Hello 3.5 readers.
Egads. Brangelina is (are?) no more.
So startling was the news that there was an actual earthquake in CA right after they broke up.
Coincidence?
I think not.
How are you holding up, people? Don’t worry. We’ll get through this together.
Do I really have to call SPOILER ALERT when this was all over the news in 2009?
Oh well. Assume I just did.
BQB here with a review of Sully, the Clint Eastwood directed film about U.S. Airways pilot Chesley Sullenberger’s miracle landing of an airline on the Hudson River.
Stupid geese. They ruin everything. And all those years ago (seems like it was just yesterday, doesn’t it?) they flew into Sully’s engines and knocked them out.
With little time to think and a plane that was going down, Sully (Tom Hanks), with the help of co-pilot Jeff Skiles (Aaron Eckhart) made a split decision to land the plane in the Hudson River.
The film takes us through the event from a number of perspectives – office workers who see the low flying plane and fear it is another 9/11, illustrating the toll on the American psyche that attack has taken, the frightened passengers, the flight attendants who keep their cool and lead the passengers through what they need to do, the rescue workers who respond to the scene in time to save the passengers from freezing to death in the bitter January cold.
It was a heck of a story when it happened. There have been many plane crashes in history, though none that I can think of where everyone survived. Sully was the toast of the town immediately thereafter, hailed as a hero and brought on as a guest on multiple talk shows and news programs.
But what we didn’t realize is that behind the scenes the ole Sullymeister was being railroaded big time. Thus, the brunt of the movie focuses on NTSB investigators (boo! gubmint bureaucrats! boo!) attempting to string Sully up with computer simulations indicating that it would have been possible for Sully to have landed the plane at LaGuardia or in New Jersey.
With flashbacks to his youth as a crop-duster and military pilot interspersed throughout, Sully fights to preserve his good name, his reputation, his wings, his pension, and ultimately to prove that he wasn’t flying some video game, this was the real deal and he did what he needed to do to save the day.
One thing that struck me as I watched was just how densely populated New York City is, how tall the buildings are, combined with giant planes flying overhead constantly, one wonders how there aren’t more crashes and ultimately, you walk away with a greater appreciation for pilots like Sully who move these giant metal beasts through the sky over populated areas everyday.
And that’s the rub. Sully didn’t just save his passengers, but also the people in the city his plane would have crashed into.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy.
Hey 3.5 readers.
Are you a fan of Pulp Fiction?
Of course you are. If you aren’t, what’s wrong with you?
If you can’t remember the text of Ezekiel 25:17, that bible verse Jules (Samuel L. Jackson) uses before he shoots someone, here it is:
“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the
inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.
Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost
children.
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious
anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.
And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”
There you go 3.5.
A sad day in the comedy world, 3.5 readers, as actor/comedian Gene Wilder has passed away at age 83.
He had a long resume of hits but the ones that stand out to me are Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Producers and two films where he paired up with comedian Richard Pryor in the 1980s – Stir Crazy and See No Evil, Hear No Evil.
I could go on all day long about all of these films. In fact, the press has done a great job of that.
So instead I’ll expand a bit on See No Evil, Hear No Evil. This was a 1989 comedy in which Pryor played a blind man named Wally and Wilder played a deaf man named Dave.
Together, they witness a murder. Wally hears it. Dave sees it. A mixup leads the cops to think they did it, so they go on the run as a team with Dave being the eyes and Wally being the ears.
I remember seeing this as a kid and laughing a lot.
COP: Was there or wasn’t there a woman?
WILDER AS DAVE, BECAUSE HE’S DEAF: Fuzzy wuzzy was a woman?
What was your favorite Gene Wilder moment, 3.5 readers?
Probably not the best stock photo, given that these people all seem to be observing movie theater etiquette…although that guy in the grey shirt with the soda may very well be dating both of those chicks.
Hello 3.5 readers.
For me, the theater is a sacred place.
