Tag Archives: amazon

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Movie Review – The Aeronauts (2019)

Guess what, 3.5 readers?

I’m a movie producer.  Well, I’d like to think so, anyway.  I’ve turned so much of my money over to Amazon over the past few years that I’m keeping Jeff Bezos fat and sassy.  At any rate, I’m sure the profit he devised from my purchases of socks, underwear and various and sundry household goods went to the creation of this fine film.

It’s about a balloon.  The year is 1862 and scientist James Glaisher (Eddie Redmayne) teams up with pilot Amelia Rennes (Felicity Jones) in a voyage to the heavens to perform groundbreaking research in the budding science of meteorology.

Specifically, James is one of, if not, the first meteorologist and all the other scientists at the science club think he’s a regular doofus burger with extra dumbass sauce and a side of idiot fries for daring to think that one day, scientists might be able to predict the weather.  Turns out, his colleagues were right, because it’s 170 years later and the meteorologist on my local TV station can’t tell the difference between a fart and a gust of wind.

Meanwhile, Amelia and her late husband were once a pair of famous balloonists but as it turns out, ballooning, especially in those early days, was dangerous as hell, and spoiler alert, her old man kicked the bucket during a balloon ride.  Thus, she’s weary of the idea of going up in a balloon again until James convinces her that she must do it in the name of science, and also, no man with a balloon is willing to lower himself to be a part of what they consider to be James’ balderdash experiments.

Together, they brave the surly bonds of earth and I hate to say it, but a lot of the film looks like they shoved two actors in a basket, greenscreened some sky around them, then dumped some faux rain and snow on their heads but hey, it’s Hollywood.  You gotta do what you gotta do.

There are parts where it gets boring, and parts that seem like downright filler.  After all, it’s hard to make an interesting movie about history and its even harder to make one about scientific history.  Where the flick does get interesting is the harrowing chills, thrills, and spills that occur as this duo get up high and without instruments or any modern equipment, must fix various problems, all the while with little between them and a plummet to earth other than a wicker basket and some rope.

Briefly, Felicity Jones shines as she steps out of her usual stern and proper roles.  She starts out as a show woman, entertaining the crowd of those who stopped by to see the duo take flight, but soon becomes a mother hen, dumping gallons of common sense juice all over James’ dumb head as he urges her to take the balloon higher and higher so he can prove himself to be a bad ass scientist.

I assume this is Amazon’s bid this Oscar season so I also assume we can see this movie on Amazon Prime while we shop for doodads and widgets soon.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Happy Halloween, 3.5 Readers

Treat yourself to one of my FREE books.  Yes, they will be free now throughout the weekend:

 

 

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A Rap About the Seventeen Cents I Made Selling My Books on Amazon

rappa

Uh.  Yeah.  Uh.  Yeah.

Crank up the bass.

Bookshelf Q. Battler.

Comin’ straight at ya face.

Seventeen!

Three less than twenty,

It sure is plenty.

Seventeen!

Eighty-seven less than a buck,

You know I don’t give a…

Seventeen!  Seventeen!

You know a man can only dream of

Seventeen!

A dime and a nickel, two portraits of Lincoln.

Go to the club and my breath is stinkin…

of Cristal!  Because I’m a baller.

Because I’m rolling up to my crib, still chasin the green.

But until I get some foldin’ cash, I’ll have my seventeen!

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A Rap I Wrote About the 77 Cents I Made Selling My Books on Amazon

rappa

Uh..yeah…mic check, here we go.

Cents!  It’s my dream to get to heaven, but to get there I’m gonna need some cents.

My bills piled high and I need to pay my rents, so gimmie the…cents!

File a bill of replevin and stop by the 7-11 just so I can get a number of pennies, the total of which is seventy-seven…cents!

One day I was just a normal guy, didn’t fly high and I never thought that I would ever touch the sky.

Then I looked into my bank account and thought perhaps I was dreaming or perhaps that I had died.

And then I thought I flew to the surly bonds up above.

Cuz when I saw all those cents in my possession, I surely fell in love with…cents!

Yeah, fly me to heaven on a Boeing 747, and pay for the ride with my seven and seven…cents!

My mama told me I lack common sense and my dad told me I was ever so dense but now I can buy sensitivity and density and just chill in the city and pay for it all with…my seventy seven cents!

What you got something that costs seventy cents, muthafucka?  Here, take ten dimes and keep the change, G.  Peace, I’m out.

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A Rap About the $1.42 I Made Selling My Books on Amazon

rappa

BQB:

Aw yeah.  What you gonna do?

Aw yeah.  What you gonna do?

What you gonna do with your dolla forty-two?

Woke up in the morning, pulled my laptop out da sleeve.

