Gunther was about to head inside when two more new arrivals paid him a visit. Joe and Miles Freeman, fully clothed and well rested. They’d slept outdoors plenty of times before, and in worse places than underneath a water tower.
“Hello sir,” Joe said.
“Howdy,” Gunther said. “What can I do you for?”
The old man knew he phrased that question wrong, but he thought it was funny.
“I heard talk about town that you caught some criminals,” Joe said.
“You heard right,” Gunther replied. “The Buchanan Boys. Worst piles of pig shit the devil ever created. They make them James-Younger peckerwoods look like a bunch of pissants.”
Joe was not scared off by that statement. “And I heard you were looking for help watching them.”
Gunther studied the father and son. They seemed respectable enough but an idea popped into the old man’s mind.
“Actually,” Gunther said. “What if I were to tell you that can wait and I need a man to help me stand up to another gang of miscreants headed this way?”
No hesitation from Joe. “Just point me in the right direction.”
“Just a test,” Gunther said.
“Huh?” Joe asked.
“Nevermind,” Gunther said as shook Joe’s hand. “You’re hired.”
The Knoxes were more than enough to keep the Buchanan Boys in line, but Gunther had a hunch his new acquaintances were in need of a good deed and if he could charge it off to the Marshal’s Service, all the better.
“Joe Freeman,” Joe said.
“Gunther Beauregard,” the Deputy replied. “This your son?”
“Miles,” Joe said. “Yes. Oh, but don’t worry. He won’t cause any trouble.”
Gunther squinted at the youngster.
“You ever kill a man?” Gunther asked.
“No,” Miles answered.
“Been in a fistfight?”
“No.”
“Been shot?”
“No.”
“Fought in a duel?”
“No.”
Joe laughed as he realized what Gunther was up to.
“Are you married?”
“No.”
“Christ, son,” Gunther said. “You ‘aint lived much of a life, have you?”
“I’m only fifteen.”
“Well, that’s no excuse.”
Bookshelf Battle 
Love the snappy dialogue – enjoyed it, thanks! Noticed you shift between viewpoints, bit confusing as Gunther is main POV. Also where’s the zombie angle?
Ah yes.
Well it all started out with Slade being a parody of Clint Eastwood, particularly his character in his cowboy movies, “The Stranger With No Name” – i.e. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly and so on.
Sneer. Barely talks. Always looks angry.
I laughed when I wrote it but now I realize it is probably only a joke five people will get. Oh well.
So the end result is Gunther does a lot of the talking…even though Slade is the hero.
As for zombies. Yes. I’m a little bummed I haven’t worked the zombies in there yet. I worked werewolves in though, does that count? Probably not unless I call it a Werewolf Western.
My counterpoint would be these 13 Chapters, though they took me a month to write and probably take awhile to read, would only take up about fifteen minutes of screen time if this were a movie.
Would you wait fifteen minutes for zombies or would you want them right away?
I don’t know. It is also possible that I might be a terrible writer.
Think you’d need them right away with a logical reason for inclusion or it might look like an artificial add-on to the western genre. As to your last comment, no way, I responded because you are a really good writer who can only get gooder! My point about PoV was I can only take 1 inner character and need the others to say their thoughts or reveal them in actions or I get dizzy, my limitation as a reader, I guess. All the best …
ain’t issues again.
You do head jump as dave commented above.
you’ve laid the ground work for zombies. you’ve laid the ground work for something else with the werewolves. you just need to deliver.
Thanks! You’ve educated me on a few rules. I’ve been doing the s’ thing my entire life. I don’t know how I missed that one.
Not sure how I came to think ‘aint was right either.
The jumping around I’m not sure how to avoid. Sometimes people will have to do things when Slade’s not around.
For example, I wanted to build some mystery as to what the werewolves are up to.
I’ll try to keep it in mind that it is hard for people though and do what I can to alleviate that.
Please keep ’em coming!
So what I do when I have several main characters is give each of them their own chapter, to be the POV. Head jumping is more when you have several characters in one scene and you give each of their thoughts in turn. Each chapter should be from one character’s POV, with his thoughts visible. All other characters have to verbalize or your POV character has to think about what they might be thinking. Does that make sense?
Hmmm….I’ll think about it. Gunther and Slade are kind of a duo. Like Han and Chewie.
Yes and all of Han and Chewie’s commentary is verbal. You don’t hear their thoughts in Star Wars.
[…] Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 […]
Reblogged this on Bookshelf Battle and commented:
My main observation is you never how opportunity will present itself to you as an author until you set pen to paper.
I needed Joe and Miles to meet Gunther and Slade and thought about how that could happen. Then I had a joke earlier – when the chips were down, no one in the saloon offered to help fight the Buchanans, but when money was offered to watch them now that they’re subdued, Gunther got endless offers.
He gives Joe a little test. I feared it was a little hokey but I thought it displayed Joe’s character a bit.