Tag Archives: amazon

Happy Halloween, 3.5 Readers

Treat yourself to one of my FREE books.  Yes, they will be free now throughout the weekend:

 

 

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A Rap About the Seventeen Cents I Made Selling My Books on Amazon

rappa

Uh.  Yeah.  Uh.  Yeah.

Crank up the bass.

Bookshelf Q. Battler.

Comin’ straight at ya face.

Seventeen!

Three less than twenty,

It sure is plenty.

Seventeen!

Eighty-seven less than a buck,

You know I don’t give a…

Seventeen!  Seventeen!

You know a man can only dream of

Seventeen!

A dime and a nickel, two portraits of Lincoln.

Go to the club and my breath is stinkin…

of Cristal!  Because I’m a baller.

Because I’m rolling up to my crib, still chasin the green.

But until I get some foldin’ cash, I’ll have my seventeen!

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A Rap I Wrote About the 77 Cents I Made Selling My Books on Amazon

rappa

Uh..yeah…mic check, here we go.

Cents!  It’s my dream to get to heaven, but to get there I’m gonna need some cents.

My bills piled high and I need to pay my rents, so gimmie the…cents!

File a bill of replevin and stop by the 7-11 just so I can get a number of pennies, the total of which is seventy-seven…cents!

One day I was just a normal guy, didn’t fly high and I never thought that I would ever touch the sky.

Then I looked into my bank account and thought perhaps I was dreaming or perhaps that I had died.

And then I thought I flew to the surly bonds up above.

Cuz when I saw all those cents in my possession, I surely fell in love with…cents!

Yeah, fly me to heaven on a Boeing 747, and pay for the ride with my seven and seven…cents!

My mama told me I lack common sense and my dad told me I was ever so dense but now I can buy sensitivity and density and just chill in the city and pay for it all with…my seventy seven cents!

What you got something that costs seventy cents, muthafucka?  Here, take ten dimes and keep the change, G.  Peace, I’m out.

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A Rap About the $1.42 I Made Selling My Books on Amazon

rappa

BQB:

Aw yeah.  What you gonna do?

Aw yeah.  What you gonna do?

What you gonna do with your dolla forty-two?

Woke up in the morning, pulled my laptop out da sleeve.

Logged on to my bank account. Whoa! Do my eyes deceive?

Out of my throat, my heart did try to leave,

At the sight of some figures, so shiny and new

And wouldn’t you know it?  They added up to a dolla forty two.

CHORUS:

A dolla forty two.  A dolla forty two.

A man has got to hustle to grip that dollar forty-two.

BQB:

If you got a dollar and a half, some buster’s gonna want it.

So keep it in your pocket and you’d better well not flaunt it.

And sure you could feed the homeless and bring some happiness to the poor.

But I think I’d rather drive a new Bugatti through my garage door.

Cuz we all know some bitches love a man with a buck and some change.

So I’m gonna cruise the strip, on the hunt for some strange.

Ladies get excited, don’t know what they gonna do.

When they see a man got a wallet and inside there’s a dolla forty two.

CHORUS:

Dolla forty-two y’all.  Dolla forty-two.

BQB:

2019.  The year I clocked some green.  Peace.  I’m out.

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The Rotten Side of Self-Publishing

Hey 3.5 readers.

Bookshelf Q. Battler here.

Check out this article in the Guardian by Alison Flood.  

I suppose we all get wrapped up into the good of self-publishing i.e. all the great success stories big (the self-published millionaires) and small (the person who finally got to see their name in print even if it doesn’t make a dime) and in-between (the person who makes a fairly decent living but has yet to become wealthy)…but it’s worth noting there are some shenanigans going on as this article points out – plagiarism, unscrupulous characters ripping off authors, stealing their content and packaging it as their own, violating the rules and so on.

Has anyone ever experienced any self-published hi-jinx?

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A Rap About the $1.08 I Made Selling Books on Amazon

shutterstock_279113696

 

Aw yeah.  Aw yeah.  Mic check one two one two.

Base check three four three four.

Treble check five six five six.

Sound check seven eight…seven eight…seven eight.  Don’t hate the playa cuz he got a dollar eight.

Slingin’ grape pop rocks on the corner, what oh what do I see?

A fly ass hunny rollin up on me.

“Hey baby, wanna go out on a date?”

“Sure thing ma’am, will you accept a dollar eight?”

Oh raise your hands in the air like you just don’t care if you know what I’m talkin’ about.

One hundred and eight cents can be yours if you have a big ass book sale blow out.

