Tag Archives: tv

Game of Thrones Won’t Be Back Until July!

This is an outrage, 3.5 readers.  I’ve become so used to watching the pornographic Lord of the Rings fantasy hour every April-May for years now and now they have the audacity to make me wait until July.

What say you, 3.5?  My official reaction:

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer is 20

Hey 3.5 readers.

Did you know that the series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer turns 20 this year?  That’s right.  Two decades ago this month, it began on the now kaput WB network.

What is your favorite Buffy moment?  Your favorite Buffy episode?

For me, the three most memorable:

  1. The one where they are silent the entire episode.
  2. The musical where they sing for the entire episode.
  3. The one that is sort of a parody of the show where they focus entirely on a subplot where Xander saves the day on his own while Buffy and the gang are busy working on something else.

In this world of reboots, remakes and sequels, I wonder if it isn’t time for a Buffy sequel film?  The main cast members are all around late thirties to early forties, still photogenic after all these years.

Then again, the ending did tie up the series nicely so it is always problematic when a good ending is tinkered with.

I don’t think a reboot with a new actress playing Buffy would work.  We know this because there was an actual Buffy movie earlier in the 1990s that flopped, though it gained a following in light of the Buffy series.

This was an example of a good cast coming together with good writers to capture lightning in a bottle.  Sometimes you can have great writing but a lousy cast.  Sometimes a great cast but lousy writing.  Here, you had both.

Happy birthday, Buffster.  Go celebrate at the Bronze.

 

 

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Walking Dead Recap – Season 7, Episode 12 – “Say Yes”

OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING

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Hey 3.5 readers.

Love was in the air tonight.  It was like romance in the zombie apocalypse as Rick and Michonne were way too happy than we’re used to seeing any characters be on this shoe.

Meanwhile, it appears Tara is going to spill the beans which makes me sad as I thought her secret keeping ability was her best quality.

I want chili mac and cheese!

By the way, I forgot to recap last week’s episode.  It was a very Eugene episode.  I love Eugene.  He’s a nerd just trying to nerd his way through the apocalypse.  I don’t foresee him betraying Rick and the gang, but I could understand why if he did because he’s treated like an actual important scientist with the Saviors and he has long yearned to be treated as a respectable scientist even though he doesn’t have any advanced science degrees.

What say you, 3.5?

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RIP Judge Joe Wapner

Hey 3.5 readers.  What a sad day.  First Bill Paxton and now the news is reporting that Judge Joe Wapner has died at 97.  Millennials, Judge Joe Wapner was the first TV judge and the People’s Court was the first TV court show.  You wouldn’t have all of these TV court shows without Judge Joe Wapner, his trusty bailiff Rusty and his announcer Doug Llewelyn who would interview people on their way out of the court to see if they were happy or sad about the Judge’s decision.

Yes, I know.  It sounds like I know a lot about this topic.  That’s because when I was a kid there were like three channels and so you had to watch a certain amount of People’s Court just to get through the afternoon.

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TV Review – Homeland – Season 6 (Thus Far)

Hey 3.5 readers.

Jazz music.  Ominous beginning photo montage.  Crazy Carrie likes pills and wine.  (Not a recommended combo).

BQB here with a review of Homeland.

In case you haven’t been watching, the first few seasons of Homeland were essentially a modern reboot of The Manchurian Candidate.  Mentally disturbed CIA agent Carrie Mathison (Claire Danes) chases and falls in love with brainwashed returned soldier Brody (Damian Lewis).

Without getting into specifics, this is the first post Brody season.  Critics wondered if the show could last past Brody and still be interesting and thus far it has.

This season, Carrie has taken a job with a legal defense organization.  She engages in questionable tactics into getting her client Sekou off the hook on terrorism related charges  only for him to later…well. I’ve said too much.  Just watch.

The big surprise for me is that Quinn (Rupert Friend) is still alive.  I thought the show runners had made it clear last season that he died but apparently not.  It seemed lame to me that they didn’t follow through on this story line but as it turns out, he’s been interesting thus far this season and I wonder if perhaps the show might ultimately be leading to a happy ending where Carrie and Quinn run off into the sunset together.

Have you been watching the show?  What say you, 3.5 readers?

 

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SNL Burger King Drive-Thru Sketch

I love this sketch, 3.5 readers.  I don’t know, but the concept of poking fun at weirdos tickles my funny bone.

“What up?”

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BQB’s Walking Dead Recap

Hey 3.5 readers.

I’m late with my recap for the Walking Dead, but suffice to say everyone’s favorite show about zombies returned last Sunday.

SPOILER ALERT

Rick is recruiting other groups to fight with him against the Saviors.  The Hilltop and the Kingdom are against helping.