Logged on to my bank account. Whoa! Do my eyes deceive?

Out of my throat, my heart did try to leave,

At the sight of some figures, so shiny and new

And wouldn’t you know it?  They added up to a dolla forty two.

CHORUS:

A dolla forty two.  A dolla forty two.

A man has got to hustle to grip that dollar forty-two.

BQB:

If you got a dollar and a half, some buster’s gonna want it.

So keep it in your pocket and you’d better well not flaunt it.

And sure you could feed the homeless and bring some happiness to the poor.

But I think I’d rather drive a new Bugatti through my garage door.

Cuz we all know some bitches love a man with a buck and some change.

So I’m gonna cruise the strip, on the hunt for some strange.

Ladies get excited, don’t know what they gonna do.

When they see a man got a wallet and inside there’s a dolla forty two.

CHORUS:

Dolla forty-two y’all.  Dolla forty-two.

BQB:

2019.  The year I clocked some green.  Peace.  I’m out.

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The Rotten Side of Self-Publishing

Hey 3.5 readers.

Bookshelf Q. Battler here.

Check out this article in the Guardian by Alison Flood.  

I suppose we all get wrapped up into the good of self-publishing i.e. all the great success stories big (the self-published millionaires) and small (the person who finally got to see their name in print even if it doesn’t make a dime) and in-between (the person who makes a fairly decent living but has yet to become wealthy)…but it’s worth noting there are some shenanigans going on as this article points out – plagiarism, unscrupulous characters ripping off authors, stealing their content and packaging it as their own, violating the rules and so on.

Has anyone ever experienced any self-published hi-jinx?

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A Rap About the $1.08 I Made Selling Books on Amazon

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Aw yeah.  Aw yeah.  Mic check one two one two.

Base check three four three four.

Treble check five six five six.

Sound check seven eight…seven eight…seven eight.  Don’t hate the playa cuz he got a dollar eight.

Slingin’ grape pop rocks on the corner, what oh what do I see?

A fly ass hunny rollin up on me.

“Hey baby, wanna go out on a date?”

“Sure thing ma’am, will you accept a dollar eight?”

Oh raise your hands in the air like you just don’t care if you know what I’m talkin’ about.

One hundred and eight cents can be yours if you have a big ass book sale blow out.

Yeah, some dude in Fiji, put down his Ouija, bought my book with money made from a squeegee.

He used it to wash a car, cuz with a dirty ass windshield it won’t get very far.

So now I got his dollar eight and I’m livin’ the gangsta ass life.

Everyday supermodels are fightin’ over who will get to be my wife.

But don’t try to clip my wings baby, cuz bein’ tied down is a terrible fate.

Me? I’d rather travel the world and pay all my expenses with a dollar eight.

Lovers gonna love and haters gonna hate.  That’s just the way it goes.

But ballers gonna ball and busters gonna bust.  Has anyone seen my hoes?

Dolla, dolla bill ‘yall.  Dolla, dolla bill indeed.

Some dude just rolled up on my ass.  Asked if I wanna buy a dollar eight bag of weed.

“Sir, that’s not the game I play.  So your ass better get to steppin.”

Yeah, the dollar eight lifestyle ain’t easy but it’s a life I’ll always be reppin.

Peace.

P.S. Buy my book, bitch:

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A Rap About the $1.66 I Made From Selling My Books On Amazon

BQB Editorial Note: I made $1.66 on my Amazon books, which you might scoff at, but do keep in mind that this is the first time I’ve made over a dollar so…it can only go up from here.  Here is a rap about it.

rappa

Aw yeah.  Aw yeah.  Mic check…1…2….1…2…

Lay down the beat, here’s what we gonna do.

I’mma head out on the town, take out my baby boo.

I got a dollar sixty six in my pocket to buy some drinks for me and you.

Oh, wave your hands in the air, if you a true player,

Throwin’ down two thirds of two dollars without havin’ any care.

But just beware of the limelight.

Busters want yo dollar and change and they gonna start a fight.

Blak-kak-kak-kat goes the gun blast!

Down to ground goes my ass.

Blood in my eyes, much to my surprise.

Some fool got my buck and a half, he capped my ass and now am I gonna die?

No, cuz I look to the sun and I know there’s more to do.

Gotta make another buck sixty six for me and a buck sixty six for you.

Gonna party on a yacht full of fat ass bitches.

Use all my dollar sixty sixes to eighty six all the hatas and da snitches.

Cristal flowin’ like a river and the shoties show me love.

Someone upstairs lookin’ out for me, cuz’ this dolla sixty six came from up above.

Uhh.  Yeah.  Uhh.  Yeah.  Dolla sixty six y’all.  Y’all wish you had a dolla sixty six.

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