You plunk down your cash. You cut yourself off from the world for two hours and you enjoy a director’s vision as it unfolds upon the big screen.
But there are some people who just don’t get it.
Thus, from BQB HQ in fabulous East Randomtown, it’s the Top Ten Moviegoers I Can’t Stand:
10. The “What Have I Seen Him In?” Guy – This is the guy who demands that you tell him a) an actor’s name and b) a list of films the actor has been in.
Ignore this man at all costs as he’ll just insist on rehashing the actor’s entire resume while you’re missing out on what is happening on the screen. Or better yet, tell him to go out in the hall and look that shit up on IMDB. Either way, people are trying to watch a movie here.
9. Asshat McGee Who Sits Right Next to or Right in Front of You When the Entire Theater is Nearly Empty – Look, I know I shouldn’t do it, but if the theater is close to being empty, I like to stretch out and put my fat smelly feet on the back of the seat in front of me. Can’t do it if someone’s dumb head is there and I can’t come out and ask that person to move so I can put my feet up so please, be courteous and don’t sit in front of a person if you don’t have to.
(Should there be a #9.5 Annoying Guy Who Puts His Feet Up on the Seat in Front of Him? Absolutely.)
Further, don’t sit next to a person if you don’t have to. Keep at least one seat between you and another person if possible. If the theater’s packed then it is a different story but if it is empty, don’t sit next to me, unless you’re a super hot chick, then sit next to me.
8. Teenagers Who Have Conversations Throughout the Entire Movie – I get it. You all want to chat your dumb faces off and you want to be able to speak freely without being monitored by one of the parents of someone in your group, so instead of going to someone’s house, you go to the theater and then ignore the entire film and have a conversation right there in the theater.
Honest to God. I’m trying to watch Fast and Furious Part 950: Dom’s Revenge and all I can hear is “OMG I can’t believe Becky is dating Brian AND Bobby, Hashtag Skank!”
Thought – go to a coffee shop instead and talk all night there. Its cheaper and hardworking, taxpaying Americans won’t be mad at you that you’ve ruined their moviegoing experience.
Yes, I know I’m starting to sound like Uncle Hardass. This is inevitable.
The older we get, the more we all start sounding like critically acclaimed philosopher Uncle Hardass.
7. Guy That Blames You For Picking the Movie if it Turns Out to Be Stupid – Up your nose with a rubber hose, turkey face. Hollywood puts out like two damn movies every Friday. You’ve got a fifty/fifty shot that the movie you’re going to will either suck or blow.
In fact, you now have a one hundred percent chance that it will be a remake or a reboot of a movie that sucked and/or blowed in the past.
“I didn’t make the movie, ass face,” is a perfectly acceptable reply here, even if the person complaining is your husband, wife, child, second cousin twice removed, grandmother, or parish priest.
6. Dummy Who Takes Too Long Deciding What They Want at the Concession Stand – Popcorn, candy and soda, jerkwad. Literally the same shit for a hundred million years. That f%$king commercial where the popcorn, candy and soda dance the Charleston hasn’t changed since Eisenhower was president. If it was good enough for the man who stormed Omaha Beach, then its good enough for you, clown.
5. Jerkface Who Takes a Call During the Movie – Look, the point of going to the movies is to forget all your problems for two hours. But I get it. We all have lives. Keep your phone on vibrate just in case one of your loved ones gets in trouble. If they text you for help, you can text them back and write, “OK I will come rescue you after this movie is over.”
Really, its the only polite thing to do. If your spouse is hanging from one hand off a cliff, you’ve got to let them know that you need to find out whether or not the rebels will destroy the Death Star for the 10,000th time.
But, if you’re one of those do-gooders who thinks their friends and/or family is more important than a movie, then sure, by all means, get up, walk out of the theater, talk to this person on the phone in the hallway, then return to the theater when the conversation is done. Or even better, leave the theater entirely and come to the aid of your friend or family member.
And let’s be honest. Those people who take calls and start chatting away while the film is rolling? None of them are having important conversations. The people who do this are dopes who will sit there for two hours talking about nonsense while you’re trying to watch a movie.