Overall, there are some parallels between world diplomacy and Walking Dead diplomacy.  Countries or in Walking Dead’s case, settlements, have to decide how much shit they want to swallow from another group before they give up and go to war.  Often, though we hate to admit it, swallowing shit is a reasonable alternative to sending thousands, sometimes hundreds of thousands of people to die in battle.

Anyway, will be interesting to see how this plays out but the Grimes group vs. Saviors show down is in progress.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

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TV Review: American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson

Murder.  Courtroom theatrics.  A car chase involving an infamous white Ford Bronco.

VGRF here with a review of American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson.

Even after being told by all sorts of people that this series was worth a look see, I avoided it.  After all, I was alive in the 1990s and if you were too, then this case was splashed on every TV channel all day, everyday.  Though I was in high school at the time, like every other human on the planet, I gained a working knowledge of details, workings, and controversies behind the case, simply because it was impossible not to, given that the whole country was captivated by it.

In other words, I just didn’t think a new TV show about it could tell me much I didn’t already know but I was wrong.  After giving the first episode on a shot on Netflix, I was instantly hooked.

If you’re a youngster, here’s my best attempt at a quick rehash.  At one time, O.J. Simpson was a beloved American icon.  He was a football star dubbed, “The Juice,” known for his incredible speed and pulling off amazing moves on the field.  After his athletic career ended, he found a second calling in TV commercials for Hertz rental cars.  Further, he played the lovable Nordberg in The Naked Gun, taking all manner of comic abuse from incompetent Detective Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen).

In 1994, Simpson’s ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman were gruesomely stabbed to death.  Incredibly damning pieces of evidence against O.J. were found, ranging from O.J.’s blood being found at the crime scene to Brown’s blood being found at O.J.’s home property.

Seemed like an open and shut case of a jealous ex-husband seeking the ultimate revenge against his ex-wife and a man she was either seeing or was just unlucky to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.  Perhaps people with better memories can remind me but as far as I recall, it sounded like Nicole and Ron were considered to be an item largely due to the fact that he was at Nicole’s home to return a pair of sunglasses left at the restaurant he worked at and restaurant workers are unlikely to do that sort of thing without some kind of romantic intentions.

Alas, the case didn’t turn out that easy.  DNA evidence was relatively new at the time.  People were having a hard time grasping the concept that science could be used to match blood to the person who bled it.  Prior to DNA evidence, blood found at a crime scene could have belonged to anyone as far as the police knew.

On top of that, LA had been devastated by massive, widespread riots over the result of the Rodney King beating case verdict, i.e. police officers were caught on top beating a suspect, were let off the hook, and the community was none too pleased, to say the least.

Against that backdrop, the O.J. case became a microcosm of varying points of view against the different groups that comprised America:

  • Many African Americans saw the case as an example of a poor black man who pulled himself up, found fame and fortune, and was being railroaded by a system that didn’t want to see black people get ahead.
  • Others saw the case of celebrity status run amuck.  To paraphrase comedian Chris Rock’s take on the case, had O.J. been a bus driver, he’d of been “Orenthal the bus driving murderer.”  In other words, had O.J. not possessed the star power needed to dazzle the public along with the financial resources to dole out a fortune to a “Dream Team” of the country’s most famous attorneys, he most likely would have been found guilty.  Thus, many didn’t see this as a racial case so much as a case of how the rich and famous are able to game the system and get away with crimes the poor and obscure never could.
  • Some even saw it as an example of the struggles of battered women.  There had been a long history of Nicole being beaten by OJ running up to the murders yet nothing happened.
  • Ultimately, the case was the first courtroom battle to be broadcast round the clock on twenty four hour news stations.  It was sensationalized to the max, and everyone and their uncle came out of the woodwork to cash in on the O.J. case.

Anyway, enough of the backstory.  What captivated me about this series is that I was treated to something I didn’t see in the 1990s, i.e. what happened behind the scenes.  That turmoil is best expressed via the individual experiences of the key players:

