Tag Archives: western

How the West Was Zombed – I Saw Gunther

shutterstock_225100087 copy

Today, whilst procuring groceries for BQB HQ, I saw an old man with gray hair, a beard, and a GLASS EYE!

I kid you not.  I really, really did.

If only I had the chutzpah to go talk to him and ask for an interview on what it is like to have a glass eye.  Maybe he’d of offered a detail or two to add to Gunther’s character.  More likely, he would have told me to go F myself.

I take this as a sign from up above that I’m supposed to finish this book.

Then again, I have seen things related to my other books in real life that seemed highly coincidental at the time, took them as signs, and then quit so…

I don’t know.  It was totally Gunther though.

Tagged , , , ,

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 42

shutterstock_320226569

Miss Bonnie rapped on Annabelle’s door. No one answered.

“Annabelle?” Miss Bonnie asked.

Muffled voices could be heard from behind the door. Annabelle giggled.

“Doctor, that’s so cold!”

“No one ever said that maintaining good health is easy, my dear,” Doc replied.

Miss Bonnie knocked on the door again. “Annabelle!”

“Doc,” Annabelle said. “Do we really have to do this every week?”

“Oh I insist my dear,” Doc said. “We must not leave your physical well-being to chance.”

“It’s just that it’s getting kinda expensive,” Annabelle said.

“An understandable concern,” Doc said. “But while you can always make more money, you can’t make yourself another life now can you?”

“I suppose not,” Annabelle said.

Miss Bonnie opened the door and barged in to find a buck naked Annabelle laid back in bed with her legs straight up in the air.

Doc popped his head up from in between them, wearing a pair of goggles that made his eyes appear a hundred times larger than they normally were. He gestured wildly with a cast iron speculum in his hand. Both hands were covered with black leather gloves.

“Miss Lassiter!” Doc said. “Can you spare me a moment? As you can see, I’m with a patient.”

Annabelle pulled the covers over herself. “Oh…hey Bonnie,” she said.

Doc stood up. He was fully clothed.

“What in the hell is this?” Miss Bonnie asked.

“A medical examination,” Doc said. “A very intense, grueling procedure if you must know.”

“Damn it, Annabelle, have you been…”

Embarrassed, Annabelle hid her face under the covers. Miss Bonnie pointed at her girl then looked at Doc.

“Pay her.”

“Pardon me?” Doc asked.

“You heard me,” Miss Bonnie said.

“But I’m rendering a professional service…”

“I don’t give a shit what nasty fetish you’ve got going on here,” Miss Bonnie said.

“Madame!” Doc said. “Dare you impugn my devotion to medical science?

“I do,” Miss Bonnie said. “Now give her back all the money she gave you AND pay her for whatever the hell you’ve been doing.”

Doc lifted the goggles and rested them on his forehead. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a roll of bills. He peeled off a few and set them on Annabelle’s nightstand.

“More,” Miss Bonnie said.

Doc added to the pile. “This is ludicrous,” Doc said. “You’ve wounded me deeply with these slanderous accusations!”

“You’ll get over it,” Miss Bonnie said. “Now about the dope you’ve been pushing…”

Doc’s eyes widened. “Dope?! Dope?! Madame, I’ll have you know the only so-called ‘dope’ I’m ‘pushing’ is Doc Faraday’s Miracle Cure-All, the last medicine you’ll ever need!  Good for aches, pains, bowel distress, consumption…”

“I don’t give a shit if its butterscotch pudding,” Miss Bonnie said with her hand out. “Anyone who turns a trick in my joint owes me a cut. Fork it over.”

Doc put a stack of cash in Miss Bonnie’s hand.

“Keep it coming,” the redhead said.

“Is there no appreciation for science in this Godforsaken town?” Doc asked as he slapped down some more bills.

“Apparently not,” Miss Bonnie said. She tucked the cash into her brazier. “Annabelle, is this asshole hurting you?”

“No,” came the reply from under the covers. “It’s kinda fun!”

“I guess you can finish whatever the hell you were doing now that you’ve paid,” Miss Bonnie said to Doc. “But if I ever hear about you charging one of my girls again you’ll be extracting my shoe out of your ass.”

Miss Bonnie walked away. Doc put his goggles back on. “Well, my dear, I suppose there’s no rule against me examining you pro bono.”

