A NETWORK NEWS ONE SPECIAL REPORT
Dr. Hugo Von Science, a Distinguished Professor of Science at the Advanced Science Institute of Science University, is wanted for questioning in connection to the East Randomtown Zombie Apocalypse.
A source close to the investigation informs NN1’s Hot Ass Blonde Chick Reporter that Dr. Von Science has not been named an official suspect at this time, but it is believed he may have information as to how the undead outbreak occurred.
Dr. Von Science’s distinguishing characteristics include:
- Lab coat and blackout goggles – he never leaves home without them.
- Refers to everyone as, “mein leipshin.”
- Often seen carrying around beakers of suspicious fluid. Some claim they contain highly corrosive acid. Others believe he just likes to drink soda out of beakers.
Authorities advise you to not approach Dr. Hugo Von Science if you see him, as he is believed to have approximately 3-5 “Incredible Exploding Chinchillas” on his person at all times and isn’t afraid to use them.
Next up on Network News One…which brand of lunch meat is giving you syphilis? Put that sandwich down until after these commercial messages, sports, and weather…
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