Tag Archives: writers

Oct 31 2014
2 Comments
Classics, Horror

Double Double Toil and Trouble – The Witches of MacBeth

Happy Halloween!

Have you ever wondered how witches obtained their witchy personality traits?

***Crickets chirp***

Ahem.  This is your cue.

“Hey!  Bookshelf Battle Guy!  How did witches obtain their witchy personality traits?”

Oh thank you, Reader.  I thought you’d never ask.

Well, the common conception of a witch is a nasty old hag throwing all kinds of weird ingredients (usually animals or parts of animals) into a boiling cauldron.

We could discuss all day witch-tastic imagery from all sorts of literature but to me, Act 4, Scene 1 of William Shakespeare’s Macbeth stands out.

So park your broomstick and grab your eye of newt, because here are some excerpts and quotes:

SCENE 1 – A cavern – in the middle is a boiling cauldron.

Thunder.  Enter the three witches.

FIRST WITCH

Thrice the brinded cat hath mew’d

SECOND WITCH

Thrice and once the hedge-pig whined

BOOKSHELFBATTLE – So, four then?  The pig in your hedges whined four times?  Why are you hags making this so difficult?

THIRD WITCH

Harpier cries, ‘Tis time, ’tis time.

FIRST WITCH

Round about the cauldron go;

In the poison’d entrails throw.

Toad, that under cold stone

Days and nights has thirty-one

Swelter’d venom, sleeping got,

Boil thou first i’ the charmed pot

BOOKSHELF BATTLE GUY: Pot of poisoned entrails?  That doesn’t sound charming at all.

ALL

Double, double toil and trouble;

Fire burn and cauldron bubble!

SECOND WITCH

Fillet of a fenny snake,

In the cauldron boil and bake;

Eye of newt and toe of frog

Wool of bat and tongue of dog

Adder’s fork and blind-worm’s sting,

Lizard’s leg and owlet’s wing

For a charm of powerful trouble,

Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

BOOKSHELFBATTLE GUY – My condolences, amputated animals.  Apparently witches used to think your parts were magical.

ALL

Double, double toil and trouble

THIRD WITCH

Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,

Witches’ mummy, maw and gulf

Of the ravin’d salt-sea shark,

Root of hemlock digg’d i’ the dark,

Liver of blaspheming Jew,

Gall of goat, and slips of yew

Silver’d in the moon’s eclips,

Nose of Turk and Tartar’s lips

Finger of birth-strangled babe

Ditch-deliver’d by a drab,

Make the gruel thick and slab:

Add thereto a tiger’s chaudron

For the ingredients of our cauldron.

BOOKSHELF BATTLE GUY – OK, now they’re getting ridiculous.  I don’t even know where to begin.  First of all, allow me to apologize for the racial insensitivity.  What can I say?  This is an excerpt taking from a 1500’s era writer who was writing about ancient witches so it is not like you can really expect a lot of political correctness.  Also, how many babies were getting strangled in those days that their fingers were just apparently readily available to be tossed into witches’ brews?  Those were dark times, my friends, dark times indeed.

ALL

Double, double toil and trouble;

Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

SECOND WITCH

Cool it with a baboon’s blood,

Then the charm is firm and good.

BOOKSHELFBATTLE GUY: – This took place in Scotland, didn’t it?   Where would they have even found a baboon?

ENTER HECTATE to the other three Witches.

HECTATE

O well done!  I commend your pains;

And every one shall share i’ the gains;

And now about the cauldron sing,

Live elves and fairies in a ring,

Enchanting all that you put in.

MUSIC AND A SONG: Black spirits…

HECTATE retires

SECOND WITCH

By the pricking of my thumbs,

Something wicked this way comes.

Open, locks,

Whoever knocks!

ENTER MACBETH

MACBETH

How now, you secret, black and midnight hags!

What is’t you do?

BOOKSHELF BATTLE GUY:  I have no comment, other than I think it is funny that MacBeth openly refers to them as hags.  “Hello, hags!”