“You’d do that, Doc?” Annabelle asked as she popped her head out.

“Indeed, my dear,” Doc said. “Selfless, I know, but I take my Hippocratic oath quite seriously and my devotion to my patients knows no bounds.

Tagged , , , ,

Note on How the West Was Zombed – Werewolf Speed

In Chapter 40, you might ask how Hewitt and Becker were able to run to Iowa and Illinois in one night.

Werewolves are fast.

I’m hoping readers will pick up on that without me coming out and say it.  What do you think, 3.5 readers?

Tagged , , , ,

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 35

shutterstock_320226569

The rail yard was a meandering catacombs of rusty, broken down train cars and junk parts.  Hewitt dug his claws into a locked door, expanded his arms left and right and created an entry way of his very own.

Inside, the car was filled with rotten food and tin cans.  Traveling hobos had been known to take refuge inside abandoned box cars.  Dust and spider webs filled with wrapped up insects added to the ambience.

Hewitt looked up as footsteps clanked across the roof.

Find anything?” Hewitt asked.

No,” Becker said.  “Caught his scent near the pig farm then it vanished.”

Hewitt bashed a new exit hole and stepped out just in time to see his partner land on the ground in front of him.

“That’s on the north side of town,” Hewitt said.  The little bastard could be half way to  Iowa by now.

“Damn it,” Becker said.  “You don’t think Blythe expects us to go all night with this do you?”

Hewitt split open the next box car as if it too were a tin can.  “You know how he is.  He’ll expect us to search for as long as it takes.”

Both werewolves jumped into the car and looked around.  Becker’s sniffer went to work.

“What is that?”

“Ugh,”  Hewitt said.  Some lowlife must have shit his pants in here.”

Hewitt cracked the opposite side of the box car open and jumped out.

“These things have doors you know,” Becker said.

“Not as fun,” Hewitt replied.  Come on.  We’ve got a long hunt ahead of us.”

The werewolves charged away on all fours into the night.

Back in the car, a pile of hay rustled.  Miles stuck his head out for a second to see if the coast was clear, then pulled it back in just to be safe.

Tagged , , , , , ,

How the West Was Zombed – A Note on Chapter 30

shutterstock_320226569

 

Hello 3.5 Readers.

Chapter 29 had a note and Chapter 30 has a note too.

As I’ve said before, I’m not an outliner, I’m a pantser.  I have a general idea of the story in my head and I’m not sure where it will go until I set fingers to keyboard.

So if you’re offended, please know I never really intended to write a scene in which a woman is zombified and then tries to eat her young son and her husband is faced with the Sophie’s choice of having to either shoot his zombified wife in the head or allowing his son to be eaten but…hey…the story goes where the story goes.

Really, it’s the story’s fault not mine.  As the evil Blythe said before and is about to say again, “I’m just a cog in a much larger machine.”

But hey…30 chapters and roughly 25,000 words in and there’s a zombie.  So there’s that.

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 29

shutterstock_320226569
Louisiana, 1859

THWAP!

The whip cracking across Joe’s back might as well have been a knife. It cut just as deep and with as much precision. There wasn’t much he could do about it. His hands were bound tight and tied to a hook above his head. His body had already told him to fall down, but his captors wouldn’t allow it.

THWAP!

The man wielding the whip was Edmund Lorante, Overseer of the Marchand Plantation. That was more or less a fancy title that meant he kept an eye on slaves and made sure they didn’t get out of line. He relished “educational opportunities” and had called in over a hundred of Monsieur Marchand’s pieces of property from the field to watch. A few of his white subordinates stood by, shotguns at the ready.

THWAP!

“What did you do with it, n****r?” Lorante asked. He tossed out the word so nonchalantly, as though using it didn’t phase him in the slightest.  It was a word used casually in those days.

Joe was out of strength, but mustered up enough to answer, as he’d already done a dozen times, “I…I didn’t take it.”

THWAP!

“Enough of this foolishness,” Lorante said. “It’s no use to you. You can’t spend it. There is not a single reputable merchant that would see a n****r with money and not conclude it to be stolen. Turn it over and this all ends.”

“I didn’t take it,” Joe repeated.

Blood seeped out of Joe’s wounds, dripping to the ground below. The blaring sun didn’t help, covering him with blisters until he felt like he was inside an oven.