4. The “What Did He Say?” Guy
Movies go by pretty fast. Sometimes someone in your movie going party doesn’t catch what one of the characters said.
My general rule – if you whisper to me, “What did he say?” I will whisper what the person said back to you one time.
If you miss it, do not waste your energy whispering to me with a request to repeat what the character said a second, third, or fourth time.
I’m sorry but you’re screwed. You missed it. Your movie going experience has been ruined. Don’t drag me down with you by making me tell you fifty times what a guy said twenty minutes ago, thus forcing me to miss twenty more minutes of screen time.
Really people, this is common sense.
3. The “Its Just the Previews” Guy
Eff that noise. Hollywood has carefully crafted a series of trailers to educate me on the films that are coming soon to a theater near me. Trailers are a time honored part of the movie going experience. Your talking, farting, burping or what have you ruins it for me. Take it outside.
I run a blog for 3.5 readers. Thus, I’m an important man who must budget his time wisely. Ergo, I must know what Hollywood has coming down the pike so I can relay that information to my beloved 3.5 readers.
I shouldn’t have to miss out on those previews just because you need to talk to your buddy on your cell phone about the tattoo you’re getting , or your comic book collection, or even when you need to tell your loved one to wait and be calm and you’ll be there to pull them out of the car wreck they just had as soon as possible. (Eh, I’m not a complete ogre, if you need to do that last one during the previews, I can let it slide, but really, only during the previews.)
2. Commentary Guy
This guy takes a number of forms. The person might start arguing with a character, or he might make sound effects. “Boo yeah! That guy got it! And he had it coming!” or “Damn girl, don’t go for that dude, you can do way better!”
If you want to commentate on movies, start your own blog and get your own 3.5 readers. Unless I’m one of your 3.5 readers, I don’t want to hear your commentary on movies while I am trying to watch one.
1.“Rude to the Minimum Wage Slaves” Guy
If you didn’t like the movie, or you had some kind of special request (i.e. the “I want three ice cubes in my soda and each cube must be carved to match the likeness of three U.S. presidents who held office during the 1800s”) give the staff a break. They work for peanuts and they usually take these jobs because they like the movies and want to be around them as much as you do, you big dummy.
RUNNER UP:
Dude Trying to Get to Second Base and Can’t Quite Make It – Sir, your incompetence with the fairer sex is ruining my cinematic experience. Either be a dog and go in for that hooter or be a gentleman and keep your hand on your own knee. Make a decision for crying out loud.
Either way, this constant hand flapping around in the breeze “should I or shouldn’t I?” thing that you’re doing is very annoying. Really, this is a theater, not a bordello sir, so get a room and stop annoying people who have paid their hard earned cash to enjoy this Kevin Hart film. We’re already suffering enough.
What things do people do at the movie theaters that you can’t stand, 3.5 readers?
Discuss with BQB in the comments!
Jesus H. Christ! What a great movie!
Ha. Blasphemous wit.
BQB here with a review of the biblical epic Ben-Hur.
I suppose you could call this a remake of the classic Charlton Heston film of the same name from 1959.
Then again, what was that 1959 movie other than a re-telling of a tale as old as time?
Jack Huston, formerly of Boardwalk Empire, stars as Judah Ben-Hur, a wealthy Jewish prince falsely accused by his brother, Roman Army Officer Messala Severus (Tony Kebbell) of committing treason against Rome.
Blah blah blah…stuff happens, more stuff happens….Ben-Hur loses everything and the former brothers who once loved each other very much end up competing in a chariot race.
Boy howdy, 3.5 readers, let me tell you, chariot races were some gruesome shit.
Horses get bashed (I don’t think they really were, obviously, but you still hate to see that), drivers get trampled and maimed, but its what ancient Romans did for entertainment back in the day I guess. Without TV, Internet, or blogs catering to 3.5 readers, a bunch of sweaty assholes riding around and around a track colliding their chariots into each other was about as entertaining as it got.
