Tag Archives: zombies

May 29 2016
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Daily Discussion with BQB

Daily Discussion with BQB – Which State Would Be the Best (or Worst) to Ride Out a Zombie Apocalypse In?

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Happy Sunday 3.5 Readers.

Your old pal BQB here.

Out of the 50 United States (and feel free to add the territories into the mix if you like) which one would be the best to ride out a zombie apocalypse in?

Alternatively, which one would be the worst state to battle the undead in?

I suppose thanks to The Walking Dead we know Georgia is a good zombie battleground.  Lots of trees to hide under. Lots of rednecks who’ve been practicing their shooting skills on squirrels in their backyards in the hopes that some shit like this would go down.

But I think I will go with Hawaii.  Theoretically, I could put my back to the ocean and at least have one area where I know I don’t have to worry about protecting.

Then again if zombies swarm the beach, I’m left with nowhere to run.

I assume there will be coconuts, macademia nuts, and pineapples I can feast on though.

The worst state I think would be Alaska. Indeed, there will also be many helpful rednecks and rugged outdoorsmen to lend a hand.

However, it’s cold as shit and dark all the time so that makes for an unpleasant zombie fighting environment.  The cold and the dark would eventually wear you down, whereas they would not have any effect on evil hideous zombies.

What say you, 3.5 readers? Best state and worst state to be in during a zombie apocalypse.

Other Possibilities:

BEST STATE – California. Head to LA, for there will be plenty of zombie costumes to grab from studio wardrobes.  Put one on and blend right in. Also, so many people filled with silicone parts and botox the zombies might spend all day trying to chew through them to no avail allowing you ample time to escape.

WORST STATE – Vermont. Too many hippies. They’ll want to befriend the zombies and invite them to their next protest.

Or feel free to do cities:

BEST CITY – Detroit.  From your 90 year old grandma to your friendly neighborhood street gang, everyone is already packing like 12 guns, so there will be plenty of weaponry to spare. Caveat – the humans might shoot you before the zombies get to you.

WORST CITY – New York, although it depends on which part you’re in. Brooklyn and/or Bronx residents will give the zombies what for.  Meanwhile, if you’re in Manhattan, it’s mostly tourists and people dressed up as off brand cartoon characters.  Some bum dressed up like Schmelmo (instead of Elmo) in the hopes you’ll give him a dollar to have your picture taken with him will not be much help during a zompoc.

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May 28 2016
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Zombie Western

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 104

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“Run?” Miles thought to himself. “No thanks. I’ve done enough running.”

The young werewolf galloped along the left side of the last box car, jumped towards it, then dug the claws on his left paw into the metal. With his right paw he punched a hole in the box car, then used both paws to rip the steel apart until there was an opening big enough for him to jump in.

Inside, the box car was pitch black. That didn’t matter to Miles. He could still see.

But the smell of all that rotten zombie fleshed packed into that giant rectangular can was ungodly.

Groans and demands for brains filled Miles’ ears. He struck wildly, his claws ripping off zombie heads, limbs and other parts.

Like ants converging on an unattended sweet, the undead swarmed on the werewolf, knocking him down, biting and scratching at him.

“Brains…ugh…urgh…brains…”

Every wound the undead opened on Miles’ body instantly closed. The werewolf stood up and shook the undead off of him.

Miles bent his knees and, as if he were spring loaded, hurtled himself through the roof of the box car.

Slade was just about to step forward when Miles emerged from the twisted steal, his fur covered with zombie guts.

“I thought I told you to run!” Slade said as he looked up at the young werewolf, who was now towering over him.

All Miles could do was growl in response. Had he been able to communicate with Slade, he would have shared what he was thinking.

“Run? I’m tired of running. I’m a Goddamned werewolf. People need to start running from me.”

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May 28 2016
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Zombie Western

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 103

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Slade gripped Miles’ fur tightly. The young werewolf was running at a speed that was incomprehensible to the law man. Winds rushed all over them as Miles’ paws tromped across the prairie.

Soon, the Marvel of the Rails was within sight.

“Just get me on board then run,” Slade shouted into Miles’ ear. “I don’t need a dead kid on my conscience on top of everything else.”

Bringing up the Marvel’s rear was a henchwolf manning a gatling gun. He instantly spotted the duo and unleashed a hell storm of bullets upon them.

Miles zigged and zagged, dodging each shot effectively but just barely. It was all happening so fast Slade’s mind could barely keep up with it.

The lawman pointed his pistol at the henchwolf’s head and fanned the hammer, striking the back of his gun with the palm of his hand over and over until six silver-tipped bullets had tore through the henchwolf’s head. Blood splattered across the gatling gun as the henchwolf keeled over and fell onto the tracks.

