding certain situations that he’d like to see translated.  Check back here every day and we’ll educate ye.

Thank ye for readin’ and thank ye Mr. Battler for givin me crew and I this opportunity.  I know ye be workin on the preparations for ye upcoming October zombie apocalypse, so I’m glad we can give yon book nerd a week off.

In conclusion,

ARRRRRRRRRR!

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