Not surprising. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it when I was watching it last week, but I knew something was off. There was a lot of appeal for sci fi nerds like me but it was lacking in terms of broad based appeal. It’s always a bit of a roll of a dice when you make a sci fi film, usually the stuff that kids are into, but make it adult oriented. The film was PG but the plot was high falutin’.
It asks the audience to ponder a lot of questions about life and death and also to hope for a day when our frail, limited bodies can be enhanced and kept alive permanently via technology, as well as what benefits and drawbacks would result from that.
By the way, I said in my previous review that there was a subtle explanation in the film as to why a Japanese character was played by ScarJo, a honky. Remember, I can say honky for I am a honky.
Here’s the explanation. Look away if you don’t want spoilers.
So, the key is to remember that Major is a robot. She’s told when she wakes up that her brain is that of a refugee whose boat was blown up by a terrorist, leaving her parents dead in the process. It’s not said out loud but one wonders whether in the future there might have been some type of catastrophe in one of the honky majority countries, thus causing honkies to immigrate to Japan, possibly explaining why there are so many honkies running around Japan.
Later, we learn Major was lied to. Her brain once belonged to Motoko, a Japanese runaway. The corporation claimed it only experimented on brains of those who had already died when in fact, they were kidnapping runaway kids and taking their brains out.
It’s never said directly, but one is left to wonder whether Major, the body Motoko’s brain is placed into, is a white supermodel looking babe out of some misguided corporate sense that this is the height of beauty that everyone should aspire to.
Thus, this is why ScarJo played the robot.
I suppose it’s up for interpretation. If you saw it, tell me yours.
I never watched Baywatch as a kid, but it was literally always on all the time. If you just left your TV on and went to do something, it would inevitably be on. And it was on for a long time too. I don’t know how those lifeguards got into so many adventures but they sure did.
And now, like everything else from my youth, it is being parodied. That’s ok. It was pretty much a parody at the time.
Now that I have your attention, BQB here with a review of the sci-fi film, Ghost in the Shell.
OK. I fibbed. Scarlett Johansson isn’t naked in this movie. Here’s how I assume the conversation went down at the studio:
HOLLYWOOD SUIT #1 – Can we make a movie where Scarlett Johansson runs around naked for half the entire film?
HOLLYWOOD SUIT #2 – Yes, but it would be classified as a porn.
HOLLYWOOD SUIT #1 – Hmm. OK. What if Scarlett Johansson is a robot and runs around in a flesh colored body suit? She wouldn’t technically be naked because as a robot, she wouldn’t have nipples, or a butt crack or a cooter?
HOLLYWOOD SUIT #1 – PG-13 – Bring the teenagers!
Ahh, so much controversy and hype over this long awaited film.
Allow me to answer your questions…or my questions…since no one is asking questions.
QUESTION #1 – What the hell is this movie about?
Excellent question, me. This film is based on a popular Japanese franchise (gotta be honest, I’m not hip enough to be able to tell you for sure if it was a comic book, anime cartoon, or both, though I’m leaning to comic book).
ScarJo stars as Major, a Japanese government agent with a synthetic body controlled by a human brain. She is the result of an experiment by the Hanko Corporation, an effort to put a brain into a robot and represents a hope that the technology that made her will eventually keep all humans from dying – i.e. their brains can just be put into robots when their bodies wear out. If her brain is a “ghost” or remnant of a human, and the body is a “shell,” then she is the…wait for it…ghost in the shell.
There’s a villain taking out the scientists who made her. She must investigate with the help of her trusty sidekick Batou (Pilou Asbaek), a muscle bound, bleach blonde weirdo.
Question #2 – Was it a dick move to cast ScarJo, a honky, in the lead role in a film that takes place in Japan, especially when in the original, the character is Japanese?
Yes and no. I can see both sides. By the way, I can say “honky” because I am one. That’s OUR word!
THE ARGUMENT FOR YES – There are so few lead roles for Asian actors/actresses as it is. A few years back, an Asian actress would have loved to play the female lead in Aloha, but instead, for reasons yet to be explained, Emma Stone was cast as a Hawaiian. Earlier this year, Matt Damon saved the Great Wall of China. And now, ScarJo, who is pretty much the female lead in like, everything, is cast in a part that would have made an Asian actress’ career.