  • Robert Kardashian (David Schwimmer) – O.J.’s best friend who serves as an attorney on the Dream Team.  This is some of the best acting I’ve seen coming out of Schwimmer, as he makes me believe that he truly loves O.J. and that love keeps him blind to the possibility that O.J. could have been behind these murders.  Also, he was the father of the Kardashian clan, aka Kim Kardashian, as well as Khloe, Kourtney, and Rob, not to mention ex-husband of Kris.  There’s a scene where Robert lectures his young children that values like friendship, loyalty, hard work and so on are much more important than fame and glamour, but something tells me the kids weren’t listening.
  • Robert Shapiro (John Travolta) – Also some of the best acting I’ve seen out of Travolta, who portrays Shapiro as a sleaze who is overly concerned with his reputation and what the public thinks about him.  Known as a celebrity plea bargainer, i.e. an attorney who helps celebrity defendants get the best possible deal rather than taking the cases to trial.
  • Marcia Clark (Sarah Paulson) – Tough lead prosecutor who starts out thinking the case is a slam dunk only to have it consume her life when it becomes more than she bargained for.  Hard as nails as she wants to see justice done for the victims.  Victim of a sexist media that routinely comments on her physical appearance, clothes, and hair style.  Her family life suffers as she has to hire babysitters to watch her kids all the time, leaving her ex-husband to challenge custody.  Vastly outnumbered against O.J.’s team of the best lawyers money can buy.
  • Johnnie Cochran (Courtney B. Vance) – Was often parodied as a flashy charlatan at the time of trial as he wore loud suits and spoke in rhyme (“If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”)  This series gives his reputation gets a bit of an upgrade as we see Cochran’s past work in representing African American defendants and families of victims of alleged police brutality.
  • Chris Darden (Sterling K. Brown) – In a widespread, star studded cast, probably has the most compelling story.  He is a co-prosecutor on the case, yet family and friends from his old neighborhood view him as a sellout because they feel O.J. has been falsely accused and is being railroaded by the man.  Ironically, having worked in a dead end position in the LA DA’s office in which he investigates allegations against police officers that never go anywhere due to a system that prevents this from happening, he is aware that the LAPD is not without its share of problems.  Yet, he also believes what’s right is right, what’s wrong is wrong and in this particular case, feels strongly in O.J.’s guilt and that letting a murderer go free isn’t the way to fix a broken system.

Last but not least, Cuba Gooding Jr. reminds us why he won an Oscar in his portrayal of Simpson.  This had to have been a difficult character to play.  Even behind the scenes, Cuba as O.J. maintains his innocence.  At no time are you given a proverbial smoking gun, so if you think he’s guilty, you are free to interpret O.J.’s actions/outbursts/odd activities as those of a guilty man, or if you think he’s innocent, you are free to chalk it all up to the stress of a falsely accused man being railroad.

Although, let’s be honest, holy shit, O.J. was totally guilty.  I’m not sure if there was ever any kind of poll but as far as I know, everyone thinks he did it and the evidence is pretty undeniable, even though the jury denied it at the time.  The family of Ronald Goldman was able to win a civil judgment against the Juice.  What clinches it for me (among many things that clinched it) was that years later, OJ released a disturbing If I Did It book, explaining how he would have done it – not exactly something that a person “falsely accused” of murdering an ex-wife he claimed to love would do, IMO.

Ironically, years later, O.J. ended up going to jail after a failed burglary meant to steal pieces of his sports memorabilia.  One would think that a man who so miraculously beat a murder rap would have kept his nose clean from then on, oh that wacky O.J.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.  Binge watch it on Netflix today.

 

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RIP Richard Hatch of Battlestar Galactica

Hey 3.5 readers.

VGRF here with some sad news.  Richard Hatch, the actor who played Starbuck in the original 1970s Battlestar Galactica and Tom Zarek in the updated 2000s version has died.

His cast member in the updated version, Edward James Olmos, who played Admiral Adama, tweeted this:

So say we all, indeed.

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The Real McCoy – Spooning with Bookshelf Q. Battler

By: Leo McCoy, the Man Who Once Delivered a Sandwich to James Van Der Beek

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Howdy doo, 3.5 readers.

Leo McCoy here with my first column for the Bookshelf Battle Blog.  When Video Game Rack Fighter called and asked me to write for her, I immediately responded that I would check my schedule to see if I was busy.  Then I admitted I was lying because I haven’t been busy since 1998, on that glorious day when I delivered a sandwich to James Van Der Beek.

Oh how I remember it like it was yesterday.  Dawson’s Creek or “The Creek” as we 1990s people called, was the hottest show on the WB, next to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Oh, the WB was once a hot network filled with shows for 1990s era young people.

Although it was owned by Warner Brothers and thus they could have chosen any of the Looney Tunes characters to headline the channel (Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck, for example), they chose that damn racist frog.  You know the one.  “Hello my baby, hello my mammy, hello my rag time gal.”  Sorry, I can’t steal that joke.  That joke belongs to Dave Chapelle.

Anyway, I was a duly designated employee of a local delicatessen.  Got a call that a fella was looking for a Reuben sandwich, a bag of barbecue potato chips and a Dr. Pepper.  Diligent worker that I was, I ran it right over to the Random Motel, the number one spot for tourists to stay while they’re visiting East Randomtown and who should appear at the door but none other than James Van Der Beek himself.

Oh how handsome he was.  I’m not saying that in a gay way.  Any heterosexual man can surely appreciate the aesthetic features of a good looking man without wanting to touch his bits and pieces although, I can’t lie, the man was famous as all get out so had he asked, I’m not sure I would have been able to deny him.  Again, that’s not a gay statement.  It’s just a recognition of the power of celebrity.

