Hard to believe I began this blog four years ago, 3.5 readers. Gotta be honest, I thought there’d be more than 3.5 of you by now. All you extra readers sure are taking your sweet time.
As you are aware, I am BQB, an ageless, allegedly fictional character with an endless reserve of energy to fight bad guys and commit impressive acts of daring do.
Yet oddly, my ability to continue my adventures is inexplicably tied to a fat old fuck’s ability to find the time and/or will to sit his fat ass on the computer and type away. I call this guy, “The Alleged Man” or the man who allegedly pretends to me, if you believe the absurd premise that I am allegedly fictional.
Alleged Man is getting tired. Worn out. Maybe he’ll come on here someday and tell you about it, but suffice to say, in his 20s, Alleged Man made some terrible mistakes, botched some opportunities, and overall fucked up his life.
Then, quite sadly, he spent his 30s trying to dig himself out of the hole he’d tossed himself into.
That’s the rub of digging yourself out of a hole. You can’t dig up, so you have to just dig and dig and dig until you come out the other side in China. Really, it’s better to just never jump into the hole but instead, side step it altogether.
But alas, when he was young the Alleged Man basically said, “Wow! What a spiffy looking hole! In I go!” and upon turning 30 he realized what he’d done and went to work on trying to fix it.
Alas, anyone will tell you that whether it’s a life or an appliance, it’s best to never break it in the first place. You can fix a broken life or an appliance, but it will never be as strong. It will always be stitched together with duct tape and you’ll always be sad when you think about how it used to be shiny and new and not broken.
This blog was an attempt to increase the hole digging in the hopes he’d break through to China sooner. At times, it has brought him joy. At other times, sadness.
Frankly, he wonders if he shouldn’t just put his shovel down and accept life in the hole. When he was young, he thought there was unlimited time to achieve his dreams. Now that he’s old, he realizes that we all seem to peak at 35 and if it hasn’t happened by then, it never will.
Alleged Man is 39 now. He is fat and ugly. He has no kids and that’s sad as he really wanted them. He’s full of knowledge of where he went wrong and how he could redeem himself but alas, it’s hard because the world just sees over 35 people as old and washed up.
Perhaps you might have noticed the “loser seeking redemption” motif in the stories he helps me write:
- Marshall Slade in “How the West Was Zombed” was too cowardly to fight the desperado who killed his mother and spends his life fighting every other bad guy.
- Chief Cole Walker in “Toilet Gator” thinks he made a mistake by getting his leg chomped off by a vicious dog, going into a crack house to save the day only to realize being the hero has its negative results. He’ll confront his past by fighting one last killer animal – the toilet gator.
- Junjie in Zom Fu failed to save his master from Dragonhand and now works to defeat the vile brain biter.
- Jake Dashing, private 1950s detective, feels out of place and wants to fit in, wants to find love and normalcy after a life of crap.
- Mack in Zomcation failed his military unit and wants another chance to fight again.
- Frank in Last Driver misses driving and wants to drive again.
In short, when we are young, we are called upon to make a slew of decisions we are too dumb to make, then we spend our older years full of regret, full of the knowledge of what we should do, but our hair is too gray for anyone to take us seriously.
So, I have to run. AM is trying his best, but honestly, if this whole enterprise doesn’t take off in a year or two, he might just pitch a tent in the hole and grow accustomed to hole living. Maybe the hole isn’t so bad. Some people would love to have a hole. It could always be worse.
Take care, 3.5