Daily Archives: June 13, 2015

Jun 13 2015
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Pop Culture Mysteries

Pop Culture Mysteries – Case File #001 – Here’s a Story

Jake Hatcher, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Private Eye

Jake Hatcher, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Private Eye

A husband.  A wife.  Six kids, three from the man’s first marriage, three from the wife’s.

And a housekeeper who’s as loyal as a highly trained doberman is to its master.

The Brady Bunch aired on ABC from 1969 to 1974.  They’re often looked back on as a bastion of wholesomeness, a tame group who got along a lot better than most families do today.

Still, for the time, the subject matter was a bit risqué.  Men and women with kids from past marriages (or hell, past flings even) get married all the time, but in those days, it was a taboo topic for television.

Kids just don’t pop out of thin air.  There had to have been two other people involved in this story.

What happened to Mike Brady’s first wife?

What happened to Carol Brady’s first husband?

My employer, Bookshelf Q. Battler, was dying to know and thus began my first Pop Culture Mystery.

Want to know what happened to the original Brady Bunch spouses?

Well, you could throw a football to your brother, but you might break your sister’s schnozola in the process.

Better play it safe and read these fine tales instead:

Part 1 – Delilah walks her getaway sticks to a coffee shop, where I’m having a helluva time adjusting to modern sensibilities.  Can’t get a black coffee for less than a King’s ransom.  Can’t smoke without the whole joint coming down on you like a ton of bricks.  Did the Nazis have a comeback while I was asleep?

Part 2 – Agnes the Librarian comes to my aid, helping navigate the complicated world of the modern beep boop machine.  I miss the old days when a computer was the size of a warehouse and only the government had them.

Part 3 – I twist the lid off this mystery like it’s a jar of three week old pickles.  If you want to find out what happened to Mike’s first wife and Carol’s first husband, read on.

(I’m told you can watch the Brady’s antics now on something called Hulu.  I have no idea what that is because I’m from 1955.  I assume it’s something you’ll need a beep boop machine for.)

Do you have a Pop Culture Mystery? Put Hatcher on the case! Tweet your questions about movies, television, music, books and entertainment to @bookshelfbattle or leave them in the comments on the Bookshelf Battle Blog.

Copyright (C) Bookshelf Q. Battler 2015. All Rights Reserved.

Images courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

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Jun 13 2015
5 Comments
BQB and the Meaning of Life

BQB and the Meaning of Life – Part 14 – Enter the She-Nerd

PREVIOUSLY ON BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER AND THE MEANING OF LIFE

Bookshelf Q. Battler, owner of a magical bookshelf where small versions of literary characters pop out of the books on said shelf and run amuck, dies on the toilet while crapping lightning, a condition which, as we learn, is very common.

In fact, you should do your part to help find a cure.

Our hero croaks, finds himself in God’s Waiting Room, where he’s told by his spirit guide, William Shakespeare, to seek the meaning of life.

READ PARTS 1-5

BQB is given a second chance at life.  Upon his return to BQB HQ, his book character charges are sorry for driving him crazy to the point where the aforementioned lightning incident occurred.  Holmes and Watson are particularly interested in helping.

A TV news story reveals that The Great Guru, a wise man who has consumed the knowledge of every book ever written, is cut off from the world in his sanctuary atop a mountain located in the middle of the war torn island of Pango-Tango.  Ironically, Pangonians and the Tangonians have been hacking each other to pieces and blowing each other up for twenty years as the result of a dispute over which side is the most peaceful.

READ PARTS 6-13

AND NOW BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER AND THE MEANING OF LIFE CONTINUES…

Ding.

The Captain’s authoritative voice came through the intercom.

“Thank you for flying Air Third World.  Our motto?  ‘If you wanna go there, who are we to talk you out of it?  We are cruising at an altitude of 35,000 feet above sea level and we invite you to watch our in-flight feature film, Pootie Tang.”

“Pootie Tang?”  I asked out loud.  “Seriously?”

“Seriously,”  the Captain responded, apparently expecting someone to question the airline’s choice of in-flight movie.

Pootie Tang at 35,000 feet

Pootie Tang at 35,000 feet

For once in my life, I lucked out.  The seat next to me was empty, so I kept my carry on bag on it.  I sprawled myself out and was about to take a nap, when the voice of a pleasant sounding woman sitting behind me caught my attention.

“So this is the award I got for wasting the most aliens on Space Killer,” the woman said.  “Oh!  And this is the award I got for killing the most terrorists on War Shooter!”

“Uh huh,” responded a male voice.

“This is the award I received for selling the most crack on Car Thief Mayhem,”  the woman said.  “I’m not actually all that proud of that one.  Maybe I should delete it off my record.”

“OK then,”  the man said.

“Oh!”  the woman said.  “This is the special victory medal I got when I finished Interplanetary Roleplayer as a female and as a male Sgt. Sequoia!”

The man behind me reached up and tapped me on the shoulder.  I leaned over to look back at him.  He was a macho manly man, about my age, who looked like he might have been a frat boy in his youth.

“Dude,” the man said.  “Can you switch seats with me?  This chick is boring the hell outta’ me!”

I peaked up over the seat.  Next to the man sat a beautiful she-nerd.  Big blue eyes, bright red hair, green glasses, and in her hands, a tablet that displayed all of her video game victories.

I hated to give up the extra room, but damn she was cute.  I grabbed my bag and switched seats with the man.  The woman didn’t notice.

“They give you an award for every hundred thousand zombies you dismember on Shuffling Living: The Video Game Experience,”  the woman said.  “Not to brag, but I have ten of those bad boys.”

“That’s cool,”  I replied.

The woman looked up.

“Where did the other guy go?”

“We switched seats,”  I replied. 

“Oh,”  she said with a frown as she folded a cover over her tablet  “I guess sometimes I get carried away.”

“I don’t think so,”  I said.  “I’d like to hear more about your video game achievements.”

“Seriously?”  she asked, flashing me the brightest grin I’d ever seen.

“Seriously,”  I replied.

Is love in the air for Bookshelf Q. Battler?  Tune in tomorrow!  

P.S – in the next part, we’ll learn Bookshelf Q. Battler’s real name!  You don’t want to miss it!

Copyright (C) Bookshelf Q. Battler.  All Rights Reserved.

Image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

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