Well folks, that concludes my discussion of MacBeth’s witches.  Grab your wolf teeth and dragon scales and toss them into the comment section.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Oct 29 2014
1 Comment
Books, Classics, Horror

Public Domain Horror Fiction – The Monkey’s Paw by W.W. Jacobs

Readers, if there’s one lesson you ever learn from this humble book blog, I hope it is this one:

Never make a deal with something or someone evil.

You scoff but you know it is true.  Ask a source of evil to make you win the lottery and you will…only to get hit by a bus on the way to cash in the ticket.  Evil has one of the twisted view of irony ever known.

So tonight, in bookshelfbattle.com ‘s ongoing Public Domain Horror Fiction Series, check out the short story, The Monkey’s Paw by W.W. Jacobs, first published in the early 1900’s.  Short summary – A couple and their adult son find a Monkey’s Paw from India.  Supposedly, it has the power to grant wishes.  Sadly, they learn the hard way that with their wishes comes evil irony.

https://www.gutenberg.org/files/12122/12122-h/12122-h.htm

“The other two wishes,” she replied rapidly. “We’ve only had one.”
“Was not that enough?” he demanded fiercely.
“No,” she cried, triumphantly; “we’ll have one more. Go down and get it quickly, and wish our boy alive again.”

– W.W. Jacobs, The Monkey’s Paw

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Oct 22 2014
Leave a comment
Horror

Magic – The Movie, the Novel, and Creepy Killer Dolls in Fiction/Films

Happy Tuesday, Bookshelf Battlers!

This post is a tough one for me because in honor of this site’s month-long celebration of Halloween Horror Fiction, I’m tackling a subject that gives me the heebiest of jeebies – creepy killer dolls.

Earlier this month, I went to my local theater a bit late hoping to catch Gone Girl.  Alas, it was all sold out.  Being already there and not wanting to waste the evening, I saw *Gasp* Annabelle instead.  I did not want to.  Why?

Because I really hate friggin’ creepy killer doll movies.

There I said it.  Don’t judge me.  You know you hate them too.  You know you watch one of those movies and for at least a week later, no matter how educated and worldly you might be, you look at every doll you pass by as if it is harboring secret evil desires.

Annabelle turned out to be a decent movie but the subject still freaks me out.  Don’t even get me started on Chucky from Child’s Play.

Oddly though, like watching a car wreck, I inevitably end up watching these movies and today I’m here to tell you about a rather spooktacular one from long ago.

The novel?  Magic by William Goldman.  If you’ve never heard of him, many of his novels have been turned into films.  He wrote The Marathon Man in which an evil Nazi dentist violently tortures a man while uttering the iconic line, “Is it safe?”  Yet, surprisingly he also is the author of the much beloved and adored fantasy tale, The Princess Bride.  He is an example of an author who managed to move amongst different genres and do so effectively.

Yet, the man who gave us Inigo Montoya also gave the world a Chucky precursor known as “Fats” – a rude and obnoxious ventriloquist dummy.

Here’s the plot:

Believe it or not, but in the 1978, venerable Sir Anthony Hopkins, a virtual Sir Laurence Olivier, arguably one of the most accomplished thespians of our day, appeared in this wacky movie sporting a bowl cut.  Hopkins played Corky, a down and out magician.  Corky revitalizes his act by adding Fats to it, and the duo are a it.  His agent, Ben Greene, played by Burgess Meredith (you may know him as the Penguin from the 1960’s campy version of Batman) is prepared to take Corky to big time celebrity status.  But the idea of being in the spotlight frightens Corky, so he retreats to his childhood home town.

There, he is reunited with his former girlfriend, Donna played by Ann-Margaret.  She’s with Duke, who treats her terribly.  Fats, who is basically a result of Corky’s split personality run amuck, gets jealous and starts ordering Corky to kill people he feels threatened by.  That’s about it.

Here’s a creepy clip.  Don’t watch it if you a) are adverse to bad language b) are adverse to creepy killer doll movies or c) want to get to sleep tonight without having creepy killer dolls on the brain or d) are adverse to seeing a legendary actor with a bowl hair cut:

In the end, this is one of those “so bad that it’s good movies” and if you’re looking for scary movies to watch this Halloween, you can’t go wrong with this one.  Also, I mainly wanted to celebrate the author.  Some people can write about a creepy killer doll.  Some people can write about the brute squad.  Few people are able to do both effectively.

