By: Jake Dashing, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Private Investigator
Pop culture. It’s a world that keeps Bookshelf Q. Battler up late at night, his spacious brain filling up with one question after another about movies, music, television, books, and more.
I’m not sure I can relate. When I lose sleep, its because I’m too busy picturing all the Nazis my country demanded that I punch to death with my bare hands. I suppose each generation has its priorities.
Battler’s got info I want and he’s not forking it over until I solve a whole mess of mysteries for him. But this whack job thinks of questions faster than I can answer them, so here are the mysteries currently up for grabs.
Being a private dick is a fate I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but if you want to try your luck at the sleuthing game, feel free to let Battler know you want to snatch one of these up:
In Star Wars, if the Death Star is supposed to be the size of an actual star, why is everyone able to walk around it and fly around it so quickly?
In Pulp Fiction, Harvey Keitel’s character, “the Wolf” is billed as a highly skilled fixer, one whose knowledge regarding the art of the cover up is so valuable that he simply erase all evidence of a crime, making it as if nothing ever happened….but then all he does is show up and tell Vince and Jules to spray the car down with Windex. (Seriously, watch the movie.) Was the Wolf that special?
Did Tony Soprano live or die at the end of The Sopranos? Was this a good or bad ending?
Why did the ending of Dexter both suck and blow at the same time? Or did it?
On Gilligan’s Island, Gilligan and the gang go on, as the theme song says, “a three hour tour.” How then, was it possible for everyone to become so irretrievably lost when they only strayed a mere three hours away from charted land?
On Married with Children, the running joke was that Al Bundy was disgusted by the idea of getting it on with his wife, Peggy. Peggy wasn’t that bad looking though, even with her wacky beehive and leopard print attire. What gives?
On Sons of Anarchy, Jax Teller embraces a life of crime that provides very little return on investment. Why is it that a scruffy bum who was lucky enough to win the heart of super hot doctor Tara didn’t just sit back and say, “Well, I’m going to sponge off my hot surgeon wife now, who no doubt makes a high salary because she’s a damn surgeon. Hell, maybe I’ll even put my focus on turning the auto repair garage my father left into a profitable business.” But instead, he just keeps making lousy criminal deals and then bumbles his way through them, often losing money on them and inviting a world of hurt. Seriously, WTF?
Who put the bomp in the bomp sha bomp sha bomp and will this individual strike again?
Who let the dogs out?
What is a “hollaback girl” and why does Gwen Stefani go to great lengths to make sure you know she isn’t one?
To be sure, Sir Mix-a-Lot likes big butts and is unable to lie about this particular subject. Why then, do the other brothers deny this truth?
What’s up with the hard sell? Whenever you buy one they try to make you buy insurance, upgrades, and basically treat you like you’re trying to buy a fully loaded 2016 Toyota Tundra instead of a $60 fantasy experience. What gives?
COME UP WITH YOUR OWN
That’s all Battler’s got for now but rest assured that loser will keep ’em coming. That nerd has way too much time on his hands. And if you’re a nerd with too much time on your hands, feel free to come up with a pop culture mystery of your own and raise it up the flag pole to see if Battler salutes.
For those of you who can’t translate hardboiled noir talk, that means tell him about it in the comments.