Plus, although the film takes place in Japan, there are honkies, honkies everywhere! It’s a veritable honky fest. Though there are a number of Asians in the film, there’s only one who has any considerable amount of screen time. That’s Takeshi Kitano, by the way, who plays the gruff and grizzled Aramaki, the leader of Major’s unit.
So while I could understand the argument of, “Hey, the studio is dumping a shit ton of dough into this movie so they want a lead actress with a proven track record of putting butts in seats,” I don’t understand why more of the supporting cast couldn’t have been Asian.
THE ARGUMENT FOR NO – I believe, in a subtle, understated way, the film does provide an explanation as to why the lead character is a honky. There’s even an explanation as to why there are so many honkies running around Japan. I don’t want to spoil the movie for you, so maybe I can get into this after the movie’s been out for awhile.
QUESTION #3 – Is the movie any good?
Also, yes and no.
THE ARGUMENT FOR YES – Its colorful. The special effects are amazing. The fight scenes are dazzling. It raises a lot of interesting questions about the future of humanity.
THE ARGUMENT FOR NO – There were a lot of times where the film feels like a discount version of Blade Runner. All of the giant holographic billboards are a dead giveaway. Also, the plot is confusing. There are some parts where the film drags and others where it moves quicker than I would have liked it to. I was left puzzled by a lot of things, yet not caring enough to expend the brain cells necessary to sort it all out.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy. I liked it, though the only reason why I would watch it again is to see a technically naked ScarJo. Maybe in the sequel, they can give her nipples, a butt crack, and a cooter.
This film took a joke and stretched it out to the max. The joke is that babies tend to be little dictatorial bosses. They scream and cry and their parents immediately come running to cater to their every need. If the “boss baby” doesn’t get exactly what he/she wants, the parents are in for one heck of a temper tantrum. In other words, it is pretty much like working for a controlling, domineering boss.
Except this particular boss baby comes with a business suit and a brief case and he speaks in business school lingo with Alec Baldwin’s voice. (“Put that cookie down! Cookies are for closers only!”) I could tell you why he does that, but then I’d ruin the film for you.
Miles Bakshi lends his voice to Tommy, the Boss Baby’s older brother, who must learn to reconcile his “Mom and Dad used to dote on me and now I have to share the love with a little brother” feelings with the need to help the Boss Baby complete an important boss baby mission.
Steve Buscemi voices the villain and Lisa Kudrow and Jimmy Kimmel are the voices behind Timmy and Boss Baby’s parents.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy. As animated films go, it was cute and had some important messages about family. It’s good for an outing with the kids but it probably isn’t destined to become a kids’ classic.
Ryan Reynolds. Jake Gyllenaal. A murderous space amoeba.
BQB here with a review of Life.
Our tale begins on a happy note. The crew of the International Space Station has received a sample of soil taken from Mars and returned via a probe. It contains what seems to be a great scientific discovery, namely living bacteria – proof that life exists beyond Earth.
The crew seeks to study this life form but alas, said bacteria has other ideas in mind. It’s essentially a high paced monster movie in space, as the crew try to save themselves while also trying to keep the life form from reaching Earth.
One observation is that this is really an ensemble cast. Reynolds and Gyllenhaal are the two most recognizable stars, but they don’t drive the focus or action of the film. Crew members Sho, Miranda, Kat, and Hugh (Hiroyuki Sanada, Rebecca Ferguson, Olga Dihovichnaya and Ariyon Bakare, respectively) all get their chance to shine.
Reynolds of Deadpool fame is snarky as always. One day I’d like to hear the story of why a good looking dude (I’m not gay it’s just an observation) still tries so hard. Handsome/beautiful people tend to coast on their looks – in my opinion. Yes, I am discriminatory against the beautiful.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy. Worth a trip to the theater.
A big ass monkey is on the loose and me without a banana.
BQB here with a review of the action blockbuster Kong: Skull Island.
SPOILERS ABOUND
You know, 3.5 readers, it seems like every decade, old King Kong is poked in the butt by Hollywood and dragged out to entertain us once again. I assume the production meetings always go something like this:
HOLLYWOOD SUIT #1: We want a new picture that people will see but we don’t want anything original at all. What have you got for us, Jenkins?