Tune in tomorrow, where I hope to have yet another spooky tribute to scary fiction.  I’m challenging myself to write one post a day until Halloween.  And as always, I’ll be tweeting away at @bookshelfbattle so feel free to follow.

In the meantime, what creepy killer doll movie and/or book creeps you out the most?  Feel free to discuss in the comments below.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Oct 19 2014
4 Comments
Writing

PC vs. Apple/Word vs. Pages – Which is the best for writers?

I’m a longtime PC guy thinking about switching it up to Mac.  Macs look nice and sleek but whenever I take a peak at one in the store and see all the ways its operating system is different from Windows I feel like I’m about to get dumped into the middle of downtown Mumbai without knowing anything about the local language or customs and being expected to find my way home.

On the other hand, there is something about Microsoft Word that bugs me.  It tries too hard to anticipate what it thinks I want to do that sometimes it keeps me from doing what I actually want to do.  Change a margin for effect on one paragraph on page 1 and it still wants to change it on page 50.  Do a numbered list and it tries to do a number list everytime you subsequently write a number.  Can Pages be any better?  But – doesn’t most of the civilized world already use Word and therefore my writing most be Word formatted to receive any kind of consideration?

THE QUESTION OF THE DAY:

Is an Apple or a PC a better computer for writers (and also -Word or Pages – which is better for writing?)

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,
Oct 17 2014
2 Comments
Horror

Public Domain Horror Fiction – Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein

Green face.  Bolts in the neck.  Lumbering walk.  Says, “Grr!  Arrgh!” all the time.  No wonder that Frankenstein monsters did not take pop culture by storm in the way that vampires did.  While there are umpteen million stories about a heroine who must choose between a vampire or a werewolf, you’ll never see one where she has to choose between a vampire or a Frankenstein monster.

Still, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein is an epic tale of a) man’s desire to cheat death b) man’s awareness of his own mortality c) man’s futile attempts to control nature through science and well, if you learned any other lessons from reading it, feel free to post them below.

Published in 1818, Mary Shelley’s copyright over this work isn’t coming back to life, even if you strap it to a table and wait for a lightning bolt to zap it.  Thank you Mary for writing a work that has withstood the test of time.

And thank you Project Gutenberg for preserving it:

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/41445

“How dangerous is the acquirement of knowledge and how much happier that man is who believes his native town to be the world, than he who aspires to be greater than his nature will allow.”

– Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
Aug 27 2014
2 Comments
Writing

Writer’s Battle – More Expressions

HAPPY AS A CLAM – – Really? I have found every clam I have ever met to be downright morose.

BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE – This means “to be in a difficult situation with no visibly correct answer.” To be more accurate, the expression should be, “Stuck between a rolling boulder and a hard place.” Because really, if the rock is already there and the hard place is right next to it, and there’s enough room between them, and assuming the rock is immobile and the hard place aka a wall isn’t going anywhere, then you should be able to walk between the two with great ease. Just be careful to not end up like that guy from that movie that had to cut his arm off after a rock fell on it.

TAKE IT WITH A GRAIN OF SALT – I had dinner once with a newcomer to the country and used this phrase. He thought I was trying to tell him to put salt on his food. I had to explain that it was an expression that meant “to be skeptical of a statement that has been told to you.” I assume the connotation is that if you have a piece of steak on your fork, it might look deceptively tasty, but you might want to put some salt on it just in case. Of course, this expression was invented before people realized too much salt is bad for you.

THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE – In other words, people always assume that others have it better than they do. You think your grass stinks but your neighbor’s grass looks all lush and green. It could be you are paranoid because at the end of the day, grass is grass. Or, it could be you are absolutely right and your neighbor is an expert gardner, astute in the art of watering, mowing, and fertilizing grass to give it that beautiful emerald glow whereas your grass looks like a dried up hay field. There are sometimes when the grass is actually greener but rather than hate on a person with greener grass, you should try to learn from him.

