Hey 3.5 readers. BQB here.
I try not to overload you with this but occasionally I have to pitch my stuff, so please, if you are so inclined, stop on over Amazon and get a copy of my big book of badass writing prompts for 99 cents.
Here’s a spoiler. You can use them as inspiration for your writing if you want, but it’s really just a vehicle for all my jokes that have kept you 3.5 readers captivated for so long now.
You’ve read the other books for writers. You’ve never read one like this.
My book has prompts about shark punching, farts that echo through time and space, scary pieces of pumpernickel bread, an intergalactic mission to a butt-less planet, zombies who own a bed and breakfast….it goes on and on.
Best part? It’s free. Yes, this and Episode 1 of The Last Driver are free until Oct. 30th, so be a pal and grab a free copy. Did I mention it is free? Because it is.
I’m Crazy BQB and my prices are insane!
My prices are so low I should be put in a straight jacket and shipped off to the funny farm but I don’t care because I’m passing the savings on to you!!!
For the next 5 days you can get my 2 self-published books for absolutely free! That’s zero dollars! That’s no money! Nada! Zilch!
3.5 READERS: OK, BQB, we’ll get your free books. It’s the least we can do.
Well, the most you could have done was to have bought my books at full price to thank me for the many years I have been entertaining you with this fine blog for free but that’s ok, I love you, 3.5 readers.
But if you could go on over to Amazon and grab my free books, that would be awesome. If you could leave a review, that would be great. If you could share news of my free books on your preferred time wasting social media website, that would be perfect.
FRIENDS OF MY 3.5 READERS: Oh great, the 3.5 readers are going to share yet another boring lunch photo and what?! They’re posting links to BQB’s awesome free books instead? Hooray! The 3.5 readers are the best!
So, what will you find for free from BQB?
First, The Last Driver – Episode 1 just dropped like it’s hot (that’s so 2000’s) on Amazon. Someone bought a copy within the first hour and thank you to that person. The rest of you need to get your priorities straight.
Next up, you can also get BQB’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts, for FREE as well:
Now, 3.5 readers, I don’t know what time it is in your neck of the woods, but this sale is scheduled to start tomorrow. What time that actually kicks in I don’t know. I’m going to assume midnight. Obviously, if you go on over before October 26, you’ll have to pay full price, and if you want to do that, I’d appreciate it, because damn it, keeping the lights on at BQB HQ is no easy task, let me tell you. By the way, do you have any idea how much yetis eat?
But if you are cheap-o skinflint, I totally understand as the Baby Boomers have been selling us all down the river for years and don’t even get me started on the post-2000 economy. I understand. You can’t go around spending your cash on every book offered to you by a magic bookshelf caretaker. Ergo, you can wait until the sale starts on the 26th and get both books for FREE!
Thank you for your support, 3.5 readers.
3.5 readers, today is the day we celebrate our independence from British tyranny (yes, we were so pissed those dirty limey pricks taxed our tea that we went and created a system that taxes a) our income b) our property c) our purchases and d) still charges fees for many basic government transactions.
That’ll learn ya, ya bucktoothed wankers!
Anyway, celebrate your country’s independence today, but all year long, you can celebrate your independence from shitty writing ideas by buying my big book of badass writing prompts. To do so, you’ll have to liberate 99 cents from your wallet, but really, can you put a price on freedom? I think not.
Hey 3.5 readers.
Your old pal, BQB here.
Today’s the last day of my free book promo. That’s right. All through the end of today, Sunday, you can still make up for your procrastination and get a copy of my free book of badass writing prompts.
Stop putting it off. If you wait tomorrow, you’ll have to pay 99 cents and you need to save that money because the world is a crazy place and you should be saving as much as possible.
Seriously, you never know, buying my book for 99 cents tomorrow might be the transaction that throws your finances into a cataclysmic state, leaving you broke, penniless, homeless on the street, selling your body for candy and bubblegum.
So, don’t delay. Download my book for FREE today.
Hey 3.5 readers.
Your old pal, BQB, here.
In case you didn’t hear, my book, “Bookshelf Q. Battler’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts” is free this week. Totally free. That means you can go on over to Amazon right now and download it for free, no strings attached, the worst that happens is you end up with a book on your kindle that you won’t read, though if you don’t read it, you’d be missing out because the critics in my head are saying it’s the best book since the New Testament.
Please Lord, don’t strike me down. I know you have a sense of humor. Look at my life, after all.
This book features many of my most humorous writing ideas. Why, with this book, you’ll be able to write about:
So, tell you what, 3.5 readers. Get this book for free, browse through it, pick a scenario and write a blog post based on one of the prompts. Tweet a link to me @bookshelfbattle and if I like it, I’ll share it with the 7 eyes of my 3.5 readers. What a marketing breakthrough for you, to have a blog post you wrote shared with the likes of my 3.5 readers.
So, don’t delay, get my book of writing prompts today!
Hey 3.5 readers.
Hop on Amazon and get a copy of my free book. It’s FREE until Sunday. So, you know, because it’s FREE you can just pick it up and not have to pay any money because as I mentioned, it’s totes free.
