Will you look at that, 3.5 readers? A short story by me, BQB, is #1 on Amazon’s free horror short story list this weekend.
Look out, Stephen King. I’m set to outpace you, in like, a thousand years maybe…but still, isn’t that great? Last month, I had a book that was number one in Amazon’s free writing skill reference so I was a master of the English language and now I’m a master of horror.
Now if I could only get to the top of a paid Amazon list. I suppose that takes more doing.
For a few weeks now, they’ve been playing this trailer for a horror film – “On the holiest weekend of the year, watch The Unholy.”
And each time it played, I was like, “What idiot thought it was a good idea to release a horror film on one of the happiest, most holy and spiritual weekends of the year? I mean seriously, what dummy is going to go out and sit by himself in a movie theater during a pandemic to watch a horror film on this, the anniversary of our Lord and Savior’s glorious resurrection?
Well, turns out, I was an idiot who set up a free promo for a book about werewolves on Easter weekend. I set it up weeks ago, back in February. You know how we are all then. We still haven’t bothered to look up whether Easter is in March or April yet.
So, listen, grab this free book, will you? You can wait to read it next weekend if you want, but just do your old pal BQB a solid and grab your free copy. Jesus would want you to because he was all about helping people. No, I don’t claim to know what Jesus wanted but I’m just saying, I think he’d want you to have free books.
I packed all six of my twisted short stories into one volume, slapped it up on Amazon and this weekend, this collection is FREE! Totally, FREE! My prices are lower than a rattle snake wiggling underneath a limbo stick! If you find a better deal on a better collection of short stories for a price that’s less than FREE, then take it!
I’m Crazy BQB and my book prices are insane! My latest book is priced to move and all virtual copies must go!
3.5 readers, today through Tuesday, you can get a FREE copy of my short story, The End is Nigh, about a wacky conspiracy theorist who stumbles upon something real when a certain government agency that may or may not exist starts chasing him.
Should you get a FREE copy? Yes, because it is a FREE copy and FREE stuff is awesome.
Do you need to read it if you get it for FREE? Yes, you should because it’s funny and witty and awesome like all my books and I say that with great humility but if you don’t want to, that’s fine. It’s a FREE country which coincidentally, my book is also FREE.
Hey 3.5 readers. This weekend, you can get my book, The Second Death (A BQB Twisted Short) for FREE, which means you don’t have to pay for it.
That’s right. You can save your money and spend it on comic books and bubble gum instead, or better yet, put it in the bank and let it compound interest for 1,000 years so you can become uber rich. It’s your money. Do want you want with it. The key here is you don’t have to spend it on my book, because my book is totes FREE!
Inspired by the poem “The To-be Forgotten” by Thomas Hardy, The Second Death is about a fame obsessed wacko who spends an entire day hatching outlandish schemes, all in an effort to attract the media attention he so desperately craves…and the FBI agents who track him down.
3.5 readers…Valentine’s Day is tomorrow so if you’re a big cheapo skinflint, you could get a free copy of this book for your sweetie…and then enjoy bachelorhood because no self-respecting woman wants a book for V-Day. You could get her a free copy of this book plus a dozen roses and a diamond necklace and so on. That would probably work out better.
3.5 readers, my prices are so low that a rattle snake could shimmy right underneath them. Boy howdy, let me tell you, if I lower these prices any lower, I’d have to get my head examined. Heck, come to think of it, you can’t do better on a price that’s free, can you? I’d have to start paying people to read my books, which I mean, if Amazon ever allows it, I wouldn’t be against it but I digress.
Hoo dawgies! Are y’all into dystopian fiction? Well, you’re in luck. The One That Got Away is FREE this weekend! That means, right now! Why are you still here? Click above and get your free gosh darn copy! It’s about a miserable drunk whose wish that his long lost love hadn’t dumped him was granted, only to wake up in a world where he’s married…and the father of the most evil dictator in world history. Not exactly the feel good story of the year, but totes worth a perusal.
The Second Death! Yeah, I know. This probably isn’t going to be the feel good book of the summer either, but it’ll be FREE Feb 12 – 16, right on Valentine’s Day weekend, so if you’re a big cheap skinflint, you can get your Smoochy Poo a copy of this free book, though I advise against it because it isn’t easy being single. At least get her a diamond bracelet and some flowers too or something.
What’s it about? A fame obsessed wacko concocts a cacophony of outrageous schemes, each more twisted than the last, all designed to attract the media attention he so desperately desires. It all adds up to the day from hell for FBI agents Rick Nash and Ramona Cruz.
Alien invasions! Sasquatch assassins! Poisonous Pomeranians! Lizard people attacks! There’s no conspiracy theory too wacky for goofy old Harry Blanding to peddle from his post at the Broad Street subway stop. Some commuters think he is nutso. Others think he is hilarious…but one government agency that may or may not exist isn’t laughing.
Get your FREE copy of The End is Nigh February 19-23.
Ninja bunnies! Professional shark punchers! Rude unicorns! This ain’t your grandma’s writing prompt book. Get your free copy Feb 26 – March 2 and maybe one day you’ll start a blog read by only 3.5 readers like BQB.
Go on over to Amazon and get this FREE BOOK for FREE which means you don’t have to pay for it because it is FREE.
What if the worst thing that ever happened to you was the best thing for the world? When a mysterious stranger gives down on his luck drunk Evan Brooks a trial run of the world in which his long lost love never left, he discovers that by sticking together, they had a son who ended up as the worst dictator in history. Will Evan be able to put his own selfish desires aside to save the world?
My twisted short, “When Superheroes Quit” is totally FREE! That’s right! It’s FREE! You pay zilch, zero, nada!
Just mosey on over to Amazon and grab your FREE copy which you won’t have to pay for because it’s FREE!
Horrendous City is under attack! Will the Righteous Champion save the day? No, for he has retired. He is moving to California to chase his dream of becoming a pop star. Somehow the city will have to figure out how to fight evil on its own.