In case you haven’t seen it, random lady Candace Payne now dubbed “Chewbacca Mom” made a video of herself trying on her brand new Chewbacca mask and laughed so uncontrollably that it became an instant viral video sensation:
Come on. That mask is cool. It is a marvel of modern engineering that we have masks now that can make you sound like Chewbacca.
I watched this video and my naturally skeptic self wondered, “Hmm. Is she really that happy? Did she really find this that funny? Was all that laughing just to up the video’s silliness factor?”
No. Not at all. Clearly she really is that happy and I now envy her as I’m one of those people who can’t find that much joy in the smallest of things.
And she even ended up on the Late Late Show with James Corden and met JJ Abrams:
So here’s to you, Chewbacca Mom.
Your nerdyness inspires us all, and that’s saying a lot, seeing as how this is a blog run by a nerd for 3.5 readers.
Movies include sequels in the ongoing line (i.e. what Rey and friends are up to next), Rogue One, a spinoff about young Han Solo, a spinoff about Boba Fett.
What do you think, 3.5 readers?
My first concern is I wonder if Star Wars’ success hasn’t been a case of “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
When I was a young adult, I cheered for the prequels because I was just happy to see lightsabers on screen again. Years later I look back and realize that yeah, those movies sucked. Revenge of the Sith wasn’t bad though.
But I wonder if maybe the time between film releases helps us to love these movies more.
Maybe too many will cause us to lose interest. Like that love interest you’re pining for, you want her so bad but once you get her you realize there’s a person in your house cutting her fingernails everywhere. Yet when she goes away you want her back.
Then again, Marvel has been riding high on since 2008 when the first Iron Man was released. Disney’s purchase of and oversight of Marvel has made those movies a success and to date, I have not grown tired of them despite there having been so many of them.
Iron Man 3 was the only stinker, in my opinion but hey in all those movies, one dud is inevitable.
So maybe Disney can keep Star Wars coming and keep us riveted. They seem to know what it takes to keep the kids happy and buying merchandise and keep the adults from complaining that the film hasn’t become too cutesy.
So basically we have a new character, another young woman but unlike Rey, she has kind of a bad side. Been in a lot of trouble but shrugs it off with, “It’s a rebellion. I rebel.” Good line.
Apparently about a plot to steal Death Star plans.
Is this how Luke finds out about that unsecured vent he shot his proton torpedoes into?
Honestly, my two cents, it looks a little bit darker and it looks like it will be even better than The Force Awakens.
Interesting direction for Star Wars. This is the first time where they’ve branched off, or started going into side stories. It looks like the franchise is in good hands with Disney.
If only we could talk Mickey Mouse into buying the rights to shoot DC Comics based movies from Warner Brothers.
God, now that I think about it, I wrote a really sugarcoated review of Batman vs. Superman. That flick was a total stinker.
A discussion of the next three Star Wars movies. SPOILERS.
In the originals, now 4-6:
A NEW HOPE – Luke, a farm boy from a desert planet, comes across a droid with sensitive information. This leads him on an adventure in which he realizes that the Force is strong with him.
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK – Luke has power but needs a trainer. He seeks Yoda, who trains him.
RETURN OF THE JEDI – Luke comes into his own as a Jedi and becomes the badass he was always meant to be.
THE NEW MOVIES – SPOILERS!!!
THE FORCE AWAKENS – Rey, a scavenger from a desert world, comes across a droid with sensitive information, leading her on an adventure in which she realizes the Force is strong with her. It ends with her meeting Luke Skywalker.
THIS LEADS ME TO PREDICT…
EPISODE 8 – Luke will train Rey as Yoda trained him in Empire.
EPISODE 9 – Rey will be the ultimate, fully confident badass Jedi in the final film that Luke was in Return.
In other words, Force Awakens kind of rehashed A New Hope and I theorize the next two will mirror Empire and Return of the Jedi.
Guess what? You can make your very own Star Wars Crawl. Only catch is you can’t embed the video, which kind of sucks 99% of the fun out of the experience.
Hey nerds. Do you know once in awhile I actually bump into someone who has never seen any of the Star Wars movies? That’s not even a joke. I always assume they are a communist spy or something.
For those of you who want to see The Force Awakens but have yet to see the previous films, here’s a brief synopsis.
Episode 4 was made first because George Lucas didn’t know how to count. Luke Skywalker, a farm boy from the desert (how that works I don’t know) is recruited by an elderly shut-in, Obi Wan Kenobi, to overthrow the government, “the Empire” in the name of ancient religion practiced by an order of monk-ninjas known as “the Jedi.”
Obi Wan is a master of “the Force” which sounds very mystical but really just means he can throw shit around in the air and pull it to him as needed. He teaches Luke how to throw shit around in the air and pull it to him as needed as well.