Lorante performed for the crowd, as he enjoyed doing. Joe’s plight was a perfect “this could be you” scare tactic to rattle the other slaves. The overseer took full advantage of it.

“Your Master, Monsieur Marchand, takes care of you doesn’t he?” Lorante asked.

Joe knew the drill on this one and knew there was no answer other than “yes boss” that wouldn’t lead to the whip being cracked again.

“Yes boss.”

Lorante turned to the slaves. “All of you! He provides you with food and water, room and board. All that he asks is that you put in a day’s work to earn your keep and how is he repaid? With thievery.”

He turned his attention back to Joe. “Come on now. Where is it?”

“I swear I don’t know,” Joe said.

THWAP!

Lorante shook his head and made a “tsk tsk” sound. He patted his forehead with a handkerchief, dabbing the sweat away, then continued his lecture.

“You n*****s,” the overseer said. “You all think you’re so smart, don’t you? Most of you behave and do as you’re told but then once in awhile one of you comes along and starts filling your heads with ideas – that you ought to be paid, that you ought to be educated, that you ought to hold office and become businessmen and gentlemen and take on jobs that not a one of you has the brains to handle. I’d no sooner hire a n*****r for a thinking man’s position than I would my dog. Joseph!”

Joe spit out some blood. One of the lashings had made him bite his tongue.

“Boss?”

“You were the only n****r allowed in the house when Monsieur Marchand noticed his money was missing. Do you take me for a fool?”

Another one of those “only one answer will do” questions.

“No.”

“Then tell me where it is!!!”

“I don’t know.”

THWAP!!!

Lorante coiled up his whip, walked over to the whipping post (because this was a time when such a thing actually existed) and got in Joe’s face.

“If we have to do this all day then so be it but by God…you will learn your place boy.

The boss motioned to his men. “He wants to do it the hard way. Cut him down. Bring her out.”

A knife chopped through the rope, leaving Joe to crash to the ground. Though exhausted, sick, and in tremendous pain, his blurry eyes watched as the love of his life was walked to the whipping post.

Lydia. So sweet. So beautiful. She didn’t cry or fight it. She’d seen scenarios like this before and knew it was no use to protest. She put her arms up to be tied, aware if she didn’t they’d be held up for her anyway.

“NOOOO!!!” Joe cried. “No boss, please, please…I didn’t do it. I’d tell you if I did…”

“You’re doing this Joseph,” Lorante said. “Not me.”

“I’ll help you look for it,” Joe said. “Please. I’ll look over every inch and turn over every stone until I find it for you.”

As soon as Lydia was hooked, Joe began hyperventilating. He felt like a trout pulled out of the ocean, gasping for air and unable to find any. His stomach felt sick, but far worse than any feeling he’d ever had before.

“Lydia,” Lorante said. “Do YOU know where Monsieur Marchand’s stolen bills are?”

“No sir.”

Joe’s eyes turned yellow and his muscles bulged. Sweat didn’t just drip out of his pores. It flooded out.

“Your little boyfriend here never whispered in your ear what he did with it?” Lorante asked.

“No sir.”

Lorante uncoiled his whip. “What a pity.”

There’s a little bit of beast dwelling inside everyone, some more than others. Most people go through life without ever letting their inner monster out. Most are just naturally gifted with the ability control it without even knowing its there. Others are just lucky enough to never experience an event awful enough to be overcome.

But when that whip tore across Lydia’s back, Edmund Lorante saw himself staring up at a massive growling, snarling, bloodthirsty werewolf. The last words of the slave master’s life was, “What the?” before he was ripped apart at the torso, each half of his body thrown far away from one another in an explosion of blood.

Lorante’s men were equally astonished and opened fire. The buckshot blows might as well have been kisses as that didn’t stop the beast from slashing the men to ribbons.

Though Joe intended them no harm, the slaves, as you can imagine, ran away as fast as they could. Who wouldn’t upon seeing a werewolf? Many of them were able to run to freedom. Some, sadly, were caught and held accountable by death for something they didn’t do.

Lydia felt the understandable urge to run herself but that went away when the beast cut her down with a single flick of his claw. She put her hand out and Joe met it with his paw. He stood there in disbelief at what he’d just done, his mind one big fog. He passed out, fell down, and moments later was back to his old self.