Director Timur Bekmambetov does yeoman’s work in transporting the viewer to historic times. Everything’s more or less authentic as possible while still being understandable to the modern viewer.
Morgan Freeman rounds out the cast as Ilderim, the traveling gambler who sponsors chariot drivers, putting up his horses and chariots and making his money off wagers.
Ilderim ends up being the Mickey to Ben-Hur’s Rocky, sponsoring him in a race against Messala.
Jesus (Roderigo Santoro) makes a cameo. It was a bit surreal to see a movie where Jesus is part of the supporting cast rather than a main character, but it works.
I complain about Hollywood constantly on this blog so when the Tinsel Town suits do something good, I have to give them credit, and credit is due here.
This movie is a sweeping historical epic based on a biblical tale. A ton of cash was clearly doled out to make it. One can take a look at the big chariot race scene to see that.
Historical/biblical tales just aren’t being lapped up by today’s modern viewers, who can’t pull their dumb faces away from their cell phones for 3.5 minutes in order to learn something.
In fact, I’m sure there are a lot of people who see a movie like Ben-Hur and think, “Pass. I don’t want to learn anything.”
Ironically, there are a lot of messages about war, relations between countries and different groups of people, the need for peace or “to turn the other cheek” as cameo star Jesus taught us.
I enjoyed it. It deserves a big audience and recognition. I’m not sure today’s take a selfie every two seconds crowd will provide it, but here’s hoping they prove me wrong.
Will it draw in the big bucks? Probably not. But Hollywood sunk cash into an effort to preserve history and educate people about the past by funding a movie that doesn’t quite fit the mold of a box office smash, so I applaud the Hollywood suits for proving they aren’t all bad.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy.
Hey 3.5 readers.
Just wanted to share an interesting article I read in The Guardian:
“Joseph Goebbels’ 105-year-old secretary: ‘No one believes me now, but I knew nothing.’”
The article features an interview with Brunhilde Pomsel, who worked as a secretary for Joseph Goebbels, Hitler’s Minister of Propaganda during World War II.
At 105, Pomsel is a living bit of history. The article describes her as unrepentant, that her job as a secretary was just like any other job, that “a combination of ignorance and awe” “shielded her from reality.”
She discusses how after the war she was jailed by the Russians for five years. Only then, she claims, did she learn about the holocaust.
The article further explains that she had a friendship with a Jewish woman but wasn’t able to find out what happened to her until she visited the Holocaust Memorial in 2005.
Interesting quote:
“Those people nowadays who say they would have stood up against the Nazis – I believe they are sincere in meaning that, but believe me, most of them wouldn’t have.”
I don’t know. Obviously, I can’t/don’t want to condone Nazi-ism or even working in the Nazi typing pool but I guess the fraulein might have a point. If that was where you lived and you needed a job and you weren’t exactly working for people who shared all the details…and if standing up to them meant you’d surely end up taking the big dirt nap…
I have no idea. I don’t want to pin a medal on her or anything but from a historical perspective the article is interesting and I imagine A German Life, the film in which she recalls her story, has a lot of history told by a rare person still alive who lived during that time period.
Happy Sunday 3.5 readers.
BQB here. The summer is winding down.
Sigh. I hate it when that happens.
Though we’re only in mid-August, that’s pretty much all she wrote for the summer blockbuster season.
Hollywood has officially spent its load, so to speak.
So which summer movie was your favorite?
For me, I’d have to go with a tie between Captain America: Civil War and Suicide Squad.
As for unexpected surprises, the one movie that got me though I didn’t expect much from it was the Nice Guys. That was very funny. Bits and pieces of it still leave me scratching my head but overall, good movie.
What say you, 3.5?
Hey…hey…hey….hey! Ooo uh ooo whoa…don’t you…forget to check out BQB’s list of the funniest flicks to come out during the 1980s.