JENKINS: Um…I can haz big monkey movie?
HOLLYWOOD SUIT #1: A new King Kong film! Brilliant!
In this film’s defense, it is the best King Kong film I’ve seen in a long time, and is much better than the 2005 tour de force with Naomi Watts and Jack Black. In fact, the reviews I read of this film were so terrible that I went in expecting it to be a mess and was pleasantly surprised that it is actually pretty good. The critics and I just don’t agree from time to time.
In this go around, it’s the end of the Vietnam War (cue a soundtrack that will be on the wish list of any 1970s music aficionado) and the mysterious Monarch Corporation, helmed by John Goodman, wants to take advantage of military resources in the area to lead a scientific expedition to Skull Island. Blah, blah, blah, an ensemble cast is assembled, they get separated and end up fighting throughout the movie to avoid any host of dangers, ranging from becoming the lunch of one of the island’s nasty inhabitants to trying not to get bitch slapped by King Kong.
Among the film’s better performances:
Samuel L. Jackson as an Army colonel who is so angry that the U.S. has lost the Vietnam War that he sees taking down Kong as a sort of redemption.
Tom Hiddleston as a mercenary hired to go on the mission. This is the first movie I have seen Tom in out of his Loki outfit and I have to say, he’s too good for this film. He may be too good for any film. No wonder Taylor Swift dated him. I’m not gay and yet he makes me want to date him…platonically, because as I said, I’m not gay. His part is straightforward. There’s little backstory or character development and yet he just acts the shit out of everything he does. It’s like I want to reach into the screen and just tell him I’m sorry that Hollywood hasn’t found anything better for him to do.
Brie Larson as the usual blonde that Kong gets the hots for. The film tries to break away from most Kong cliches, but the “Oh I’m Kong and I’m going to pick up this blonde chick and stare at her longingly and the audience will feel sorry and only Bookshelf Q. Battler will be smart enough to be disgusted by a) the beastiality undertones and b) the sheer impossible logistics of getting my gargantuan prehistoric gorilla dong anywhere near Brie Larson in any conceivable way that would remotely cause her pleasure.
By the way, King Kong roams around freely throughout the movie in the buff and his King Kong dong is nowhere to be found. Seems like a gaping plot hole if you ask me.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy. Worth a trip to the theater. Worth it to see it in 3-D.
Arnold Schwarzenegger. Jamie Lee Curtis. Total awesomeness.
BQB here with a review of True Lies.
I was flipping through the channels, caught this film on TV and it immediately made me feel like a kid again.
THE PLOT: Arnold Schwarzenegger is a secret agent for a U.S. spy organization, Omega Sector. However, he keeps this secret from his wife, Jamie Lee Curtis, who thinks she’s married to a lame, boring computer salesman. In search of adventure, Jamie Lee gets taken in by a used car salesman played by Bill Paxton, who pretends to be a spy in an attempt to get into her pants.
When Arnold’s real pursuit of a terrorist organization intersects with Paxton’s pursuit of Jamie Lee’s nether regions, shit hits the fan.
THE AWESOMENESS: Movies tend to be a snapshot of the time in which they are made, and you don’t realize until years later why they are so awesome. But here are many reasons why this movie is awesome:
It was Arnold at his best. The 1980s saw Arnold with many great action films that were high on energy but low on plot. This film was packed with great writing and comedy. Sadly, I think it may also be the last really good movie Arnie ever made.
Tom Arnold proves himself. At the time, Tom Arnold was kind of a joke as a comedian. He was married to Roseanne Barr, and he was in a lot of crap that wasn’t funny at all, so the public perception was that he only got gigs via Roseanne related nepotism. At least that’s what I thought at the time. But he totally nails the part of Arnold’s bumbling loser sidekick. He is, in many ways, the best part of the movie.
Eliza Dushku. As far as I know, this was her first role, as Arnold and Jamie’s daughter, long before she became Faith the Evil Vampire Slayer on Buffy.
Tia Carrere. Tia has got to be one of the most underutilized actresses in Hollywood. She got to be Wayne’s girlfriend in Wayne’s World and then she got an awesome role in this movie as a villain. Then she kind of disappeared. We need a Carrere comeback.