Luke and Obi Wan, without conveyance of their own, secure transportation from a space criminal, Han Solo and his dog man sidekick, Chewbacca. Together, they run a contraband smuggling operation, though they are not very good at it, because they had to dump some shit to avoid detection, costing their client, an obese space slug/gangster, Jabba the Hutt, a lot of money.
Darth Vader is a handicapped man who despite his debilitating injuries, refuses to allow his ill health to get in the way of getting up in the morning and doing his job. He puts on his full body respirator suit every day then goes about his business, looking for no special treatment. Truly, he is an inspiration to all.
Vader is second in command to the Emperor. They are Sith Lords, practitioners of the Dark Side of the Force, which basically means they throw shit around in the air and pull it to them as needed, but they do it for evil purposes.
The old man, the farm boy, the space criminal and dog side kick free Princess Leia, a key supporter of the Rebel Alliance, a group that has sworn to free the galaxy from the clutches of the Empire, though honestly, will they rule any better? Sometimes these rebels grab hold of power and are worse than the regime they replaced, you know.
Luke then teams up a squadron of X-Wing fighters, essentially outer space fighter pilots. The Empire has a weapon called the Death Star. It’s an enormous star sized base that has the ability to blow up a planet. It works. Ask Leia’s adopted family back on Alderaan. Oh wait. You can’t. They’ve been blown up.
Luke fires some proton torpedoes through a poorly secured vent, most likely installed by a sub par contractor who assured Vader, “Ahhh fahgeddaboudit, of course all this shit’s secure. Stop worrying and pay me already, will ya?”
And then everyone celebrates and gets medals and shit.
Next time, I will explain Episode 5 – The Empire Strikes Back.
Hey geeks, nerds, dweebs, and assorted poindexters totaling 3.5.
BQB here, freshly returned from seeing Episode 7.
This is a short review. There will be some light spoilers. I’m going to give it awhile before I get around to a full, in-depth review, what with everyone trying to avoid spoilers and all.
But, I will give some stuff away so if you’re super into no spoilers then be warned of SPOILERS!!!
In short…I loved it. JJ and Co. did a great job. In many ways, it felt like the Star Wars of old circa 1977-1983, but updated with modern graphics and tech. Homage paid to those films in a believable way, not a jokey, silly way.
I missed A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back in theaters, but did see Return of the Jedi in the theater as a tiny tot. As a young man, I loved the prequels mostly because it just seemed awesome to see Jedis on screen again.
As I got older, I realized that the prequels were more or less excellently rendered cartoons with people in them. CGI graphics were at the height of their popularity so Lucas and Co. tossed as much on the screen as possible.
CGI is awesome but when overused, the movie becomes less live action and more cartoon. I think JJ and friends got that and gave us a perfect blend of CGI and reality.
It was true to plot, characters…it did make me feel old. Those actors who played the heroes I loved and admired as that tiny tot watching Return of the Jedi in the movie theater are getting up there and are on their way to becoming one with the Force.
I suppose that’s just the “circle of life” to quote the Lion King, but I swear I feel like it was just yesterday that I was that little kid watching Luke as the Jedi in black and Leia strangling the shit out of Jabba in her slave outfit.
Come to think of it, maybe that’s why I’m so weird. My parents took me to see a movie in which a scantily clad woman strangled an obese space slug with a chain.
Anyway…I’m not sure I understand the political workings of the Resistance vs. The First Order and how the Republic acts as a government in the middle. If someone wants to explain that, I’m all ears.
Though I appreciate JJ understood viewers weren’t looking for a big explanation of the politics, unlike George Lucas, who turned half of those prequels into CGI alien C-Span what with them debating in the galactic senate and all.
One weird thing had nothing to do with the movie. I went to see it at my local theater. Its a pretty decent theater. Its not a run down dump or anything, fairly new but not like a really awesome theater with mega screens and stadium seating, recliners and gourmet popcorn and crap.
Oddly, there was barely anyone in the theater. I actually went out this afternoon to buy my ticket for an evening showing so I’d be sure to get a ticket and I got there early to get a good seat and it was weird – there were plenty of seats. I never had to do anything special. Could have walked right in.
I wonder about that. I doubt it has anything to do with the movie. I’m wondering a) maybe everyone loved it so much they made the trek to bigger, badasser theaters nearby or b) maybe everyone bought into the “buy your tickets online or you’ll never get into the madhouse opening weekend!” and stayed away. I hope it wasn’t the latter.
Good stuff. Enjoyable. A+
Go see it and when I get a chance to gather my thoughts I’ll write more.
Hey there, 3.5 readers. Due to some fancy footwork I, Bookshelf Q. Battler, was able to attend an advanced screening of the movie every sci-fi nerd has been dying to see and I can’t contain myself any longer!
SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!
OK. You’ve been warned. May the force be with you if you read further.
OK, here we go. Sorry about that. I calmed down. I’m fine now.
Our story begins with Rey, a young junk trader who happens upon the wrecked hull of an old, crashed star destroyer. Carefully, and with the assistance of her trusty companion BB-8, she lowers herself into the belly of the ship to look around and see if there’s anything she can scavenge.
