Fifty Shades of Blech

I try my best not to make fun of the work of others on this blog.  And let’s

50 Shades of Grey - 20 Percent of Off

50 Shades of Grey – 20 Percent of Off

face it, make fun of Fifty Shades of Grey all you want, but the author, publisher, and now movie studio behind it are raking in the dough.

I just can’t help but scratch my head though as I try to make sense out of why today’s modern, empowered woman would be into this thing.  But that’s a slippery slope I don’t want to get onto, lest I be accused of trying to tell women what to do.

Here’s the hypothetical Hollywood pitch meeting as it plays out in my head:

HOLLYWOOD SUIT 1 :  OK.  We’ve got this great movie idea.

This mousy woman goes to interview a man, but discovers he has a secret room where he tortures women!

HOLLYWOOD SUIT 2:  Oh my God!  Sounds terrifying!  So what, I guess we brand it as a horror flick and release it on Halloween?

SUIT 1:  What?  No!  Sorry, I forgot to mention the guy is handsome and rich.

SUIT 2:  Handsome and rich?!  Well, why didn’t you say so?  Sounds like a surefire Valentine’s Day blockbuster to me!!!

Admittedly, I’ve never seen the book nor read the film.  If you have, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t the main theme basically, “If you’re handsome and rich, it’s ok to abuse women?”

Eh, what the hell do I know?  I’m just a humble book blogger.  Y’all have fun at the movie.  I’ll be at home lamenting the decline of Western civilization as we know it.

In conclusion, let me be clear.  I’m not telling women what they should or shouldn’t like.  I am saying that Susan B. Anthony is rolling in her grave.

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20 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of Blech

  1. Basically, it’s about BDSM. Which is fine. Have fun with your kinky sex. However, mousy girl is never given an option as to what she’s getting into. Rich guy just says, “Here, sign this contract” then takes her to his kink room. Had that been all, it wouldn’t be so bad, but he gets her drunk before a scene (scene: BDSM playtime) multiple times, her inner thoughts aren’t “Oh, this hurts but it’s turning me on” but “Oh, this hurts, I don’t like it but I’ll do if for rich guy cause I lurve him and can change him”, which is not why you should be doing BDSM, and rich guy’s behavior is WORSE than Edward Cullen’s in Twilight. They go to a nude beach (I forget why) and mousy girl wants to go topless, so to make sure no one else can see her nips rich guy gives her hickies EVERYWHERE to make sure she has to cover up.

    It’s just a really creepy book. Even if the BDSM wasn’t there, and it was sexless knitting, it’d still be a creepy book that was poorly written. I suggest “The Boss” series by Abigail Barnett for anyone who wants to see what 50 Shades SHOULD have been.

    • Again, I’ve never read it, but I just feel like if you take out the handsome rich guy and replace him with an ugly guy, it becomes Silence of the Lambs Part 2.

      • I haven’t read it either, just summaries and choice excerpts. If you replace it with an ugly guy it isn’t Silence of the Lambs, it’s just “Hello, police? I’d like to report a stalker. And I need a restraining order ASAP.” The sex isn’t THAT kinky (at least, compared to where it could’ve gone, I wouldn’t compare it to Silence of the Lambs) and a lot of the creepiness comes from the “Oh, you can’t see your friends without me” or “I tracked your cell phone to find you” kind of stuff.

      • OK so maybe not Silence of the Lambs 2. But at the very least, change handsome rich guy to ugly guy and it becomes an episode of Criminal Minds where the FBI hunts the ugly guy with the torture room down.

  2. katyh1988 says:

    I’ve read all three of the books. I have NO inclination to go see the movie. The books are BDSM centered. I really don’t know how they are going to pull it off in the movie because of what happens in the books. Like I said, no inclination to see it and I won’t either. The trailers that are out make it look stupid as heck.

  3. I’ve never read any of the books. I won’t be going to the movie. I can’t deny the commercial success of what I am told began life as Twilight fan-fic; but it’s not for me. Still, that commercial result tells me something. Is there actually GOOD writing that might achieve the same sales? The Fifty Shades stories got where they did because they sold to people who don’t usually buy books. What else will do it? That question, alas, is one that has been troubling publishers, agents and authors alike since, well, forever…

  4. sethervin says:

    Susan b Anthony rolling in her grave. <- thanks for that! That's hilarious!

  5. talktokate says:

    maureenc after reading a page on my blog told me I should take a quick read of yours, and even share mine with you. Below is the link, please feel free to have a quick read about My 50 shades experience.

    I love the simple way you’ve put if the guy was ugly it wouldn’t have been as accepted so easily. It’s very, very true!

    https://talktokate.wordpress.com/2015/02/12/my-50-shades-of-grey-experience/

  6. […] UPDATE: I see Bookshelf Battle has already gone on the offensive: “Fifty Shades of Blech.” […]

  7. Reblogged this on Bookshelf Battle and commented:

    If you saw the movie and have anything to offer, please do in the comment section! I’m a big believer in “to each their own” and just because I’m not interested in it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to see it per se. Even so, the whole premise of the film seems a bit hypocritical.

  8. I too shake my head and wonder about the decline of Western civilization. It’s so hard to figure out what sells books and I would love to have half the sales of 50 Shades, but in the meantime I get up each and every day and write my stories, expecting nothing and hoping to be pleasantly surprised one day.

    Yes, Susan B. Anthony is rolling over in her grave, and so are many others-the trust busting Teddy Roosevelt, for one. It seems it’s all about money and mindless entertainment.

    In the meantime, a real life 50 Shades story was playing out at Stanford University. It’s a he said, she said kind of story, and as a feminist I am finding it a little unnerving that I seem to be falling on the side of the male in this case. To me the story came across as a very troubled girl wanting the rich and handsome man, and when the relationship fell apart she said,. “Oh but when he brought me to Rome and we stayed at that fancy hotel, I didn’t want to have sex, i really didn’t, but he made me do it.” ( And I think you’re correct, Charlotte Cyprus, it is because he’s rich and handsome, which in this particular story covered by the NY Times, I am thinking this guy was had.)

    Let me know what you all think of this: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/15/magazine/the-stanford-undergraduate-and-the-mentor.html?hpw&rref=magazine&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&module=well-region&region=bottom-well&WT.nav=bottom-well

  9. gpj103 says:

    The first book was interesting…until the novelty / shock factor wore off…then you realise what a load of garbage it all is. The writing is terrible and the plot of books 2 and 3 (yes, I did read them sadly) was abysmal. Talk about cashing in on a theme. I refuse to see the film on principle because someone is just getting richer off it all.

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