The event was written up in the papers as “The Great Marchand Plantation Slave Revolt of 1859.” An ill-tempered slave named Joseph conspired with his fellow slaves to murder the kind and noble Mr. Lorante and his dedicated assistants.

That’s the story Madame Marchand told the press anyway. She and the Monsieur had witnessed the whole spectacle from their mansion’s veranda and immediately barricaded themselves in their room afterwards. It wasn’t necessary as Joe just walked away with Lydia. He wasn’t interested in any more bloodshed and at the time, didn’t know he was able to call upon the beast inside him at will.

Astounded by the sight, the Monsieur dropped dead of a heart attack shortly thereafter. And the Madame only went with the revolt story after being laughed off as a crazy slave sympathizer by the local authorities. She never did live down her reputation as a crackpot who made up a ludicrous story about a loathsome wolf man to protect her late husband’s property from being pursued and punished.

As for the missing money, Gerard, the Marchand’s youngest son, would later confide in his mother that he took it to finance a trip to Europe to “sew his oats” as he called it.

Meanwhile, as days on the run turned into weeks, Joe, with Lydia at his side, learned all he could about his new power and sought out those who shared it.

Tagged , , , , , ,

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 27

shutterstock_320226569
Joe found Miles inside the church, drawing away. A grizzly bear this time.

“Go.”

“What?” Miles asked.

“Get up and go,” Joe said. “Right now. Start walking. Anywhere. I’ll find you.”

Miles stood up. “What’s going on?”

“I am your father and you will do as I say!”

Miles sniffed the air. “Blythe! He’s in town.”

“Now you know,” Joe said. “Get out of here.”

“No,” Miles said.

“Miles you know what he does,” Joe said. “He’ll use you to make me suffer.”

“I’m not going,” Miles said.

Joe grabbed his son by the shirt collar and dragged him toward the door. Miles dug his heels in and slapped at his father’s hand.

“If she were here she’d want you to go,” Joe said.

“BUT SHE’S NOT IS SHE?” Miles yelled as he struggled with his old man before finally clocking him a good one upside the head.

That didn’t go over well. Joe’s eyes turned yellow. His muscles bulged out, ripping his shirt apart. Louder than a lion’s roar he bellowed, “I…SAID…GO!!!!”

Miles wasn’t going to argue with that.

“Fine,” the kid said as he walked away. “Do your breathing.”

Joe fell flat on his back and did just that.

Tagged , , , , , , ,

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 23

shutterstock_320226569

Judge Sampson was not a man to be trifled with.

“The Legion Corporation? This case has nothing to do with your company!”

Blythe had a prominent Southern accent.  So flamboyant was his drawl that it was almost as if he spent a lot of time working on it. The only thing he was missing was the mint julep.

“Your honor, may it please the court…”

“It does not please the court!” the Judge shouted. “The court is very displeased!”

The doors opened again and two men entered.

“Now who are these two peckerwoods?” the Judge so astutely inquired.

“Apologies,” Blythe said. “Where are my manners?”

The counselor pointed to his left, toward a man with a high widow’s peak, a square jaw and a stern face.

“This is Mr. Dalton Hewett.”

Blythe shifted his attention to his right, toward a man with short brown hair and a handlebar mustache.  This man looked as though he might have been handsome once, until his nose was broken and reset one too many times.

“And this is Mr. Travis Becker. They’re my security agents, your honor. Professionals trained in the art of gunslinging and paid to safeguard my person from all the dangers the world has to offer.  Coincidentally, Judge, security is what I’ve come to talk to you about today.”

“How’s that?” Sampson asked.

“This is all just a big misunderstanding, your honor,” Blythe said. “Mr. Buchanan and his bundle of hayseeds have recently been hired as security agents of the Legion Corporation”

“We have?!” Jack asked.

Blythe slapped a hand on Jack’s shoulder, then knelt down to whisper in the defendant’s ear.

“Do you want to get off the hook and make a few bucks?” Blythe asked.

“Hell yeah!” Jack said.

“Then shut up.”

“Bullshit,” Sampson said.  “I don’t know what your angle is, counselor, but I know bullshit when I smell it and I’m fixing to pull up my boots.”