Oh, what does she find? Oh it’s so amazing. I don’t think I will spoil it for you just yet. I want your jaw to drop when you see it. Go see it then come back here and tell me about it.
BUT – a contingent of stormtroopers patrolling the area want it too and Rey has to beat feet out of there. Poor little BB-8 can barely keep up. He beeps and boops a number of complaints on the way out.
All seems doomed until….HOORAY!!!! Han Solo and Chewbacca, now in their advanced age, happen to be flying by in the Millennium Falcon after getting into some mischief and they blast the shit out of the storm troopers and save Rey.
Han’s all like, “Well I hope there’s a good reason why I stuck my neck out for you kid.”
And Rey shows Han and Chewie the artifact that she’s found. Chewie goes bonkers and wants no part of this (which he communicates through a series of growls that Han translates) but Han talks him into helping out.
Han explains to Rey that the only man that can help them now is Luke Skywalker, who we learn has been ex-communicated from the Jedi order because…
Oh geez. Should I tell you? It’s really a big spoiler. In fact, it was a very bold decision by Disney if you ask me.
Luke Skywalker is a) gay and b) has married a male alien, Fazli Sekpo (sorry, I’m not sure if I’m spelling that right. Fazli is a Kweloni, a humanoid race with yellow scales and a permanently furrowed brow. I don’t know if Fazli is just angry all the time or if that’s just what Kwelonis look like.
I can tell you this is a movie that could not have been made ten years ago but due to our socially progressive modern society, we can accept the fact that Luke is homosexual but still remains our trusty, beloved hero after all of these years.
I discussed this choice with my friends on the way home. Everyone was cool with Luke being gay. That wasn’t a problem. We were divided on whether or not it was ok to be with someone outside of your species though.
One buddy of mine declared “that’s totally bestiality!” and I was like, well, no, Fazli is a sentient, intelligent being so why would it be wrong to have a relationship with a being like that?
And then he was all like, “Well if my dog started talking I wouldn’t marry him!”
And then I was like, “Fazli’s a bit more advanced than your dog, you closed minded caveman!”
Then we both apologized. But I tell you just from what I see on social media, a lot of people are having this same argument. People are going to be talking about it a long time.
Personally, I think that sucks that Luke was kicked out of the Jedi order for being with the man he loves. The Jedis say it wasn’t for that. You just aren’t allowed to marry anyone as a Jedi. Love interferes with your Jedi training. Anakin wasn’t allowed to marry Amidala after all. Are the Jedis on the level or are they anti gay rights? I don’t know.
There is a theory that we might find out Fazli is actually a woman in a future movie. We may just not understand what that particular alien race is like and maybe we assume certain things that Fazli does make him a man when he’s actually a woman. There were some hints at that. I don’t think so. But we’ll see.
OK. Moving on. That wasn’t even the biggest controversy. So Captain Phasma is pissed. Totally pissed that her storm troopers lost Rey. So she sends a squad after Rey, but Finn, a storm trooper, has second thoughts and bails out the mission.
He doesn’t want to be a storm trooper anymore. He’s felt this way a long time. He has been able to do odd things since he was a child. Move things with his hand and so on. He kept it to himself. He grew up on a planet run by Empire holdouts (led by the dastardly Kylo Ren) and they’ve declared anyone with Jedi like abilities will be executed, so Finn always kept his abilities to himself.
But no longer. He can’t allow a woman his age to become storm trooper blast fodder. So he tracks down Rey, Han and Chewie and Luke and they get together and plan out their next move.
They are summoned by Princess Leia Organa, now Queen Leia. You see, she was chosen by the good beings of Naboo to hold the throne her mother once held.
It was a split decision between the humans and the gungans. Jar Jar makes a brief cameo as the deciding vote in Leia’s favor. Everyone booed and screamed and threw popcorn and tomatoes and shit at the screen.
Leia is married to Lando Calrissian now and Billy Dee Williams looks good for a dude pushing 80. He cheats on Leia often with hot green space babes though, and Leia misses Han.
Han misses Leia too and they agree that if they get through this ordeal alive, that Leia will divorce Lando and marry Han. Chewie will officiate, having been an ordained minister for years.
C3P0 and R2D2 are the surprise villains of this flick. They’re tired of being the comic relief for six f$%king movies and want in on the real action. So they give up the Falcon’s location to Kylo Ren, who calls Captain Phasma in to blow all the heroes up and that is it.
That’s how it ends. With every character from Star Wars you ever loved being totally dead. The only one left is Jar Jar, who dawns Darth Vader’s mask (the item Rey found in the beginning) and pledges to finish what Darth started. Jar Jar and “Ani” were old pod racing buddies after all.
Jesus, you read this far? You’re very dedicated. OK. Admission. This is all made up and I did not see the movie at all. I hope to soon. And they should adopt this post as the script for the sequel.
Bookshelf Battle 