YOU CAN’T HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO – Wrong. I have literally been the rightful owner of every piece of cake I have ever eaten. I go to a party. The host hands me a piece of cake. The host has transferred ownership of the piece of cake to me. I now have it. And now I eat it. Mindblown.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Aug 26 2014
1 Comment
Writing

The Writer’s Battle – Expression Challenge Continued

Just a few more, in no random order:

LIKE WATER OFF A DUCK’S BACK – Has anyone ever poured water on a duck to test this? Last I noticed, ducks still get wet. I’m not aware that ducks have a teflon coating.

I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS – Well, if the point is to convey you don’t care, then I suppose this would qualify. By saying this, you’re actually saying that you don’t care enough about something to even give the butt of a verminous rodent for it. Even so, I’m trying think when in our history were rat butts ever considered a form of currency.

IT’S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE – Please, like rocket science is that hard. If you had a degree in rocket scientology, you could build those things all the time.

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT – People usually say this right before they say something disrespectful. “With all due respect sir, you smell like the business end of an elephant on a hot August day.”

YOU CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU – Used to convey the message to people they should spend their money now because they can’t spend it when they’re gone, i.e. “you can’t take it with you.” Although, that’s not really accurate because Egyptian Pharaohs took their stuff with them all the time.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,
Aug 23 2014
3 Comments
Writing

The Writer’s Battle – Expression Challenge – “It is what it is.”

EXPRESSION: It is what it is.

MEANING: A situation that is difficult yet must be accepted as is, for it is unchangeable.

EXAMPLE: MARGOT: Hi Becky. Just wanted to say I am sorry to hear that your lousy husband stole all your money, ran off with your sister to Paraguay, and started a folk music jazz fusion band together. Moreover, I was chagrined to hear that their new hit single, “Becky Sucks in Every Conceivable Way,” which is basically just a list of all of your faults set to a melody, has not only gone triple platinum but has had a Sirius XM channel devoted to playing it on a continuous loop 24/7.

BECKY: It is what it is.

COMMENTARY: I really despise this one. These days, I mostly see it posted all over facebook, social media, etc. People trying to be cool about a situation by saying the obvious – “It is what it is.” Of course it is! What else could it be? Unfortunately, we live in a society where everyone is so sensitive about every little thing that if you complain about something negative in your life people start to become amateur psychologists and try to diagnose you with depression. No one can just take two seconds to complain about a crappy situation without everyone getting all flustered. “Oww! I hate that I stubbed my toe! That really bugs me!” “Really? Sounds like you are well into the advanced stages of the early onset of clinical depression! Get ‘ye to an insane asylum posthaste!”

So to avoid people making a big deal about something, people just say “It is what it is.” It sounds negative without being negative. It lets someone complain without complaining.

ORIGINS: “It is what it is.” Surely, that has to be a grandiose philosophical statement of epic proportions. I can see Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato all sitting around in their togas, pondering the mysteries of this phrase.”

PLATO: What is it?

ARISTOTLE: It is something, surely. Something it must be.

SOCRATES: It is what it is.

ARISTOTLE AND PLATO: Whoa!

Over time, various philosophers and political movements got their grubby mitts on this expression and twisted it to suit their own ends:

COMMUNISM: If it’s yours, it should be ours!

FACISM: If it’s theirs, it should be ours!

CAPITALISM: Screw you! It’s mine!

EXISTENTIALISM: It is to the extent you believe it is.

NIETZCHEISM: There it is…enjoy it while it lasts.

MACHIAVELLIANISM: Make it yours before the other guy makes it his.

1960’s HIPPY-ISM: It is like whatever, man.

DARWINISM: If it is the best, it lasts longer than the rest.

PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR MIND BLOWN: That’s right. You heard me. I’m about to tilt the world’s philosophical axis, right here on a dorky book blog website. Check out my own flawless philosophy:

It is what it is.

If it is what it is, then —> Is it not what it is not?

BUT —> If it IS NOT what it IS NOT…

THEN—> IT MUST BE WHAT IT IS NOT!

AND THEREFORE:

The transitive property teaches us that IT is both what IT IS *AND* what it IS NOT!