Yeah, some dude in Fiji, put down his Ouija, bought my book with money made from a squeegee.

He used it to wash a car, cuz with a dirty ass windshield it won’t get very far.

So now I got his dollar eight and I’m livin’ the gangsta ass life.

Everyday supermodels are fightin’ over who will get to be my wife.

But don’t try to clip my wings baby, cuz bein’ tied down is a terrible fate.

Me? I’d rather travel the world and pay all my expenses with a dollar eight.

Lovers gonna love and haters gonna hate.  That’s just the way it goes.

But ballers gonna ball and busters gonna bust.  Has anyone seen my hoes?

Dolla, dolla bill ‘yall.  Dolla, dolla bill indeed.

Some dude just rolled up on my ass.  Asked if I wanna buy a dollar eight bag of weed.

“Sir, that’s not the game I play.  So your ass better get to steppin.”

Yeah, the dollar eight lifestyle ain’t easy but it’s a life I’ll always be reppin.

Peace.

P.S. Buy my book, bitch:

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Buy My Book!

My Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts, available for your reading pleasure, 3.5 readers:

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A Rap About the $1.66 I Made From Selling My Books On Amazon

BQB Editorial Note: I made $1.66 on my Amazon books, which you might scoff at, but do keep in mind that this is the first time I’ve made over a dollar so…it can only go up from here.  Here is a rap about it.

rappa

Aw yeah.  Aw yeah.  Mic check…1…2….1…2…

Lay down the beat, here’s what we gonna do.

I’mma head out on the town, take out my baby boo.

I got a dollar sixty six in my pocket to buy some drinks for me and you.

Oh, wave your hands in the air, if you a true player,

Throwin’ down two thirds of two dollars without havin’ any care.

But just beware of the limelight.

Busters want yo dollar and change and they gonna start a fight.

Blak-kak-kak-kat goes the gun blast!

Down to ground goes my ass.

Blood in my eyes, much to my surprise.

Some fool got my buck and a half, he capped my ass and now am I gonna die?

No, cuz I look to the sun and I know there’s more to do.

Gotta make another buck sixty six for me and a buck sixty six for you.

Gonna party on a yacht full of fat ass bitches.

Use all my dollar sixty sixes to eighty six all the hatas and da snitches.

Cristal flowin’ like a river and the shoties show me love.

Someone upstairs lookin’ out for me, cuz’ this dolla sixty six came from up above.

Uhh.  Yeah.  Uhh.  Yeah.  Dolla sixty six y’all.  Y’all wish you had a dolla sixty six.

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Merry Christmas, 3.5 Readers

Hey 3.5 readers.

Merry Christmas.

I’ve been writing this blog since 2014.  Next March, it will be 5 years.  My Christmas wish is that next year this little enterprise will actually start turning a profit.  Toilet Gator will hopefully come out in 2019 and if a book about an alligator who eats people while they are pooping can’t make me a millionaire then I don’t know what will.

In the meantime, check out one of my books below and if you have a spare 99 cents, feel free to buy one.

What is your Christmas wish?  Discuss in the comments.

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Self-Publishing Seems Like an Uphill Battle

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

So here’s what surprised me about self-publishing.

I never thought my books would take off overnight and turn me into an instant millionaire.

I am surprised that there’s so little interest in them.

Call me naïve but I just figured, wow, the Internet, you know?  You put your book on Amazon and Amazon is checked by zillions of people so someone searching for a topic related to your book so just by pure chance there should be at least a hundred bucks worth of purchases right there.

100 purchases at .99 cents a piece?  Is that a lot?  I don’t know.  Is it a lot in comparison to the millions of people who go on to Amazon constantly?

It’s like being the guy that sells oranges on the side of the road.  At least 5 people out of the 1000 who drive past you will buy an orange.

I don’t know.  I’m just surprised because I haven’t made enough money to count on the fingers on my right hand yet.

Am I complaining or being a crybaby?  Yes, though that’s not the intention.  I guess I just thought Amazon was the ultimate tuna filled ocean and if I dipped my net into it, surely just by random luck I’d cash the occasional fish.

Do I need 100 bucks?  No.  Would 100 bucks change my life?  No.  I’m just surprised I’ve barely made a couple bucks.

During my recent giveaway, I did give out roughly 75 free books so I guess that’s cool.  I hope people liked them.

It’s a little frustrating and makes me wonder if it is worth it to continue but…who am I kidding?  I couldn’t stop writing if I tried.

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