Awesome action scenes, including Arnold on a horse chasing a terrorist on a motorcycle. Arnold kicking ass in a men’s room. Arnold fighting a terrorist with a Harrier jet. Also, this movie was the first time I learned that Harrier jets even existed. All jets should be Harrier jets.
Charlton Heston as the chief of Omega Sector. One of his last roles.
When Bill Paxton passed away recently, this was the role I instantly thought of. He was so funny as a pervy weasel.
Professor X dropping F bombs! Logan beheading random bad dudes Wolvey berserker style.
BQB here with a review of Logan.
OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING
Twelve years into the future, the government has successfully hunted down and killed all mutant kind. A senile, ninety-something Professor X (Sir Patrick Stewart) and Logan/Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) are hiding out in an old factory in Mexico with their albino houseboy Caliban (Stephen Merchant).
Things look grim for mutant kind but a young mutant girl Laura (Dafne Keen) may just be the key to mutant survival. Thus, it’s up to Professor X and Logan to get her to safety. I won’t get into the plot any deeper, but suffice it to say that the claws come in bigger, badder, nastier and often disgusting ways.
A lot has been made of the fact that this is Hugh Jackman’s last film in which he will play Wolverine. I can’t believe it. It feels like the X-Men movies just began yesterday. The earlier 2000s ones were ahead of their time though they tend to get panned in light of the more recent superhero movie renaissance. Perhaps some nerd out there can correct me but as far as I know, Hugh Jackman might just hold the trophy for the most years spent playing the same superhero.
Then again, Patrick Stewart may share that claim as he has been Professor X for as long as Jackman has played Wolverine. And SirPatStew has said this will be the last time he plays Professor X.
It makes sense. New life was breathed into the X-Men franchise when the timeline was tinkered with. Younger actors were brought in to play the characters during the sixties, seventies, eighties etc. Though I suppose that technically, Stewart and Jackman could play younger versions of themselves in those earlier timeline based movies, it would seem almost cheap as this particular film seemed like a perfect ending to the timeline that began with the early 2000s movies.
Did any of that make any sense? Probably not. It will when you see the movie. All I’m basically saying is that a timeline dating back to the 1960s to 2029 has been created by all the movies made thus far, and though they could continue making movies with the younger cast, they should leave this film as the point where it all ends in 2029.
Sigh. Hugh Jackman seemed so cool when he burst on the scene in 2000 for the first time as Wolverine and now I’m older than he was at the time. WTF life? WTF indeed.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy. Worth a trip to the theater. A summer blockbuster in March.
Ridiculous amounts of cartoonish violence and ennui.
BQB here with a review of Netflix’s, I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore.
Ruth (Melanie Lynskey), a nursing assistant, is epically bummed. Inconsiderate people surround her wherever she goes. From the guy at the supermarket who always drops something on the floor then leaves it for someone else to pick up, to the dude with unnecessarily huge exhaust pipes on his truck belching smoke into the air, to whoever is allowing their dog to poop on her lawn everyday, there just seems to be an unmitigated lack of concern for others in this world.
All these bad vibes culminate when her house is robbed. Rather than go the usual route of being content to file a police report that goes nowhere, she snaps and sets out on a mission to hunt the house robbers down.
She finds a sidekick in her neighbor Tony (Elijah Wood), a martial arts enthusiast who is more likely to nunchuck himself than actually do anything useful.
At first, I thought this was going to be a dark comedy, almost a parody of the 1993 film Falling Down, in which frustrated office worker Michael Douglas snaps and lashes out at all the flaws in society, even going so far as to pull a gun on the fast food worker who refuses to make him breakfast after 11 am.
But no. Instead, as Ruth and Tony delve deeper into the criminal underworld to which the home invaders belong, the violence gets bigger, badder, bolder, and frankly, ends up being absurd, comical and a gonzo-esque attempt to freak out the viewer.
I’m not sure how to describe it. It wants to be a dark comedy but it isn’t that funny. Or, if that was the intention, someone behind the film mistook shock for comedy. At any rate, the body count piles up and Elijah Wood delivers the few laughs of the film.
STATUS: Bordeling shelf-worthy. It starts well then loses its way. But if you’ve got Netflix and nothing else to do, check it out.
Bookshelf Battle 