Miles sped up until he was running just behind the train.

The human body comes with all manner of built in means of self-preservation. Slade had to fight ever reflex he had when he tentatively stood up on the young werewolf’s back. He knew he only had mere seconds before he’d stumble and fall, so he quickly pushed off and grabbed the railing that surrounded the gatling gun car.

Slade pulled himself on board. He took six bullets off of his bandolier and reloaded his gun as he watched Miles veer off to the left and out of sight.

The lawman climbed a rickety iron ladder until he reached the top of a box car.

The Marvel’s whistle blared. Its bell clanged. Slade struggled to maintain his balance as the train barreled down the tracks.

Far down the line, he could see smoke belching from the locomotive’s stack. That was where he needed to be.

The wind whipped up underneath the brim of his Stetson, threatening to blow it away until he pulled it down tight over his head.

Slade’s woman and his hat were both at stake, and he was determined to not lose either.

Slowly, he walked across the box car as the train rattled down the track.

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May 28 2016
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Zombie Western

How the West Was Zombed – So Much Action

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And now the part all 3.5 of us have been waiting for – Slade’s big fight against Blythe on a fast moving train.

I’m not sure action translates well into books.

On a movie screen, you can see an explosion.

In a book, I’m not sure what an author can really do other than write, “There was an explosion.”

Oh well.  This next part is going to be action packed, so please advise me on how to make it better.

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May 27 2016
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Zombie Western

A Blog for Zombie Western

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Hey 3.5 Readers.

I originally said I was going to try to write three books and then edit and publish them one right after the other. I realize now how long that will take. After 6 months, I have 80,000 words and I’m not done yet. If I wait, it’ll be years before I get anything published. I don’t want to rush anything but I now realize that I will have to think of the best ways to drop bread crumbs in this book for future books and then as I write the future books, I’ll have to just deal if it ends up there was something I wish I had added in Zombed.

To that end, I’ll need to do a rewrite.

As I rewrite, I’ll need to do a lot of things.  For example, I’ll need to create:

  • A list of characters so I don’t repeat any names.
  • I’ll need to come up with a master time line so I don’t have something happen that cuts off something else from happening.
  • Bios of some of the main characters.
  • Notes on why I made certain choices, went off on this path or that.

I don’t want to put a ton of time in it or have it distract from my main operations here at Bookshelf Battle, but I do think all of these things would be helpful to a rewrite and I don’t see why they couldn’t become content that the 3.5 people who buy the book might enjoy.

I could add the occasional interview with a zombie and/or a western author.

What ideas do you 3.5 readers have for such a blog?

And which WordPress theme would look good for a Western blog?

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May 22 2016
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Zombie Western

How the West Was Zombed – Part 10 – Dying With Your Boots On

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Blythe has loaded his vile army of the undead aboard a train headed East, schemes to backstab his furry friends and enlists the aid of a strange vampire colleague for some sinister doings.

The vampire lawyer makes Slade an offer he can refuse, but in turn, the counselor refuses to take no for an answer.

Blythe separates Slade’s women.  Will our hero be able to save them both before it is too late?

Gunther wishes his boots were off.

Chapter 95       Chapter 96       Chapter 97

Chapter 98      Chapter 99       Chapter 100

Chapter 101     Chapter 102

 

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May 22 2016
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Zombie Western

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 96

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“Fuck those werewolves,” Blythe said. “Once we take D.C. I ought to have the whole lot of them shot.”

Blythe sat on a red velvet couch in a small, cozy cabin. Devoid of any windows, the only light came from a few lit candles sitting on a table.

Sounds of lip smacking filled the room.

“Without humans to contend with, those hairy bastards will no doubt start strutting about in their werewolf forms all day long,” Blythe said. “And before you know it, they’ll be challenging us.”

Blythe waited for a response.  Upon hearing none, he kept talking.

“I’ll be damned if everything I’ve worked for is going to be lost to a bunch of smelly dog men,” Blythe said.

The lip smacking continued.

“I say we as soon as we don’t need them anymore we line them up and shoot the whole lot of them in their ugly heads,” Blythe said. “Silver bullets all around.”

Blythe patiently waited for a response. Hearing none, he continued. “Oh, but I suppose the board will get their knickers in a twist over that idea too. They’ll tell me we need to make nicey-nice with our furry compatriots.”

The room grew quiet…and then…more lip smacking.

“Lamont?” Blythe asked. “Lamont, are you evening listening to me?”

From the other side of the couch, a response came in the form of a male with a cockney British accent.

“Sorry Guvnah,” the voice said. “A bit indisposed I is.”

