Tag Archives: free books

GET A FREE BOOK!

FREE STUFF!

Sing it with me, 3.5 readers. Ohhhhhh…FREE stuff is good. FREE stuff is great! FREE stuff is the best! FREE stuff is better than all the rest!

Why is FREE stuff awesome? Because it’s FREE. Why, 11 out of 7 scientists at the Advanced Institute For Bogus Statistics agree that the reason why FREE stuff is good is because you don’t have to pay for it. That means that you get something while not having to part with your money.

You earned that money, possibly by doing one of the following:

#1 – Winning the lottery

#2 – Fighting a duel with river pirates for it using your ninja skills

#3 – You were walking through the forest one day and came across a dead man holding a stack of bills. You looked around, saw no one watching, then just took it because hey, it’s not like he needed it anymore. Then again, maybe he had a family with bills to pay, you insensitive son of a…

#4 – You inherited from your long estranged, Great Great Great Great Great Uncle Tiberius, who left a provision in his last will and testament that you will get a lot of moolah if you survive one night in a haunted house. You laugh, but many a 1960s horror film started in exactly this manner. For some reason, many of the 1960s elderly wanted their younger kin to spend nights in haunted houses. Toughened them up, I suppose. I mean, the old people of that time were born in the late 1800s, a time before toilets, TV, and basic civil rights so they probably didn’t think asking their descendants to spend a night in a haunted house was that big a deal.

#5 – My advisors advise me this is the most likely scenario – you worked for it. You performed a series of tasks in a job in which you are gainfully employed and received fair market value compensation for your time. BRAVO! (Though you really should have fought pirates for it. Lazy.)

Anyway you got your dough, you should keep it. Don’t spend it on my book because my book is free. Instead, spend your money on:

#1 – Candy. 78 out of 5 Bogus Stat Scientists say it is good for the lumbago.

#2 – Robot friends. Don’t bother with human friends. They are very fussy and more often than not, they disappoint. Instead, buy your very own robot friend and program it to like you.

#3 – Puppies.

#4 – Bribes to the King of Norway to meet Thor. You know he can hook that up.

#5 – A robust and healthy combination of goods/services/shelter you need to survive, along with a good habit of saving, a strategy that includes cash reserves in the bank as well as a modest stock, bond and mutual fund portfolio to ensure that you won’t have to peddle your wares under a bridge well into advanced age just to make ends meet. My advisors advise me this is totes what you should be doing with the money you saved by not buying my book.

WHAT IS THE BOOK ABOUT?

Finally, like ten minutes into this post, you ask. CONSPIRACY THEORIES RUN AMUCK! There is a homeless man. He shouts conspiracy theories at everyone all day. Most think he is a kook, but apparently he has stumbled on something that puts a bee in the bonnet of a certain government agency that may or may not exist.

GET YOUR FREE COPY TODAY!

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

GET A FREE BOOK!

I’m Crazy BQB and my book prices are so low, I’m giving them away! Bah ha ha!

3.5 READERS: BQB, how low are your book prices?

BQB: I’m glad you asked. My book prices are lower than:

#1 – A crooked Congressman

#2 – A snake trying to win a limbo contest

#3 – That shawty in the Flo-Rida song with the apple bottom jeans and the boots with the fur who got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low (while the whole club was looking at her.

In conclusion, get this free book?

WHAT’S IT ABOUT?

Was there a low point in your life? (BTW the price of this book is lower than that.)

Maybe don’t feel too bad about that low point. Maybe that bad thing that happened turned out to be the best thing for the world.

Case in point. Evan Brooks has wasted his life pining for his ex, “the one that got away.” After some interference from a mysterious stranger, he learns their break-up was the best thing for the world, for by going their separate ways, they avoided having a son who becomes the world’s worst dictator. Now that he sees that world, Evan will have to figure out how to put the world above his own selfish needs.

BTW – IT’S FREE!

Tagged , , , , ,

Get a FREE BOOK!

It’s official, 3.5 readers. Like a monk, I’ve taken a vow of poverty so I can pass on all the FREE BOOK savings to you.

When you download my book for FREE, what will you do with the savings?

Possibilities:

#1 – Book a cruise. Meet the love of your live. Let your spouse down easy.

#2 – Buy a mansion. Hire a butler. Forget to tell your fam your new address.

#3 – Buy a major league baseball team. Learn about baseball so you can tell them how to play.

#4 – None of these things, because my book was only .99 cents to begin with, but with that extra almost-buck, you could put some extra cheese on your taco.