Ninja bunnies. Zombies. Fart philosophy. Lots of awesome stuff packed into this fine book, which is really, really, really free.
Hey 3.5 readers. BQB here. I haven’t done this in awhile, but if you haven’t yet, please pick up a copy of my illustrious book, “Bookshelf Q. Battler’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts.” As you can imagine, it’s by yours truly, Bookshelf Q. Battler.
It’s available for 99 cents, which means out of a dollar, you get to keep a penny. That beats a strip club. You put a dollar in a stripper’s G-string and she’s keeping it. She’s not going to spit out a penny out of God knows where.
You shouldn’t be going to such houses of ill repute anyway, perverts.
Look, it really is the most fun you can have for a dollar (and still get to keep a penny). If you can think of a better time for 99 cents then tell me about it in the comments and I’ll stand corrected.
Hey 3.5 readers. BQB here.
Take a knee, will you?
You know, 3.5, I’ve known all of you for a long time now and none of you have given me any indication that you’re bad people. If anything, you’re good, God fearing people, folks who probably give to the needy, donating your time and money to help the poor.
Perhaps you even donate to charitable organizations that seek to cure diseases, help the homeless, or educate young folk.
Look, I don’t know how to break it to you, but y’all are 3.5 chumps.
Charity is a racket and you know what you get for donating to charity? Jack Squat. Seriously. For as long as you’ve been alive, have you ever donated to a cause only to later learn that the problem that donation was intended to help alleviate was solved?
Cure cancer? Please. Cancer will be around forever. Your Uncle Fred, your Cousin Larry and even your cat Mr. Snickerdoodle will all get it. AIDS? That’s sticking around too. Hell, Mr. Snickerdoodle already has the cat version.
You want to donate to help the homeless? Fine, but there will just be a new crop of homeless people next week. Since the dawn of time, there have been people with money and people who beg for money. Even in Ancient Roman times, there were plenty of rich Romans and then there were always a few panhandling Romans, looking for some spare coins from the wealthy Romans. That’s never going to change.
Sure, just keep tossing your money down that charity hole. People will still be sick, poor, ugly, fat, bald, gross, unemployed, rabies infested, trudging around aimlessly with gangrenous genitalia.
Don’t even get me started on saving the whales. The whales are fucked and really, who cares? What did a whale ever do for you?
Do you want to keep throwing your money away on charities that will never, ever solve the problems they claim to be working on? Sure, you can if you want to, but why not actually, for once in your life, donate to a cause that will actually yield a result.
3.5 readers, it’s all very simple:
My book is priced at 99 cents. That’s right. If 1 million people would be willing to donate 1 dollar by buying my book, then I, BQB, will be able to get laid by women who are way, way, way, ridiculously way out of my league.
Look, 3.5, I don’t want to tell you how to spend your money. If it gives you the warm and fuzzies to spend your dough sponsoring third world kids even though, if we’re being honest, all of those kids have been shipped off to a sweat shop to build your next smart phone…or you can help a pathetic nerd have sex with hot chicks.
3.5 READERS: But, BQB. Helping you have sex with hot women is not a worthy cause.
No, but unlike all the problems you’re throwing money at with nary a result, it’s a problem that can be saved with money. Your money can yield actual, honest to God results when it comes to my sex life.
If 1 million of you buy my book for 1 dollar, then:
3.5 READERS: But BQB, good women will not be concerned with your money but your personality.
True, and if you’ve been paying attention to this blog, my personality sucks and besides who said anything about good women? I’m looking for hot women with super loose morals, preferably ones who prefer to go at it in a best two out of three topless jello wrestling competition for my amusement.
Hell, 3.5 readers. I’ll tell you what. If you guys turn me into a millionaire, then I’ll gladly post the evidence of how your donation worked to achieve something – namely, the vast improvement of my life. Sure, it will be creepy to see photos of a man who is best described as “Fat Nosferatu” be surrounded by super hot chicks but hey, that’s life.
Bottomline: I know money is tight. I know you have many options to choose from when it comes to donating. And of course, I’m not seeking a donation. I’m asking you to buy a book. If you buy it, you’ll laugh, because it’s funny.
At any rate, if 1 million of you get together, each put in a single buck, then you will achieve an actual result, namely, you will turn me into a man that is popular with super hot gold digging bimbos.
Is that a good result? A bad result? All I know is that it’s a result, and that’s more than I can say than any of the other places you’re throwing money at. You can’t solve all the world’s problems, but you can help a nerd get laid.
Throw your buck in, 999,999 of your buddies to do the same, and this blog will become a recollection of my exploits as a millionaire/stud for ridiculously hot chicks who would never be with an uggo for me, but for the money that you gave me by buying my book.
Or just keep donating to save the homeless, the whales, to cure diseases, and then in 20 years, I’ll accept your apology when you tell me, “You were right, BQB! Homeless, diseased whales are still running amuck. If only I had given that money to you to get you laid!”
Hey 3.5 readers.
My book is still free. You can’t do better than free. Help me out with a download or better yet, a review:
