Tag Archives: love

In Case You Missed It…Is Your Girlfriend a Ninja?

Lady ninjas.  They’re everywhere and men, they’re probably in your sex life.  Sure, your girlfriend pretends that she works in some normal occupation by day but rest assured, she’s a ninja by night.

Not convinced?  From April 2016, here’s a list of warning signs to look out for.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Hamster Marriage

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3.5 readers, a very important discussion today.

Should hamsters be allowed to marry?

Specifically…should hamsters have the right…

  • to marry other hamsters?
  • to marry people?
  • to marry cats?
  • to marry dogs?
  • to marry frogs?
  • to marry gophers?
  • to marry chimpanzees?
  • to marry platypi?
  • to have straight hamster marriage?
  • to have gay hamster marriage?
  • for three hamsters to get married?

This is truly the great question of our age.  And I don’t ask it lightly.  Frankly, I dont know where all the hamsters in the pet store are coming from, but I can only assume that all those hamsters are the result of some very hardcore hamster fucking and I am tired of these hamsters living in sin, having all kinds of freaky hamster sex without exchanging vows and making it all official in the eyes of God.

Further, and please, stop being a bigot, folks, OK?  It’s 2018, so I really think that if we are going to let straight hamsters get married then we should let gay hamsters get married to.  It’s time, folks.  OK?  It’s time.

If hamsters want to marry outside of their species, I’m fine with it.  If a hamster wants to marry a duck or a mongoose or something, that’s fine.  Who am I to tell a hamster that he or she can’t love a penguin?

And I’m not going to tell a hamster that he or she can’t love an inanimate object either, so if a hamster wants to marry a deck of playing cards or a bag of chips or a tasteful rendering of Wayne Newton, bare chested and riding a unicorn into outer space, who am I to say no?

Now, you might wonder, how could a hamster fuck an elephant or a goat or a donkey or a bucket of extra crispy fried chicken or a roll of wet paper towels.  While I applaud your inquisitive mind, I remind you that this is none of your business.  You don’t need to know.  Hamsters aren’t taking notes about your sexual habits so you don’t need to take notes about theirs, OK?  Sheesh. 2018 people.

Anyway, please let me know your thoughts on the important issue of hamster sex and/or more importantly, hamster marriage and whether or not you support hamster matrimony.

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Is Your Man a Shirtless Alpha Male from a Romance Novel?

Umm…did you ever notice how women always talk about how they want men to be kind and sensitive and that they despise macho bastards and that women are so evolved and it’s so wrong when men judge women based on their appearance…and then what’s on the cover of every romance novel ever?

A shirtless alpha male…with big ass muscles.

Control yourselves, ladies!  Click here to read all about how to figure out if your man is a shirtless alpha male from a romance novel.

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Shh! Your man is a mime!

He’ll pay attention to you as soon as he leaves his invisible box.

Until then, check out this BQB top ten list.

 

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Are You Dating a Reality TV Star?

Hmm…dating a celebrity seems like it would be fun…until the cameras start rolling.

Is your girlfriend’s life being documented for the drama factor?

Only this BQB Top Ten List can help you find out for sure.

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How to Pick Up a Witch

You’ll get those witches, my pretty, and then you can tell all your dawgs too!

For some reason, my post about witch pick up lines is popular.  Apparently, there are lots of dudes out there trying to find a witch.  So ladies, if you dabble in the occult, know that there are eligible bachelors out there looking for you to cast a spell on them.

Here’s my list of top ten witch pickup lines.

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Is Your Girlfriend a Steampunk?

Does she wear a top hat?  Does she speak in a cockney accent?  Does she use modern tech that looks like it was built during Victorian times?

Sounds like she is, but this top ten list can help you know for sure.

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Top Ten Last Minute Gift Ideas for Your Girlfriend this Valentine’s Day

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Ahh, Valentine’s Day.  That day that you don’t want to screw up, for if you do, your source of vagina, er I mean your beloved lifelong best friend and companion, will go on lockdown.

Have you been too busy reading this fine blog to buy a gift?  From BQB HQ in Fabulous East Randomtown, here are my top ten last minute ideas:

#10 – Household Appliances – If 1950s advertising has taught me anything, it’s that you’ll be a hero in your household for getting your wife a dish washer, clothes washing machine, basically anything that will make less work for her around the house and frankly, you’re a good man for not being a stickler and making that lazy bitch clean clothes and dishes the better, old way of demanding that she put all that dirty shit in a sack and drag into down to the river and then spend three days washing it all in the river water and drying it all on a rock.

Make sure you let her know that you’re being a good guy by helping her out here.  “You know, honey, Mr. Tiddlybonker across the street makes his wife carry all the dirty clothes to the river…”

#9 – Money – Chicks dig money.   Oh, and if you don’t have a wife or girlfriend, I’ve heard that money can buy you a prostitute…so, rent a valentine!  (Don’t do it you’ll go to jail and be a bad man’s valentine).

#8 – IOU Coupons – Free backrubs, free this, free that.  Hand drawn.

#7 – Penis.  Consensual penis only.  Seek written, notarized, witnessed and videotaped consent.  Just to be sure, make her take a lie detector test while she’s consenting.

#6 – Karate lessons.  Once she’s a blackbelt, she can karate chop all of the unwanted, non-consensual penis.

#5 – A lifelike dummy replica – She can put this out and it will take all of the unwanted, unsolicited, non-consensual penis attacks while she goes about her daily business.

#4 – A song.  Write her a song.  Sing it.  If all else fails, sing your words over a Boyz II Men track.

#3 – Cake.  Women love cake.

#2 – Russel Stover heart shaped chocolate boxes.  Only squeeze 70 percent as you look for the one you want.

#1 – A poem.  Her eyes are like the ocean, her smile is like the sun…chicks love that shit.

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Are You Dating a Wannabe Rapper?

Yo, yo, yo, what up ladies?

BQB in the hizzy fo shizzy.

Are you dating a wannabe rapper?

Only this BQB top ten list can help you know for sure. Or rather, fo sho.

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