Tag Archives: Writing Prompts

My book is still free…

Still free, 3.5 readers.  Just click.  Please download a free copy and if you like, leave a review.  Come on, earn your keep around here, nerds.

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Bookshelf Q. Battler’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts is the Perfect Gift…

…for someone you only mildly care about.  I mean, seriously, if we’re talking about your wife, you can give her a copy, but add a diamond ring, a car, or a trip to Hawaii, you cheap son of a bitch.  Don’t go blaming your divorce on me just because I said my book was a good gift.

Read the fine print. I said it’s a good gift for someone you only mildly care about.  Like that guy at work who thinks he’s your best friend but you can barely remember his name.  That guy is a 99 cent book of writing prompts kind of a friend.

Your mistress?  She needs a gold bracelet and some earrings.  Seriously, handle your shit, son, before your wife and mistress start telling each other about each other’s existence.

This is all very facetious.  As if any of my readers have social lives…

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Have you read my book yet?

Hey 3.5 readers.  Your old pal BQB here.

Do you want to write like me?  Well, you can’t.  The only way you could conceivably ever be able to write like me would be to invent a time machine and arrange for Ernest Hemingway to bang Jane Austen and somehow become the resulting love child.

No time machine?  Well, sorry, you’re screwed, but that’s ok, I’ll still give you some of my best ideas for the low, low, incredibly low price of 99 cents.  My prices are insane and I’m practically giving my writing prompts away.

You know, 3.5 readers, I’m not trying to guilt you but I do have expenses here at BQB HQ.  I have to keep the moat stocked with toilet gators to keep zombies and solicitors at bay.  I have to keep my yeti cage electrified.  I need to scrape the barnacles off my feet.  Seriously.  This place is hemorrhaging money.

So help me by putting your finger in my financial dyke and buy your copy today.  If you can’t afford 99 cents then take stock of your life choices and stop drinking and get a job so that you can afford a copy of my fine book.

Thank you, 3.5 readers.

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My Prices Are Insane!

I’m Crazy BQB and my prices are insane!  Last chance to get yourself a free copy of my book, 3.5 readers:

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I Have Made An Entire Dollar off My Book Sales

Yup.  I didn’t have a dollar before and now I have a dollar.  Dolla dolla make you holla, y’all.

Bookshelf Q battlers for Amazon

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My First Review!

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

I’m sorry.  My book is like my baby and I’m one of those parents who makes a post every time his kid poops or burps or does something he finds adorable but most people think is lame.

Anyway, I received my first review!  And it was a 5 star!  So thank you, reader.  You have exceptional taste in books and you are an astute reviewer of books because honestly, BQB’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts really and truly is a 5 star book.

And it can be yours for 99 cents!

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I Sold My First Book

Hey 3.5 readers.

I’m trying not to be that guy, you know the “Oh look at me I self-published a book guy!” but sometimes this blog is more for me than for you, although I’m happy to have all 3.5 of you.

Often, I forget what I write and surprise myself with forgotten memories years later.  So I’d like to record this one.

I sold my first book!  I’ve given 120 copies away for free but now someone actually parted with money to read my book.  Huzzah!

Priced at 99 cents, I have an entire 35 cents coming my way (Amazon gets the other 64 cents.)

What should I do with my newfound 35 cents, 3.5 readers?  (Hmm…is that a sign, since “35” is just 3.5 without the point?  Interesting…)

I thought about cashing it out and wearing the coins in a little sack around my neck.  It would probably impress all the ladies at da club.

But instead, I think I will save it.  I’ve got an empty mayonnaise jar on my desk and it is labeled “BQB’s Malibu Beach House Party Featuring Scantily Clad Women of Ill Repute with Loose Morals.”

35 cents in.  $999,999.64 to go.

Anyone want to pay me $999,999.64 for a book?  No?  OK just checking.

Thank you first person to buy my book.  I hope you enjoy it.

Be the second person to buy my book for 99 cents!

Bookshelf Q battlers for Amazon

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BQB’s Writing Prompts Dropped to 99 Cents!

Ugh.  Look how low I’ve fallen, 3.5 readers.  The 99 cent bin already.

It was free for five days and in that time I gave away 120 free copies.  I thought that was a good start.

I think it is worth more.  It’s got a fabulous cover and some pretty funny content.  However, after two days without a sale at $2.99, I decided that it would be better for the long run to just concentrate, for now, on bringing in more fans and then the profits will come later.

So, I’ll get a whopping 35 cents per 99 cent copy I sell, which should earn me an astounding $1.23 if all 3.5 of you fine readers buy a copy.

Just don’t do it all at once.  I’m worried that extra $1.23 might move me into a higher tax bracket.

Buy my book here.

Bookshelf Q battlers for Amazon

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Last Chance for a Free Book!

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

Bookshelf Q battlers for Amazon

Just a reminder that today is the last day of my free book giveaway for BQB’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts.

If you like my blog, like my work, if I’ve ever brightened your day with my witty banter, please mosey on over to Amazon and pickup a free copy.  The more books I can give away, the more my stats rise, the more people discover the book and so on.

You don’t have to pay any money, you don’t even have to read it although you should because it’s funny…you just have to download the book for free and that’s it.

Thanks 3.5 readers.

DOWNLOAD BQB’S BOOK HERE

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BQB’s Book is Climbing the Charts!

Check it out, 3.5 readers:

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I’m #14 in the Top 100 Books in the Free Writing Skills Reference Category.

Can we drive this higher?  Bookshelf Q. Battler’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts is going to be free all weekend.  Why not grab a free copy, give it a badass review, and work on some of the prompts and share your results with your blog audience?

Tell your friends, social media followers, etc.

I’m not getting any younger people.  I know.  I read your blogs.  You’re all like “Oh la dee da I’m in the writing game for the artistic wonder of it all” and I’d like to say that in it for that but, you know, also…fame and fortune.  And parties in Malibu mansions filled with scantily clad women…parties that aren’t going to happen unless you download your free copy today.

3.5 READERS:  Oh, that’s awesome BQB.  We love you so much and we’re going to thank you for all the free entertainment you’ve provided for us over the years by downloading your book for free.

Thank you 3.5 readers.  I love you too.  Download my book for free here.

 

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