From BQB HQ in fabulous East Randomtown, in no particular order:
#10 – Revenge of the Nerds (1984) – As one of the greatest Internet nerds today, I should know the history of the word “nerd.” I’m sure it is lengthy but any rate, this movie did more to introduce the concept of nerds into pop culture than anything else. Disrespected for their glasses and computer prowess (which wasn’t much to write home about by today’s standards) Lewis and Gilbert (Robert Carradine and Anthony Edwards) gather their campus’ supply of nerds together to rebel against the jocks, who in typical 1980s bully fashion, love to wear their sweaters as capes by tying the sleeves around their necks then allowing the sweaters themselves to drape down over their backs.
Also, this movie had boobs. I can’t even remember the last time I saw a boob in a movie. Travesty of justice, I say.
#9 – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) – A high school ne’er-do-well (Matthew Broderick as Ferris) concocts an elaborate scheme to convince his parents that he is sick so he can skip school and take his hot girlfriend Sloane (Mia Sara) and uptight, perpetually worried best friend Cameron (Alan Ruck) on a fun trip to Chicago.
Along the way, Ferris manages to stay one step ahead of bumbling principal Ed Rooney (Jeffrey Jones) and the audience laughs their asses off as a dedicated public servant is put through one harrowing ordeal after another as he attempts to catch a student in the act of truancy, or in other words, his damn job.
Memorable line – “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.” Damn, if that isn’t the truth. In fact, I remember being a little boy in the video store watching this movie play on the display TV as if it were yesterday. Umm, kids, a video store was…oh forget it.
#8 – Coming to America (1988) – Under pressure from his father (James Earl Jones as Jaffe Joffer, King of Fictional African Country Zamunda), Prince Akeem (Eddie Murphy) flees with his trusty manservant Semmi (Arsenio Hall) for Queens, New York in search of, well, his bride, who will one day be the Queen. This movie is a fun meditation on figuring out what you are looking for in a mate and how money and power can ruin things. After all, there are plenty of women who would like to marry a prince, but Akeem poses as being dirt poor just to find a woman who will love him for who he is inside. Plus, holy shit. This movie was outright hilarious and still is. Eddie is the master of playing multiple characters in a movie.
#7 – Weird Science (1985) – Dejected and lonely, big time nerds Gary (Anthony Michael Hall) and Wyatt (Ilan Mitchell-Smith) use their computers skills to create Lisa (Kelly Le Brock) aka the woman of their dreams. Lisa teaches the lads how to develop the manly confidence they need to stand up to bullies Ian (Robert Downey Jr. long before he became Iron Man) and Max (Robert Rusler) not to mention Wyatt’s mean, pain in the ass older brother Chet (Bill Paxton.) Besides inspiring to spend many years of my life trying to create a hot babe with my computer to no avail, I remember this film for cementing the phrase “squeeze the cheese” as a euphemism for pooping into pop culture. Good show.
#6 – National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983) – Family vacations gone awry. Who’s never experienced that before? Try as you might, something inevitably goes wrong. Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) is the dopey dad/dedicated family man obsessed with planning the perfect family getaway to Walley World. Alas, one problem after the next gets in his way. Even so, nothing will stop Clark from showing the Griswold clan (Beverly D’Angelo as wife Ellen, Anthony Michael Hall (damn that kid got a lot of work in the 1980s) as Rusty and Dana Barron as Audrey) a good time.
This film inspired a franchise that gave us hits European Vacation and the ever quotable holiday classic Christmas Vacation (I watch this every year). Admittedly, they probably could have stopped at Vegas Vacation. Then again, Clark didn’t stop when Walley World was closed, did he?
#5 – Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) – Before Sean Penn became a self-declared, self-righteous world traveling wannabe diplomat, he was Jeff Spicoli, the California dude who defied crotchety teacher Mr. Hand (Ray Walston) by having a pizza delivered directly to class. Relive your minimum wage slave days as Brad (Judge Reinhold) is forced to don a tacky pirate costume to work at a seafood restaurant. And come on, you’ll always remember the first time you spotted Linda (Phoebe Cates) emerging from that pool. Phoebe was highly underutilized by Hollywood, if you ask me. Gremlins. Drop Dead Fred. Then alas, she kind of just disappeared. Meanwhile Judge Reinhold continues to get steady work. Oh, the irony!
