BQB’s Top Ten Thanksgiving Foods to Shove in His Facehole

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Happy Thanksgiving, 3.5 readers.

What food stuffs are you going to be stuffing into your face hole today?

From BQB HQ in fabulous East Randomtown, here are BQB’s favorites in no particular order:

10. STUFFING – My favorite and really the thing I look forward to the most. Why we don’t have it all year round I don’t know. I suppose I could if I knew how to cook. I’d make a joke that Video Game Rack Fighter could pause her latest game of Car Thief Mayhem and make me some, but then I’d get sued by Gloria Allred.

Where was I? Right. Stuffing. The only thing, and apparently I’m one of few who thing this way, I like just the regular good old plain stuffing. I don’t want celery or vegetable or sausage in it. Disgusting. I just want heaping forkfuls of seasoned mushy bread.

Alien Jones, zap me up some stuffing, will you?

9. TURKEY – Duh. A no brainer. Plus, it makes me sleepy so I have a built in excuse to fall asleep and not have to listen to the Yeti’s latest nonsensical super angry snow beast rants.

8. CRANBERRY SAUCE – Oddly, I was against this for many years. I never understood how it fit in with the rest of the dishes. Then I took the plunge and mixed some in with my stuffing and I was sold.  Like Vinny Baggadouchio’s advice, it does not suck.

7.  MASHED POTATOES – Much like my writing, they’re dry and bland. And for some reason, I don’t really want them any time of the year other than this time. Tradition I suppose.

6.  BISCUITS – Not just any biscuits. You have to get the kind that come in the vacuum sealed cardboard tube that have been packed in there so tight that when you open it up it rips a hole in the space-time continuum.  Such amazing technology could have only been invented by Dr. Hugo Von Science.

5. SWEET POTATO CASSEROLE – You wouldn’t know it to look at the furry little schmuck, but Bookshelf Q. Battledog is actually quite the chef. Every year he whips up a delicious sweet potato casserole.  He tosses in some marshmallow goo and some brown sugar.  I think he also tosses in some drool but I try not to think about that.

4.  CHOCOLATE CHIP COCONUT COOKIES – Search Engine Optimized Poet did a web search for these tasty treats and he’s been making them ever since.  It isn’t that hard. You just make chocolate chip cookies and add coconut. Then you write a poem about your baking experience.

3.  POTATOES AU GRATIN – So much starch, so little time. The Astounding Nerdstradamus loves cheesy French taters so much that he predicts that they will be the only thing that people eat in the year 7000.  I hope I make it until then but if not I’ll have to take his word for it.

2.  BANANA PUDDING – Of course Professor Nannerpants makes this dish but he is offended that you think of him in such stereotypical terms.

  1.  PIE – So much pie.  Any kind of pie. Pecan and apple are my favorites.

What say you, 3.5 readers? What will you be stuffing in your face hole this Thanksgiving?

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6 thoughts on “BQB’s Top Ten Thanksgiving Foods to Shove in His Facehole

  1. We don’t have thanksgiving in New Zealand, but I’d happily eat everything on the menu except the chocolate chip cookies, owing to being allergic to chocolate. (Our equivalent is at Christmas where we are meant to eat roast lamb, roast kumara, new season peas, and pavlova, the latter a soft egg-white meringue topped with sweetened whipped cream, strawberries and peach slices. They aren’t usually served together, though it’s technically possible I suppose.

    • Sounds delish. Yeah, we stuff our faceholes on Christmas too. October is stuffing your face hole with tiny candy bars and stupid costumes. November is just about stuffing your face hole. Christmas is stuffing your face hole and buying stuff you don’t really need.

      • You guys are lucky getting two mega face-stuffing days a month apart! 🙂 The problem in NZ with Xmas is that it demands northern hemisphere winter cuisine…and it’s summer. So the trad stuff often gets subverted with salads and barbecue (and pavlova, inevitably. And beer, though not in the same bowl as the pavlova.)

  2. Making blue cheese and brandy soaked figs stuffed into pork loin and roast parsnips. There’s only three of us. I refuse to eat make a turkey we’ll be eating for a month, nasty.

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