I know! I should have told you to sit down for that one, right! Are your heads ok? Did they blow up? Did I just lose half my readership? Am I down to only six readers now? I’ll have to make it six more to make it an even dozen.

You may scoff, but if you think about it – is a person not defined by a) what he is and at the same time b) what he is not? Is a person who is a) a good person also b) not a bad person? Is a person who is a) a dentist also b) not a race car driver?

Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Go tell it on the mountain! It’s the Expression Challenge now till Labor Day on bookshelfbattle.com where once in awhile, the proprietor actually does review a book!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Aug 22 2014
Leave a comment
Books, Writing

The Writer’s Battle – Expressions

Expressions – you hear them all the time.  They’re those pesky figures of speech that everyone says but no one knows where they came from.  And sometimes, when you really sit there and think about them – they’re kind of weird.

Here’s some that are on my mind:

EXPRESSION:  “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”

MEANING:  It is possible to achieve the same end through various means.

EXAMPLE:  “Hey Fred!”  Pete said.  “I ran out of glue and now I can’t finish my collage of 17th Century Prussian Warlords!  What the hell should I do know?”

Pete stroked his beard in a thoughtful manner and replied, “Why don’t you try some chewed up Grape Bubbalicious?  After all, there’s more than one way to skin a cat!”

COMMENTARY:  When you think about it, this expression is sick.  Apparently, based on the expression’s continued existence in the modern lexicon, there was at one point in the world’s history a booming cat skinning operation.  Whether people skinned cats for industrious profit or leisurely sport I am unaware.  Yet, cat skinning must have been prevalent at some point for people to have coined this expression.

GUESS AT HOW IT WAS INVENTED:  Two cat skinners, 1 and 2, were discussing a vexing problem in 1’s life.  2 suggested a variety of possible methods of solving 1’s problem, adding “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”  1, a veteran cat skinner, keenly aware of and experienced in a wide range of cat skinning techniques, devices, and methods, knew instantly that 2 was attempting to convey the message that there was more than one way to remedy his conundrum.  Thus, a new expression was born.

THE BOOKSHELF BATTLE EXPRESSION CHALLENGE – In an effort to motivate myself to engage in more bloggery, from now until Labor Day I will be consulting with Expression Scientists all over the globe to explain to you, the noble reader, not only how our most prevalent expressions were invented, but also, how they are pretty weird when you think about them.

Have an expression you’d like to see decompressed?  Post it in the comment section below.

As always, thank you for stopping by.  Stop by more often, will you?  I’ve seen cholesterol numbers higher than my stats. 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
Jul 17 2014
5 Comments
Plays, Quote of the Week, Shakespeare

Bookshelf Battle Quote of the Week – “Life is a Tale Told By an Idiot”

She would have died hereafter.
There would have been a time for such a word.
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

– William Shakespeare, Macbeth

Is life really a tale told by an idiot? That’s quite an indictment of the concept of life. Think about it. The Bard isn’t just saying that life is pointless. He’s saying that it is a tale told by an idiot. Imagine the most gaseous windbag at the end of the bar, three sheets to the wind, spewing out nonsense all night. His stories are about as coherent as life if you follow this point of view.

Sometimes it can feel that way. Days come, days go. There are good days and bad days. As Ferris Bueller would say, “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it.” Today you’re having a blast. Tomorrow, you’re an old man in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank. Sometimes it feels like moves faster than a finger snap.

Obviously, the character of Macbeth engaged in some nasty business, so it is not surprising he felt low enough to become dissatisfied by life. But is it really full of sound and fury? Does it signify nothing?

Life can have its great moments, and those moments can vary from person to person. For some, it’s marriage or birth of a child. For others it may be the accomplishment of a long held dream. It’s better to concentrate on the good times, and forget the fact that, like a “brief candle,” life can be snuffed out at any time. That’s the sad irony of life – an alive person spends his life collecting one achievement after another and in the end, everyone, from the lowliest bus station bathroom janitor to the highest CEO ends up worm food.

Like a “player” with his “hour on the stage,” we all have those great moments. Life is meant to be lived. Enjoy your time on the stage, because a life spent worrying about the final curtain is a life wasted.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
← Older posts
Newer posts →