What a golden haired Adonis he was, standing there with his flowing locks and flannel shirt.  Open with a white shirt underneath, as was the style of the day.  You weren’t anyone in the 1990s if you didn’t dress like Paul Bunyan.

“I’m sorry sir,” I said.  “But are you James Van Der Beek?”

“Maybe,” the man replied.  “What’s it to you?”

I then lifted up my shirt and handed the man a pen.

“Mr. Beek, sir,” I said.  “I’d be honored if you’d autograph my nipple.”

“Get lost, weirdo,” the man replied, before tossing the money he owed, taking the food, and slamming the door in my face.

Sigh.  My nipple remained unsigned, but I knew it was him.  I don’t blame Mr. Van Der Beek for wanting to lay low.  Had word gotten out that the world’s sexiest Dutchman was in town, he would have been swamped with fans and no one wants to sign the nipples of fans when they are hungry for deli food, let me tell you.

Ahh, on that day I knew life would never get any better.  I peaked so early that I quit my job at the deli and started waxing the stool of the Random Bar with my ass.  Same stool, same ass for nearly twenty years and I don’t regret a single day.  I accomplished what I was meant to do early in life and I’ve been waiting for the good Lord to take me ever since.

Now, as all 3.5 of you readers know, I have a rivalry with BQB.  People say Battler is the most famous man in East Randomtown because he started a WordPress blog with 3.5 readers.

Oh, whoopee.  Anyone can start a blog on WordPress.  Sure, even less people get 3.5 people to read their blogs but still, it can be done.  Have any of you ever a man that you were ninety-nine percent sure was the infamous James Van Der Beek, star of the most popular show about a teenager just trying to make it in the 1990s as an aspiring filmmaker whilst trying to win the love of the precocious Joey Potter all the while maintaining his friendships with bad Pacy Whitter and town slut Jen Lindley?  I think not.

Anyway, I’d like to thank Video Game Rack Fighter for inviting me to be a columnist on this blog.  I gotta admit, I’m getting a kick out of the fact that I get to blog on BQB’s blog while BQB is no longer allowed to.

Oh, you may have noticed in the past my last name was spelled, “McKoy.”  Yeah, that’s because I always wanted to be a rebel but now that VGRF has promoted me from bit player to featured cast member, I figured I’d switch to the traditional spelling.

Also, I’d like all 3.5 of you to know that even though BQB has been my longtime enemy and I despise him from taking away my position as East Randomtown’s most famous citizen by starting his stupid blog, I am still a Christian and thus I have gladly opened my room at the Random Motel to him for his use.

BQB needs a place to stay as Video Game Rack Fighter has been awarded 99.99% of BQB’s paycheck from Beige Corp.  That’s gotta hurt.  Luckily, I never married.  Marriage never interested me after I got a close look at Mr. Van Der Beek’s angelic face.  No, that’s not a gay statement.  Can’t a man just appreciate the statuesque features of a living god without being accused of gayness?

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” as Jerry Seinfeld once said.  You know, I was ten percent sure that I once delivered a pastrami on rye to Jerry Seinfeld but then it just turned out to be a guy who just said, “What’s the deal” a lot.  Oh well.  I suppose no one could ever be blessed with meeting James Van Der Beek AND Jerry Seinfeld in one lifetime.

Let me end this column with some questions you no doubt have:

Q:  Are you and BQB staying at the same room James Van Der Beek once rented?

A:  Yes.  On the same day Mr. Der Beek checked out, I sold my house for pennies on the dollar and moved into the same room and have never left since.  Also, I have been snaking the bath tub drain for twenty years in search of errant golden locks, the DNA of which might prove to all haters and naysayers that I did, most assuredly, meet James Van Der Beek.

Q:  Is BQB a good roommate?

A:  No.  He cries into his pillow all night over losing his beloved blog to VGRF.  Also, he misses VGRF.  I offered to dress up like her and dance around to make him feel better.  He said that would be gay but frankly, I don’t see how.  Ungrateful homophobic bastard if you ask me.

Q.  Why do you and BQB spoon?

A.  Partially due to the fact that there’s only one bed and it is very small.  Partially because the furnace in the Random Motel has been broken for twenty years.  Rumor has it that when Mr. Der Beek left, the Random Motel’s owner smashed the furnace to pieces whilst shouting, “This place will never get any hotter now that James Van Der Beek has left!”

Q.  Are you sure the owner did that?  Kind of sounds like something you would do.

A.  No comment.

Q.  Where does the yeti sleep?

A.  On the floor.  He makes for a fine throw rug.  Occasionally I put a blonde wig on him and recreate my glory days, or rather, the glorious day when I delivered a sandwich to James Van Der Beek.

Q.  Do you have anything else to say?

A.  Yes.  “I don’t want to wait…for my life to be over…until you realize that I’m more famous in East Randomtown than BQB…”  Oh James Van Der Beek, you are a national treasure.

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