“It’s all perfectly legitimate, Judge,” Blythe said as he popped open a briefcase and handed a stack of papers to Hewett, who in turn walked them over to Sampson. “You’ll find all the necessary documentation right there.  These men were hired a month ago and were ordered to report to Highwater last week to assist in safeguarding the operations of the Legion Line.”

Sampson studied the paperwork. “Why should I give a shit?”

“Because, your honor, as you’re well aware, Highwater Station is the last stop on our transcontinental express before it crosses the Mississippi River by way of the Sturtevant Bridge.  Back East, demand is higher than ever for the minerals, resources, and raw materials that the West provides in abundance and we can’t allow this precious cargo to be shipped without protection from Injuns and bandits can we?  That’s why the board of directors of the Legion Corporation have enlisted me to oversee this important hub of activity and my very first act was to hire these upstanding citizens.”

“That’s neither here nor there,” Sampson said. “As much as you snooty city folk like to pretend like the whole world revolves around you, your employees are not afforded a free pass for criminal misconduct.”

“I should say not, your honor,” Blythe said. “Tell me, what is the immediate allegation that led to these men becoming embroiled in such hot water?”

“An attempted attack on Highwater,” Sampson said.

“Come now, Judge,” Blythe said. “Is an attempt really a crime?”

“That’s what I said!” Jack shouted.

Blythe carried on. “Was anyone hurt? Injured? Maimed? Was anything stolen? It seems to me that all that happened was that these fine, upstanding men showed up for work and were mistaken for common thugs.”

“They are common thugs!” Sampson hollered. “I could throw out the Highwater charges and there’d still be enough to hang ’em high for any one of the crimes they committed across the country!”

Jack raised his finger to make a point. “Clarification, your honor. Armadillo molestation isn’t a hanging offense in Texas. Usually, the sheriff just lets you off with a warning as long as you put the armadillo back where you found him.”

“YOU! SHUT UP!” Sampson screamed. “Counselor, these men have been accused of one long crime spree that’s gone on for years.”

“I see,” Blythe said. “And where are the witnesses?”

“The what?” Sampson asked.

“The witnesses,” Blythe said. “The people who were allegedly harmed.  Why are they not here to take the stand and profess to the injuries they claim to have suffered at the hands of the Buchanans?”

“They’re all dead,” Sampson said.

Blythe stretched his arms out and said, Rather convenient, isn’t it? Now your honor, I may be just a simple country lawyer, but during my copious study of jurisprudence, I determined that the accused has a right to face his accusers.”

Slade raised his hand and was acknowledged by the Judge. The Marshal despised public speaking as much as he did private, but he forced himself. “These boys have been attacking the Injun lands outside town for awhile now.”

“Really, your honor?” Blythe asked. “Is that where we are now? Secondhand heresay based on the word of heathen savages?”

Without a gavel, Sampson pounded his fist down on his desk. “I’ve heard enough. Counselor, your motion is denied. The verdict stands. Get the f%$k out.”

Blythe rifled through his briefcase.  “Silly me, I almost forgot I have one more thing to show you, your honor. Governor Montgomery has issued a fall pardon to every last Buchanan for these so-called crimes.”

“Bullshit,” Sampson said.

B”It took some doing,” Blythe said. “But our dear Governor was so moved by the plight of these noble, downtrodden men that he felt compelled to intervene.”

The counselor approached the bench and handed a single, blank sheet of paper to the Judge.

“Is this some kind of joke?” Sampson asked.

With his back turned to the room, Blythe’s eyes turned a dark glowing red.  Sampson couldn’t help but stare at them. He found them so…alluring.

“No your honor,” Blythe said. “As you can see, everything is in order and these men are free to go.”

Blythe’s eyes returned to their regular blue. Sampson cleared his throat.

“I can’t believe that Governor Montgomery would exercise his power in such a reckless manner,” the Judge said. “But everything is in order. These men are free to go.”

The outraged citizenry who showed up hurled every insult they could think of at the Judge.

“My hands are tied! A pardon from the Governor trumps all!  The verdict is vacated! Case dismissed!”

 

 

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 19

shutterstock_320226569

Back at the church, Slade walked in on a gentleman’s game of pinochle.  No money was at stake. It was just a means of passing the time.

“One of you suckers is cheating,” Knox declared.

“You say that every time,” Gunther replied.

“That’s because there’s always a sucker who’s cheating,” Knox said.

Joe smirked and studied his hand.