The lifeless body of young woman dropped to the floor. Blythe took a candle and inspected her face. Pale. Drained of all color. Two holes in her neck.

Blythe looked to his right to see Lamar wiping his blood drenched lips on his shirt sleeve.

Lamont was big and brooding. Broad shouldered and muscular, with little more than black stubble covering his head.

“I didn’t offer you no gravy,” Lamar said as he retracted his fangs. “Was that wicked?”

“A trifle rude but I’m not hungry,” Blythe replied. “Did you hear a word I said?”
“Bob’s your Uncle, I did, I did,” Lamont replied. “Bit of a sticky wicket that business. A fluffy dog be a vamp’s best mate today but it could bite the hand wot feed it tomorrow, yeah? ‘Aint not use for a bollocks dodger but you might  bide your ticks till it do the biting err right’s on your side, wot wot?”

“I have no idea what you’re saying half the time, Lamont,” Blythe replied. “But no matter. I need you to do a job for me.”

“A bit o’ the cat o’ nine tails, is it?” Lamont asked. “Flog your gullivah? Get down to brass tacks and make some brown bread, ay? Butcher’s hook for the ducks and geese. Might make me a bit knackered I nose but who is I to Barnaby Rudge?”

Blythe’s eyes widened with confusion. “Will you just grab your tool kit already?”

“Right-o,” Lamont said as he opened a closet. He removed a large tin box, set it up on the table and opened it.

Knives of all different shapes and sizes. Corkscrews. Surgical tools.

“Blood bags it is?” Lamont inquired.

That question, Blythe understood. “Blood bags it is,” he replied.

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May 22 2016
2 Comments
Zombie Western

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 95

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Blythe pointed to an open box car and a swarm of zombies crawled inside. They filled it to capacity, climbing on top of each other like animals, unconcerned about the tight quarters.

Loading operations dragged on for quite some time. Once every car was filled with the undead, there were a few hundred zombies left.

“Go free,” Blythe told them.

The few zombies closest to Blythe emitted groans of confusion. “Uggh?”

“I release you,” Blythe said. “You’re free range zombies now. Go West, young zombies. Eat many brains. Murder many humans. Make more zombies to spread the chaos.”

The zombies looked at each other and exchanged “Ugghs.”

“Shoo,” Blythe said as he waved goodbye to them. “Off you go.”

Slowly, the undead turned and trudged away.

Blythe watched until he sensed the presence of a werewolf standing next to him. This particular werewolf was wearing a large grey and white striped engineer’s cap.

“I trust everything’s in order, Mr. Cobb?”

The werewolf snorted. Together, Blythe and Mr. Cobb walked past the line of cars towards the locomotive.

“Very precious cargo we’re carrying here,” Blythe said. “You’re certain you’re up to the challenge of transporting our grand army safely?”

Another snort.

The pair kept walking. Mr. Cobb showed Blythe into the engine room, where a team of werewolves busily pulled levers, turned cranks and tended to various gadgets.

Three more werewolves entered, each carrying a bag of coal, which they stacked next to a large iron furnace.

Mr. Cobb roared and all the werewolves stopped what they were doing and snapped to attention.

“A fine operation you’re running here, Mr. Cobb,” Blythe said.

The vampire walked past each werewolf, inspecting them as a general would his troops.

“You know werewolves,” Blythe said. “I have given it some consideration and in light of your great contributions to the Legion Corporation’s imminent hostile takeover of the U.S. government, I have decided that if this train crosses over the Mississippi River and successfully into Eastern territory I’ll double…”

Blythe scratched his chin. “Nay, triple! I will triple your salaries from hereon.”

The werewolves barked and woofed their joy.

“Now, now,” Blythe said. “Think nothing of it. Let it never be said that vampires do not appreciate the werewolves’ loyalty to the cause.”

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May 22 2016
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Zombie Western

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 94.5 and 95.6

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Yup.  We’re in decimal points because I decided that more stuff needed to be added prior to Gunther’s untimely demise.

Channelling Boyz II Men – “It’s so harrrd, to say goodbyyyye….to Gunther.”

Namely, we needed a zombies being loaded into the train scene.  Can’t have a zombie train without zombies being loaded into it.

And if Blythe is taking one of Slade’s women on his train, another baddie will have to take custody of Slade’s other woman, right?

Mo women mo problems.

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May 21 2016
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Zombie Western

100 Chapters of How the West Was Zombed

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100 Chapters, 3.5 readers. 100 Chapters.

Slade needs to catch a train, have a fight with a damn vampire, and then things get wrapped up and then the future is foreshadowed and then boom! Cut…print…await my fat ass check from Jeff Bezos.

OK maybe it won’t be that easy, but we’re getting there, 3.5 readers. We’re getting there.

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