In conclusion, get my FREE BOOK FOR FREE with the awesome cost savings, you can put extra cheese on your taco:

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

GET A FREE BOOK – FOR FREE

3.5 readers, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times:

Making money is for suckers.

Sure, any old author can make millions of bucks off the fruit of their scribbling labors but me? I’m like a monk. I’ve taken a vow of poverty and that’s how I can afford to just give my books away for FREE, YES TOTALLY FREE which means, YOU PAY NOTHING!

So, what are you waiting for? An engraved invitation? Head on over to Amazon and pick up a FREE copy of my book, “The End is Nigh” which is about a wacky conspiracy theorist who might just be babbling about something that a certain government agency (that may or may not exist) doesn’t want the public to know about.

If you want to buy a book while you’re there and in so doing, make a contribution to Jeff Bezos’ next space flight, be my guest, but you certainly don’t have to. You’re more than welcome to just grab A FREE BOOK FOR FREE!

Tagged , , , , ,

Two Free Books This Weekend!

Hey 3.5 readers.

Your old pal BQB here.

I’m giving away two books for FREE this weekend. That means you don’t have to pay for them.

The first is a collection of my shorts (which are twisted) and the second is the first issue about a superhero who quits.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

GET A FREE BOOK! (IT IS FREE)

Free stuff = good.

Paid for stuff = bad.

My book, The Second Death, is FREE all this weekend.

Ergo, it must be good.

Think about that flawless logic as you get your FREE copy:

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

I’m Number One! I’m Number One!

Check it out, 3.5 readers.

My latest twisted short, “The Phone Did It” is number one on Amazon’s free technothriller charts. Thanks to a Freebooksy promo, I gave away approximately 1900 free copies of this book this weekend.

I mean, yeah if people had actually PAID for 1900 copies, I’d have a nice little chunk of change coming my way but let’s not get ridiculous, here. Authors making money in exchange for their labors? Absurd! Absurd, I say!

Anyway, this books is FREE until Tuesday, so do grab your FREE copy and if you’re so inclined, maybe you could even leave a review:

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

GET A FREE BOOK!

3.5 readers, this weekend you can get one of my fine books for FREE, which means you don’t have to pay for it. All you do is go and get it for free. Wanna read it? Great. Don’t want to? Hey, maybe you will later. Point is, get it now, for it is FREE.

Do you know how your phone has been trained to show you stuff you’re interested in? Hell, buy one pair of French loafers today and you’ll be seeing ads for French loafers until the end of time.

What if they had a phone that could DO the things you want done, before you even realize you want them done? What if your phone just knows you like French loafers and automatically calculates when you need a new pair and orders them?

What if your phone, capable of impersonating your voice and making all those grunt work calls you hate making, what if your phone, capable of doing actual tasks and making purchases and transactions in your name, took its mandate to fetch whatever its user wants before they know they want it…way too seriously? (Muah ha ha! Cue sinister foreshadowing.)

Grab your free copy of The Phone Did It this weekend on Amazon. Reminder – it is FREE.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

I’m Number One! I’m Number One!

Will you look at that, 3.5 readers? A short story by me, BQB, is #1 on Amazon’s free horror short story list this weekend.

Look out, Stephen King. I’m set to outpace you, in like, a thousand years maybe…but still, isn’t that great? Last month, I had a book that was number one in Amazon’s free writing skill reference so I was a master of the English language and now I’m a master of horror.

Now if I could only get to the top of a paid Amazon list. I suppose that takes more doing.

Anyway, get your free copy this weekend.

Tagged , , , , ,

Celebrate Easter With a Free Werewolf Book!

Hey 3.5 readers.

For a few weeks now, they’ve been playing this trailer for a horror film – “On the holiest weekend of the year, watch The Unholy.”

And each time it played, I was like, “What idiot thought it was a good idea to release a horror film on one of the happiest, most holy and spiritual weekends of the year? I mean seriously, what dummy is going to go out and sit by himself in a movie theater during a pandemic to watch a horror film on this, the anniversary of our Lord and Savior’s glorious resurrection?

Well, turns out, I was an idiot who set up a free promo for a book about werewolves on Easter weekend. I set it up weeks ago, back in February. You know how we are all then. We still haven’t bothered to look up whether Easter is in March or April yet.

So, listen, grab this free book, will you? You can wait to read it next weekend if you want, but just do your old pal BQB a solid and grab your free copy. Jesus would want you to because he was all about helping people. No, I don’t claim to know what Jesus wanted but I’m just saying, I think he’d want you to have free books.

Tagged , , , , ,