No one reads my blog!
Oh, no one reads my blog!
I just stopped by to say that no one reads my blog!
If no one reads a blog,
Does the blog still even exist?
No, it probably doesn’t.
But what does that matter?
For no one reads this blog anyway.
Hey! Look! It’s a frog!
He jumps on a log.
He does everything,
But read this fine blog!
Hey 3.5 readers.
Your old pal, BQB here.
I began this fine blog 6 years ago, deciding to try my hand at the blogging game.
I did it on a whim and had I put some thought into it, I would have done a lot of things differently.
My initial idea was that I would just create a little web presence. I’d blog once in a blue moon and I was going to focus on book reviews. In the mean time, I’d concentrate on writing books of my own.
As time went on, I found followers and things got silly. I developed the persona of Bookshelf Q. Battler, a nerd in secret, was an adventurer who fought zombies, werewolves, chupacabras, aliens, traveled the world, time traveled, went to space and so on.
In the past couple years, I got old. Relaxing and watching TV at the end of the day became more appealing than blogging for the entertainment of 3.5 readers. (No offense, 3.5 readers.)
On top of that, I decided the little time and I energy I do get would be better spent focusing on novel drafts. I always have something in the works and hold out hope that I’ll be a successful novelist one day, though the older I get, the more I realize this is something I can’t bank on.
I’m not crazy about the pen name “Bookshelf Q. Battler.” It doesn’t really sound like a name and if I could do it again, I might have picked something that sounds like an actual name. The actual name could have been given a fun backstory of being a reclusive adventurer or something.
Anyway, here’s to another 6 years and hopefully by then, you 3.5 readers will multiply and there will be 7 of you.
Hey 3.5 readers.
Your old pal BQB here.
It’s official. I have now written 3,500 posts for 3.5 readers. This is not my 3,500th post. My last post was that one. This is the post to let you know that 3,500 posts have been posted.
Thank you, 3.5 readers. It has been a joy to entertain all 3.5 of you. Sometimes I wish you would each tell a friend so I could have 7 readers, but a good writer never looks any gift readers in the mouth.
Actually, after this one, only 9.
And then I will have written 3,500 posts for 3.5 readers.
Should I do anything special for my 3,500th post?
3.5 readers, are you aware that in March, it will be the fourth anniversary of this exceptional blog?
That’s more years than I have readers.
Although you are all wonderful, I must admit that four years to gain such a paltry sum of readers wasn’t worth it.
I could continue this blog but lately, the issues of the day really weigh heavily on my mind and soul. So much fighting. So much disharmony and discord. So many problems in the world, so much unrest. So many people struggling, looking for hope and finding none.
I can no longer waste my time on writing fart jokes. Fart jokes are crass and they help no one. I must, instead, make a difference, so I have decided to start a new blog, one in which I will discuss the many important issues of the day. Further, I will reach out to experts from a variety of backgrounds to get their take on how the world might improve.
I’d love it if you all follow me to this new blog and hopefully it will have more than 3.5 readers. If you would check it out and give me your feedback, I’d appreciate it.
It’s getting harder and harder to keep bringing the 7 eyes of 3.5 readers to this wonderful site. Also, I’m no spring chicken.
I’m unsure of the future. Perhaps I will turn over the keys of BQB HQ to my arch-nemesis, the International War Criminal/Incredibly Boring Snow Monster, “The Yeti.”
Perhaps I will dump a bottle of hot sauce on my head, then go swimming in a shark tank.
Maybe I will ask Fergie to serenade me. No, scratch that. Fergie is a national treasure. Screw you all for making fun of that goddess. She brought us so much joy with her humps, surely we can spot her one error in judgment.
I think I’ll just lie down in my backyard. Watch the butterflies flap their wings and let caterpillars crawl all over me until the moss and grass just grow over me and consume me.
Perhaps none of that is necessary to not blog anymore. Or maybe I’ll sub-contract the blog out to some hired help. Maybe I’ll just watch movies and eat pizza and hire a team of sentient iguana typists to write this blog for me and I’ll pay them in flies.
Surely, they couldn’t do any worse.
What say you, 3.5 readers?
I am uber bummed and have no idea what to say, 3.5 home slices.
Hey 3.5 readers. I have been cartoonified!
I’m reaching a deadline to decide and I need your help as they are all so good I can’t pick one.
Let us refer to these as “Set 1” and “Options 1 and 2”
Let us refer to these as “Set 2” and Options 3 and 4
My thoughts:
VOTE!
For me, I think it is basically down to Set 1, Option 1 vs Set 2, Option 4. I’m banging my head against the wall though because I feel like to pick one I lose the other and I worry whatever I pick I’ll wish I had picked the other.
So give me some insight.
If it helps to know what I’ll use this for – I’m going to put it in the introduction section of all my books and in my social media and as my author photo so imagine it being used for that.
Feedback, please.
Ahh, bookshelfbattle.com – it’s my virtual space, my online hangout, my digital stomping grounds.
If you’re reading this, you’ve already visited. Congratulations. You’ve shown excellent judgment and are no doubt a person of great wisdom and fantastic, upstanding moral character.
If you’re not reading this then…well, that’s messed up because if you’re not reading this then how could you be reading this? #MindBlown
From BQB HQ in East Randomtown, USA, where all the BQB blog magic happens, its the Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Visit BookshelfBattle.com
#10 – You’re already here, so if you leave, it’s kind of rude.
Stick around awhile. Take off your coat. Have a drink. Eat a cookie. Click on a hundred links on this blog while you’re at it.
#9 – It Will Keep You Off Crack
Do I have any medical or scientific studies to prove the claim that visiting this fine website prevents people from taking crack? No.
Are you taking crack while you’re reading this? (Consults my Magic 8 ball.) “All signs point to ‘No.'”
Therefore, whenever you read this website and don’t take crack while you are reading it…you’re welcome.
#8 – You Can Laugh
Or, learn what doesn’t make people laugh. I mean, I think it’s all funny but I admit, I could just be stuck in my own personal bubble, oblivious to the opinions, thoughts and feelings of others.
It’s a good way to be, come to think of it. Who has time to deal with the opinions, thoughts and feelings of others, especially when mine are the best and really, all that matters?
#7 – You Might Learn Something
Occasionally, this blog gets quasi-educational. You might learn something but note the key word – “might.”
#6 – You’ll Be One of the First Few Humans to Make Contact with an Outer Space Alien
Alien Jones his no joke. He’s from space. Want to make all those losers who made fun of you in high school jealous? Being one of the first few people to comment on an alien’s column is a good way to start.
#5 – Fart jokes.
So many fart jokes.
#4 – Nerds Welcome
No one can give you a wet willy, a wedgie, or a purple nurple here…because, you know, it’s a blog in an intangible written form.
#3 – BQB Will Think You’re Awesome
I really will.
#2 – You’ll Help BQB Save the World from the Mighty Potentate
The more clicks I get, the more likely the Potent One will get off of Earth’s back.
#1 – You Can Be One of BQB’s 3.5 Readers!
Truly, the most exclusive club out there. Do you know of any other clubs with only 3.5 participants?
People always ask me:
“Bookshelf Q. Battler – how did you become the best blogger of all time? I too want to have 3.5 readers.”
Well, you’re in luck. I wrote up a handy guide to blogging greatness and you can find it here.