The younger Knoxes weren’t playing.  They were more interested in the magnificent hawk Miles was sketching with a pencil on a piece of paper he scrounged up.

“Looks so real,” George said. “Who taught you how to do that?”

“My Mama,” Miles said.

Slade took a load off.  Gunther slid the blueberry muffin tin across the table.

“A gift from Miss Bonnie.  I had to rescue them out of the dirt after she discarded them upon the sight of you canoodling with your new paramour.”

Only one muffin left.  Slade, a frequent customer of Anderson’s General Store, was fully aware that Mrs. Anderson sold wins with exactly three muffins inside.  No more. No less.

Slade stared his number two down.

“Delivery tax,” Gunther said. “Good news is you got options, boy.”

“Oh?” Lade asked happily and then just as sullenly repeated, “Oh.”

Funny how good news tends to arrive way too late.

Knox’s blue stained teeth indicated to Slade he’d found the second culprit.  In admiration of Joe’s apparent refusal to screw his boss out of a snack, Slade pushed the tin over to him.

“No thank you,” Joe said.

Slade pushed the tin again.  Closer.  Then he nodded.

“Well, if you insist.” Joe helped himself.

Gunther handed Slade a piece of paper.

“Washington finally got around to acknowledging our existence.”

Slade perused it.

UNITED EXCHANGE TELEGRAPH SERVICE

TO: All FEDERAL OFFICERS

FROM: HORACE A. TIPTON, U.S. ATTORNEY GENERAL

RE: FRAUDULENT REPORTS

REPORTS OF MONSTERS ARE FRAUDULENT <STOP> REPORTS OF COLORADO LOST ARE FRAUDULENT <STOP>  APPROPRIATE PARTIES REPRIMANDED FOR HOAX <STOP> ALL IS UNDER CONTROL <STOP> OFFICERS MUST MAINTAIN THEIR POSTS <STOP>

Lade there the telegram down. “Bullshit.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Gunther said.

“Second,” Knox added.

Lade looked to Joe, who appeared surprised that someone wanted his opinion. He’d never worked for someone who asked for it before.

“I suppose if I were back East and expected trouble out West, I’d want my men to stick around and slow the trouble down,” Joe said. “A less scrupulous man might lie to get them to do it.”

Slade chomped his cigar.  “Bullshit orders are still orders.”

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 18

shutterstock_320226569

After lunch, Slade and Sarah took a constitutional along the banks of the Mississippi River, which flowed just outside Highwater, hence the town’s name.

They arrived just in time to catch “The Belle of the Ball,” a massive red and white steamboat, make its way down river. Happy passengers toured the deck, men in suits, ladies in full length dresses carrying parasols.

“I would love to take a journey on one of those one day,” Sarah said.

Most quick witted men would have seen that statement as an “in” to slip in an offer to take Sarah on a boat ride. Slade, on the other hand, just grunted.

Sarah took Slade’s arm and rested her head on her shoulder. “At the risk of sounding like a ninny I must say I’ve enjoyed the past few days with you, Rain.”

“Mmm hmm,” Slade replied.

“Have you as well?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“I love your quiet confidence,” Sarah said. “Jebediah, oh how awful for me to speak ill of the dead, but he was different…”

Slade just kept watching the steamboat go by, its enormous paddle wheel turning around and around.

“…all he ever wanted to do was talk about his feelings, his worries, his burdens. I did my best as is the place of any good wife but it became so tiresome for me.”

Slade wasn’t sure he liked what he was hearing.

“Men really should be the rock that women lean on, shouldn’t they?” Sarah asked. “All that emotion, so unmanly, don’t you think?”

“Uh huh.”

Slade didn’t mean that “uh huh.” He found himself missing Miss Bonnie more than ever. Deep within his heart, a battle began, between his love for the only woman he was able to drop the macho man act around, and the woman who wanted that macho man. Miss Bonnie took him as he actually was, Sarah was enchanted by the brave face he put on.

But Sarah was there and as the old saying goes, a bird in the hand…

“What are your intentions?” Sarah asked.

“Huh?”

“Rain I know we’ve only just met but time passes by so quickly,” Sarah said. “My child birthing years will soon be behind me, and it is rather unseemly for us to be seen carrying on around town without…”

Slade raised a quizzical brow. Sarah took her arm back.

“Perhaps I’m pushing too hard,” Sarah said. “It’s just that…I’m not a hussy, Rain. Handholding, picnicking…”

Sarah looked around to check if there was anyone listening in. Seeing no one, she whispered, “I’ve seen you shirtless!”

“All these things should mean something,” she continued. “I wouldn’t do them with just any man.”

“Uh huh.”

Sometimes a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Whether its gunslinging or romance, there’s no room for hesitation.

Slade got down on one knee, took Sarah’s hand into his and what came next wasn’t exactly the most theilling proposal ever made, but it got the job done.

“Will ya’?”

Sarah’s eyes welled up. “Yes!”

Overcome with joy, she wrapped herself around Slade, smothering him with kisses, an act she quickly recoiled from.

“We shouldn’t be kissing outside of marriage,” she said. Then after a pause, she pressed her lips against Slade’s for more. “Lord, forgive me just this once.”

They found a rock and sat down. They kissed awhile longer then Sarah began laying out all her plans for the future. The wedding, the children, everything.

“We’ll need a ring to make this official,” she said.

“I got one,” Slade replied, thinking about the ring he once intended for Miss Bonnie. Now it was just gathering dust in his desk drawer back at the Marshal’s office.

Slade ran his off the cuff decision through his head. Was he an idiot? Had he just ruined any chance of ever being with Miss Bonnie or was he smart to shore up a sure thing rather than hold out for a long shot? He did feel affection toward Sarah, but he wasn’t sure if it was love or just appreciation for a woman making it clear she loved him.

The Marshal’s concentration was shot by the blaring of a train whistle. From his vantage point, he could see a locomotive chugging in over the Sturtevant Bridge, pulling a long line of cars behind it.

Emblazoned on the side of each car in bold black letters was one word. “LEGION.”

The door of one of the cars rolled open. Three men cracked open one barrel after another, dumping a steady stream of red liquid straight into the Mississippi.

Sarah was too busy dreaming to pay attention. She missed the whole spectacle.

“If it’s a boy, I’ve always been partial to ‘William.’ What do you think?”

“Huh?”

Sarah kissed Rain again. “You’re overwhelmed, aren’t you?”

“Something like that,” Rain said.

The train headed to Highwater Station. Sarah carried on for awhile longer until Slade interrupted.

“You need to leave your spread for awhile,” he said. “It’s not safe.”

“Not safe?”

“Something’s going on,” Slade explained. “I’m not sure what but I’ve got a bad feeling.”

Sarah grinned and patted Slade’s hand. “You’re incorrigible.”

“What?”

“You’re a man,” Sarah said. “You…desire…what all men desire but we aren’t married yet, Mr. Slade. Unmarried men and women living together under the same roof would be an abomination in the Lord’s eyes.”

“It’s not that,” Slade said. “There really is…”

Sarah put a finger up against Slade’s lips. “Shhh. I won’t have it. Not another word. Our special day will arrive soon enough and we will get together between the bedsheet and…”

Sarah’s face turned red. “It’s very inappropriate to talk about this.”

Slade felt the situation called for more words than he usually spared. “I’m not talking about that at all. Something sinister is in the works and…wait. Bedsheet?”

“Marriage is until death but there is an interpretation of the good book that indicates that…this is so embarrassing.”

Now Slade wanted to know more than ever.

“That my sinful parts still belong to Jebediah, but the Lord will always approve of a married couple engaging in sexual congress for the purpose of procreation…”

There was a momentary lapse in Slade’s cool demeanor. “Will you spit it out already?!”

Sarah bit her upper lip. “Hence, a hole in a bedsheet.”

Slade felt the bottom fall out of his stomach. A little voice in his head told him to back out of the proposal. Did he really want to limit himself to sex through a hole in a bedsheet for the rest of his life?

But then again, another voice in his head reminded him that sex through a hole in a bedsheet, bland as it sounded, would still be a lot more interesting than the zero activity happening in his boudoir at present.

He went with that voice.

“You’re displeased?” Sarah asked.

“No,” Slade replied.

Sarah’s head was back on Slade’s shoulder. “Such a wonderful man.”

Call it a failure to prioritize, but Slade became so focused on the bedsheet issue to insist any further that Sarah stay in town.

He sucked it up. Maybe in a few years he’d be able to talk her down to a hole in a pillowcase.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,