#4 – Caddyshack (1980) – Rodney Dangerfeld’s classic line was true. He got no respect. No respect at all. In fact, he worked steadily as an entertainer his entire life only to find fame in his sixties. Oh well. Better late than never. In this film, Rodney plays nouveau riche boor Al Czervik whose uncouth ways turn a high falutin’ country club up on its ear. Club member Judge Smails (Ted Knight, who cornered the market on playing rich snobby douches in 1970s and 80s movies) wouldn’t stand for it. Al and the Judge square off to hilarious results, as groundskeeper Carl Spackler attempts to explode an unruly gopher.
#3 – Back to School – The 1980s really were Rodney’s decade as he had another hit, Back to School. Again, he plays a self-made man who clashes with folks who were born into wealth. This time around, Rodney is millionaire Thornton Mellon, who decides to cramp the style of his son, Jason (Keith Gordon) by attending college with him. Thornton enjoys the social part of college, throwing wild, out of control parties. Yet, he uses his wealth to contract out his homework to hilarious results (he hires author Kurt Vonnegut to write about paper about himself.) Eventually, Thornton realizes the error of his ways and decides that the point of college is to cram the knowledge into his own brain. Funny cameo by Sam Kinison who relays tales of his Vietnam veteran experience to the class in a loud, hilarious way. “Oh, oh, OH!!!”
#2 – Ghostbusters (1984) – “Who you gonna call?” The likes of this film had never been seen before at the time. Action. Comedy. Horror. Special effects. All rolled up into a tight package. Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd, Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson as New York City’s premiere squad of professional paranormal investigators and eliminators. They weren’t afraid of no ghost and really, the movie’s greatest villain was the government as EPA agent Walter Peck (William Atherton) shuts down the team’s ghost containment unit. (“Is this true? Yes this is true. This man has no dick.”) In Walter’s defense though, the Ghostbusters did rely heavily on the use of nuclear technology in their projects and there never was an explanation of how they got their hands on them.
# 1 – Airplane (1980) – “Surely, you can’t be serious? I am and don’t call me Shirley.” Oh Airplane. Oh Zucker brothers. Jokes for the sake of jokes, plot and and likelihood be damned. People are so uptight now. They don’t just laugh anymore. There always has to be some explanation for everything. No one can just look at an inflatable autopilot smiling as if it were getting a blowjob with the humor it deserves. Everyone would want to know how the autopilot was able to smile. Former air force pilot Ted Striker (Robert Hays) must overcome his past to land a commercial jetliner when the crew falls ill with food poisoning. Along the way, he rekindles the romance he once had with stewardess Elaine (the epically sweet voiced Julie Hagerty.)
I’ll watch this movie whenever it is on but I don’t know if we’ll ever see another one just like it. Zaniness is no longer appreciated. Jonathan Banks (known today as Mike in Breaking Bad) being asked to “check the radar range” only to open a microwave door to reveal an undercooked turkey and give a reply of “About two more minutes chief” just won’t fly anymore. People have become too literal. Everyone would want to know why he checked on a turkey. Sigh. People aren’t funny anymore.
The film also breathed new life into the career of Leslie Nielsen, who had once been a serious thespian, only to spend his old age playing buffoons such as Frank Dreben in Police Squad. (FYI The Naked Gun) could have easily joined this list along with many other comedies.
What 1980s comedy movie did I miss, 3.5 readers? Discuss in the comments.
Happy Friday, 3.5 readers.
Start your week off with this new glimpse of Star Wars: Rogue One.
Don’t blink at the end, or you’ll miss Darth’s cameo.
Who knew we’d be seeing him on the big screen again?
Bookshelf Battle 