I’ve decided that Fred the Pet Store owner needs a love interest. That way my upcoming film will appeal to both men and women. Men will enjoy the action, while women will be enthralled by the romantic tale of a pet shop owner winning the heart of his lady love.
Bold move I know, to deviate from the source material, but I’m writing in a girlfriend for Fred.
JULIA ROBERTS
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, in a pet shop full of monstrous, evil killer fish, asking him to love her.
Hmmm. Can you read this with a Southern accent? And also, not be old?
MILEY CYRUS
Dang y’all, there’s all like dang crazy fish runnin’ round…I better stick my tongue out at ’em!
NEXT!
DREW BARRYMORE
I’m just like…you know…thinking…that Fred, you spend so much time running this pet store? That like…you totally forget to run the pet store inside your mind…
NEXT!
MEGAN FOX
Hi. I’m all hot and stuff. I’m going to stand next to these killer mutant fish and look totally hot.
When can you start?
Bookshelf Battle 