Category Archives: Rap Philosophy

Rap Philosophy – Sir Mix-a-Lot Likes Big Butts and He Cannot Lie

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Sir Mix-a-Lot.  The greatest rapper to rap about his love of big butts.  I have no idea if this amazingly talented man released any other songs but let’s face it, other than “Baby Got Back,” you can’t name another one, can you?

Nope.  Neither can I.

He was pretty much a one and done.  He revealed his big butt love to the world and then he no longer had anything else to say.  Sometimes a song can so perfectly capture everything an artists wants to say that the artist need not speak further.

Personally, I would love to know the tale of daring-do that Sir Mix-a-Lot engaged in, in order to be named a knight of the British Realm, but that’s neither here nor there at this time.

Big butts!  Sir Mix not only loved them, but he could not lie about his love of them.  At the time, it was considered tawdry to declare one’s love of big butts to the world, yet Sir Mix loved them so much that he could not lie about it without denying a very important piece of his soul, the fabric of his very being.

Do you love big butts?  Then you shouldn’t lie about it.  But consider this.  There are many things we all like that we lie about for fear of public reprisal.  Perhaps it is time for people to embrace Sir Mix-a-Lot’s honesty and shout to the rooftops the things you like.

Perhaps you like to write, but you fear people around you will write you off as a hopeless dreamer.

Perhaps you like music, but don’t want to be considered a frivolous person who just sits around playing your trombone.

Perhaps you like art, but fear that people will just think you are a weirdo who just paints all day.

Stop.  Whatever your theoretical “big butt” is, stop lying on it.  Sir Mix-a-Lot climbed a giant butt mountain in a video surrounded by women with big butts just to proudly declare to the world that he would not be intimidated into saying that he likes small butts, and you shouldn’t be intimidated into saying you dislike things you like, especially when there really isn’t a good reason to say that you don’t like them.

Sir Mix-a-Lot didn’t have a problem with butts.  Those snotty girls in the locker room griping to Becky about big butts were the ones with the problem.  You don’t have a problem with writing, music or art, the people who are trying to get you to stop liking such things have the problem.

Look people, the man’s a knight, so he must have learned a thing or two in his travels, knowledge that entered his brain as he slayed dragons and trolls and orcs and defended Old Britannia from the forces of evil.

Is there a theoretical “big butt” that you love, that you can’t deny?  Discuss in the comments.

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Rap Philosophy – “I Got Hoes in Different Area Codes”

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The year was 2001.  George W. Bush had just become president and a young rapper by the name of Ludacris was burning up the charts.

His seminal treatise?  “Area Codes.”

Let’s take a look:

I’ve got hoes
I’ve got hoes, in different area codes…area codes
Hoes! Hoes… in different area codes…area codes…

Ludacris then goes on to make a number of witty ho puns.  Eat some ho-deurves, whore-mones and what have you.  He missed his calling by not becoming a comedian.

Is Luda really talking about hoes?  Or is he talking about being a man of the world?

Surely, a man of his prominence in the rap game could have the hoes brought to him.  However, he travels to various area codes in order to obtain these hoes.

One begins to wonder if he’s really traveling just for the hoes, or if he is traveling in order to expand his mind and his base of experience.

One should travel.  One should get out of one’s comfort zone.  One should see the world and experience other cultures.  Maybe you’ll find a place you truly belong.  Or, maybe you already belong at the place you’ve always call home and you’ll appreciate it that much more.

What will you seek when you travel?  New ideas?  New languages?  New forms of expression?  New works of art?  New experiences?

In Ludacris’ experience, he sought new hoes whenever he reached his new destinations.  But while Luda was looking for women with loose morals, i.e. “hoes” as commonly stated in the rap vernacular, you might be looking for any type of new experience when you travel.

What is the “ho” that you wish to experience in a new area code?  New food?  New fun?  New ways of life?

Whatever your “ho in a different area code” may be, I hope you find it.  Of course, the key to happiness is to also appreciate the hoes in your very own area code, as very few of us will ever be able to afford to be international globe trotters.

What’s your ho in a different area code, reader?  Discuss in the comments.

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Rap Philosophy – All I Need is a Big Booty Ho

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The year?  2012.

The artist?  2 Chainz, a true revolutionary in that he made the world aware that he only needed two chains.  He was too important to have only one chain, yet not so tacky that he needed a hundred chains.  He just needed one more chain that the average man.

The song?  The Birthday Song.

The important lyrics:

When I die, bury me inside that Gucci store
When I die, bury me inside that Louis store
All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho
All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho.

Crude?  Certainly.  Crass?  Definitely.  Groundbreaking?  You bet.

Shakespeare?  Fakespeare.  Chaucer?  Schmaucer.  With these four lines, 2 Chainz proves to be one of the greatest bards of the English language.

3.5 READERS: But BQB!  He’s just talking about material possessions and women with big butts.

Yes…and no.

Death.  Ahh, the Grim Reaper eventually puts his icy hand on all over our shoulders.  And so, all that Mr. Chainz asks is that when he dies, he is buried in a high end fashion store (Gucci or Louis).

He considers himself high end, a man worthy of the respect that wealthy shoppers give to luxury clothing labels.  That’s how he wants to be remembered – as high end.

But he’s not dead yet.  In life, and for as long as air fills his lungs, the man wants what is most important to him, namely, women with loose morals and copious derrieres.  Big booty hoes make Mr. Chainz happy and he wishes to celebrate his birthday (the annual celebration of his life) by pursuing his great passion of fornicating with big booty hoes.

What the general public fails to realize is that getting the gift of a big booty ho on your birthday is a metaphor that could represent literally what is the most important pursuit in anyone’s life.  When you hear Mr. Chainz say, “All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho” you should hear, “All I want for my birthday is to pursue the most important activity in my life.”

3.5 readers, what is your big booty ho?  For 2 Chainz, his big booty ho actually was a big booty ho.

For me, my big booty ho is writing.  All I want for my birthday is a seven figure book publishing deal.  Although, to be honest, I wouldn’t turn down a big booty ho either.

What’s your big booty ho?  Is it music?  Art? Sports?  Photography?  Hiking? Tennis? Basketball?  Needlepoint? Cooking?  Fancy dining?  Travel?

Maybe the big booty ho isn’t an activity but a dream.  A goal.  2 Chainz’s goal is to get down with a big booty ho.  Maybe you dream of becoming an Olympic athlete, or a broadway star, or the next start up company billionaire.  Whatever it is, you must pursue and grab hold of the gigantic butt cheeks of your big booty ho before it is too late and you are left all alone, with nary a big booty ho in sight.

Whatever your personal big booty ho is, I hope you pursue it.  And if you ever lose sight of your big booty ho, I hope that you will remember to keep chasing that big booty ho on your birthday.  Birthdays are fun days to celebrate our life, but they also keep us humble and remind us that that clock is ticking, and there’s one less year to chase that big booty ho that is eluding us.

Tell me about your big booty ho in the comments, 3.5 readers.

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