Movie Review – X-Men Apocalypse (2016)

X-Men in the 80’s.  So many special powers. So much Tab.

And so many SPOILERS below.

BQB here with a review of X-Men: Apocalypse.

You know 3.5 readers, as I sat in the movie theater tonight it dawned on me that it has been exactly 10 damn years since the critically panned X-Men: The Last Stand came out in May of 2006.

I only remember that because it was a happy time for me and so I remember some happy doings occurring in my life around the time I went to see it.

Then it all sank into a giant crap storm not long after that and to my surprise, an entire decade has gone by.  The Bush Presidency came to an end. The Obama Presidency is wrapping up.

Yet it seems like it was just 2006. Where does the time go?

Oh sorry. You wanted a movie review, not a BQB life lamentation.

Back on track.

The series takes a detour from the usual Professor X vs. Magneto (it’s so sad we’re mortal enemies because deep down we’re such good friends) schtick (although it is still present in this movie).

Apocalypse (Oscar Isaac), a mutant dating back to the dawn of mankind, can absorb the powers of other mutants and enhance them.  There’s nothing he can’t do so in effect, he’s a God.

Once worshipped in Ancient Egypt, Apocalypse returns to the 1980s and sets out to conquer the world. From Star Wars references to Pac Man, the producers definitely don’t want you to forget what decade you’re in.

Magneto (Michael Fassbender), Psylocke (not as much gratuitous booty as I hoped), Angel and a young Storm drink the anti-human Kool Aid that Apocalypse is preaching and become his lackies.

Meanwhile, Professor X, Mystique and the rest of the gang stand up for the humans as usual.

Lots of action, suspense, special effects.  A few origin stories for some of the X-Men jammed in (Jean Grey, Cyclops, Nightcrawler, etc.)

Sophie Turner (as Jean Grey) and Rose Byrne (as Agent Moira Mactaggert) drop their British accents and to my surprise, pass for Americans.

It scared me a little. Frankly, it reinforced my fear that double agents walk amongst us, plotting to take America back in the name of the Queen.

Aside from that, Sophie does well in her first big role outside of Game of Thrones.

I give the film credit because it does stay true the film series.  The first three films were so long ago it is hard for me to remember but there were some points in this film that had me vaguely recollecting points in the early 2000 films.

Keep the super hero flicks coming, Hollywood.  Sure, there’s a part of me that wonders why I am wasting precious hours of my life watching costumed assholes fight each other, but then I remember there’s nothing else I’d like to watch more than costumes assholes fight each other.

Will the X-Men ever team up with the Avengers? Probably not seeing as how they’re owned by separate companies, although Fox was willing to let Disney have a Spider-Man appearance in the latest Captain America movie so I suppose anything is possible.

They say the next X-Men movie will take place in the 1990s. Shit. If I have to watch costumed assholes fight each other with Bill Clinton blabbing about not inhaling on TV in the background and Greenday playing on the radio then I’m going to feel like an old ass bastard.

Even more so than I already do.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

Tagged , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: