HOUSEWIFE HARRIET: I want to wear a dress with a color that’s not too showy.
DR. PETE FOGELTREE, DENTIST: I want to paint my office a color that will soothe my patients and help them relax.
MURRAY SCHMETZ: I need a pair of pants in a color that says, “Hey, I’m trying!” but “Whoa, not too hard!'”
HARRIET, PETE, MURRAY: Say what?!
(HARRIET, PETE AND MURRAY look dumbfounded)
ANNOUNCER: Beige Corp! The world’s foremost supplier of beige products and accessories!
MURRAY: Tell us more!
ANNOUNCER: Wear white after Labor Day and you’ll get a visit from the fashion police! Black and you’ll
be considered a gothic weirdo! But beige? Why, it’s the most non-threatening of all the drab colors!
Murray: Golly! People won’t think I’m trying to make some kind of statement if I wear beige will I?
ANNOUNCER: Absolutely not! Beige says nothing about you as a person at all!
MURRAY: Thank God. I’m tired of trying to act like I have a personality.
ANNOUNCER: Beige clothing! Beige accessories! Beige appliances! Beige cars, houses, pencils, pens, refrigerators, couches, computers, airplanes, hockey pucks and hats! We won’t stop until the entire world is beige!
HARRIET: Thanks Beige Corp. Now I can cover myself up in public and not get accused of being a show off.
ANNOUNCER: As if you have anything to show off anyway! Call us with your orders now. Our diligent and highly productive employees are standing by.
Beige Corp…a proud sponsor of Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life!
Beige and sleepy call center lady images courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.